Author: Candy On
Translator: Haruhi
Proofread: Wendy
♫ 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? ♫
Special by Saifah
[T/N: Try reading this while listening to Earth Patravee (whyru ost) T-T]
The orange light that comes with a descended sun across the horizon line, and a chilly breeze which is hitting my face right now, are absolutely not helping at calming my thoughts.
I'm clueless at how I should begin my conversation with Zon, and I don't know what I should say in order to get our relationship back to what it was before.
There are millions of words in my head but I couldn't decide which ones I should use to confess first.
It's so freaking difficult, way too difficult.
"Saifah."
A familiar voice calls out from somewhere very close to where I stand, and as soon as I raise my head, I realise it's Zon standing there.
"How are you? I hope you are well, na."
"Yes," I nod, trying hard not let my heart beat more erratically than this. "Not bad."
"Ai'Thee said that you want to return the guitar to me."
"..."
"Well, where's the guitar?"
"Guitar? I thought I already told them that I will bring it tomorrow."
"Eh?" Zon makes a puzzled face. "Damn it, then why did they lie to me to see you?"
"I have something to say."
"But I don't." Zon snaps and turns away, but I reach for his hand first.
"Zon."
"Let me go Saifah."
"I really have something to say to you."
"..."
"Please Zon." The look I give him is filled with pleading and begging. I don't know what Zon is thinking, but I would like him to give me a chance to talk with him.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"About the things that happened during the concert night." I voice out the thing I want to talk about.
Inside my mind, I'm confused myself in which direction I should lead this conversation. Should I lie to him saying that I was unthinking at that time, or should I confess my real feeling?
"About that concert night, just forget it. I don't want to recall it, and you too should forget about it. Let it go."
"How can I forget about it Zon?"
I really can't afford that he wants me to forget my feelings like that. At first, I also thought of telling lies to him, but as soon as Zon snapped like that, I came to terms that I can't do it.
"You also know that I didn't think of it that way."
"And what do you think?!" Zon yelled at my face. "What do you want Saifah? You know exactly what I'm scared of and I'm thinking way too much about this particular thing. I'm scared that everything will be happening because of what I promised. I'm scared that I really fall into the novel. Like my life will never happen how I really want it to, but it would damn happen in accordance to what someone else determined. You are not me, Saifah. There's no way you would understand me."
"..."
"No one understands what I feel." Zon gazes at me as though he's feeling hurt, and there are signs of confusion in his eyes as well.
I really want to soothe him na, I really want to tell him to stop overthinking Zon, but...
"I say, that's enough na Saifah. I think I should go back."
"Zon," My hand reaching out for the small person's arm again, "Wait a minute."
"I said I want to go back!!!"
However, Zon pulls his hand out from my hold, and this time he does it harshly that the guitar pick bracelet I once gave him, flings away and gets lost amongst the thick grass.
At the same time, the previous orange sky has now turned black. I'm scared that if it goes darker than this, I might not find the lost bracelet.
In the end, I decide to let Zon go and walk toward the thick grass, to the spot where the guitar pick bracelet was thrown off.
I've been looking for it for a long time, but there's no sign yet for it to be found. Zon, who at first stands still and looks, is now also squatting down and helping me to find it.
However, since the thick grass is rather high, the sky is continuously getting darker and the wind begins to blow aggressively together with the scent of rain, it causes me to become anxious and worried.
It will be more difficult to look for the guitar pick bracelet compared to how we are searching right now.
In the end, as soon as the sky begins to get really dark, Zon and I turn on our phone's flashlights. Both of us are using our hands to fumble around, looking for the bracelet, but the bracelet is such a small piece.
No matter how hard we are looking, there's no luck at all.
(Raining)
And the rain pours as I have expected. Moreover, it rains so heavily that both of us can't really see anything in front of us.
"That's it, that's enough." It's Zon who completely lost hope first. He gets on his feet and talks to me in the middle of the heavy rain. "I don't think we can find it. Such heavy rain like this, the sky will probably break soon."
"It's fine Zon. You can go first. I will stay a little while longer to look for it again." I respond to the owner of the bracelet without looking at his face.
My eyes are busy looking for the bracelet, no different from my hands which are desperately groping around amongst the thick grass.
"Saifah," Zon is still calling out my name. "The rain is getting heavier. I think you should let it go already. It's dangerous."
"..."
"Why do you have to be so stubborn like this?!!!"
"..."
"The bracelet is mine. If it can't be found, then so be it! There is no need for you to look for it so desperately like this!"
Yes krub, that guitar pick actually belongs to Zon.
"But that bracelet, I'm the one who made it for you Zon. I made it myself just for you." I gaze at the person who right now probably doesn't want to own the thing that I have made for him.
"B-But if... if you don't want it anymore, its fine. I will keep it myself instead na."
[T/N: Excuse me, I'm- *crying!!!!!!*]
"..."
We stared at each other.
I don't know what Zon is thinking about. Maybe he's feeling unsatisfied, unpleased or whatever so I don't want to keep on thinking or guessing about it.
Afterwards, he shakes his head and turns around, walking away at once.
[T/N: ZON!!!!!!!! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!!!!]
I stare at the small back which is slowly getting out of my sight, with my heart in terrible pain. I expected it already that this bracelet is not important and means nothing to him.
But never mind
Now, let's find the bracelet first.
I stop paying attention to Zon, and resume my searching of the guitar pick bracelet. A small bracelet which I braided with all the feelings I have for him. I don't want it to be trashed, at least getting it back for my own safekeeping would be fine.
Of course, I'm not sure when I will be able to find the bracelet. Maybe it would take me until the morning, but no matter how long it takes, I will look for it until it's found.
Just like my heart, no matter how its torn open and been looked into, there will be only Zon.
"I found it, at least there's nothing wrong with it." I murmur to myself before I lie down amidst the dense grass while the lightning is striking.
There's nothing I'm scared of inside my head because the only thing I care about is this bracelet.
The bracelet... which at least, the person whom I love used to wear it with joy.
"Are you crazy Saifah?" Someone's voice sounded so loud.
I open my eyes slowly and gaze up at the person who's now kneeling by my side, gazing down at me while holding an umbrella.
"Do you think of yourself as the actor in a music video or what? Why are you lying down soaked like this?"
I didn't answer Zon. Instead, I change my position, sitting up to stare at the person who's looking at me first. The sight I witnessed seems to be tender when we catch each other's stare.
"Did you find that bracelet?" Zon asks me.
"I did." I beam and bring up the bracelet for him to see. "It's lucky that it didn't break or anything else."
"Damn you... so crazy." Zon mutters and turn his face away from me.
The sound of heavy rain that's pouring down right now didn't help to wash away the feeling inside my heart.
In the end, Zon faces me once again. "This bracelet, it still belongs to me right?"
"..."
"..."
"It's up to you whether you still want it or not."
"I do want. I still want it."
A smile escaped me when I hear Zon's answer.
"Thank you na." I tell him and reach out for his wrist in order to make him wear the bracelet, like before.
He doesn't refuse or pull his hand away from mine. He just stares at me while I make him wear it.
"Zon."
"Hmm."
"I said that I didn't think of it that way..."
"That's enough Saifah." Zon interrupts me while pulling his hand away.
"I beg na Zon. Can you please listen to me first?"
However, I didn't let go the hand of the person in front of me. I pull his hand and hold it tightly inside mine. His head lowered, same goes for his small shoulders.
The hand which I use to hold Zon's, squeezes gently as if I'm asking for a sort of encouragement to confess something.
"Please listen to what I want to tell you na."
"..."
"Because what I want, is not about you having the same feeling like me. But, I just want to ask..."
I don't even realise when I begin to cry. Tears which I try to hold back, keep on flowing down terribly.
[T/N: Saifah!!!!! *crying under the bed*]
"I just want to ask, can I be by your side? I'm not asking to be the person you want the most Zon, I just ask anything which could make you turn and smile a bit at me, chat with me a bit. If friends really can't work, then less than friend is enough."
"..."
I'm not sure if I'm asking too much from Zon. But, that's the real feeling I have for the person in front of me. The feeling of where at least, I could see his face and talk to him.
It's fine if it won't be the same like before, just at least, at very least, do turn to smile at me, do turn to talk a bit with me, can you?
"Please don't push me away na Zon? Don't let me be far apart from you, can you? Because if that really happens, I can't bear it."
"..."
"I really can't bear it."
♫ 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? ♫
T/N: P'Onn once ask my opinion about this chapter and I said I already cry while reading, imagine if this being act out by JimmyTommy... For me, this 'drama' is painfully delivered especially when it came from Saifah POV. It's a great decision to write this from his view.
Comment & vote are appreciated ^^