I can't believe I did that last night. I was babysitting Layla and I made out with Bryce. I'm dating Johnny and I made out with Bryce.
A knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Come in!" I call.
My door opens and I peek over the top of my laptop and see Bryce.
I sit up immediately. "What are you doing here?"
"I needed to see you after last night."
"Bryce."
"Alex, I want you."
"I'm dating Johnny."
"That doesn't stop you from making out with me."
"It should."
"Yeah, you're right, it should. But it doesn't. You aren't in love with Johnny and you know you aren't."
"I'm not in love with you either, Bryce."
"You don't have to be in love with me, I'm not your boyfriend."
"Bryce."
"Friends with benefits."
"What?"
"At the very least, let's be friends with benefits."
"I have a boyfriend."
"Alex, we've already been through the 'that doesn't stop you' part of this conversation, do we really need to do it again?"
I shake my head.
"Let me ask you one thing."
"What?"
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like?"
"What what would be like?"
"Being with me." He takes a step closer to me. "Going on dates with me." Another step. "Kissing me whenever you want." And another. Until he's standing right in front of me.
"Bryce."
"Have you?"
"You know I have." I admit.
"See? We both want to be with each other."
"That doesn't mean we should do it."
"I won't tell Johnny if you won't."
"Bryce."
"Alex, come on."
"Why do you want this so bad?"
"Because I want you so bad, Alex. I want to be with you."
I let out a sigh.
"Alex, come on. Go on a date with me."
"Bryce, no!"
My eyes open and I look around my room. Bryce is nowhere to be found.
Did I really dream up that whole conversation?
I grab my phone off my nightstand and check the time and see that it's half past eight.
Bryce might be awake.
I unlock my phone and pull up our conversation.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I type a quick message and hit send.
Me: Are you awake?
Bryce: No
Me: Funny. Can I come over in a bit?
Bryce: Sure
I hop out of bed and take a quick shower.
My towel works on drying my hair while I pick out my clothes for the day. I pull open the drawer that holds my shorts and slip into a pair of black denim ones that just barely cover my ass. I pull on a black tank top and don't put any makeup on today. I take the towel off my hair and carefully brush the knots out.
Perfect.
I slip on a pair of black and tan sandals and head out the door.
My knuckles tap Bryce's front door a few times and it only takes a second for him to answer and let me in.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey."
"What's up?"
"Can we just talk for a sec?"
"Sure."
"Is anyone home?"
He shakes his head. "You wanna go to my room?"
"Okay."
I follow him down the stairs and into a doorway on the left. A bed is in the corner and much to my surprise, the blue comforter isn't a mess on the floor.
"A boy who makes his bed." I laugh. "Rare."
He smiles and sits down on the corner of his bed. "What's going on, Alex?"
"I want you. I want to be with you. In a perfect world, Johnny wouldn't exist."
"Alex, he doesn't have to be an issue. You can break up with him and if you start dating me, I'll keep him away from you."
"You don't understand." I shake my head. "I've tried to break up with him in the past and it didn't go well. He goes insane, okay? He stages an entire suicide. He doesn't take anything but it's staged well enough to need a hospital and scare me into staying."
"Was this after he kissed that girl at the party?"
I nod. "Jessica Myers. Or Jess, as you call her."
"I already apologized for that one but, Alex, that's insane, it's abusive. You need to break up with him and tell him to go to counseling."
"What I need to do is get him into counseling now so I can break up with him without him wasting valuable hospital resources that could go towards saving a life that's actually in danger."
He shakes his head.
"Bryce, I want to talk about us."
"There isn't an us, you made that clear."
"There's not an us yet. But maybe one day, hopefully soon."
He's silent.
"But for now, can we maybe-"
"Can we what?"
"You deserve better than a girl you have to share."
"What are you trying to say, Alex?"
"I want to be more than friends but less than a couple."
"So what is that?"
"I don't know." I admit. "We can go on dates and kiss but we can't be public about it."
He thinks for a second. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"On one condition."
"What is it?"
"You have to break up with Johnny within two months of us starting this."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I'll find a way."
"I'm serious, Alex. I'm not gonna wait for you to leave him forever. That two month mark is it. That means by August tenth he needs to be out of the picture."
"Okay."
"So we're doing this?"
"We're doing this."
He shakes his head again.
"What?" I laugh.
"This is crazy."
"Most good things are." I walk over to him and sit on his lap, wrapping my legs around him. My head rests on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me.
"You look really good in black."
"Yeah?" I ask as I lean in and kiss him.
"Yeah." He nods against my lips.
~*~
I will never understand how that conversation led to this.
"So that happened," Bryce says.
"I guess so."
"Are you okay with that?"
I think for a second and turn to face him as I nod.
He reaches over and sets his hand down on my bare stomach, his thumb drawing tiny circles on my skin. "Good."
"Are you?"
He nods. "Yeah."
I lean in and kiss him and he slides closer to me, wrapping his arms around me.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Cuddling with you."
"Isn't the girl usually the one to want to cuddle?"
"Yeah, just the like the guy is usually the one doing the cheating."
"You didn't have to go there." I laugh.
"Just cuddle with me."
I lean in close and lay my head on his chest. He kisses my forehead and a smile spreads across my face.
This feels normal. It feels right.
I don't want this feeling with anyone else.
But what if he does?
"Are you gonna hook up with other girls?" I ask.
"What?"
"I'm not saying you can't, I have a boyfriend so that would make me a really big hypocrite. I'm just curious."
"I wasn't planning on it."
"Oh."
"I want you, Alex. I don't need to have sex with someone who isn't you just because you're having sex with someone who isn't me."
I nod.
"Come here." He lifts my chin and kisses me.
"What's gonna happen if Johnny finds out about this?"
"He won't find out."
"What if he does?"
"He's not gonna."
"Bryce."
"Alex, I promise you. We'll find a way to keep this between us."
"How?"
"How about you tell me when you're gonna be with him so I know not to text you?"
"Okay, that works."
"Even if he were to find out, which he won't, I would handle it.
"Why you?"
"He can hit me all he wants but he's not gonna touch you and he's not gonna have another excuse to call you shitty names. Besides, you're not gonna be with him two months from now anyway so I don't need to stay on his good side."
"I hope I'm not with him two days from now."
"Really?"
I nod. "I thought about it and after the way he flipped out the other night, in front of kids, I don't want to be with him. How could I want to stay with someone like that."
"I don't blame you. He's an idiot for not doing everything possible to make you happy."
I can't help but smile at that.
"I'm serious." He kisses my forehead. "I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to be laying next to you right now, naked or not."
I press my lips against his and smile.
"You know, I can't help but stare at you sometimes."
"Like when?"
"Well, the fire pit the other night. You might be the only girl who can make sweatpants look good."
I laugh and hope he can't see me blushing.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks.
"I don't know." I roll over and lay on top of his chest.
He wraps his arms around me and one of his hands rub my back while the other brushes my hair out of my face.
"This is weird," I say.
"Good weird or bad weird?"
"Good weird."
"Good. What's weird about it?"
"Well, for starters, I barely know you."
"I think you know me a little better now." He laughs.
"I'm serious." I smile. "I never do this. I've never slept with someone I wasn't in a relationship with."
"We'll be together soon."
I smile and kiss him.
"What else is weird about this?"
"I know you don't want to hear about Johnny, but I could never do this with him."
"Do what?"
"This. Talk and cuddle. Just enjoy being together. All we do after we have sex is fight."
"Over what?"
"Anything you could imagine."
"That's not healthy."
"I know."
"All I want to do right now is hold you so for him to be anything other than happy after sleeping with you is a reflection of him."
"I can't even let myself be in the moment with you because I'm stressing out over him."
"I think I can help you be in the moment." He leans in and kisses me softly.
I kiss him back before laying my head on his shoulder. "I could lay here forever."
"I'm not stopping you," he says and kisses my forehead.
I wrap my hands around one of his biceps and he starts to rub my back again.
Laying in bed with him makes me feel so safe. I don't have to worry about him blowing up over nothing, I don't have to worry about him leaving or kicking me out, I don't have to worry about him starting an argument and getting mad at me. I don't have to worry about anything.
I hear my phone start to ring and can't figure out where it's coming from when Bryce finally points to it on the floor. "There."
He rushes to pick it up and hands it to me.
I see Johnny's name on the screen and instantly panic. "Oh my God! Do you think he knows?"
"There's no way he knows, Alex."
"But what if he does?"
"Well, he might get a little suspicious if you don't answer his phone call."
I quickly answer it and try to sound as normal as possible. "Hi, hey, what's up?"
Because that's so normal.
"Uh, hey. I'm at your house and you're not."
"You're at my house right now?" I panic.
"Yeah. So where are you?"
"I'm actually next door."
Why did I tell him that?
"You're with that guy?"
"No, not like that! I babysat his little sister last night and she wasn't having a very easy time leaving her mom so we thought it'd be best if she spent time with me while her mom was home." I reach for my clothes and slipping them on. "I'll be home in two minutes though."
"Okay. I'll be here, I guess." He hangs up the phone and I'm grateful to be able to breathe again.
"That was very smooth." Bryce laughs.
"I have to go," I say.
"I heard."
"I'm so sorry."
"I'm not mad at you."
"I know you're not, but I'm still sorry. Where's my shirt?"
He smirks.
"Give me my shirt."
"What's the magic word?"
"Alex will never see you, talk to you, kiss you, or sleep with you ever again."
"Fuck, good guess." He pulls my shirt out from behind his back and hands it to me.
I slip it on and Bryce walks over and wraps his arms around me.
"I don't have time for this," I say.
"I'll be quick." He leans in and kisses me.
Johnny never kisses me after sex unless he thinks it'll get him more sex.
Bryce is nothing like Johnny.
I smile and I finish getting dressed.
"Your hair needs some attention." Bryce points out.
"Fuck!" I groan and run my fingers through it.
"You're gonna have to put it up."
"I know," I whine and toss my hair into the world's messiest bun. "He's gonna flip."
"If he does, you call me."
I nod.
"I mean it."
"I know."
"Hey," Bryce says as I turn to leave.
"Yeah?"
"You still look beautiful."
•What did you think about Alex cheating on Johnny? Do you think she'll ever break up with him? I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
~SS💘