*Beastboy's POV*
They're going to make me see her tomorrow. I'm going to have to face her. Talk to her... hear the truth... Hear that she hates me.
I snapped out of my thoughts when Robin approached me.
"Hey! You know how crazy things are around here. As a leader I'm needed, and the rest of the team needs sleep. That means I need you to go down to the hospital overnight with Raven. There is a couch in the room that pulls out to be a bed. You will sleep there. Just make sure you-" Robin started.
Then I cut him off.
"Wait. No. Hold on. I can't. I uh... I'm not feeling well," I lied.
Uh oh. Robin looked at me with a big smirk on his face. I guess I don't lie well when I'm scared.
"Well it's a good thing that you'll be in a hospital then. Maybe while you're there, you can get checked too." Robin said with his arms folded.
"Fine. I'll go. But I don't think that she will be particularly thrilled." I told him.
"I've already told her. She's ok with it. Just be nice, honest, loving, and gentle. Everything will be ok." Robin responded.
"Honest? What am I supposed to say? Hey Raven! Sorry that we fought! It's just because I'm madly in love with you and I struggle with being over protective! Is that what you want me to say??" I asked in a mean tone.
Robin's jaw dropped. He was just staring at me. That's when I realized that I had just confessed to him that I am madly in love with Raven. Great. More humiliation.
I sighed and buried my face in my hands.
"Now do you see the issue?" I asked.
"I see your situation, but I don't see an issue. Look. I didn't want to say anything, but I think you should know that Raven definitely doesn't hate you. She thinks of you as a best friend. Seriously." He told me reassuringly.
"So she only thinks of me as a friend?" I asked, more upset than before.
"I've already said too much. I just wanted you to go into the hospital with kindness and confidence. Acting scared or awkward will only make things weird. Now go." Robin told me.
I quickly packed up the stuff that I needed into a backpack, put it on, said goodnight to everyone, then transformed and flew to the hospital. I guess it's now or never. Time to hear the truth.
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*At the hospital*
(still BB's POV)
I stood before the door. Then I took a big shaky breath, and knocked softly. I waited for Raven's response.
"Come in," she said in a gentle and quiet tone. Her voice was angelic.
I walked into the room and smiled at her. She smiled back brightly. Man. Even in a hospital bed just out of a coma she was ridiculously beautiful. How was it that I was so nervous, but yet I always feel safe and ok when I am with her?
"I uh- I brought you something." I told her.
I reached into my backpack and pulled out a bag of twizzlers. Then I handed them to her. Her smile grew. They were her favorite. Our favorite.
"I uhm.. I was watching a movie earlier and I went into the cabinet and got some twizzlers. It reminded me of you..." I said.
Her eyes widened and her smile grew sweeter.
"...And it reminded me of us watching horror movies together. And that time when you grabbed onto me.." I continued.
My laughing started up a bit.
"And you blushed so hard, but you were so cu-" I stopped dead in my tracks. Oh no. Was I about to call her cute? Great. I'm about to get shut down.
"Hey. You blushed too. Don't think I didn't see." Raven responded with a smirk.
I tried to talk but I couldn't push out words. It all came out in a mumble.
"Don't worry. I thought you looked even cuter." She said with a wink.
My mouth dropped open. Hold up. Did Raven just call ME cute?
She laughed a bit and tore open the bag of twizzlers. She took out one and offered it to me. When I reached for it, she pulled it back quickly, took a bite of it, then giggled before actually handing one to me. Man, I love this girl. I loved seeing her so happy. It was weird, but nice.
"Hey. Uh, Beastboy I kinda need to talk to you about something." Raven told me.
I gulped. This is where she tells me that she hates me. That she wishes one of the other titans were here instead.
"I'm not mad at you. I was never truly mad at you. I need you to know that. And I'm tired of not being honest, so I'm just going to say it... Beastboy, you're one of my best friends. But I like you more than just a friend. Much more. I'm sorry for every stupid comment I've made about your jokes or your looks or your personality. I love your personality... and everything else about you. It's ok if you don't feel the same. I know I'm just a creepy half demon. I just needed you to know..."
I couldn't believe it. At first I was questioning if I was in some kind of dream. I've had those dreams before... But this time was real. It was the REAL her and her REAL feelings. I didn't know what to do... so I did what my heart told me to do. I reached out and hugged her.
"I like you too Rae. More than you know." I whispered as we embraced.
I wish I could tell her that I love her, but I can't. Not until she is off the medicine and would remember it. Even if it tears me apart not to.
I felt a tear drop fall down her face and onto my neck. I pulled away from the hug and cupped her face in my hands.
"What's wrong?? Are you ok??" I asked worriedly.
"To be honest, no. I'm not." She said as she wiped a tear and looked away from me.
"What happened Raven? Did I do something wrong?" I asked softly and worriedly.
"I overheard Dr. Jamie. I overheard that I have to go back into a coma tomorrow. That I won't wake up for a long time. That I may never wake up. That I won't remember any of this." She said.
She was trying so hard not to cry, and I could tell. She grabbed onto me for support as she stood up suddenly, pulling me into another comforting hug. After a few seconds, I could hear her heartbeat slow down and she started taking longer and deeper breaths. She tucked her head under my chin as her breaths drew more quiet and were longer. I held her body with one arm, and supported her head with my other. I hugged her tighter and closed my eyes, soaking in every second.
"It's ok." I whispered gently.
That made her start crying again.
Dangit.
I rubbed her back and rocked back and forth slightly. After a while, she hesitantly pulled away. I cupped her face with my hands once again, wiped off her tears, and kissed her forehead softly. She smiled up at me and blushed before looking away. We heard a knock at the door. We pulled apart. Raven sat back down. Then, Dr. Jamie came in, alongside a nurse. The nurse went straight over to me and started to help me fold out the couch into a bed. I used my powerful animal hearing to listen in on Raven and Dr. Jamie's conversation.
"Be honest. I need to know. What are the chances that I will remember any of this when I wake up?" Raven asked.
Her eyes were still welled with tears. I just wanted to go over and hold her again. I felt so helpless watching her cry. I just wished so bad that I could take all the pain away from her...
But I couldn't.
"I'm sorry Raven, but there really isn't any chance." Dr. Jamie replied honestly.
Raven bit her lip, clearly struggling to hold back tears. She didn't want to have to experience being in a coma again. And she didn't want to forget the time that she's shared with her friends... and with me. And honestly, I didn't want her to forget either.
"Wha-what are the chan- chances that I-I don't wake up?" Raven asked as she choked back tears.
Dr Jamie's face dropped.
"Never mind. I don't want to know," Raven said as she hung her head down.
Once the bed was set up, the nurse left. I guess I was lost in my thoughts for a bit, because when I turned back over to look at Raven, the IV was being withdrawn from her arm. She had a smile on her face. I walked over to see what was going on.
"They're going to let me take off the wires and the IV for the night! I only have to wear a monitor on my foot and on my finger. That means I'm free to move! They want to see if I can walk and stand up all on my own!" Raven told me proudly.
It took her a few minutes, but after a while, Raven was up and walking comfortably. Dr. Jamie said that she was surprised and impressed, but I knew she could do it.
I gave her a fist bump and a smile. She smiled back proudly.
Dr. Jamie helped to get Raven comfortable again, and then left.
Raven and I both looked up at the clock at the same time. 10:00 pm. It was getting late.
Raven looked away from me, but I didn't think much of it. I turned my back and started to unpack my toothbrush and toothpaste when I heard a noise. I turned around and saw Raven crying and trembling. She was struggling to breathe. She looked terrified. I panicked and ran over to her. She barely got out the words "panic attack". As much as it broke my heart to see her struggling mentally, I was relieved that it wasn't something physical.
I gently grabbed her shaky hands and held them as I looked into her eyes. She looked away immediately.
"Hey." I told her as I tried to grab her attention.
She looked back up in response.
When our eyes met, I smiled at her, showing how much I cared. She showed a little smile back, but then it turned back into a frown as she turned her head away again.
Seeing her like this broke my heart.
"Look at me. Breathe with me." I told her.
She looked back up at me and nodded.
We took a few deep breaths together until she was able to match mine. After her breathing was under control, she stood up.
*Raven's POV*
I stood up. I was a little better, but the panic was still there. It was giving me a headache and making my world spin. I hesitated for a minute, then wrapped my arms around Beastboy. He hugged me back tightly. I pressed my ear to his chest and heard his heartbeat. It was oddly soothing. As an empath, I can tell how others feel. And all I felt was comfort... and love. I had never felt this way before.
We both were silent, just enjoying the moment with each other. After a while, Beastboy spoke up.
"Do you... uh want to... never mind." He blurted out.
That was a dumb move. Everyone knows that you can't start to say something and then say never mind.
"No. What?" I asked in a firm yet curious tone.
"Do you uh- want to sit down?" Beastboy responded as he pointed towards the bed.
I smiled to make him feel more comfortable.
"Sure." I replied.
We sat down on the bed next to each other. After a while, I decided to follow my heart and make a move. I grabbed his hand, pulling him in and then kissed his cheek lovingly. He smiled and squeezed my hand. Then I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around my back. He kissed the top of my head. I snuggled into him again.
"So I'm really not going to remember any of this, huh?" I asked him sadly.
"I guess not..." he replied.
I could tell that it made him sad too.
"In less than 14 hours I have to go back into a coma. I have to go back to being scared, hopeless, confused, defenseless and emotionless. I might even die..." I said. I bit my lip again as I held back tears.
I had been trying so hard to not cry for the past few hours that my head was aching, and my throat was burning. I wasn't used to crying this much, or feeling this level of emotion. It was all overwhelming. I rubbed my temples, trying to clear my mind and ease the pain. Beastboy grabbed my hands and set them down. He held either side of my head. He gently kissed my forehead. In that moment, I felt safer and more loved than I had felt in years. I hadn't felt like that since leaving my mother in Azarath. The kiss lasted for a while, before pulling back. He looked my directly in the eyes and smiled. And just like that, my headache was gone. And so was the pain and worry. If only I had this every time I had a panic attack. Life would be so much better. I just wish he could be mine.
"You're so beautiful," he told me.
My vision was blurred through my tears. I embraced him again, feeling his warmth.
Dang. I'm going to miss this...
Then I realized that I had said that out loud.
"Dude I'm going to miss this too. So much." He responded with a cracked voice.
He took my hands in his. It took everything in me not to kiss him. I started to give into the temptation and leaned forward, but he moved back. I knew he could tell what I was thinking.
"I'm sorry I just can't... you're on medicine and it's not right... an- and you won't remember this..." he said as his voice cracked from pain and sadness.
He was trying to hide it, but I knew he was starting to cry. He laid his forehead on mine and rubbed my back. I could feel his pain, and it was making my pain worse. I needed to be closer to him. My arms wrapped around his neck as I sat down on his lap facing him. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He tensed up for a moment, clearly caught off guard, but he quickly eased down. He held me tight. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder. He kissed the side of my head. We stayed there for a while. We didn't know how long. Time seemed to just melt away when I was with him. I pulled back a little bit and smiled at him. He smiled back. He seemed so happy. And I loved it. I quickly kissed him on the forehead. Then he quickly kissed mine. We both laughed a little. Then I heard him yawn.
"Time for bed?" He asked me.
"Ya... I guess." I responded as I looked away.
"What's wrong?"
"I just know that every second that I spend sleeping, I could be awake. Enjoying my last few hours before..."
"But you need sleep." He told me as he yawned again.
"I don't know... I think I'll hold off." I told him as I started to pull away and stand up.
But he was having none of it.
He suddenly grabbed my arm before I could resist and pulled me close to his chest. His broad arms were wrapped around me.
He laid down on the bed, taking me with him. I was on top of him, but neither of us cared. I stopped resisting and just laid there with him.
I breathed in his scent and felt his strong yet gentle arms wrap around me. Protecting me. Loving me.
I could hear his calming heartbeat again, and I felt so happy.
I had dreamt of this moment for so long and it was finally happening ... but I will never be able to remember this... and that broke my heart.
He started playing with my hair.
It's something I usually would despise, but I guess I'm different now. It felt so nice.
I felt so loved. It was a love that I've never been shown before. It wasn't fake love like Malchior. This was very, very real.
I had no intentions of falling asleep, but once he started to rub my back softly, I knew it was over. Right before I drifted off, I knew I had to tell him one thing.
"I love you Gar." I told him before snuggling under his chin. I wrapped my arms around him as we held each other tight. It was a dream come true.
I didn't hear a response, but I was way too sleepy to care. I drifted off in the safe and loving arms of my true love. And I slept better than I ever had before.
"I love you so much, Rae," he whispered back after he knew I was asleep.
I didn't hear.