Before the story, just want to add that, there will be errors. I'll edit it in time. 🙃
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I first made my way to Gulf's room before picking Hillary. I was finally happy and relaxed because for the first time things between the three of us felt normal.
But the moment I reached Gulf's door, I overheard my name. Have they been talking about me? My conscious awakened and I decided to eavesdropped as much as I hated to.
''So, Mew and Alexis has a thing?" I heard someone asked which made me extremely nervous wondering what Gulf would say.
''Why would I know?'' surprisingly Gulf answered in an annoyed tone.
''Well, you've always considered him as your best friend'' one of the guys answered.
Eavesdropping was childish and wrong but I was curious.
''I think they're a thing I just saw them together.'' another guy said and that explained why they had been discussing about me and Alexis.
''Man, Alexis did grow up really hot.''
''You should be going out with her Gulf...not stay as her bestfriend.''
''Admit it, Mew is a good guy. He suits well with someone like Alexis.''
I did not know who said what but I was proud.
''I don't wanna waste my time on someone like her. Besides, Mew prefer dick."
I exceptionally went point black. The audacity for Gulf to out me like that even when he was not even sure of himself. I could not believe it.
"Dude, really? That's fucked up!" A giggle came about
" I'm surprise you didn't know, Jason. Your brother went out with him?'' I could not understand what Gulf was planning but it clearly hurt. "Mew probably was one of your brother's game. How dare you not tell me! " Suddenly Gulf's anger erupted and the room turned quiet.
''Gulf, What are you talking about? "
"Wait, so Mew is gay? I can't believe it."
A lot of deliberation continued inside the room, while outside, I fidgeted with anger trying to analyse the conversation. I was hurt by Gulf but apart from hurting, I was agitated at him. I was angry at him for failing to protect my personal life and for accusing me to be one of Liam's game when he had no idea about my relationship with Liam.
I detest him for having two - faced.
And then I realized, all those years, I was never invited to a party nor any of their team's celebration, despite calling me his best friend was because, he was ashamed of me. He never treated me with respect in front of his friends, hence, I became almost non- existent.
''May be you can ask your brother how it felt kissing him. " Gulf continued.
"Aren't you going a little over board, Gulf? I told you I didn't know about it. Besides, why should I even be interested in who my brother dates! It shouldn't be any of our business." Perhaps, it was Jason defending himself.
''Speak for yourself, Jason! Don't fucking lie to me" Gulf shouted.
"Seriously, you're fucked up, Gulf. Stop sounding yourself like a jealous bitch". snapped Jason.
Unable to continue listening to the hostile conversation, I forcedfully opened the door wide and directly landed my eyes on Gulf's from the doorway. He jerked back instantly and stared at me in horror. The rat has been caught, I thought.
I quickly grabbed his collar by my hand and made him stand up while all those memories I shared with him from child hood till an hour ago, reflected like a movie without a sound and soon, I couldn't hurt him but I hated him.
''Fuck You Gulf.'' It was all I could manage to utter before throwing him down on the floor and I dashed down the stairs.
I did not care about anything anymore except the heavy chest I carried which made me stuggle to breathe. I wanted to get out of the house as quick as I can and never look at it again. My bestfriend of fourteen years had been my worst enemy and that realization hurt like hell.
The lumped in my throat enabled me to even properly breathe when I reached outside. My fragile stupid mind failed to pour down memories of fourteen years into a pool of acid.
My heart throbbed, my chest pained and My whole body began to shake and it turned cold but I kept walking. I heard nothing with my ears.
Then suddenly, I felt my wrist being grabbed tightly and my whole body swang forcefully turning me around. I came face to face with Gulf's face and it hovered my anger. I hated him.
I threw his hands away from my body and walked away. I did not want to waste my time with him
''Mew'' He grabbed my hands again and I hated his touch.
''Don't fucking touch me!'' I screamed at him as I pushed him away with all the strength I have.
''Mew, listen to me...''
''Did it feel good humiliating my sexuality?''
''It's not what you think.''
''Of course! Only Gulf Kanawut knows! ''
''Mew, trust me..it's not..''
''Is that how you talk about me to your friends all the time?'' I asked staring deeply at him while Gulf turned numb and looked down to the ground.
''Answer Me Gulf! Is it?''
He finally looked up at me and said nothing. And I realized I had been right all along. ''well then please stop talking to me ever again.'' I said looking at him for one last time and turned my back at him knowing that it would be the last time I would ever talk to him. I was done with him.
''Mew.'' He slowly called out.
''I'm sorry Gulf. You'll never understand and yes! I will never fit into your perfect soccer life.'' I told him faintly.
''That's all you see in Me don't you..Mew Suppasit, My best friend'' Gulf sarcastically screamed out loudly and it cut sharply into my head which made me turned around to him. I noticed his face plastered with pure anger under the dim moonlight while his agitated eyes stared at me as if he wanted to kill me. ''I am sick of pretending that you're not hurting me when all you do is hurt me!!'' He shouted at me and I went exceptionally point blank. Where was he heading to? I did not understand why he was accusing me instead.
''What is with you huh Mew.'' He said clenching his jaws and his words stung like poison ''To you, I'm just this popular soccer player who has everything he wants in life huh.'' he began to sigh aloud as he fidgeted in anger menacingly, ''I thought you were different Mew but no! you're not.'' He asserted bitterly glaring at me and being emotionally dismantled earlier, I completely broke down at Gulf's harsh words.
''Do you wanna know why I treated you like shit?'' His agitation further continued, raising his voice louder than before and I wanted him to stopped right there. I could not take it anymore. ''Because I did not want to end up being your brother!'' Gulf spatted out and it hit me like a bullet. With one more sentence like that, I know I would never recover but Gulf didn't stop there. ''I hated to be the guy whom you'd call because some other girl broke your heart.'' Gulf continued ''I treated you like shit because I hated to imagine you as one of those many people I am with! I hated to think that you'd never look at me other than a brother.'' His voice cracked and I suddenly cried out enabling to take it anymore.
''stop it Gulf! Please stop.'' I sighed aloud. My whole body trembled and everything turned cold.
I needed to clear my head, my mind, my conscience or just forget all of it.
''All these years,'' Gulf continued again after calming himself down, ''I did everything to keep you special, Mew. Yes, I was fucking selfish but what other choice did I have. I'd never be good enough for you.'' Nothing of what Gulf said made sense and I felt like my lungs would burst as I struggled to breathe in the air.
''I was safe until Alexis came along.... stole your heart.... and to keep you with me, I had to break my ground rule, become the brother you needed. But why would you care about this selfish soccer player who's just an asshole and who never valued his childhood frienship. I am a jerk and that's what I will be forever in your eyes.'' Gulf's voice cracked and I wish I could beg him to stop, to save both of us from breaking down, to save both of us from drowning and to take both of us out from such misery. But I couldn't. I became numb.
I felt the pain in his voice, the rejection he felt but no, I would never reject him, I would never hurt him. But could it be possible that things would have been different if he actually acted nice with me? Could I have looked at him in the same way? I bewildered and a lot of senseless thoughts consumed me. Nothing made sense at the moment. The whole world stopped and I stopped thinking.
''I'm sorry that was the best I could do and the best I could think of but I'm tired and I give up. I'm tired of never being enough for you, Mew. Yes, I have a busy schedule, I have friends but I always tried to be there for you. I cared about you. It was you who never let me in. It was you, who treated me like a stranger.'' slowly Gulf concluded.
He then stared at me without a word for a while and walked away from me.
I failed to find answers to anything. I did not know what I needed to do, I failed to understand what he actually meant and I wondered how to deal with all of it.
I was lost. For the first time in my life, I realized my life had been a play for some people, a joke, a game and I felt worthless. I had no idea how many times I have to fell down and then pick myself up just to fall into the same pit.
I was tired of the same old chain reaction of pain, betrayal, cheating and hurt.