trigger warning: this chapter deals with darker topics and themes including: anxiety/panic attacks, and slight mentions of self-harm.
--
Gold eyes met green, and Jane Wolfe's daughter and sister stared at each other, the tension between the two so thick it could be cut with a spin-sword. Panic was present in Brooke's expression, her body tense and face pale. Still, she tried to push it aside, because this is what she wanted. Laying her clawed hands on the table next to the binder and her mother's journal, Brooke wet her dry lips, struggling to find the right words. She wanted to just lose it and yell at Mary, but Brooke knew that wouldn't get her anywhere. So, she just ignored the feeling of her airway being restricted and started to speak.
"Please tell me, Mary. I need to know now, I- I feel like I deserve to know." Brooke urged, her voice cracking somewhat as she tried to fight back the oncoming anxiety attack.
It had started when she left the Shiba House, and Brooke found herself struggling to breathe more and more as time went on. Her racing heart pounded in her ears, and she didn't feel like Brooke. Her own voice sounded foreign to her, and it felt like everything had been shifted somewhat- out of place. She felt out of place, and Brooke bitterly reminded herself that she was. Being a shifter, no, being made a shifter didn't exactly let her fit in with ease. Still, it was like the feeling had increased itself tenfold, especially the fact that she was human, for a short period of her life, swirled in Brooke's brain. She couldn't even figure out what to be mad or upset about, as there was a list, but none of it seemed justifiable. She wouldn't lash out at Jayden or the team- the had done nothing, and Ji, he was just doing as he was told. Brooke understood it, to a degree.
"Mary, please tell me," Brooke repeated herself, voice firmer now as her lips curled around her canines.
Mary let out a heavy sigh, green eyes full of remorse and guilt. "Brooke, your memories were erased for a reason. What you went through was incredibly traumatic, and I didn't want you to spiral again. I know you don't want to spiral again." She argued, sounding tired more than anything, and Brooke struggled to keep her temper in check as she struggled to breathe.
"I've found out most of it, Mary. There's no use on hiding it anymore," Don't guilt-trip me. Brooke defended, trying to keep her voice neutral, but there was a quiet growl accompanied by the words. "Tell me about Mom. Tell me what happened. Please." She begged, and Mary nodded, letting out another sigh.
"Jane, your mother, had always craved normalcy, ever since we were kids, she wanted to be human. I could never really understand, but I tried to sympathize with her, to the best of my abilities. However, she had the same feelings you feel, not being able to fit in, no matter how much she had tried," Mary started, her voice quiet as Brooke's shoulders shook. Still, the silver ranger took the defensive as she did in battle. There was no retreating now. "When she became the silver ranger, the craving for normalcy increased. Jane had always hated being a ranger, and when she had you, she thought she had an escape. And she did, for a while. But, with that escape came jealousy. Jane was always jealous of the humanity you held, a gift she could never have."
"She's human, Mary. Brooke's everything I wanted to be. She has everything I wanted. I'm jealous of my three-year-old daughter, and it's terrifying. When I see her- I get angry, and Nate's noticed. He's keeping Brooke away from me, and I don't blame him, but, fuck, it's heartbreaking."
The words Jane had spoken once echoed in Mary's mind. Jane was never mentally stable, that much was abundantly clear, but it didn't excuse her actions, and Mary knew that. The strange sense to protect her older sister, the almost worshipping light that Mary had put Jane in came rushing back after thirteen years. Brooke had always taken after Nate, physically and emotionally. Both tried to stay calm even when they were emotionally unstable and on the verge of breakdowns, and Mary saw that now. She saw the way Brooke's entire body shook underneath the leather jacket and the hoodie she wore underneath. Mary also saw the unwavering resolve in her niece's now gold eyes. Something about it was heartbreaking.
Brooke said nothing, trying to keep her emotions in check. So, her mom really never loved her. Well, she has a stepdad that didn't love her as well, so that wasn't a new feeling. It was an incredibly saddening feeling that Brooke wished wasn't real. It clawed at her heart and throat, and she wanted to cry. This whole thing made her want to cry, to throw up and erase her own memories. Still, this is what she had wanted. Right? It was the truth. An incredibly ugly truth that ripped away the naive illusion that Jane Wolfe was the superhero that Brooke had thought she was.
"You being a shifter- being made into a shifter caused something inside of her to snap. Both Nate and I didn't know she was in such a bad mental state," Mary muttered, eyes downcast. "Jane had quit the team the day you started showing the signs that you were a shifter. Her escape wasn't an escape anymore, and she tried to say that you were the reason she wanted to run away. But, it was all her. Because she instantly sought out a new escape. That was with James and Maxx." She let out another sigh, and a choked growl came out of Brooke's throat.
Brooke curled her clawed hands tightly into fists. Her claws cut into the meaty parts of her palms, but, if anything, it was grounding. "If you knew she was so fucked, why did you go with the plan? Why did you erase my memories? That's what I don't get, Mary. You made me forget about my two best friends, my father. You destroyed Nate's life. You and Mom collectively ruined so many fucking lives, for what?" She spat, feeling the anger mixed with the fear and panic rise in her chest. This time, Brooke didn't try to push it aside. "You two ruined James' because you guys thrust me on him, and that made him lose his mind. Maxx's, by erasing his memories as well. Nate's, by taking his daughter away from him. If Jane Wolfe craved normalcy so much, why did she rip it from every damn person she met?! Why did you let her?!" Brooke's voice cracked, and she felt the tears running down her cheeks as she tightened her fists. It stung a bit, and she saw some blood drip onto the table, but that was fine. Anything to keep her relatively in check.
Brooke also made the connection, that it was her fault as well. If she wasn't put on James, Maxx would have a normal life. If her Mom hadn't lost her shit because of her, the team- the team. The reason Xandred was still around was because of her, pretty much. Jane Wolfe had damned seven teenagers into a war, because of her. Brooke knew that it was her fault, that because of her, the cage symbol was never used. Xandred wasn't fully sealed away, and it all connected back to her. That fact alone made her want to throw up, and Brooke nearly did. Instead, she swallowed back her bile for a moment and waited for Mary to come up with a bullshit excuse because that's all it was. Bullshit excuses about a woman who caused more harm than good.
"I- It was her dying wish, Brooke." Mary forced out, and a bitter laugh left Brooke's lips, her eye twitching.
"Who gives a fuck!" Brooke yelled, rising from her seat and slamming a clawed hand on the table. "If I died and said "ruin some lives by erasing memories" as my final breaths, the team wouldn't! It wasn't about a dying wish, it was that Jane Wolfe had you wrapped up in her bullshit! You took away everything! My two friends who would do anything to protect me! My father, who told me he loved me- for the first time I remember! Why? Why? She was dead! You didn't have to do anything- but you did!" Her voice was hoarse, and her words came out as growls more than anything. Tears rolled down Brooke's cheeks and fell onto the wooden table, claws scratching at the dark wood as Brooke's body shook violently. "I have spent two fucking years asking you questions that you knew the answers to! And you just lied and lied, and it's incredibly sickening to come to that realization, you know that, right?" Brooke tried to keep her voice somewhat quiet, but it was rising with each word that she spoke.
"I thought it was the right thing at the time, Brooke. I'm sorry, I truly am." Mary apologized, but she knew, by the look on Brooke's face, that it meant nothing. She didn't blame her niece.
Brooke felt her stomach churn and more bile rise in her throat. "If you're sorry, then give me my memories back. You can do that, right?" She spat and felt any hope she had of things turning out somewhat right die when Mary shook her head.
"Jane used a symbol that cannot be reversed, and she made a deal with a nighlok to strengthen it. I'm sorry, Brooke," Mary answered, her voice barely above a whisper, and Brooke didn't want to hear anymore. Well, there goes that.
So, she just left. Brooke quickly made her way to the door of the apartment and forced it open, taking the rickety staircase two steps at a time. Once she reached the woods, Brooke allowed herself to throw up, feeling the stomach acid burn her throat. She knew it was due to stress and the fact that she internalized the anxiety attack for as long as she did- it's happened before. The one good thing she hoped to gain out of the ordeal, her memories, so she could remember Antonio and Jayden, were unreachable. Go figure. She wasn't even that surprised, it was just saddening. This whole thing was saddening, and Brooke felt pathetic as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
Shifting, the brown wolf started running back to the Shiba House, Brooke coming up with a plan to at least make herself lessen some of the guilt she felt. She would do what her mother chose not to do, she would end this damn war. And that was by mastering the cage symbol, which was something she could do. It wasn't easy, but it was easier than dealing with the guilt and anger she felt. If she had to almost kill herself to do so, so be it. Brooke could deal with working herself to death, that was somewhat easy, in actuality.
Bursting through the woods, Brooke shifted back as she tried to control her breathing and shaky hands. She made her way to the middle of the outdoor dojo, flipping open her samuraizer. It made the familiar noise as she opened it, and it was strangely comforting. Taking a deep breath, Brooke activated the brush portion of her samuraizer and started drawing the symbol. It shone in silver, and gold eyes stared at it for a moment.
Letting out a deep breath, Brooke rooted her feet to the ground. "Cage." She called, activating the symbol.
It instantly self-destructed, and Brooke just picked herself off of the ground. It was a cycle that repeated itself, over and over again. In a flash of silver, Brooke would end up on the ground, and she would pick herself up, drawing the symbol again. Her head pounded, but she didn't care. The blood from her nose dripped onto the grey hoodie she wore underneath Casper's leather jacket, but she didn't care. She couldn't feel anything, and Brooke had started crying again after she hit the ground for the umpteenth time. But, she didn't care. The cage symbol had to be done, and feelings meant nothing.
"I won't let them down. I'm not like Mom. I won't let them down," Brooke repeated to herself as she picked herself up off of the ground. Picking up her samuraizer in a clawed hand, she wiped some of the blood off of her face. It meant nothing. "I'm going to end this war. I won't let them down. Cage!" Activating the symbol, Brooke tumbled to the ground again. Her samuraizer clattered on the ground, but Brooke couldn't hear anything besides her heartbeat in her ears and her own ragged breathing.
It was easier that way, and Brooke forced herself to her feet yet again. Her vision blurred, but she didn't care. It didn't matter. She stumbled some, but it didn't matter. Brooke made it over to her samuraizer and picked it up again, drawing the symbol.
After many more failed attempts, Brooke found herself unable to get up anymore. Her body ached, and her head pounded- but she was too exhausted to even feel most of the pain. Blood dripped from her nose onto the ground, and Brooke felt her entire body scream in protest as she grabbed her samuraizer and flipped it open one last time. With shaky hands and the last amount of strength she had left, Brooke drew out the symbol.
"Cage," Brooke called weakly and was too exhausted to even feel happy about what happened next. The symbol, instead of exploding, just disappeared in a flash of silver sparks. Meaning, it had been mastered. And it was the last thing Brooke saw before the world went black.
--
The team had gotten back, as Ji had given them the rest of the day off, as the man was out of the Shiba House himself, and Mia and Emily were walking to their rooms when their eyes landed on Brooke. She was unconscious, clutching her samuraizer weakly in one hand, and both girls could see the blood, both dried and wet, on her face.
"Get Jayden," Mia commanded, and Emily nodded, the yellow ranger going to find the red as the pink ran over to the silver.
Emily had found him in the meeting room, playing with his lion zord. However, he stopped when Emily ran in, the lion zord folding back up in his hand. "It's Brooke, she's outside- and she's unconscious." She explained frantically, and Jayden's eyes widened slightly.
He left his zord on the coffee table, Jayden breaking into somewhat of a sprint as his heartbeat pounded in his ears. His heart rate increased when he saw Mia gently shaking Brooke's shoulder, the pink ranger having a look of worry on her face. Jayden couldn't even find the words to speak as he ran over, sitting on his knees next to Mia. Fear clawed at his heart as he took in Brooke's bloody face, and then her samuraizer, which was covered in dried blood.
"It's overexertion, mixed with something else. Her hands look like she's been clawing at them," Mia pointed out, and Jayden noticed the scratches on the palms of her hands. They weren't deep, but still deep enough to draw blood, as dried blood coated her palms. "It would explain the blood on her samuraizer." She added, and Jayden nodded.
"Antonio mentioned something that she had to do something with her family, but-" Jayden's voice choked in his throat for a moment. "This?" He gingerly grabbed the samuraizer out of Brooke's hand and noticed that the brush portion was still flipped.
Whatever Mia was about to say got cut off by Brooke stirring, and Jayden instantly helped her to an upright position. Some of her hair stuck to her face because of the dried blood, but Mia gently pushed it out of her face. "Hey, Brooke, it's Mia and Jayden, alright? You're okay." Mia soothed, and Brooke blinked owlishly, her gaze flickering between Mia and Jayden.
Then she seemed to come to her senses, as Brooke instantly latched onto Jayden, clutching him as tightly as she could. "Red- Red, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She sobbed, and both Jayden and Mia shared a wide-eyed look. Still, Jayden handed Brooke's bloody samuraizer to Mia and then wrapped his arms around Brooke.
"Hey, it's okay," Jayden soothed, rubbing small circles into Brooke's back as she cried. "Let's get you cleaned up, and then we can talk. It's gonna be okay." He reassured Brooke, who only tightened her hold on Jayden and let out a wail.
Still, with some struggle, Mia and Jayden got Brooke into the med bay, who had stopped crying. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she seemed distant as Mia wiped off her face and hands, also bandaging them. Meanwhile, Jayden scrubbed the blood off of Brooke's samuraizer, watching her blood mix with the water and flow down the drain. Once it was clean, Jayden dried the device off and stuck it into the pocket of his overcoat.
"Red." Brooke's weak voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and Jayden instantly made his way over to her.
Kneeling in front of Brooke, Jayden pushed some of her blood-encrusted hair out of her face. "I'm right here." He reassured Brooke, who nodded and then looked at Mia.
The silver ranger extended a shaky hand to the pink, who took in gently and rubbed small circles into the back of her hand. "I'm- I'm sorry," Brooke mumbled, and Jayden frowned, scanning her face. The expression of guilt she wore made his heart hurt. "I found out some stuff- 'bout my memories and my mom. It wasn't happy things." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Hey, it's alright. We can talk after you get cleaned up, and get some rest, alright?" Mia reassured Brooke, who nodded faintly. "I've got her." She murmured to Jayden, who nodded.
The two helped Brooke to her feet, and she instantly stumbled, military boots squeaking on the wooden floor some. Jayden caught her before she could fall, and Mia slowly led her out of the med bay. After the two girls left, Jayden took Brooke's samuraizer out of his pocket, turning the device over in his hands. He knew what she was doing- working on the cage symbol for far too long, and that was worrying. He didn't want her working herself to death, and Jayden knew he had the ability to take away Brooke's samuraizer if need be, but he didn't want to. Something in his mind was saying that it would do more harm than good. Jayden also didn't even know what caused Brooke to really spiral, she had seemed relatively fine when he last saw her. This whole thing caused worry to claw at his heart, but Jayden just tried ignoring it, to the best of his abilities.
So he just left the med bay and made a beeline to the outdoor dojo again. Sitting on one of the concrete benches, Jayden didn't allow himself to get lost in thought. His thoughts were too out of control for that, and he didn't want to deal with somewhat sorting them. So, he just turned his gaze to the woods, shutting his thoughts and emotions off. It worked, and Jayden entered the familiar dissociative state, feeling a sort of numbness take place of his emotions. It was easier that way.
That state was somewhat broken when Antonio walked to the doorway. "Do you wanna talk, or be alone?" His tone was calm, and it was a question he and Brooke always asked when they were little. They knew Jayden just needed to be alone sometimes, so they gave him the option to be. They just checked up on him once and then left.
"Talk," Jayden answered, letting his thoughts swirl back in his head as he sat up some. Antonio nodded and sat down next to him, and the two realized it still felt somewhat empty without Brooke. "She tried to destroy herself- I don't know what's going on with her. When she regained her bearings some she instantly latched onto me and cried. It's worrying." He allowed himself to speak his mind, for the moment. Sitting in negative thoughts will get him nowhere, and he knew that.
"Could it have to be due to her memories? She said she was dealing with family matters, and that's the only thing I can think of." Antonio wondered aloud, and Jayden opened his mouth to respond but was stopped by another person at the doorway.
It was Mia, the pink ranger looking somewhat relieved. "Brooke's alright now, but, she said some things that you two might understand more than me," She started, and both Jayden and Antonio shared a confused look, furrowing their brows at Mia. "She was kind of mumbling so I couldn't get all of it, but I had something to do with her mom. And something must've happened because she's blaming herself for Xandred coming back. That's why she looks so guilty." Mia explained, and Jayden was more confused than anything. So was Antonio, and the two just sat in stunned silence for a moment.
"Let's go to Ji," Jayden urged, and Antonio and Mia nodded. As the three walked to his office, Jayden spoke again. "That explains why she worked herself so hard, it was most likely due to the cage symbol. But the rest?" The question floated in the air, not getting an answer, as Jayden knocked on the door.
"Jayden," Ji greeted, but the older man soon took in the red ranger's worried expression. "Is something the matter?" He asked, and Mia nodded.
"It's Brooke. She worked herself half to death and then said that Xandred coming back was her fault. It had to do with her mom as well." Mia explained, and Ji seemed taken aback for a moment.
Still, he regained his composure rather quickly. "I'm not going to tell the others, as that is Brooke's right, but I will provide an explanation," Ji started, and the pink, gold, and red rangers crowded into his office, Antonio shutting the door behind the three. "The silver rangers were always shifters, as it meant they held more symbol power than humans do. And the cage symbol takes a lot of symbol power, far more than the sealing symbol, and it's not something a human being is able to master. However, when Brooke was born, she was human." Ji explained, and the three rangers looked somewhat pale.
"Human? But she's a shifter now, right?" Antonio questioned, his brows knit. "It's in Brooke's blood." He pointed out, and Ji nodded.
"It was multiple years of blood transfusion- blood taken from past shifters, but as you can tell, it was successful. Jane had always been against the idea, but they didn't give her a say in it- and when the process was complete, she snapped. Some of it was justified, some of it was not. She left the team abruptly, and a couple of days later, she killed herself," Ji explained, and Jayden didn't know what to feel. So, he just shut his emotions off again. "Jane set a plan in motion, which erased Brooke's memories about everything. And from what it seems, she's connected the dots. But, she most likely feels guilty for her mother's actions, as the cage symbol was never mastered, meaning that Xandred wasn't truly sealed away." Ji finished, and the three rangers stood in silence for a moment.
Mia was the first one to speak. "But Brooke- she had no control over her mother's actions. It's not her fault." She stated, glancing at Jayden, who let out a heavy sigh.
It was somewhat because of Jane that his father was dead- Jayden knew that now. But blaming Brooke for it? He couldn't do that, and he wouldn't. "It explains why she was working on the cage symbol. It was probably her way of dealing with the guilt, to a degree. But, Mia's right. It's not her fault." He added, and Ji nodded.
"I think you need to tell her that," Ji advised, and Jayden was the first one out of the room.
Meanwhile, Brooke stood at her bathroom sink, inspecting her now wet hair. It was getting far too long for her liking, now past her collar bones. So, she let out a sigh, digging through the things she kept under the sink and finding her scissors. Then, she went to work. As the strands of black hair fell to the bathroom floor, Brooke allowed herself to think. Well, think to the best of her abilities, as her brain had somewhat tapped out and was now full of radio static, but still. She didn't have her samuraizer, and Brooke knew it was presumably with Jayden, and she just hoped that he didn't take it away. It was just a lapse in judgement, a heat of the moment thing- at least that's what Brooke kept telling herself. She knew she would do it again and again if it meant the cage symbol could be mastered. And she had gotten one of the three symbols mastered, so it was working.
Snapping out of her thoughts, Brooke stared at her reflection, eyes flashing. She had cut her hair shorter than she meant to, her now stopping at the middle of her neck instead of her shoulders like she planned it. Not that she really minded, and Brooke debated giving herself bangs- but then decided against that idea, as she knew that was probably not going to end well. So, Brooke just plugged in her hair dryer and dried her hair, watching as it poofed up a bit. It made it seem even shorter now, but Brooke kind of liked it. For a crisis haircut- it wasn't bad.
After she swept her hair off of the bathroom floor and cleaned up some, Brooke pulled on Jayden's hoodie. Grey eyes flashed gold when they landed on her dirty backpack that she still had yet to unpack. Everything was going far too quickly, and Brooke wondered how she didn't pass out from exhaustion- wait. Well, she did and wasn't really surprised about it.
Letting out a tired sigh, Brooke padded over her to her backpack and dug through it, pulling out her phone. It was half dead, and Brooke swiped through the missed call notifications from Mary. Instead, she just opened her messaging app and started to text Casper. It was about nothing in particular, just easy conversation that could get her mind off of things. Brooke silently thanked him for that as she crawled into bed and laid on her side, laughing quietly at a joke her friend made. Soon, she found herself getting tired, and Brooke allowed the exhaustion to wash over her.
--
Brooke woke up to a light knock at her door, and she raised her head, peering at the door. Did she even want to talk to someone, or would it just trigger another breakdown? She didn't really know, so Brooke just let out a deep sigh and hoped that it was Jayden or Antonio. She wanted physical affection, someone to hold her, but she wouldn't voice that wish aloud.
"Brooke? It's Jayden." Jayden spoke through the door, and Brooke rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She wasn't really surprised, and partially relieved, as Jayden didn't press for answers. And worst-case scenario, Brooke could just tease him.
"It's open," Brooke responded, and she forced herself to sit up, watching as Jayden walked into her room and shut the door behind him. "Heya, Red." She greeted with a yawn, her voice groggy.
"Sorry if I woke you up. I just wanted to check on you." Jayden explained, and Brooke shot him a tired and reassuring smile.
"It's alright, sorry for losing it," Brooke mumbled the last part, drawing her knees to her chest. Her body ached, and she tried to ignore it. "It's just been a lot, and I know that's not an excuse. I'm letting my emotions get in front of our mission, I'm sorry." The guilt she felt earlier returned, and Jayden seemed to notice it.
"It's alright. Can I sit next to you?" Jayden asked, and when Brooke nodded, he kicked off his shoes and sat next to Brooke on her bed. "Ji told me most of it. It's alright for you to be shaken up about it." He reassured her, who let out a shaky sigh.
She scooted closer to Jayden, who instantly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Brooke allowed him to, and let the familiar smell of the forest and smoke calm her nerves some. "That saves me a lot of heartache and tears." Brooke joked bitterly, shaking her head faintly.
"Did you cut your hair?" Jayden blurted, and Brooke couldn't help it. She laughed, and it was a happy laugh. It was the first time today- and yesterday, where she found something funny.
"Never change, Red. You're adorable," Brooke laughed, and Jayden stiffened somewhat, his cheeks becoming the color of his ranger suit. "But to answer your question, yes. I cut it shorter than I meant to, and it's just a sense of control, y'know?" She answered, and Jayden tried to ignore the pounding of his heart in his ears.
"I- I like it. It looks good." Jayden stammered out, barely audible, and Brooke felt the corners of her lips twitch. He was cute.
Brooke scooted closer to his side, and Jayden silently offered his shoulder so that she could rest her head on it. "Thanks, Red. It's one of the only good things out of the last couple of days." The cheery atmosphere fell, and Brooke took Jayden's silent invitation. She rested her head on his shoulder, and she felt Jayden's hand come up and run through her hair. Brooke let the bittersweet feeling of peace and stress watch over her. Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked them away before they could fall.
"You don't have to feel guilty about what your mom did, Brooke. It's not your fault," Jayden spoke softly, and Brooke wrapped her arms around his waist. She held him tightly, and Jayden could feel her shake, so he pulled her closer. "You're too hard on yourself. It's not your fault that this war happened, and you're putting too much weight on your shoulders. This is going to sound extremely hypocritical, but, you shouldn't work yourself to exhaustion, Brooke. You're doing just fine." He reassured her, and Brooke fought back the urge to cry.
"I can't even get my memories back. It's not possible, and- and that was the one thing I was hoping would come out of it. I wanted to remember you and Antonio." Brooke choked out, and Jayden frowned.
"You're here. That's enough for me and Antonio. You know that," Jayden reassured Brooke, his voice gentle. "We'll make memories- hey, I know it's cheesy." He huffed, scowling at Brooke from where she was laughing with her head on his shoulder.
Brooke snorted. "Sorry, I'm just tired, and you're funny. I know you don't try to be, but you are," She commented, and Jayden rolled his eyes playfully. "But, you're right. At least I could meet you guys, even if we're fighting a war." Brooke yawned, and Jayden smiled fondly down at her.
"You want to cuddle?" Jayden murmured, ignoring the heat rising to his face and the pounding of his heart. A mix of joy and embarrassment filled him as Brooke nodded, and he found himself holding Brooke in his arms as she yawned again. "Get some rest, Brooke, you deserve it. I'll be right here when you wake up." Jayden vowed, and Brooke nodded, quickly falling asleep again.
As Jayden stared up at the ceiling, he wondered how he got here. Not that he was complaining, but, still. If somebody told him Brooke Wolfe would've gladly sought out his embrace, he would've called bullshit. But, here she was, and Jayden didn't mind. He welcomed it, as it was the time where he's ever truly seen her at peace. He just hoped that he could keep holding her like this, for as long as she could.
--
When Brooke woke up, Jayden was gone. Which was a little disappointing, but she didn't hold it against him. Glancing at the clock on her phone, she realized it was time for dinner. Ah, that made sense. Brooke wasn't very hungry- and she was somewhat scared to eat because everything she's eaten today she's thrown up. She knew it was due to stress, it used to be a common thing when she was younger.
Letting out a groan of general annoyance, Brooke rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. This whole thing was a clusterfuck, and the anger and sadness had left, leaving Brooke with nothing besides a strange sense of numbness. It all hadn't seemed real- but from the soreness of her muscles and faint headache, she knew it was real. Jayden still had her samuraizer, and Brooke didn't know what he was going to do with it, she was too scared to ask. Because while she cared for Jayden immensely, and liked hearing him talk, his ten-minute lectures were less than ideal. Speaking of Jayden- Brooke knew her mom was probably rolling in her grave because her daughter was actively affectionate with the son of the man she hated. Which was great to Brooke, anything to spite the people who fucked up her life. And if it was as easy as being affectionate and friendly to Jayden Shiba? Well, Brooke did that on an everyday basis. It was an easy thing to do.
After staring at the ceiling for a couple of minutes, Brooke came up with a game plan. She could at least see the others- and if they asked questions, she could just lie. Lying was easy, faking emotions was somewhat easy. Sitting up, Brooke changed her cloth shorts and Jayden's hoodie for a pair of Adidas sweatpants and a grey long-sleeved shirt, brushing her hair. Slipping on her vans, Brooke left her room, shutting the door behind her as she slowly walked into the direction of the kitchen. Her senses started to kick in, and she could hear Mike's laughter from here. Along with the smell of fish- that meant Antonio was on dinner duty. Thank god. Brooke knew if she tried to stomach Mia's cooking tonight, she'd be throwing up from stress and general disgust.
"Brooke!" Emily's cheery voice snapped Brooke out of her thoughts, and the silver ranger jumped in shock somewhat. "Glad to see you're okay." The yellow ranger greeted, and Brooke forced a small smile.
Was she okay? Brooke didn't really know. Physically she was doing alright, but mentally? That was a mess. Still, Brooke didn't bring that to light. "Thanks, Em. I'm sorry to worry you all." She apologized, grey eyes flashing as she scanned the team.
"Hey, it's alright! Happens to the best of us, glad to see our favorite werewolf is still kickin'." Mike returned, and Brooke laughed faintly, trying to ignore the guilt that resurfaced.
Jayden told her not to worry, but Brooke still felt guilty, it's not like it was something that could be easily dealt with. Still, Brooke tried to not let it show- and made a noise of surprise when she felt someone ruffle her, now shorter, hair. Eyes flashed, and the silver ranger leveled a playful glare at the gold, who grinned.
"You cut your hair." Antonio pointed out, and Brooke raised an eyebrow with a grin, rolling her eyes.
"Glad to know you have the ability to see, Goldie. Was really worried about that one," Brooke fired back and combed her fingers through her hair. She realized her claws were bared and her hands were shaking somewhat, but she tried to ignore it. "Were you on dinner duty? I thought I smelt fish." She asked Antonio, who nodded.
"We just finished dinner, actually. Jayden's with Ji if you're looking for him." Mia added, and Brooke shook her head.
"Just coming to say hi," I'm so sorry. "It's all good, Red has to do-" His job. I take him away from his job. The team noticed that Brooke had frozen in mid-sentence, Antonio looking at his childhood friend with concern. She had seemingly gone blank, but after a couple of seconds, Brooke had seemingly regained her composure. "Red has to do his job." She finished, sounding somewhat distant.
Emily placed a gentle hand on Brooke's shoulder, who flinched slightly, which caused Emily to frown. "Brooke, are you alright? You seem a little out of it." She murmured, and Mike nodded.
"I've never seen you look so freaked. Everythin' okay?" Mike questioned, and Brooke willed her claws and canines away.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just tired, y'know? Been a long two days," Brooke lied, forcing a smile. It was easier to lie, to shove the emotions down until they either disappeared or exploded. "I was just coming to say hi, and goodnight, I guess," A nervous laugh fell from Brooke's lips, and her canines and claws grew in again, her eyes landing on pure gold. "I'll see you guys tomorrow." I'm so sorry. It's my fault- it's all my fault.
"Do you want someone to sit with you?" Antonio asked, and Brooke shook her head.
"No, no. It's alright, I'm alright. I'm just gonna go get some fresh air." Brooke answered quickly, and the others didn't get time to respond before she was already out of the kitchen.
Seeing the team be happy caused her to feel guilty. And Brooke didn't even know why, she knew that most of her feelings were irrational and that she should just work on blocking them out. But, she couldn't. The urge to work on the cage symbol until she was passed out of the ground consumed Brooke, but she knew she couldn't do that. For a multitude of reasons, so she just did the second thing she knew how to do. Just force down the emotions she felt- she wouldn't bother anyone else. While Casper actually had some knowledge about psychology and was planning to go to med school to become a therapist, Brooke knew that dumping her problems onto him would be a really shitty move as a friend. She relied on others too much, and Brooke chided herself for that as she shifted and hopped onto one of the concrete benches. She couldn't cry in her wolf form, and Brooke didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.
God, Brooke wished she had never pressed Mary for answers, had never been so naïve to think that her memories were happy. She wished she hadn't been so ignorant in the first place to want to get her memories back. It was all wishes. Wishes that could never be fulfilled and Brooke knew that. What she wasn't prepared for was when her brain forcibly shifted her back, and Brooke tried to shift again, tried calming her mind enough, but it didn't work. The farthest she got was brown and white fur sprouting on her hands and her fully bared claws and canines. Go figure. The panic she tried to keep under wraps cracked through the barriers she put up, but Brooke just shut it out.
It was easier to not deal with it, Brooke reminded herself as she drew her knees to her chest. She remembered the time when she was in the exact same position, and Jayden had come and comforted her. But now, Brooke didn't know if she wanted Jayden around or not. Or any of the team, because they had dealt with enough of her for a lifetime.
It got harder to breathe, and Brooke just shoved it aside, tried to clear her head. It was just an anxiety attack- these things pass. She had fought through them before. Brooke forced herself to control her breathing somewhat, so she didn't hyperventilate and have a mental breakdown, and it was working. Not very well, but it was somewhat working. And Brooke would take it, as something was better than nothing, after all. She wouldn't cry- it was like when she and Maxx still lived with James. She never allowed herself to show any weakness, as it was her job to be the strong one. She still needed to be the strong one. Brooke was a damn power ranger, and power rangers don't have anxiety attacks. That was out of the question- it was a weakness. And having weaknesses got you killed. Brooke knew that, and she tried convincing her mind to just turn off, that this was a stupid, pathetic thing that could be dealt with.
"It's okay to cry, Brooke." Jayden's voice snapped Brooke out of her thoughts, and she didn't even need to turn around to know that both he and Antonio were at the doorway. The smells of the forest, smoke, and the ocean filled her nose, and Brooke found them comforting. But it also made her feel guilty- so incredibly guilty.
"You two have better things to do. Don't worry about me," Brooke urged, her voice cracking as her shoulders shook. "I can deal with this- I have for a long time, alright? Please don't ruin your nights by dealing with me. I feel guilty enough- please." Her voice was barely audible, and she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. Brooke just wiped them away, blinking back more that pricked her eyes.
"Brooke, you're not ruining our night. We're worried about you, and you don't need to feel guilty about that. It's our job as your friends." Antonio argued, his tone caring, and Brooke just buried her head in her knees as her shoulders shook.
Brooke resisted the urge to latch onto the two boys and just cry, but- her mind told her that she couldn't. So, she didn't. "You two have more important jobs. You're both power rangers- you don't have to deal with me. Please." Her voice cracked, and both Antonio and Jayden saw through her defenses.
"You're important to us, Brooke. You don't have to feel guilty, and want us around, don't you?" Jayden pressed, and Brooke said nothing, only raising her head from her knees and nodded.
"Please stay." Brooke forced out, letting the panic overtake her.
She didn't even know how long she cried for. Brooke just allowed herself to feel things, and everything she tried to force down exploded in a mess of tears and ragged breaths. Now she was finally calming down, her head on Jayden's shoulder, and keeping a tight hold on Antonio's had. Brooke was careful to not scratch him with her claws, and once she was mentally stable enough to will them away, she did and tightened her grip on Antonio's hand. She knew the two couldn't be solutions to her panic attacks and self-doubts, but they helped.
"You two are something else," Brooke joked weakly, sniffling. "I've only met one other person who'll sit through stuff like this. I'm not complaining- it's just strange." She commented, closing her tired eyes.
"Well, we're here now. And you're not getting rid of us anytime soon." Antonio stated, sounding rather proud of himself, and Brooke let out a tired laugh.
"I know, and I appreciate it. Thank you two, so much." Brooke yawned, and she felt Jayden run his hand through her hair, him having a small smile on his face.
"Of course, Brooke. It's the three of us against the world." Jayden murmured, smiling fondly down at Brooke as she started to fall asleep on his shoulder.
Brooke hummed, her lips twitching into a small smile. "I think we'll win against the world. I mean, we've made it this far." She mused, feeling a wave of comfort wash over her as stars twinkled in the sky. She felt better and now was just emotionally drained more than anything.
Brooke knew it was going to be another day of some struggles tomorrow, but tomorrow could wait. She felt her two childhood friends by her sides, and that was enough. They were more than enough- and Brooke hoped they knew how much she cared about them. She would end this war, and do it with them by her side. She promised it.
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a/n: hoo boy, it's done! that wraps up the family matters arc. obviously most of the things that were discussed in this chapter and the last one will be brought up again, but the bulk of it is done. I want to get back to the true power rangers stuff, y'know?
it was just time to get Brooke's past dealt with- to a degree. I hope you all enjoyed, thanks for reading! (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ