The gentle air whistled into my ear but my mind failed to react to it. I know I had been walking towards the door to my house but I felt so lost.
My eyes were open and I could see the pathway very clearly but I was zoned out. The face of Alex was the only thing in my head and I did not understand what I felt.
A part of me wanted to smile over what happened, while a part of me wanted to slap myself for ruining my friendship, for laying hands on someone who doesn't belong to me and worse, for cheating on Jared. But no, I could not blame myself alone. It was her who kissed me first.
Why did she kiss me when she has Jared? And why did I kissed her back? I asked a lot of questions but those were answered by questions.
''Mew?'' I heard a bewildering voice and I realized I was home already when the bright light from the ceiling flashed down at me.
I had never been this stress in my life before.
''You're back bro?'' I heard Hill's voice as she looked at me suspiciously.
''Where are your stuffs?'' Mum asked sounding a bit worried pondering whether she should come to me or not. I was not ready for any kind of conversation hence I answered them that Alex was bringing it for me the next day.
''Did you have fun?'' Mum asked again.
''I'm tired.'' I showed them my exhausted face and hit upstairs to my room.
I needed a hot shower to clear off my mind.
''Are you alright honey?'' Mum finally followed me half way as I ascended the stairs.
I looked back at her and reassured her that I was fine and that all I wanted was a shower.
I peacefully unlocked the door to my room and rushed inside quickly, grabbing a towel and directly went inside the attached bathroom to clean the mess I had in me.
I relaxed myself on the bathtub as hot water kept rinsing my body. The taste of water felt good and excruciating but it did not clear the mess inside of me.
I wondered what Alexis could be thinking at the moment. Did she regretted it? She seemed confident about the kiss and showed no guilt or remorse on her face. Maybe, it was not a mistake. Maybe, it had been something she wanted to do like she said. Even then, how possibly did I just lost myself in her touch? Did I have such feelings for her? The questions ate me up. I felt like I was in a vine that could never be untagled, poisons in my brain and the path I was taking seemed all blurry.
I spent like an hour in the bathtub and finally slipped into my pyjama leaving my wet clothes on the floor. I did not care how mess the room looked but simply thrived for the bed.
My hair was dripping wet but I was strengthless to even join the happy family with my downhearted mind, hence I laid down on the bed.
My inner peace went missing as I recalled the day and pain erupted. I had lost my two bestfriends again, on the same day and this time, everything about me felt dirty.
I became annoyed with my life. The disorders and the messes in my life all because of Alex and Gulf. Were we even friends? I agitated. Why does it have to be me to get hurt all the time when all I did was care about them. Did I care a little too much about them? I no longer even felt like we were friends. What are we exactly? I thought aloud.
A knocked on my door awakened my consciousness again. I feared it was Alexis, probably there to set things right. With much hope, I began to walk towards the door, hoping that she would say something to make me feel all better. I needed her to apologise and say like it was a mistake.
But like glasses shatters, my hope shattered into pieces the moment I opened the door and came face to face with Gulf, the last Person I ever expected.
To my utter surprise, My anger towards him had been shadowed by what had happened between me and Alex and watching him stand there, I felt relieved.
''Mew" He called decently, his voice in hesitation as he looked at me carefully, ''Can I come in?'' He continued while I stared at him, numbed.
I opened the door for him and my eyes followed him into my room and closed the door behind me. I had no idea why he even showed up, after that menacing argument.
If I had not been feeling like shit at the moment, I would have shut the door right at his face. I did not hate him, not yet, but his face reminded me of how low I had really became especially after what had happened with Alexis.
Gulf sat down awkwardly on my bed while I stood infront of him, staring, without a word.
''You must be hating me right now.'' He firmly said and that dragged a knife into my chest and my heart ached. I did not had room for hate for anyone at the moment except me.
''Can you sit?'' He smeared slowly patting on the empty space beside him. I complied quickly.
Gulf surprisingly looked nervous, his shoulder all tensed and looked as if he just had a break up. It had been too long since I saw him really uncomfortable that he started twisting his fingers with long heavy breathes.
The silence heavied inside my room and it felt as though no living beings existed.
''I just realized how much I suck as a person.'' Gulf broke the silence with the most unexpected sentence and I locked eyes with him.
He looked broken and his bright eyes no longer carried happiness but sadness and regrets. His face had turned paler and he seemed horrified but still managed to look pretty.
''I must have hurt you so much.'' He said again and hearing those words softened my heart. I really needed someone and Gulf seemed like the right person. I felt the void in my chest being filled by him and his sincere gestures.
I had been needing a true bestfriend all these days and Gulfappeared to be one at the moment.
''You're right Mew, I'm an asshole.'' said he nodding his head as he bit his cheeks and looked down on the floor. ''I never even bothered to say sorry after all the mess I put you through. I'm so selfish, aren't I?'' He said lifting his eyes up and locked with mine.
I had never seen Gulf in this state before and he looked really shaken as if he just woke up from a nightmare. His face read hurt, pain, guilt and regret and his words stung sharply as for the first time in his life, he was honest to himself.
''I'm sorry Mew. I'm really sorry.'' He said without taking his eyes off from me and I continued to shed tears like summer rain while a soft tender feeling entered my heart and eased the pain gently.
''I'd be hating me if I were you.'' whispered Gulf and I wished to tell him how much all those meant to me but the lumped in my throat enabled me to utter a word. I was glad to have found a friend finally after all those wreckless years of friendship without attachment.
''Truth is, you were the only one holding our friendship for the past six years. I can't believe I had been this much selfish.'' desperately Gulf continued and I could not believe in my ears nor my eyes that this was Gulf.
''I thought a lot about it tonight and I'm still thinking... God, Mew! you have a hell lot of patience.'' He sighed wiping away my tears with his warm hands and pulled me in for a tight hug; A hug that felt real, that spoke friendship and love.
''Gulf'' I finally managed to whisper into his ears as his warm body comforted me.
''I'm sorry'' He repeated his apologies again which brought a faint smile in my face.
For a while, I felt like my problems had fleed from me until the reality brought me back to the same mood. But I knew that I was not alone this time, Gulf was there for me. Gulf Kanawut, my childhood bestfriend was finally back to my arms after six long years.
''Your hair's wet.'' He slighted a smile as we broke the hug, making me gain a smile.
''I'm a mess.'' I chuckled lightly.
''Feel better?''
''I do. Thanks. May be, you're not a complete asshole.'' I smirked back at him.
''So, is it just because of me or something really went wrong that your room's a big mess including your dripping hairs?'' asked he looking everywhere except me.
I had been in a dilemma whether to share about Alexis with him or not. It was embarrassing but for so many reasons I did not like keeping secrets between me and Gulf. I wanted to start fresh with honesty and truth.
''I don't know whether I should trust you with this.'' I mumbled slowly looking down at the floor while Gulf finally turned towards me.
''Trust me with what?'' he asked curiously.
My innerself battled whether to let the things out of my chest or not.
''I might have been a jerk before, but this is a new Gulf beside you. Try me.'' He said rubbing my back gently.
I took a deep breathe and lifted my eyes up to meet his face.
''Alexis kissed me.'' Finally I admitted and instantly he jerked back, enlarging his bright eyes in shocked.
''What?'' He literally shouted later carefully looking at me.
After a brief moment, he calmed himself down taking his eyes off from my face and ran his hands across his neck as he slowly added, ''I thought she had a boyfriend''. Biting his lips, he looked at me and sighed sarcastically.
''And I happened to kissed her back.'' I shamefully added running my hands across my hair in frustration.
Gulf remained quiet for a while and it made me wished I had not said anything.
''Why did you kiss her back?'' he asked in a serious tone decently.
''I don't know.'' I said taking my hands down and exposed my face to Gulf who looked differently at me.
Another brief moment of silence followed which turned the situation more awkward. I expected Gulf to made things better but he did not.
''Well, did you like it?'' He cocked a sly smile later and I could not believe he was starting to tease me.
''I am serious here, Gulf....confused as hell.'' I snapped at him trying to sound myself rude.
''Well It's your fault that you kissed her back.'' He jokingly answered which was an honest answer but that was not the comfort I was looking for.
''yeah Right, it's always my fault.'' I said slamming myself down on the bed with my feet still on the floor.
''You know I did not mean that.'' He protested.
''Whether you mean it or not, it's my fault.'' I said looking back at him.
''You didn't kiss her first, she kissed you first so basically you can't slap her or push her away but to kiss her back.'' He said fixing his eyes to the door , ''But'' then he turned to me, ''I'm just confused, what is she doing with Jared?''
''She loves him''
''That's why she kisses you?'' sniggered Gulf as he slammed down beside me. ''I think she likes you.'' He said firmly eyeing at me which got me speechless.
Did Alexis really like me? I wondered.
''She takes really good care of you when I am busy being a jerk to you, she just needs to choose. It is either you or Jared ".
''You're scaring the shit out of me and it's stupid to think Alexis can even like me.''
''Do you like her? "
''Gulf, stop it already".
''I'm serious.''
''I don't know.''
''How is that possible? Of course you know it.''
''I wish I know but I don't that's the reason why I am confused!'' I literally shouted at him while Gulf laughed aloud turning the gloomy situation into its opposite. I began laughing together with him.
''Can you sleepover tonight?'' I asked
''What, you want me that bad?'' He smirked mischeviously which made me hit him with the pillow as I repeated how serious I was while he attacked me back as well.
Laughing, I finally pinned him down on the bed and landed above him.
''It has been a while isn't it...'' Gulf smeared slowly looking up at the ceiling while I got off from his body and laid down next to him.
''What has been..'' I asked as the thought of Alex came back again.
''Us.'' He admitted calmly and that pretty much blasted in my ears. Since when did Gulf started using 'us'.
Like he had said, the man beside me was a new Gulf.
''I wish I could relax here with you Gulf but I just can't.'' I said fixing my eyes at the ceiling.
''Hey, don't worry much about it. She'll either call you or text you and sort things out. And if not, I'mma go talk to her and figure out.'' Gulf offered playing with my hairs softly which brought me so much comfort.
''Thanks. I feel better.'' I smiled at him and snuggled up in his chest while he wrapped me around tightly and rested his chin on my head.
It had been too long since I last felt someone so close to me, hugging and comforting me. It had been too long since I had fallen asleep under the arms of someone who cared about me and it felt perfect with Gulf.
I felt as though nothing could hurt me again and I trusted Gulf to save me.
A white shadow danced above my head and everytime the shadow moved, it hurted my eyes and I realised I was waking up to a new sunny day.
Sweats had broken out in my face while I felt the heavy weight around my waist and I smiled instantly as it belonged to Gulf, who was still in his peaceful sleep.
I carefully looked at his face and studied his features and spent a lot of time amusing at his cute nose and his small lips. It was funny how rude he could get at times but still managed to made people laugh.
Hating to disturb his sleep, I quietly slipped out from the blanket and tip toed to the washroom.
I heard my phone vibrate, hence I quickly finished my work in the washroom and dashed out to the room expecting a message from Alexis.
Indeed it had been from Alexis but it did not solved anything. Her text simply read : Jared's leaving today.
Those three words seemed like a complete sentence but it was incomplete and it messed my head more. I did not understand what she wanted me to do with those three words.
''Is it her?'' came Gulf's Sleepy voice as he reluctantly tried to sat up and leaned on the arms of the bed.
''It is...Morning.'' I said, forcing myself a smile at him.
''What did she say?'' He asked rubbing his eyes with his hands, followed by a yawn.
''Jared's leaving today.''
''And?''
''Just that.''
''Never thought she'd enjoy games.'' Gulf smirked lazily and ran his hands across his hairs and began to make a mess.
''What are you doing?'' I wondered at him. Then he stopped moving and glanced at me waiting for me to continue.
''What..'' he added and curved up a smile at the corner of his lips, ''This is how I wake up.''
My family was beyond surprise when Gulf joined us for breakfast. It felt like it had been centuries ago when on that Saturday morning Gulf and I sat down for breakfast while we were horrified for Alex at the same time ; the day that changed everything.
As I thought more, I could see we had come a long way and realizing how much Alex had went through in life, I decided to be cool with whatever Alexis says and decides.
Ps: kick the errors out 🤣