We spent most of the next day in the cabin, leaving only for the drive-in movie. We stopped for popcorn and snacks and then found a good spot behind a smaller car.
Loki was quiet for most of it and I was worried he might be bored but I was too wrapped up in the story to say anything. I had seen the movie tons of times and read the book so much it was starting to fall apart. My copy of Persuasion looked even worse and don't get me started on the Brontë sisters. I'd had to replace my copies of their books more than once.
It wasn't until the movie was finished that I started the car and turned to Loki. I expected him to be fast asleep but he was watching me with a small smile on his face. "You can quote most of it, I see." He murmured.
Smiling sheepishly, I nodded. "Kinda. What'd you think?"
He shrugged. "It was not terrible. I wanted someone to just tape the mother's mouth shut though, that would be nice. Or perhaps the cousin."
I laughed. "Trust me, she's written characters so much more annoying. I had to close some of her books sometimes, I just couldn't handle the stupidity."
He was still deep in his thoughts so he only chuckled absently before turning towards the window. We were halfway to the cabin when the rain started. I was glad it had waited until the movie ended. Thunder rumbled in the distance. I had a feeling it would be a bad one. Loki felt tense beside me but I didn't say anything.
Once inside, I hurried to bed. Loki muttered a goodnight and closed his door. I sighed and nuzzled under the sheets just as the storm started in full swing. It seemed like the world faded away behind the rain. I stretched and sighed contently, preparing for a good night's sleep to the lullaby of thunder and pounding water.
A knock at the door made me sit up just as I was falling asleep. I rolled out of bed and padded to the door, opening it to squint at Loki. He had the hem of his shirt in his hands and he wrung it nervously as he looked at me. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I um... I was wondering if I might sit with you? Unless you were falling asleep of course. Did I wake you?" He swallowed and looked nervously at the window when lightning flashed.
I bit my lip, realizing that the storm must remind him of Thor. Nodding, I let him in. He went to the right side of the bed, the one closest to the door. I went to the other side and rolled back under the covers, shuffling over until I was against Loki's side. He wrapped one arm around my waist, his hand brushing idly up and down my side. I rested my head against his shoulder and thought of something to help him.
If I asked him to tell me what bothered him, he'd probably refuse. But what if I told him something about me first?
"I'm afraid of the dark." I murmured.
His hand paused on its drift down my side and his palm came to rest on my hip. It tensed quickly when thunder cracked and then relaxed again. He took a deep breath. "Pardon?" He turned his head towards me, his lips brushing the top of my head. I looked up at him.
"I never got over my fear of the dark." I pointed towards the light coming from my phone. I had an app that worked as an alarm and nightlight. "And I'm terrified of turning around and finding someone behind me when I thought I was alone. Too many scary movies." I laughed softly at myself and rested my head against his shoulder.
Loki's hand went back to drifting along my side. He was silent for a long moment before I felt his voice rumble in his chest. "I am frightened of thunderstorms."
"Do they remind you of Thor?"
He nodded. "And the Bifrost sometimes. When it opens it disrupts the atmosphere. In thinner atmospheres, it moves so fast it breaks the sound barrier. I keep thinking they're coming back for me."
I levered upwards until I could rest lightly against his chest and lean over him. "I'm afraid of being left behind."
He frowned and waited for me to continue. His hand slid up my back and into my hair, gently massaging my scalp. I leaned into his touch and explained my fear. "When I was little, I stayed in an after-school program until Liv came to get me. She had worked and couldn't come until late. We were watching this movie once that I'd never seen and everyone was talking about it. There were only like twenty minutes left when Liv came. She was tired and irritable but I didn't think of it. I begged her to let me finish the movie." I looked down at Loki's chest and absently drew designs over it with a finger.
"She said no and waited outside. I got scared that she'd yell at me so with like five minutes left in the movie, I ran outside to meet her. It was dark and there weren't a lot of street lights. I was in... Second grade? So I was maybe seven or eight. Liv was walking around the parking lot but it looked like she was leaving when I came out. I got so scared that I ran after her crying." I shrugged, looking up to find Loki staring at me with worried eyes. I continued, feeling my throat get tight and my eyes grow hot with tears. "It's weird. It's not like it was some big traumatic event. But I think it was because I never thought Mom wanted me when I was little. Why would she always go out and do drugs and ignore me if she loved me? So then I thought Liv got tired of taking care of me and that's why she was leaving me to go home alone. I still have nightmares. I'm lost in this big school and when I get outside it's night and everyone left. And I don't know my way home and someone comes up to me and hurts me."
"Does your sister know about this?"
I shook my head. "She probably doesn't remember. It never bothered me until I was maybe sixteen. I started getting really scared that I would do something wrong and everyone would leave and no one would want me. I convinced myself that no one could love me if my own mother had never tried." I wiped my eyes and looked at him. "When I have good days, I know that it's not true. But when I have bad days, I can think of a million reasons that it is. I think you're like that."
"Like what?"
"You believe things that aren't true. You think you're a bad person or that you could never be loved. But it's not true."
He stared at me for a long time, his green eyes searching mine for deceit. He pushed me onto my back and kissed me slowly. Pulling away, he rested his head against my shoulder. "I need you."
I looked at him quizzically. "I'm right here."
"No, in my life. I needed you to save me."
I rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head. "I didn't save you. Just... Gave you a chance. That's what you asked me to do isn't it?"
He wrapped his arms tightly around me. He was quiet for such a long time, I started to wonder if he'd fallen asleep on me. But I felt the flutter of his lashes and then looked up. "You'll think me strange for saying this. But I feel..." He shook his head but pushed on. "Whenever I hold you, it feels as though I'm home. Like I have a home. I feel like I'm finally enough for someone."
I swallowed against the lump of emotion in my throat, tried to lessen the heat in my chest. I couldn't imagine what it was like for him. A prince of two realms, one that never gave him the chance to be good enough and another that never cared enough to see that he was.
"It's been awhile since I've felt like I was good enough." I said quietly. The feeling was nothing compared to what I was sure he felt but I wanted him to know he wasn't alone.
He leaned up to kiss me again. "You're good enough for me." He laughed suddenly. "No, you're too good for me. I don't deserve you. But I refuse to let anyone else have you."
Smiling, I pushed him onto his back again and rested my head on his chest. "I guess we needed each other then." I muttered.
We stayed that way in silence for a long time. I listened to the sound of his heart and the rain outside.
"I love you."
My head snapped up and I stared at him. "What?"
He watched me closely. "I love you." He repeated matter of factly. He frowned. "Is that wrong?"
Apparently I looked like I felt - scared. I had been wondering for days now how he felt about me. I knew I cared about him. I would be sad to see him leave, hell I'd even fight to keep him with me. His family would hurt him but I knew if given the chance I would defend him, try to convince them than he could change.
But he would still have to go back one day. One day they would fix their transport and come for him. And if they didn't? There was no way he would stay with me, not for long. "You shouldn't." I said. Loving him was a terrible idea. It would only lead to heartbreak.
I couldn't stop my heart from breaking a little when it seemed whatever hope he'd had died. I sighed inwardly.
"Why?" He asked.
"Because as much as I love this, it can't last. You'll have to go home one day. Or I'll get old and you'll have to move on. Compared to you, my life is so short." I looked away, ashamed that I'd refused him. "I'm sorry, Loki."
He pushed me away and started to get up. I bit my lip and blinked to clear my eyes. I wouldn't cry, not while he was here. When he was gone and had long forgotten me I could cry all I liked. But not now.
He knelt on the bed and picked me up, moving me until I was sitting up in front of him. "Give me your hands."
I did. He turned them palms up and placed his hands under them. I felt heat travel into my palms and fingers, building until a small spark lit the darkness. I gasped and started to pull away but Loki held me. The fire floated just inches above my hands, burning brightly.
"It's an ancient wedding tradition." Loki murmured. "It symbolized just how much the couple loved each other. The stronger their love, the larger the flame." I looked down to see it was like a roaring campfire had been shrunk down and placed in our hands. It was hot but it didn't burn me. He spoke again, softer this time, hesitant and hurt. "Is it so hard to believe that I could love you?" I bit my lip and stared at the flame as he continued. "Is it so impossible? That your tiny mortal heart could capture me so? That you could become so important to me? Yes, I am the god of lies but I swear on all that I am that I tell you the truth now."
I shook my head, wanting to tell him to forget everything I said. To tell him that I loved him too. But love doesn't conquer all. Loving him wasn't going to keep him here with me.
He smiled sadly. "One day perhaps I will have to leave you. But why should that stop us now? Why could we not love and be happy now, while there is time?"
Why? Because it would hurt later! Because I would have to suffer the pain once he's gone! Why would I submit to that?!
"I have loved and been loved before. And yes it hurt but I would do it all again." He laughed softly, looking down at our hands. "I am doing it again. It is worth the pain in the end, I promise you that."
"I don't know about that." I whispered. "It hasn't seemed worth it to me."
"No but did you really love Cameron? Would you have done for him all you have for me?" I shook my head slowly. His hands tightened around mine. "One word from you will silence me forever. But your silence will convince me that you return my affections." He took my hands in his and pulled me closer in slow degrees. "And I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love," he kissed my forehead. "I love..." He kissed my cheek and I smiled sadly. Leaning even closer, he held just an inch from my lips. "I love you." He breathed, pulling me into his kiss. I wrapped my arms tight around him, returning his kiss with a desperate intensity.
He laid me down beside him, quieting. I pulled the covers tight over both of us and pressing a long kiss to his chest. I still wasn't convinced this could last. But for however long I could keep him, I would.