I woke the next morning to find the sun shining through the partially closed curtains. I turned onto my back and glared at the offending light. Groaning, I got up and padded out into the hall. Loki's door was still closed so I decided to make breakfast before he got up. I was just passing his door when I heard him cry out. I paused outside his door and listened. A whimper came from inside. Opening the door, I crept in. He was curled under the patterned covers, his hands gripping the pillow beneath his head in bloodless fists. I put one knee on the edge of the bed and reached to shake him awake. "Loki. Loki, wake up."
He swung away suddenly, curled into a ball. He shook violently and every now and then a small whimper would escape him. I leaned over him and shook him as hard as I could. "Loki!" I yelled. His skin suddenly became freezing cold and I sprang away, hissing as the cold burned my skin. His skin darkened and became that bright blue again. His black hair grew even darker. I shook him again, using the covers to protect my hands now. Everywhere I touched, a small plate of ice rose over his skin. "Loki!" I shouted.
He spun around suddenly and shoved me off the bed. I tumbled to the floor, gasping as the wind was knocked out of me. Looking up, I found a spike of ice poised just over my left eye. I swallowed a cry and followed the spike to the blue hands that held it and the red eyes that glared down at me in mindless fury. They flicked over my face as Loki tried to understand who I was and what I was doing.
Silence reigned for what could have been minutes or seconds. I took a deep breath. "Loki."
It seemed to snap him out of his trance. He gasped and threw the ice away as though it burned him. His eyes returned to mine, now filled with horror and fear. His breathing was out of control, his chest rising and falling swiftly. He fell back on his hands and crawled away on the bed. I stood slowly and went to him. He moved to the foot of the bed and sat, cross-legged as the blue faded from his skin. His eyes returned to their normal shining green, filled with tears. He shuddered and his back bent as he was suddenly wracked by a sob.
"I'm sorry." He rasped. He jumped up and backed away from me. I stayed where I was. He turned and fled the room. I heard the bathroom door slam down the hall. Silently, I crept into the hall and sat on the floor beside the door. I could hear him lean back against the wood and slide to the floor. He muffled his sobs as best he could. They were choked and broken, his breath shuddered. His breathing was ragged, like he was trying to hard to pull in a full breath but couldn't. I stood slowly and tried the knob. The door opened slightly as I pushed. He pushed back quickly and closed it.
"Loki? Please, let me help."
He kept struggling for breath. A slight whine came through the door. I heard him move and I opened the door. Going to him slowly, I helped him up and walked slowly with him to the deck. Opening the door, I pulled him out and sat him down on a recliner. Kneeling in front of him, I took his hand and looked up at him. His eyes flicked around him and his hands shook as though he thought he was in danger. His leg jerked up and down when he tapped his foot rapidly. A comforting habit or a nervous tick, I wondered. I brushed my thumb back and forth across the back of his hand.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked softly. He shook his head quickly. "Tell me what I can do."
He gripped my hand tighter. "Stay." He croaked. "Just stay here."
Nodding, I curled up beside him on the recliner. Turning him to face me, I put one hand over his heart. I moved his to rest over mine. He took another deep breath and it shuddered out slowly. I wiped his tears with my free hand and kissed his cheek. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Slowly, his panic seemed to subside. His breathing evened out and the sweat on his brow dried. He fell back to sleep after long moments of silence.
I stayed beside him, forgetting my hunger with the knowledge that he needed me. It seemed to be about a half hour later, when the morning had warmed and the mist had dissipated from over the trees that he woke up. I brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Hey." I whispered.
"Hello." He mumbled. I smiled sympathetically, trying to reassure him but unsure how.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He didn't speak for a few minutes and I figured he just wanted me to hold him. "They were all standing around me." He whispered finally. "Staring and screaming. All of them, yelling at me. I couldn't fight back and they just beat me, screaming all sorts of things."
"Who? What did they say?"
He shuffled closer and buried his face in my neck. He whispered against my skin but only a few words came to me. "Monster. Bastard. Fool."
"Who?"
"Everyone. Even mother. She never gave up on me; she always loved me and now look at what I've done to her. Betrayed her trust, tried to kill her son. She can't forgive me. Odin laughed at me. I was a fool to believe he could ever be proud of me." He laughed but it was humorless. "The god of lies, fallen for the biggest lie of all. But they're right. All of them. They're right. And that's what scares me. And then I woke up and I tried to kill you and oh gods... I'm so sorry."
I pulled back and made him look at me. He'd returned to his natural form, unable to control it while all these emotions raced through him. I hesitantly touched his face, making sure he had enough control to keep from hurting me. I traced the half-circle on his forehead and the vein-like lines that traveled up his cheek. "You're not a monster. You're hurt and confused and you just didn't know how to handle that."
"I am a monster. The strange child of Odin that was never wanted nor understood. They will never know me any other way."
"You're a Giant to the Asgardians and an Asgardian to the Frost Giants. They only see you in one light and so it limits all that you could be in their eyes. But Loki, what people think of you does not define who you are. You're letting your past define your present and destroy your future. You're letting them tell you who and what you are rather than deciding for yourself. As long as you let them do that, whatever you do now is their fault. You can't take responsibility for being something you claim they created.
"Until you take responsibility and define who you are, you will never come to grips with this. Odin was wrong. But so were you! You have to recognize that. You can either be the monster they're afraid of or become a man they never imagined possible."
He stared at me, his tearful eyes doubtful and hurt. I pushed him. "Stand up."
"Why?"
"Stand up!" He stood and I faced him. I shoved him hard in the shoulders, trying to shake some sense into him. "You are Loki Laufeyson of Jotunheim, raised as an exalted son of Asgard by King Odin, Allfather. You are the queen's beloved child, a master of Asgardian Magic, more cunning than anyone imagines. You're a good man! A friend! And yes, you're stuck here on Midgard with a stupid human, but dammit Loki, this human is proud to know you and that should speak for something!"
One small, choked laugh escaped him. He smiled. Satisfied, I pushed him again for good measure. "Good. Now I'm making breakfast, what d'you want?"
"Anything will do." I turned to walk inside but stopped as he called me. "Ebony." Turning, I waited for him to speak again. His grin turned to a soft smile. I watched his skin return to normal. It seemed to shrink towards his hands, disappearing in the tips of his fingers, where his power seemed to reside. "I am proud to know you as well."
I nodded. "Eggs and bacon it is."
I fixed breakfast while Loki showered. I was finishing up some bacon when he came up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck. "Thank you." He murmured. I looked down to see small water droplets on his arms. Turning, I found myself faced with a near naked Loki. He had his towel wrapped tightly around his waist but otherwise he was bare.
"You're welcome. And your clothes are where?" I raised my brows. He grinned down at me and then kissed me quickly. Pulling back, he strode away with a piece of bacon, going to get dressed. He seemed a little better now. I smiled and shook my head, sitting down to eat.
When I finished, I left a plate for him and went to take a shower. I braided my hair back and dressed in some old jeans and a dark blue tee and my old boots. I shrugged on a huge sweatshirt and went to find Loki back on the roof. He nibbled on a piece of toast and looked up at the sky, lost in his thoughts.
"How do you get up there?" I called.
He looked down and then flicked his wrist, lifting his hand slowly. I felt a current of something like electricity run through me and then my feet left the ground. I looked down and tried not to worry as he lifted me up to the roof.
"You can fly." I murmured as he sat me down beside him. He shrugged and went back to his eggs.
"Levitate and not far. Ready?" He asked, looking back up at me. I nodded and he tapped the plate. It disappeared and he stood up, holding his hands out. I grabbed them and he picked me up again, jumping off the roof. "Is there a book store in the town?" He asked.
I started the truck and pulled onto the road. "There better be or we're leaving." He chuckled and sat back, watching me. I tried to focus on the road but those green eyes just kept on watching me. Finally, I turned slightly. "What?"
He didn't reply for a moment. "If I could take you, would you come to Asgard with me?"
"To visit?"
"To stay?"
I thought about it. Would I leave my family? My home, my students? For a world and culture I didn't know and a people prejudiced against anyone not their own?
"To visit, sure. But to stay, I dunno. Could I come home sometimes? And visit other worlds?"
"No. That idiot, Thor, broke the rainbow bridge and the Bifrost. I cannot go back. I only wondered. There aren't many other places to go, though. You might have liked Alfheim, home of the light elves."
"What about your kids? You can't see them anymore, can you?"
"I rarely do as it is. What do you know of them?" He quirked a brow, shifting to lean against the door to face me better.
I shrugged. "You've fathered a lot I'm sure but the most famous on Earth are Fenrir, Jormungand, and Hel. And mothered Sleipnir. That had to be torture."
He chuckled. "Yes, it was. I'm surprised it does not bother you."
Mythology - or alien stories - were filled with strange births and deaths. It wasn't the strangest I had ever heard. The Greek myths were far stranger to me. I wondered if they were real too. "Helen of Troy was conceived after her mother was raped by a swan. You mothering a horse isn't too foreign." He smiled. "But! It's an eight-legged horse. I don't get how you managed that. And Odin has to nerve to ride him around like he owns him. I'd be pissed if I was you."
"The magic involved in my form gave Sleipnir his power and his mutation. And I gave him to Odin. He is well taken care of and happy. I made sure of that."
I looked over to see him smiling fondly as he thought of his son. "What was it like? Raising him?"
"Difficult. Strange. I consulted Frigga and those who raise Odin's horses often. But he was a good son. Energetic and a little headstrong, like Fenrir was. But more loving."
"What are the others like?" His smile grew.
"Fenrir was like any puppy. Now he is... Wild. Ruthless. But only towards strangers. Jormungandr has always been quiet. He sleeps mostly. But he is affectionate in his own way."
"And Hel?"
"My baby girl." He whispered. "She was as perfect as I could ever hope for. She's grown up well and lives on Nilfheim as queen. And she is happy, a blessing I worried I could never provide for her. I have no other children, at least none I know of. But I would very much like to meet them should there be any."
I smiled. He may not have been a good King and whether he was a good son, I couldn't say. But I was sure he was a good father.
We found ourselves in the town now. I drove around until I found a suitable parking space and then we sat back and looked around for a second. "No bookstore." I remarked.
Loki rubbed his face and groaned. "What kind of town is this? No bookstore. That's ridiculous."
I laughed and got out. "Come on. Let's just walk around and then we can go hiking or something." He sighed and got out, following me down the sidewalk. It was a quiet town without much to get excited about, really. But the weather was nice and the people too. We walked through a few clothes and jewelry stores. I was looking at a nice little rose necklace when I turned and found I was alone. I looked around and was about to call out for Loki when his head popped back into the door.
"Antique store!" He grinned, disappearing again. I put the necklace back and followed, smiling as I saw him shuffling carefully through all the little trinkets. "No bookstore but antiques at least. There's an art store next door. And....What's this?"
He picked up a small black box with a gold ring in it. I took the ring out and held it up to the light. It was old and dull, dirty and scratched. There was a small emerald set in it, barely shining. I looked at it and then up to Loki's eyes. They were almost a perfect match. Loki moved on as something else caught his attention. I watched him as a realization suddenly hit me.
I wouldn't have him forever. He was immortal. I'd grow old and he'd get bored. He'd move on, leave me without a second thought. He'd forget all about me. And then what? I'd be back to the way I was. I had a good life, one just right for me. But now that I'd had time with him, it wouldn't be the same. It wasn't like he loved me or anything. I doubted he ever would. Maybe he cared, maybe he had a lot of affection for me. And lust, yes, but love? It just didn't seem rational to expect that of him. But his affection would be missed. I would miss joking with him and just talking to him. I took the ring and went to the old man at the desk. He was bent and tired but his face shone with a glint of childishness.
"Hi. Um...How much for this?"
"Eh...fifteen." He said, shrugging. Loki came over as I paid the man. He smirked at me when I slipped it on my middle finger.
"You're quite fond of the color green now aren't you?" He murmured. I smiled up at him and then thanked the man. We walked through the art store, comparing our taste in art. I preferred impressionists but Loki was more into gothic art. He was the first person I met to shrug at Van Gogh and Monet.
It was almost lunchtime when we got back to the truck. Loki took the ring from me while we drove back to the cabin. He turned it over and over, silently examining it. I pulled into the driveway and was about to get out when he grabbed me. I turned and looked at him. He slipped the ring back on my finger and I stared down at it. It was now blemish free, looking better than new.
"Go look up some place to have dinner tonight. Someplace nice." He murmured. He wouldn't look at me when he spoke. He got out and went inside. I followed, wondering briefly if our conversation about returning home was bothering him.