I have another chapter for you lovely people! I just want to say a huge thanks again for the amazing feedback on my last chapter and I really do hope you enjoy this one.
[M Rating as usual]
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I'd entered the designated 'comfort suite' this morning at the police station with my head held high, determined to remain as calm and therefore as focussed as possible when giving my statement to the police. By the time I left, I was a whirlpool of emotions, some entirely unidentifiable. My legs barely felt like my own when I walked out of the room as if I'd been sat for an eternity. How long was I in there for? It must have been well over an hour. It's only when I leave the suite and see Alan - who has waited for me the entire time that he tells me two hours have passed.
His statement is taken moments after mine. In the meantime I am taken to another room by the same officer who interviewed me – Officer Victoria Princeton. We sit on comfortable chairs a meter or so apart, angled towards each other.
"There are safe havens we can offer you, warm environments where women who have been through similar experiences can come together. Would that be something you are interested in?"
I guess my body language says more than my jumbled sentence from her words that follow.
"I understand that it may seem daunting at first, but there are plenty of women who benefit from these kind of groups. There is of course no pressure, but if it's something you'd like to do, you can take a look at these..."
She hands me three leaflets.
Tears form in my eyes quicker than I can blink, certain triggers, feelings or words in this case hit home as I read the leaflets in my lap, titled; 'Overcoming After Effects of Domestic Abuse,' 'Road to Recovery for victims of Domestic Violence,' and 'The Haven.'
I am tarnished; tarnished with a label, a victim of attempted rape, of physical and mental abuse. My vision is blurred by my sudden tears that prevent me from seeing the tissue officer Princeton hands me from a nearby box.
"I'm sorry," I sniffle.
"Nothing to be sorry for. Hold on to those - a little something to think about."
................
Alan respects my need to be alone with my thoughts, and for most of the journey home, all is quiet and it's much appreciated as I'm too emotionally drained to offer any form of conversation. We arrive home; Alan makes a late lunch and calls the theatre before consulting me to tell them he won't be able to make tonight's performance.
"You didn't have to do that for me."
"You've had a long day," he says, across the table. "I should imagine you don't want to stay home alone, and I wouldn't expect you to accompany me after today's ordeal, so you can relax. Stay home."
"You're too good to me."
"I'm doing what any decent human being would do."
............
Two nights on and I decide it's time to face reality again and head back to work – the theatre. Alan had respectfully asked to change dressing rooms purely because of my hesitation to walk back into the place Scott attacked me in. The thought of entering that room made my blood run cold. Ten minutes before show time and I'm doing the final checks on the costumes when Holly (redhead) approaches me with a half undone corset that she asks me to lace up. She isn't too bad, but I'm still a tad dubious about her flirtatious manner around Alan. Perhaps it's admiration, I don't know, but the consistent touching of her hair is so unnecessary. I enjoy yanking at her corset tails just thinking of it.
"Rebecca," she says turning her head to speak to me over her shoulder. "About the other night - I'm soo sorry, I had no idea when I Iet him in that he was your boyfriend. I'm shocked too."
A bolt hits me as sharp as the needle between my lips, which I almost choke on. What! I rise tall to my feet and yank the needle from my lips by the dangling thread.
"Boyfriend? EX boyfriend," I proclaim. "You were the one who let Scott backstage? How? How do you know him?"
I'd been doing so well thus far, but now my heart was hammering in my ribcage.
Holly tells me that she met Scott in a bar one night after a show and he introduced himself and paid for a round of drinks for her and her friends and then the two of them hit it off. She'd been questioned and given a statement to the police earlier today along with security.
A voice bellows over the screams in my mind. "Ten minutes until Showtime!" I somehow continue to lace, my mind as crisscrossed as the ribbon I'm looping.
"We slept together," Holly reveals, "it all happened so fast. We got to know each other, we've been dating for a few weeks... I had no idea he was linked to you until I saw them take him away in handcuffs. He was screaming your name...and now everything makes sense. The woman's things at his apartment, the..."
My breath catches in my chest just listening to her words, but they begin to fade spinning into a dark whirlpool. The air is non-existent, the need to take back control of my breathing is a struggle as every effort draws me closer to the ground, drained of energy.
"Rebecca...Rebecca are you ok?" Holly holds me to her side and amongst the backstage din I hear her call for someone and for Alan.
"Five minutes until Showtime!"
Holly remains with me and leads me to a chair where another cast member thrusts a cold glass of water into my hand.
"She's having a panic attack," Holly informs Alan who is quickly replaces her crouching at my side and presses a hand to my forehead calling after someone else for a damp cloth.
"It's ok darling, take a breath in through your nose, hold it...breath out..." His voice is instantly calming.
Alan squeezes my hand and watches me repeat his instruction until I slowly and gradually regain control over myself. All around me people are rushing; finishing touches are applied to makeup before cast members bustle through to take to the stage. What on hell must people think of me sat here like this. I daren't make eye contact with anyone but Alan, who gently helps me up and takes me further backstage into his dressing room so we can be alone.
As the last of the panic attack washes over me, I'm left feeling cold, my arms and fingers shot with tingles. Alan, who puts jacket round me, asks what happened. I explain the best I can - everything Holly had told me.
"C'mon," he says, grabbing our bags. "Let's go home. You can't stay here like this."
"But the play... They want you out there, and I'm needed backstage too."
"You can't stay here like this," he says ignoring me and gathering our things. "Clearly it was too much too soon. Here..." he holds open my coat to help me on with it.
"Alan, no, I didn't know this would happen. If I hadn't of found out what Holly just told me all would have been well. I'm trying my best." I begin to cry and immediately scold myself for being weak. Alan who sits by my side on the sofa, pulls me close.
"I know you're trying your best darling, but taking some time at home doesn't make you weak. If any bloody thing it makes you strong, being alone with your thoughts, but look at you..." he takes my hands. "You're still shaking. We're going home."
As much as I wish to continue as normal and to go back out there, my red eyes and exhausted body I was sure would be the topic for much gossip, and so we leave.
"I'm sorry," I whisper in bed that evening cuddled on my side to Alan's chest. "I thought tonight would be a step in the right direction. What Holly said, it frightened me. It feels like...like...he's haunting me. Every time I think he's gone, he pops up somewhere."
Alan kisses the top of my head.
"He can only get to you mentally if you allow it. Physically, he's never going to touch you again, I'll make sure of that."
Being the considerate man Alan is to all I've endured, where usually he'd run his hands over my body at night, he'd held back respectfully. The past few nights, all I'd wanted was to wrap myself into a ball next to him. I had no desire to be touched, for every time I closed my eyes, I pictured Scott ripping off my underwear, pinning me down with his knees and worse – what he may have done if security hadn't of burst in. I was riddled with anxiety, particularly at night and a few times I'd woken up sweating reliving the moment. Last night my nightmare took me back to the house, which Scott threatened to burn down after destroying my things. Alan sat with me until the early hours until we both fell asleep on the sofa under a blanket. We wake in the morning and I feel I owe him the world. My constant apologies he exchanges with words of wisdom that give me strength for each day that passes. It's been a week now. I'm yet to hear from the police with the decision to take the investigation to court, but Alan assures me to give it time.
It's the beginning of February. Today marks my first successful day at work since giving my statement and the police have interviewed all witnesses including Isabelle who I spent two hours on the phone to this evening airing my thoughts and feelings. Alan and I have perhaps the most relaxing evening yet. Maybe it was talking to a close friend, perhaps it's the way he's been my rock through this whole experience, but my mood was finally relaxed enough to want more than cuddles on the sofa.
Alan and I relax in bed, myself tucked under his bare arm peeking down at the book he is reading, then back up to gaze at his wonderful side profile that I love so much. I'm overcome with immense love, a feeling bubbling inside I cannot ignore and my hand runs over his warm chest, up to his face, angling to kiss him.
We haven't had sex in a week, or kissed quite like this, slow but deeply. I initiate, letting him know it's ok to go there, and push down my little black knickers. He assists by taking them off my ankles, then brings me on top of him on all fours, laying me to his naked torso. I exhale at the warmth of his chest beneath me, his large hands that smooth over the curve of my back to the top of my backside, and up again right to my shoulders. A quiet sigh leaves my lips. I don't know if I want him to sooth me to sleep this way or have him deep in my centre, but it's everything I need to relax. For the first time in a week – feeling like longer - I'm able to close my eyes and purely focus on the sensation of Alan's touch. His growing excitement beneath me against my lower stomach is difficult to ignore, twitching every time I moan gently.
"I love you," I whisper.
"I love you too, darling."
My hand slips down in-between our warm bodies, beneath the sheets.
"Play with me," I utter rubbing the material hugging the length of his loose hard cock.
In the ambience of the lamp-light I'm able to see that delicious frown in his brow and it's all the ammunition I need before my hand slips inside to stroke him. In turn, his adept fingers sooth my aching throb and toy between my legs. As our tongues caress, our intimate areas secrete the built up lubrication from a week without sex. We barely last a minute before the two of us toss the remainder of our clothes off and Alan pulls me back on top. The sublime feeling of his girth parting my walls causes a shaken moan of utter submission vibrating over my pink lips that hang idle and now, after a week without, I want him all at once, pulling his hand back towards my clit until he complies with a sensual rub.
No longer able to hold myself up, I lay on top of him as if completely immobile, head to his chest, eyes closed focussed on the slip of his cock deep in my centre, his hips that grind so fluidly beneath me yet never rise from the bed love me deeply. Slow and easy, I can feel every inch creating a glorious friction inside. His soothing hand brushes back my hair, smoothing it's way down my back towards my bare backside where he rests it assisting my slow yet deeply needy grind on his cock.
My need to be close to Alan's chest keeps me there, eyes closed against his neck, intoxicated by his scent, by the vibration of the moans in his throat as I meet his grind with my own. Those strong arms of his wrap around me, encasing me to him. Somehow this man knows everything I need, he doesn't sit me up, he doesn't change position, he knows as if by telepathy that all I need is to be held tightly, to feel that glorious release that he builds me to steadily, passionately until I'm moaning sweet nothings against his neck feeling the heat intensify in my centre. He brushes back my hair, clutching some of it as his thighs tense beneath me. He's as close as I am, but not close enough. Within seconds I'm convulsing over his depth, gasping in pleasure, a pulsating orgasm rippling through me releasing a built up tangle of emotions that have been consuming me all week.
It's only then that I look up, smothering Alan's open lips with kisses, eyeing his knotted brows as I look into his eyes and grant him a well-earned deep grind on his cock to grant his release.
My love for him is overpowering, as if my heart could burst in beams of light.
"I love you," I pant, absorbing every detail in his face. "I love you so much."
He pushes my hair aside that curtains around us, burying his fingers tensely into my roots.
A moan cracks in his throat, face twisting in pleasure, "Ugh Rebecca...!"
"Ughh come...fill me up...!" With a final grind on his cock that feels like it's practically in my rib cage, I moan as much as he, taking every spurt of his warm release in my depths. If the neighbours could hear, it would be more than obvious the two of us hadn't had sex in a while. Our come down is bathed in kisses and gentle caresses, as I collapse once more to his rising and falling chest.
"I love you too my darling," he sighs, sweeping across my hair.
.........
There was something empowering waking up this morning to our usual sex, not in bed but in the shower – no evasive thoughts to dominate me, no hesitation. This is the man I love, the man I feel I owe everything to. Where would I be if it weren't for him?
I run my palms down his wet torso, drinking in his every detail. "I'm a little bit in love with you, Mr Rickman, do you know that?"
"Just a little?" he teases in his deep sexy tone, quiet, yet still seems to vibrate off the shower walls.
"Tiny bit."
He kisses away my smirk as our naked bodies wrap around each other. He suggests I do something for me today.
"I was thinking of working on my script, but it's just...not coming to me right now."
"It will in time."
Though I'm still waiting on the important phone call from the police, Alan encourages me to spend Saturday doing something for myself. "Why don't you have a day with that friend of yours. You seemed to be in good spirits when the two of you got off the phone the other day. You haven't seen her in a while."
"I guess I should get out."
Alan flicks his brows in agreement. "And I'm not going to let you put your life on hold for him. You're stronger than you think. Why should you let him dull that sparkle hmm?"
A small smile melts over my face, clearly infectious as Alan smiles back. "Now that's the face I want to see."
Wanting to thank him, I'm unable to find the words, but something lies on the tip of my tongue I cannot hold back.
"I can't imagine my life without you, Alan."
He places a kiss to my forehead and smooths back my wet hair with two hands.
"You don't have to, darling. I'm not going anywhere."
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What a man <3 Another update coming sooooon!