Chapter 11
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"Can I have this dance, mi amor?"
The corners of my lips curl upwards as I see Ace, offering me to be his partner for the dance. "Got no one to dance with, huh?" I jive, accepting his offer.
He touches his chest where his heart lies, his mouth forming an 'o'. "You didn't have to rub salt on my wound, mi amor."
He leads me back inside to another spacious hall. This hotel is so big I can get lost in no time. I'm not that good in terms of directions, much less roaming around such huge building. Having a memory of a goldfish, I sure have it hard.
I spot the newly engaged lovebirds as they slow dance at the center, other couples surrounding them. I can feel the everlasting love emanating from each couple, specifically from Wyatt and his soon to be wife. As they dance to every beat, the sparks in their eyes never leave. I only realized now how good they look together. It's like they're meant to be.
I wonder who's the person meant for me.
"Why do all these guests have to be oldies? There's no one to flirt with," he talks to himself as we situate ourselves in.
As I stand in front of him, he pulls my hand close to his face and says, "Good thing you're here, aye?" before giving it a peck.
I raise my eyebrow as I shot him a look as a joke. I place my left hand on his shoulder while my other hand continues to hold his. At the same time, his free hand makes his way to my waist as we start to dance with the music.
I follow his lead as we sway our bodies in rhythm. Dancing with Ace is the least expected thing I enjoy to do. It just never crossed my mind, especially Ace doesn't look like the person you'll slow dance with. He's full of jokes and humor; one rarely sees him serious in anything he does. But for once, his flirty smirk is gone, with only a sincere smile plastered on his lips. A very contagious one at that. He'll throw teases and mock my dancing with jest once in a while. Though, that's the end of it.
When I say Ace is the most wholesome person I've ever met, I meant this. I never knew I needed something so genuine like this in my life. Fun and relaxing-the two words that describe this experience of mine.
But the moment I catch sight of the one I love dancing with someone like there's no tomorrow, these feelings seem to stop flowing in me. I hold my gaze to Lev and Amy, swaying around in circles as they laugh about something. I hate to admit, they look like lovers than friends in my perspective, even if that's far from happening.
They don't talk frequently like we do.
They don't even hang out often as we do.
Then why does Lev look happier with Amy than he is with me? Than he is with any other girls he's been with?
Lev being single is impossible. There's countless of girls chasing after him and numerous ladies he's after. I didn't think this way back then as most of his relationships are short-lived. Most of which ended because having me as his closest friend hinders their bond. But this time, it's different. It's Amy he's with.
I just want to throw my eyes out and believe that what I saw and how I perceived it is just a product of my overthinking mind.
Jealousy is a disease you don't want to catch, Val. Stop assuming something you're not even sure of.
I tear my attention off of them and back to Ace, who is now wearing a worried look.
"You've been staring for quite some time. Are you okay?" he asks, fixing his eyes on mine as he waits for answers.
"Yeah, I'm good. Just spacing out like the usual," I laugh, brushing the topic off. He doesn't question me anymore and leaves my response as it is. Though, I'm sure he's not satisfied with it.
As the music is near to its end, we pull ourselves away. "It was fun dancing with you, mi amor," Ace comments at the same time the song finishes. The hall is later filled with a discourse of each people present inside.
"Same goes for me. Never knew you had that in you," I reply, nudging the side of his arm.
"Oh come on, mi amor." He opens his arms and continues, "Everyone knows I'm good at everything."
I snort. "Yeah, besides cooking."
He gasps. "I told you I've improved! You're just stubborn to try out my new dish." He crosses his arms and lets out a tiny 'hmph'.
"Tell that to me when your 'dish' is edible."
The emcee of the party chimes in after the slow dance. As the dinner is announced, a bunch of 'yey's are heard inside the hall. A smile creeps its way to my lips as I notice that most people here are just as hungry as I am.
But sadly, I'm not in the mood for that. I lost my energy to eat because of what I saw before. No matter how much I shake it off, it will continue to linger unless I get an assurance.
I hate feeling like this.
I turn my back and head the opposite way of the dining area as instructed by the emcee. I need to be alone.
I don't want to continue my night with these thoughts existing in my mind. I don't want it to be ruined by something that doesn't even have proof of being true.
Ace calls me out and grabs my wrist, my steps halting. "That's not the way, mi amor. Where are you going?"
"Uhm-bathroom?" I say, supposedly as a statement but came out as a question.
"That's not the way either." He lets go of my wrist and walks beside me. "Come on. Let me show you the way."
As we reach the door that has a figure of a girl carved on it, I give him a tiny 'thanks' before entering.
The room is unexpectedly empty given the fact that there's a party going on. I take this chance to have a one-on-one talk with myself in the mirror.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror. For some people, I sure look normal. Probably in their eyes, I appear to be the elegant, silent, and calm girl. But little did they know, my head is twisted in a knot.
"You're going to be fine," I repeatedly mumble while I fix my appearance. I straighten the back of my hair as some of the strands have been sticking out. I talk to my reflection, "They're just friends, Val. Friends that get along. There's nothing wrong with it."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. But my mind likes to be uncooperative for it replays that scene again. I quickly exhale and flick my eyes open.
I heave out a sigh before giving myself a last look. I lift my hands and strike both of my cheeks with my palms.
Get yourself together, Val. You must not let jealousy win over you.
Having that as my final thoughts, I march my way outside. My mind is less jumbled than before; I feel like myself again. I feel like I can survive this troublesome night.
*****
"You're acting weird. Is anything wrong?" That's the second time someone asked me that question. I think my mask is not working the way it used to. The oblivious Lev can now see through me.
The party ended a few hours ago and Lev's driving the two of us home. Staying alone inside an enclosed place with the source of my uneasiness is slightly killing me, even if we're already meters away from the penthouse. Indeed, there's something wrong, but of course, I won't tell him that.
So, I just play dumb. "What do you mean by that?"
He shrugs. "I don't know. You're quiet, I guess?"
"I'm always quiet," I reply, shrugging back.
"Yeah, but not with us. Not with me. Ever since you got in the car, your eyes are glued outside." He stops the car, and by then, I just notice that we're here. "You're not...avoiding me or something, right?" he speculates.
I rotate my head towards him and lock eyes with his. His slicked-back hair earlier is now disheveled, his usual middle part style showing. Perchance, it was his mannerism's doing as he likes to finger comb it. I can imagine the expression on his face when he accidentally undoes his hair, a common occurrence whenever he styles it.
A chuckle comes out of my mouth. "Lev, you worry too much. I was just uncomfortable being surrounded by unfamiliar people." I place my hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "I'm perfectly fine," I reassure him.
I step out of the car at the same time he does. Our little sally up to the penthouse is surprisingly silent. He doesn't begin any conversation. Maybe he's tired because of the party? It's already ten in the evening so I assume that's why.
We enter the house, this silence still existent between us. Not until he musters up his voice and calls me.
"Hey, V?"
I turn my body around and face him.
"Yeah?"
"Can you stay still for me? Like, please don't move," he requests. I'm not sure what he's up to, but nevertheless, I oblige.
I watch him rush to his room. Seconds later, I see him, carrying his speaker. Still confused, I let him do his thing as I wait for his explanation.
He fiddles with his phone and after a while, I hear a song that disrupts the quiet atmosphere of the room. The same song that was played at the party.
When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
While the song-The Only Exception by Paramore-is being played in the background, Lev steps near to me. He bits his lower lip, clearly hesitant to say what he wants to say.
"So you know the slow dance earlier, yeah?" he starts to speak. "I know it's late but-" He brings his hand forward and continues, "-can I have this dance, V?"
With that single offer, all my thoughts from earlier are washed away. Everything's replaced with joy. It's literally the only thing I feel right now.
I gladly take his hand. I expect him to hold it like the usual stance one makes when slow dancing. Though, Lev has something better in mind.
Instead, he grabs both of my hands and put it around his neck. He then slides his hands on the sides of my waist, his touch sending me shivers in my spine. I sense his other hand trails up my back while we start to sway in beat. As his fingertips collide against my bare skin, once again, I feel this unexplainable sensation. Each contact is electrifying. It makes me yearn for more.
"You could've asked me earlier," I mutter as the song reaches its first chorus. I avoid his eyes, especially when our bodies are close to touching.
"Actually, you were my first pick. It just so happens Ace took you first."
Hearing him say I was the one whom he wanted to dance with makes my stomach flip. Somehow, I can't control myself from smiling.
Silence prevails until he calls me again. "Hey, V?" I raise my brows as I look at him, my eyes fixated on his. He leans down to my ear and whispers sweet words of affection.
"God, you look ethereal tonight."
Just when I thought the night will end without Lev complimenting me. I only asked for bread and he gave me a whole meal. Dang.
Those words are the final push; I'm at my limit as I feel my knees weaken. Our stance turns into a hug when I nestle my head at the side of his neck. He seemed startled at first but later returns the hug, arms wrapping around my waist.
We stay like that, inside this dim-lit room, where only the moon and the city lights illuminate it. I don't know if he could feel my heart racing, but I really don't mind. I don't care about anything but this moment.
Everything seems perfect. His warmth is enough to make me feel like home.
He is my home.
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
Just as the song states, I'm used to keeping this barrier between us. I always distance myself when I feel his clingy actions are too much for me. Though right now, I'm having second thoughts. I've always been the best friend.
But do friends act this way to one another?
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Girls after girls, I was fine with it. I really am. Yes, I did imagine myself being one of them, but at the same time, I didn't want to be. I was contented with our friendship because I didn't want to lose it.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
But oh Lev, you are the only exception.
Right now, it got me thinking. Maybe you're worth the risk after all. Maybe confessing will be the right thing to do. I've spent years building walls between my heart and my mind. I let myself trapped in the other side full of logic and rationality. But now, I don't think so. Cause for once, I'm going to break these walls. For once, I'll stop my mind from ruling me and let my heart takeover.
Because maybe. Just maybe.The possibility of an 'us' might actually be a reality.
As the song ends, he plants a soft kiss on my forehead before exchanging goodnights. Neither of us questions anything about what just happened. It's as if talking about it would jinx the magical moment we had there.
I go back to my room and shut the doors close. The first thing that comes into my mind is to write in my diary. It's been days since I last made an entry and this is the perfect topic to write about.
Without bothering to change my clothes, I walk to my drawer, only to be met by something unexpected.
No no no no.
Gosh no.
I search for possible areas where I could've put it but tough luck, there's none.
My diary is gone.
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