B R E N
Most mornings, my eyes opened far before Madie's did. But after that first day when she was spooked by my absence, I always stayed in bed until she blinked awake and saw me there.
Madie slept on the side with the ocean view. And I slept as far toward the other edge of the bed as I could. Those few minutes when I woke before her every morning were probably my favorite part of each day. The sea and the sand made the perfect backdrop for Madie's sleeping form. And if she took more than a few sweet moments to wake, I'd force myself to roll over and stare at the wall. The wall didn't urge on my morning wood, after all.
But today I woke up in the middle of the bed with Madie lying on my bare chest. Her hair was everywhere, tickling my chin, my nose. She was wearing my shirt again, and I couldn't decide if that was more disastrous for me than her being naked.
Because I knew she was bare under the shirt. And now I knew what that looked like.
I crossed the line last night. And it felt so damn good that I never wanted to go back to staring at the wall on the other side of the bed every morning. I wanted to be here, with her on top of me, every day. But I knew it wasn't that simple.
When she finally lifted her head, I smiled at her sleepy face. Her eyes squinted up at me, a layer of haziness over blue irises.
"Hey," I murmured, tucking my chin to see her better.
She propped herself on my chest. After blinking a few times, she rubbed her eyes and tilted her head, gazing my way. She didn't say anything for a while, but when she finally did, her voice was a little hoarse. "Why did you tell me I couldn't turn around last night?"
I took a deep breath and let it out, watching her head move on my chest. "Because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from kissing you." I brushed a hair out of her face and decided there was no point beating around the bush anymore. "Among other things."
The light in Madie's eyes flared at my words, and I tried to ignore it. Then she frowned. "Why is that bad, Bren?"
I closed my lids, pinching them tight for a moment. "Are you ready to talk about this right now?"
It wasn't possible for me to go half-way with Madie. I wanted every part of her, not just one kiss or one night in bed. And I wasn't sure she was ready to give that to me. Being her escape from Quinton and Oakland wouldn't be good enough. She might be afraid that I'd run away from her, but she forgot that nearly everyone in my life had left me at some point, too. I needed to protect both of us from pain.
Her face scrunched up. Usually I would think it was adorable, but I knew what was coming from that expression. "What do you mean?"
I sighed. "How are you, Madie?"
"How am I?" She asked, lifting her head from my chest. Immediately, I felt her absence. "Confused. That's how I am."
Her reaction didn't surprise me. I knew she wasn't ready to have this conversation. But it had already started, so I continued. "How are you doing with everything that's happened to you? You haven't talked to me about it at all."
"Because there's nothing to talk about." Madie jerked up and sat at the end of the bed. Then her hand flew to her head, rubbing at her hairline.
I frowned, sitting up, too. "But are you okay? I just want to make sure you're okay and you've had time to think before our relationship...goes down any kind of road that we can't turn back from."
"Bren, we're already halfway down the road. Don't you think?"
"You didn't answer my question."
She dropped her hand, her face brightening. But it seemed forced. I knew what Madie looked like when she was unrestrained and vibrant; this wasn't it.
Madie cleared her throat. "I'm fine." She glanced about the room, and I wondered what she was looking for. Finally, her eyes met mine again. "In fact, I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."
"Out." I repeated the word, drawing it out unnecessarily. The idea of leaving our little safe haven did not sit well with me.
"Yes, out!" she exclaimed, jumping off the bed. I saw a flash of her bare ass, my shirt lifting as she stood.
I leaned back against the headboard and checked to make sure the comforter covered the tent forming in my shorts. "Where do you wanna go?"
Madie bounced toward the bathroom and slipped out of sight even though she left the door open. She called out to me. "I don't know. Somewhere that has music. And maybe dancing?"
At the word dancing, I had the urge to slide completely under the covers and never come out. But regardless of my personal feelings on the matter, loud music and dancing didn't seem like activities that would be good for someone recovering from brain surgery.
"Do you really think that's a good idea, Madie?" I tried to keep my voice light, but I doubt I was successful.
The sound of running water interrupted our conversation, and I thought maybe it was over. But then Madie popped her head around the corner of the door frame. "Of course I think it's a good idea. Otherwise, I wouldn't have suggested it."
I tried not to roll my eyes. I didn't know what the expression on my face was saying, but Madie started to plead with me, hanging onto the whitewashed wooden trim. "Come on, Bren. We're in Malibu. There must be somewhere we can go to get out of this place for a little bit."
My frown deepened. I hadn't realized that she was itching to escape that badly. I thought we were on the same page, thinking we'd found our own little paradise here on the beach. But I didn't say anything about that. "Okay. We can look for someplace."
She smiled, and I thought that maybe everything would be okay as long as I could see that grin. But then she disappeared again, back into the bathroom, toward the running water. My shirt got thrown out into the bedroom, hitting the soft carpet. I stared at it, trying not to think about what that meant—trying not to think about the fact that Madie was naked, in the shower, wet, with the door open.
And for some reason, she continued to chat with me like this was the most normal conversation in the world. "It'll give me a reason to get a new outfit. We've only been here a week, and I've already worn all of my clothes. I was thinking I should get a few more things."
Her voice pulled me out of bed, and I walked to the open door, hovering there. "I can take you shopping after breakfast."
The pattern of the water changed, hitting the tiled floor with unsyncopated splashes, telling me she was under it, washing her hair or her body, or god knows what. All I knew was that she was touching things I wanted to touch, and thinking about that was a fucking tease. "It's okay," she yelled over the rushing water. "You don't have to take me, Bren. I could get an Uber if you don't want me to use your car."
I leaned against the door frame, desperately wanting to round the edge of it. "It doesn't have anything to do with the car. I want to go with you."
Madie sighed—loudly. It was a heavenly sound that reminded me of all the noises she'd made last night, including the ones that had started and ended with my name. "You're sweet, Bren. But really, it's okay. It will be good for me to do something on my own."
I backed away from the door, throwing my hands up in defeat. No matter the perspective, I wasn't winning right now. To keep my sanity, I went downstairs, plopping down on the couch instead.
It wasn't long before Madie flitted into the entryway and out the door, saying she'd be back in a bit. I asked once more if I could come, and she turned me down.
I didn't think the morning would start off like this, not after such an amazing night. But it seemed like Madie didn't want to just get out of the house; she also wanted to get away from me.
I was grumpy and worried as hell the entire time she was gone. My fears were irrational. It wasn't like Quinton would find her in LA, and I knew nothing would happen to her in a department store. But knowing something was irrational had never helped to calm the mind, and I couldn't help but count the minutes as they passed.
When Madie returned, she had a smile and a couple of small bags in tow. Promptly announcing the need to lie down, Madie ascended the stairs, leaving me to wait another hour or two while she napped. But after spending most of the day without her, I eventually grew impatient and found myself climbing up to the bedroom.
I peeked inside to see Madie sprawled out in the middle of the giant mattress. She was wearing my shirt again.
I smiled and went back downstairs, satisfied.
While I waited, I found a place to check out tonight. It wasn't too far from the house, and it had good online reviews. Considering the neighborhood, that also meant it was over-priced and likely more than I could afford. Thank god for Beau and his generosity lining my pockets.
Amazingly, the black pants I found after digging in my suitcase didn't have holes in them, and neither did my grey sweater—the only one I owned without a hood. After throwing them on, I waited at the bottom of the stairs for Madie, leaning against the couch, trying to be casual.
Nerves tingled in my stomach as I told myself this wasn't a date. No matter how much it felt like a date, it wasn't. It wasn't a date.
But then Madie's appeared on the landing between floors, and my mouth ran dry. And god, I wanted it to be a date. Her little black dress was simple, fitting tightly and then flaring a bit over her hips. But the simplicity of the outfit made everything else stand out—that strawberry hair and those peach lips and ocean eyes. That skin, all of it.
"You look...." I honestly couldn't finish the sentence. There were no words to describe it. Describe her.
Thankfully Madie didn't seem bothered by my inability to speak. With a grin, she finished walking down the stairs, meeting me at the bottom. "I just wanted to wear something besides sweats and swimsuits. It's been so long since I've felt...I don't know. Nice, I guess."
Guilt crept up the back of my neck for being annoyed that she went shopping. She'd probably been wearing Quiton's hoodies for the past four years. No wonder she didn't have a lot of clothes and wanted to buy something new.
Madie seized my hand, tugging me to the front door. She was an eager girl tonight.
I trailed along after her. "You look more than just nice, you know."
Madie peeked over her shoulder. Long lashes framed the one eye that sparkled at me. "Do I?"
Running my hand through my hair, I nodded. "But I've always thought you were beautiful. I'm glad that tonight you feel it."
Striding outside to see the California sunset, Madie took the opportunity to spin in a little circle in the driveway. "I do. Thank you."
I couldn't contain the smile that overpowered any of my earlier surliness. "Good girl. That's what really matters."
As we slid into my car, Madie tucked her dress around her, ensuring it wouldn't fly up in the wind. Then she peered over at me. "Will you dance with me tonight?"
I groaned. "I don't dance, Madie."
"I didn't ask if you danced, Bren." Her smile lit up, just like her eyes had. "I asked if you'd dance with me."
I swore under my breath as I put the key into the ignition. Then I swore again when I looked at her and said, "Fuck, you know I will."
🖤
I mean, this is definitely a date.
Even if they don't realize it!
What's going on in Madie's head?
We'll find out next!
xoxo