A/N: Of course I had to start with the ship that was completely robbed of its potential. I'm apologizing in advance if my Charlie dialogue is bad, I haven't been to the UK in seven years and even then it was just a few weeks so most of my slang or whatever is from tv. I also thought it'd be nice to throw some Persian in because Zari uses it a bit in season 5 but I want to apologize if the translation is wrong.
Inspiration: Anna Cartullo and Samantha Kingston's encounter in the novel "Before I Fall" by Lauren Oliver
(Obviously, I altered the plot a lot but I still want to give credit)
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10,000 word AU: Zari hybrid that's a bit of 1.0 and a bit of 2.0 is skipping class and bumps into an extremely flirty Charlie
*MATURE LANGUAGE WARNING*
*DRUG USE WARNING*
*ALMOST SMUT BUT NOT QUITE*
Zari's POV
I love Behrad, I really do, but going to school with your twin is not as fun as "Liv and Maddie" makes it seem. He's always picking on me in history, just to get a couple of laughs out of some popular high school idiots who won't mean anything to anyone in a few years. Normally, I'd just sit back and take it as a part of my calm cool and collected attitude but today I just can't deal with his childishness; that's saying a lot considering I've been tolerating it for all of my life aside from the 16 seconds I was out of my mother before him.
Instead of taking the left to the hallway that houses all of the history classes and could use some fresh bulbs in the light fixtures, I go down stairs.
I hit the bottom step just as the bell rings and make my way over to the only teacher who will let me skip in his class when I need to get away: Mr. Stein. He teaches advanced math and is every student's favorite teacher, even the ones who don't have him, because he hands out life advice like a kindergarten teacher hands out gold star stickers. Mr. Stein isn't too popular among the faculty for that very same reason, I pin it as jealousy but they would deny it if I said that out loud.
I hear an all too familiar set of heels clacking of high heels against the floor and a jingle of a bunch of keys. What sets the warning for me is the booming voice that fills the next hall over that I was about to take. "You two! Get to my office! Now!"
Principal Sharpe. She runs this place like a prison where she believes she has every single inmates respect and admiration when really she just makes it all the easier to love her co-captain Vice Principal Lance. She's the chill laid back one- behind Sharpie's back of course- that is a better counselor than out actual counselors. I swear the two of them are screwing or something because one time I was going to talk to VP Lance and heard hushed, sweet nothings being tossed around between them. Ew.
I make a u-turn and decide the head old bathroom at the far end of the science wing is my best option until the school's dictator clears out. People barely come into this one because a newer bathroom- that's vents work and toilets don't clog 24/7- was installed between the labs.
As I speed walk away, I feel the impending danger lessen as the barking at students and hell fire beep of walkie talkies drops away, until they sound like the white noise of the ocean from far away. I'm not a very anxious person but I've been sent to the office way too many times for my liking this year and it was supposed to be the year I turned my act around. I even put myself in all AP classes because I know I can do it easily.
The science wing is empty, as expected, and smells, as always, like chemical cleaners and sulfur. Today there's something else, though: the smell of smoke and something earthier and more pungent. I push against the bathroom door and for a second nothing happens which is weird for a door that has the word "push" on it. I push harder and there's a grating sound; I jam my shoulder against the door because I hear the familiar clacking of heels against the ground that I just escaped coming toward me.
It finally swings open, carrying me inside with it. Instantly I hit my knee on the chair that has been propped against the doorknob and pain shoots up my leg. I don't have time to acknowledge it because I have to get off of the dirty floor and re-barricade the door so Sharpie doesn't bust me. The smell that was outside is much stronger in here and I cough a few times because my lungs didn't adjust properly.
I put my bag onto the chair then lean over and clutch my knee. "Shit." I wince, now feeling the pain that will no doubt leave a bruise.
"Oi! What the hell?" The heavily accented voice makes me jump.
I didn't realize there was anyone else in here, I probably should have because someone had to have put the chair there. I look up to see the infamous Charlie Clotho Jiwe leaning against the sink, holding a cigarette.
She has on her typical layered dark clothing and jeans with too many holes to count and a safety pin through the fly where they're missing a button. Paired with the edgy outfit is a pair of enormous wedge round-toe boots that kind of look like Doc Martinis on crack. She is basically what every e-boy wants to be minus the tacky cross earring, lock necklace and black nails; plus she's not white so the dark colors don't wash out her skin.
"Jesus," I say. "You scared me."
"I scared you?" She pushes her butt off of the sink and taps her ashes in the sink. "You nearly gave me a bloody heart attack busting in here, how you did. Don't you knock?" She says it like I've just broken into her house.
I get immediately annoyed. I left my vexing brother who gets a kick out of bothering me to come to a, equally as vexing, Brit who thinks she owns this 12x12 pace on campus.
"Sorry I ruined your party." I make a halfhearted move for the door.
"Hold up." She holds up a hand and I think I see nervousness in her eyes. "You're not going to tell, are you, babe?"
First, the territoriality over a school bathroom, now, being called babe by the horniest raging lesbian in our grade. I get owning your sexuality, and if I could I totally would too, but not everything in life it "heteronormative hell" like her little catchphrase or whatever suggests.
"Tell what?"
"About this." She inhales and blows a cloud of smoke.
The cigarette she's smoking is extra thin and it looks like she rolled it herself. Then it hits me: it's a joint. She must have mixed her weed with the tobacco because I didn't recognize the smell immediately, and I have a brother with a stoner bracelet and his own edibles he calls "Behrad Brownies". I think it's really lucky my parents never go into his cave of a room because they'd think he was dealing pot out of his closet where his stash is that I occasionally borrow without asking from.
"So what? You just come in here and smoke your lunch." Charlie, or Clotho as she goes by, is a junior and all seniors and juniors have 4th period lunch where sophomores, like myself, and fishie freshmen have it 5th.
I didn't say what I said to be mean, but I can see how it could be taken that way. Her eyes hit the floor in what seems like shame while she inhales another puff of smoke. I notice an empty sandwich bag and half eaten bag of chips on the sink behind her. Clotho's popular because she's bad and no one really likes her unless it's at a party, but it never would've occurred to me that she'd have nobody to sit and eat lunch with.
I see her, see me, see her lunch. "I enjoy the décor." She stubs out her joint and crosses her arms. "What're you even doing here? People say this bathroom is where that dangerous lesbo comes to do bad things." She says sarcastically because she is said dangerous lesbo doing a bad thing.
I have no interest in sharing my life troubles with her, so I have no moral obligation to tell her the truth. "I had to pee." Bad lie because I have made zero effort to use the toilet nor do I plan to if she were to believe me.
Clotho squints at me and somewhat of a smirk forms. "Babe, everyone knows that this bog is for hiding, not using."
"Right." I mutter to myself.
I can't leave because I can't be sure Sharpie is gone until she's done her 10 minute tardy sweep of the school. So, I guess I'm stuck here with her. Her accent does make this whole thing better and if we were more familiar I'd ask her to just never stop talking and say words that she'd probably pronounce funny like "aluminum" and "schedule".
We stand there in awkward silence while more or less avoiding eye contact. I haven't exchanged many words with Clotho Jiwe that I remember because I was higher than heaven every time, and even then it was always a three way conversation with Behrad. He has to be the only person I've seen her have a civil, sober conversation with and enough of them for her to come over to our house a few weekends in a row to trash the family room with snacks and soda cans time to time while playing video games.
After having enough of the awkward tension between us I think, Screw it, and sit on the sink next to her. I'm now close enough to notice her eyes are less focused than they should be and her whole body is relaxed. Definitely stoned. She follows my lead by sitting on the sink, to where she's facing me, leans her head against the mirror and slouches.
She nods at my knee. "That'll probably swell."
"Yeah, it's the weirdest thing, someone stuck a chair right under the door knob." I gesture my head to the door I fought to get in and she giggles.
It's hard to not fixate on the fact that we're hanging out in a school bathroom the size of a prison cell when I should be in class and she should be in the cafeteria. Now that I know she's high and right now my options for socializing are slim, I might as well have some small talk with her to pass the time.
I relax along with her. "You used to come over a lot... what happened to that?" I ask her.
She smirks mischievously. "Why? D'you miss me? Say the word and I can drive us there now." There it is: the flirting I was so hoping wouldn't ruin this encounter.
I roll my eyes. "This is, probably, why you're not around anymore." I put my hands on the edge of the sink so I can get off.
She puts her arm in front of me. "Sorry, babe." It sounds genuine, she could just be a really good liar but I feel inclined to stay.
I sit back on the sink balancing myself on the edges so I'm not in the curve of it like Clotho is, though I doubt she minds. She plays with her thumbs not in an awkward way, in a way like she has nothing else to do and needs a distraction.
"Soooo," I draw her attention from her hands which she stops fiddling with. "We have one thing in common- Behrad- seems like the best topic to me unless you have something you're dying to share with me." I leave her space to answer but I know she's not going to. "Thought so. Why don't you come by anymore? I kinda miss helping you and him frantically clean up and spray Febreze before my parents got home." I chuckle and she does as well.
"Oh, I loved going over! Eatin' crisps," Chips. "Gettin' sloshed," Getting drunk, maybe stoned, I can never remember. "Losing the pot here and again," Going crazy. "Then going swimming. It was awesome! Sadly, I am no longer a welcomed guest in your home."
That doesn't seem likely, she was always so polite to my parents, there's no way they asked her not to come around anymore. "My parents never said anything about not liking you and if they didn't they'd have voiced their opinions, trust m-"
She cuts me off. "It wasn't your parents." There's a touch of sadness in her voice.
"You and Behrad were best friends, even better friends than he and Nate and Ray are." She just nods with pursed lips when it's obvious I was looking for an answer. "This is the part of the story where you tell me what happened and I make it all better." I lean in and whisper to her like we're on stage and she forgot her line.
"You really want to know?" Her saying that only makes me more interested.
"Either this, sit in silence or go out and risk being caught by Sharpie."
I see her weighing her options. "I'd rather risk your capture." She says and hops off of the sink.
Rather risk a fellow classmate, who didn't avoid speaking to her because of her reputation, than tell me what happened? Now I absolutely have to know what happened.
I'm not one to manipulate but I have a few more minutes to waste and the quiet game got old in elementary school. "Clotho,"
She's really close to the mirror and is staring at her eyes. "We're on a first name basis, babe, you can call my Charlie." This "babe" stuff would make me really mad but that damn accent, it's just everything she says sounds so- so right.
"I feel so special." I say sarcastically. "If I go out there and get caught smelling like your special flower they'll check the cameras, you do realize that, Charlie."
She tenses and I think she's going to snap at me, or come up with some other excuse to not tell me but she furrowed her eyebrows and smiles. "You're cheeky. I quite like you." She looks back into the mirror to examine her eyes for whatever reason. "But then that's the problem, isn't it?"
I give her a confused look that she obviously doesn't see because of how close her face is to her reflection. "You lost me."
Charlie looks back to me. "You really don't get it?" As if I was supposed to understand. She puts her hand on the sink and leans against it. "I fancy you and that's why Behrad and I aren't mates anymore." I try to act as casual as she is but I don't have any drugs in my system to help like she does. "That's only half of it. The other is that I rejected him hard when he tried to kiss me."
I can't hold in my surprise anymore, my jaw drops. Behrad and I don't keep anything from each other, especially not a crush. Reason being because in the 2nd he told me he liked Iris West and then I said I liked her too. We tell eachother everything to keep life from getting confusing.
"But- but," Don't mention how she likes you, Zari, be cool. "Haven't you been out as a lesbian since 9th grade, he should've known you'd reject you, so he had no right to-"
"Correction," She raises her pointer finger. "I was outed as a lesbian by Tommy and Oliver in a round of spin the bottle when I wasn't opposed to kissing a girl," Those two are such snobby, entitled, rich boy assholes. "I'm actually pan, not that anyone other than B bothered to ask."
I'm pretty sure that's when you're attracted to anyone, their sex and gender don't matter, but I'm not going to let myself look dumb enough to ask her for confirmation. So now my only question is- how could she like me? We haven't talked in a few weeks since she was at my house and when we did it wasn't any in depth topics that she could get information from me that could spark an attraction.
"And Behrad thought that if he couldn't have you then neither could I?" If this is true, that's the most selfish thing he's ever done by far, to his own twin sister, too.
Charlie bites the corner of her lip as her smile perks. "Is that you making a move? 'Cause if so," She puts her hands on the sink I'm sitting on and leans into my face. "I'm all here for it."
"You're not my type." I tell her.
It's not completely true. I don't really have a type, not for girls anyway because I've never been with one. Boys are easy, I like a guy who's perceptive and not afraid to take what he wants but also knows his place with me, someone who's bold or at least has the potential for it. I don't know if girls are supposed to fit into your type if you like both men and women.
If they did I guess Charlie would qualify: she's the quiet type who prefers to observe over putting in her two cents, there's no question whether she takes what she wants because of all the times she's taken beer from her foster parents for a BYOB party and if she has the balls to smoke in a school bathroom that makes her the boldest person I know. Whether she knows her place or not remains to be seen.
"Babe, I'm everyone's type." Her breath reeks of weed but I'm used to that because of my brother.
"Not mine." I'm not going to let her get the upper hand on the situation.
She cocks her head. "Can I ask you something?"
I look down at my watch and we're so close that when I do our foreheads almost touch. "We've got 3 more minutes until I leave, go ahead."
"You're straight?"
"As I okay? Or do I only like men?"
She squeezes her lips into a line. "See, just the fact that you said that answers my question." All of Charlie's actions have always been hard to miss and her looking at my lips now instead of my eyes is. "Single?"
"Depends on who's asking." I put the same slyness in my voice that she has.
Her eyes come back up to mine. "If I were to say "the girl who's liked you for eight months" you'd saayyyy..."
Eight months? That was right around when we first met. "I'd tell her to buy me dinner first." I smile.
Charlie pulls away from me making a small gust of marijuana scented wind in her wake. She throws her trash into the big grey bin in the corner then puts her beat-up bag that has bleach stains, dirt marks and a forming hole at the bottom over her shoulder.
She stops moving whenever she looks all set to leave and looks at me the way my parents do when they ask a question and I don't answer. "C'mon then. Move your bum."
"For what?" I have a feeling her high is making her think she can communicate psychically because I have no idea what's going on.
"We're going to get dinner, like you said." Of all the things I expected her to say, it's not one of them.
I get off of the sink and grab my bag. "It's a little early for dinner, Charlie." Dinner is the last meal of the day, it's only 12:30 and I fully plan on eating until my stomach hurts and my lips pucker from the sweetness of my food.
"Is the Zari Tomaz not leaping at the opportunity to get a bite? I never thought I'd see the day." She puts the back of her hand to my forehead. "Are you feeling well, love?"
I grab her wrist and twist it down making her wince. "Touch me again and I break it."
When I let her go she just smiles. "So..."
"Fine, let's eat." It didn't take much to convince me because how could I refuse a date with my soul mate: food.
I grab my bag ready to follow her to wherever she's taking me to "dinner". I'm already skipping this period and if it carries into the next period I have lunch anyway. I don't think John would be too broken up about me leaving him alone with Snart, I do think Mick will mind though; having to deal with their sexual tension alone is like watching a really long porn intro to where you're not even interested in the video anymore.
She puts her hood on her head, shoves the chair out of the way and tugs the door open. She looks both ways down the hall for any administration and then ushers me out with her hand. We start making our way toward the big double doors at the end of the silent wide hallway so it's not hard to hear a door behind us creak open.
Charlie quickens her pace slightly and so do I in hopes that we can make it to the door before we're spotted. "Where are you supposed to be?" Damn, Sharpie.
"Get ready to run." Charlie whispers to me while speeding up her walk, again.
"Hey! I'm talking to you black hood and red shirt!" She uses our clothing like we don't know we're the only ones in the hall.
"Go!" Charlie says and takes off.
I'm right behind her as we bust through the doors. We jog down the long staircase and begin running when we hit level ground. We turn in between the gym and main building, this is not the direction of the parking lot.
"Where are we going?" I ask still running and out of breath. "And why are we running? She's in heels, there's no way she's getting us!"
"Sharpe was a track star in school! Probably could've gone to the Olympics if not for money issues! So, trust me when I say, run faster!" She looks back and so do I.
Sharpe is in our eyesight. I'm gonna get in so much trouble with the school for this but my main worry is my parents finding out. That thought is what drives my legs to move faster and puts me right next to Charlie.
She hold her hand for me to grab and I take it without question. We make a sharp turn and go toward the tree area that the cross country team has stomped a path through after all these years that people also use to smoke, stash and sell illegal things. I came here once with John and I know there's a high fence, the kind they have behind the batters at football fields so there's not use trying to jump it. Charlie skips more than I do so I'll just put my faith in her on this one and if that faith is misplaced then I'll know to never go out to eat with someone I just met a few minutes ago.
I look back and I'm surprised we haven't completely left Sharpe in the dust. She's about 100 yards away and gaining so at this pace we're screwed. Once the bushes and trees are blocking our principal's view of us we slow down to a jog and then I'm yanked behind a bush. Charlie stops abruptly when she's hidden behind the thick of the greenery but the force of her suddenly pulling me makes me fly at her and we fall. Of course, with my luck, I slam my knee into the ground and end up on top of her. Not just on top, no that's too nice of the universe. I'm straddling her.
I look down at her and she's just smiling. I sit my upper half up and I blush which doesn't happen to me very often. "This knee and I are going to have some serious problems when I get ho-" She leans up to cover my mouth with her hand and puts her hand on my hip to keep me from moving off of her.
Charlie puts her finger to her lips telling me not to make any sounds- meaning I can't move my body because I'll rustle leaves and I can't pant after all of the running we just did- and I nod, telling her I understand then she moves both of her hands.
About 10 seconds later Sharpe's fast paced feet are heard, about three feet away from our ears, zooming past us. That woman can move. 10 more seconds later and Charlie deems it safe enough to breathe by letting out a heavy breath she was holding in. She falls on her back and gasps for air letting me know it's okay for me to as well. A smoker and a food addict are not the two people who should have been even attempting to outrun a track star.
"That went balls-up really fast." I have no idea what that means so I don't take any time to respond and just keep panting. "Babe," I look down at her and immediately hate myself for responding to her nickname for me. "This isn't the fantasy I had of you on top of me but the main ideas're place; the panting and holding in our noises so we don't get caught. Makes me think of what other messes we can get ourselves in to." She grins and then her eyes trail down my body reminding me where I am. I stand up after her eye-rape, Charlie who does the same.
When I take a step pain shoots up and down my leg the point of origin being my knee. I stumble over and Charlie catches me before I fall. (title of the book that inspired this BOOM) "Didn't I say not to touch me?" I spit out much more aggressively than I mean to and she backs off quickly with both of her hands raised to her shoulders.
"I thought that was a joke, sorry." Charlie sounds genuinely worried and apologetic. I let my leg get used to the pressure it's going to have to deal with. "I noticed B had that whole "don't touch me" thing too. What's that all about, if you don't mind my asking?"
I've never liked physical contact ever since I was a kid, neither has Behrad other than those stupid bro hugs he gives. Our parents thought it was because we were on the autism spectrum and didn't believe us when we said it was about the air between people being important. It's dumb, I know, but it's been planted in my head and is rooted too deep for me to dig up. Minimal touching has its exceptions like how I let Charlie grab my hand and cover my mouth to get me out of a week's worth of detention. In other special circumstances all touching everywhere is on the table. But other than that any touch just sets me off and I cant even explain to myself why other than I feel disconnected from a part of myself. I don't know, like I said: it's dumb.
"I do mind." I say before returning to the path we were running on with a small limp.
"Okay, then." Charlie gets the point to drop the conversation and I let her lead me down the path.
I know snapping at someone for crossing a line isn't the type of thing you're supposed to get upset about but I can't help but feel it. She's the type of person who doesn't take anything seriously and I can see how in that moment in the bathroom she could have understood it as a joke.
The awkward silence kills me, I can't eat a meal with her and not speak to her. "Sorry about snapping at you a minute ago, it was uncalled for." Charlie looks back at me with a smile but apologizing isn't a strong suit of mine so I look at the ground, pretending to be watching my step on the rigidity path.
"That's alright. If someone doesn't get aggro with you they're hiding something and can't be trusted." I'm glad that that can be brushed off of our slate but, what the hell did she say? "Just for the future- and we will be hanging out more- when is it okay to touch you?"
"Whenever I initiate it or if you ask and I give the green light." I'm not going to tell her about the during sex part because that'll just give her hints that I'm not dropping. "What does "aggro" mean?" I ask looking up at her.
She looks back at me and chuckles. "Isn't it obvious? Aggro. Aggressive. It's like being in someone's face."
I shake my head and she turns back around. "British slang is so annoying." I say jokingly. "I shouldn't have to ask what such a simple word means."
"Now that I know you love it so much: I know the barmy situation gammied up your knee but do you think we can go a little faster? I'm shattered, peckish, gutted that we haven't snogged yet and don't fancy the wazzock looping back 'round to catch us." Charlie uses excessive British slang to where I have almost no idea what she meant.
I suck my teeth making the "tsk" sound and cross my arms when she stops walking. "I may not have gotten all of that but I know what "peckish" means and I am too, so yes we can walk faster."
"Smashing!" She grabs a piece of the fence that looks like the rest, riddled with vines, and pulls it back to reveal a hole large enough to crouch down and walk through has been cut and goes straight into the parking lot of the Target next to our school. "In you go."
I watch her thin fingers pull out an Altoids tin out of her pocket while we make our way through the lot, unsurprisingly she does reach for the crushed mints that are pushed to the side of a few joints. A purple lighter with flowers on it- not the lighter I expected her to have- is dug out of her pocket as well. She tries to spark it as we walk and when nothing happens she curses and tosses it. Another trip into one of her pockets gets a lighter in the shape of a naked female torso in her hands. Now that lighter screams Clotho to me.
I watch her put the joint between her lips and hold it there then one hand covers the wind and the other sparks the lighter that shoots little blue flames from the nipples. "Keep staring at me and giving me collywobbles like that will make no longer being friends with B worth it." More British slang I don't understand.
You'd think after telling your ex-best friend's twin sister that you've had a crush on her for almost a year would make you uneasy around them and keep you from saying certain things but she only seems more comfortable since she told me. I on the other hand am not, probably because I'm not high.
I stop staring at her and look at the pavement we're walking on that's covered in glass and oil stains. Then I look at the sky that has grey clouds blocking the sun. "Not a lot of other options for a view."
"Is there not? Or are you just looking for an excuse to eye me up?" She takes a long pull from the spliff and holds it out to me, offering me some.
I either tell her the truth and she doesn't believe me or I play along and potentially hurt her feelings by leading her on. I inhale the smoke and hold my breath letting it fill and stain my lungs while Charlie digs through her mess of a bag that's littered with loose papers. I only exhale when I feel it tickling the back of my throat and the smoke leaves a mossy taste on my tongue.
A pair of keys comes out of her backpack and she starts pressing the button that makes the car chime a bunch of times. Her car sounds just as many times as she pressed it to our right.
"Why didn't you park at school?"
She plucks the joint from my fingers. "'Cause, they lock the gates five minutes after my lunch begins and five minutes before it ends so no one from grade nine or 10 leaves school seeing as you lot are too young to drive." She's not wrong, I just barely turned 16 and if my memory serves right she'll be 17 soon.
Charlie takes a big inhale and closes her eyes as we approach her car, understandably enjoying the feeling of the soft smoke. We both get into her car, that's black of course. It's surprisingly clean, I may have been too quick to judge her. "Who would've guessed you're a neat freak."
She lets the smoke out when she faces me to speak giving me a hefty breath of it. "I only keep the car clean because I spend the most time in here." She hands me the joint and I guess that means we're doing the puff-puff-pass thing.
"Why's that?" I ask her.
"Hotboxing a car is much easier than a room." I can tell that's not the whole truth but we're not close enough for me to pry. I try to pass it back to her after I've done my puff-puff and am ready to pass but she holds a hand up in protest. "Finish that off on the ride."
"You're pretty much what the cover suggests."
Charlie's car purrs to life and the engine can only be heard for a second before music at top volume vibrates the car and shocks my ears. She turns it down and goes on her phone. "Entertain me then. Tell me what "the cover suggests" exactly."
I take a hit while thinking about the few minutes we've been in contact and the few moments before that. "You don't respect people unless they prove themselves to and give you respect first. Authority is a social construct to you and seems overrated. You'd describe yourself as smart even though your grades don't exactly reflect that- except for in.... maybe art- because you believe school doesn't measure intelligence it measures tolerance and compliance. Safety bores you and you need a constant risk or challenge to push you through most days. You hate sleeping because it's a waste of time aaaannndd your hatred for cats stems from a bad experience you had with one as a child." I took a long shot guess with the last one because I recall seeing light scars on her shoulder blades once but I'm pretty sure everything else is spot on.
"Babe, you know me so well." She puts her hand to her heart. "Except fort that cat thing. I have no idea where you got that thing about me not liking moggies, I adore them. Now dogs: can't stand them."
Charlie chuckles. "We had this small dog when I was younger and it would dig at my back every time it saw me laying on my stomach. For no reason! Evil little mutt." That explains the scratches. "How did you get all of that about me?"
I lean back into the seat and close my eyes. Things are already warping, some blueing and others sharpening. It's like my eyes are the lenses and someone is messing with the focus on the camera that is my head. "I don't know," Because it's easy. I knew the respect thing because I have been in the lobby while she and the principal had a few arguments where Sharpie yelled and Charlie would reply calmly. Authority is more or less the same. The school system is fucked and that's how everyone thinks about grades, even the straight A students. She was smoking in a school bathroom and booked it off campus with her crush to go get food, seems both risky and challenging but the whole time she was so cool in the situation like it was the norm. She said she was always in her car meaning not asleep in bed. But all of that seems like it'd take so much energy to say. "Lucky guess." I close my eyes to feel the high that's hitting me really fast for some reason.
"That's a talent if I've ever seen one. Brava, brava!"
After a few minutes of being in a sleep-like state but definitely not asleep because I was smoking, I look at Charlie who's staring at me. "Would you put your eyes on the road?" I push her chin so she's facing forward.
"How could I not look at you?" She eyes me up and down quickly then whistles, even though I'm in jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt with nothing worth a wolf whistle . "Damn, you look good." She finishes.
"You're just saying to butter me up so I'll sleep with you." I meant to think those not say them but it's too late to take them back.
"Did you mean to say that, Z?" I shake my head. "Right then."
"Right what then?" I ask.
Charlie plucks the joint from my fingertips before I can react and if my eyes weren't open I wouldn't have noticed because every one of my nerves feels like they're having their own version or an orgasm. I can now see why she mixed it with tobacco, this is much better than a regular high. I feel like all of my senses have been amplified and everything is so, so heavy. I can hear the blood pumping in the veins of my arms, legs and heart.
When she rolls down the window to toss it out the warbling of the wind might as well deafen me but I'm too euphoric to express my pain.
"Do you think I actually just want to shag?" I'm going to assume from the context of what I said last that "shag" means sex.
I love the feeling of the thickness around me. I'm swimming in the tinted light of Charlie's Honda Civic or whatever this is."Yes."
"I can tell you right now, that's incorrect."
I squint at her. I rest my elbow on the leather space between us then my head in my hand. "Really? 'Cause it seems like you want me, baaaad."
Charlie glances at me for a second. "Is it that obvious?" I close my eyes and nod.
"You missed subtle by a long shot." I chuckle.
"I do tend to overdo things, sometimes."
"Nooo! You? No way!" I exaggerate.
She chuckles this time. "You're very sarcastic. I like that about you."
"Thank you, I think it's my best quality." I look out of the window and when I feel like I'm going to be sick from the fast moving buildings I look back at Charlie. "You're very bold. I like that about you."
The edges of her mouth lift just a bit. "I'm glad there's something you enjoy about me."
"Since I stumbled into that bathroom, I've found lots of things to enjoy about you." The words leave my mouth before I realize they're true.
Her smile grows and I can see the slightest rosiness to her cheeks. That should make me smile but I frown, I frown because I'm not meaning for this to happen. I don't want it to, I think. I see why adults are always shoving down our throats not to do drugs. This is not something I should be dealing with while I'm high off my ass.
——
*two months later*
The lines of acquaintance friend and a little more than a friend have blurred between Charlie and I. Some people might call her a "bad influence" for her being the reason my absences have been piling up more frequently and I've been sneakily getting out of class but there's no other time we can hang out other than in school but we have no classes together or free periods. Our homes are the next obvious choice but my house is off limits because of Behrad's stupid feelings and her house is off limits because she says things with her foster parents are less than ideal for company.
I don't know if I like-like Charlie or if I just want to be around her because of the extreme lack of girls who aren't boy crazy, weirdo nerds or filled with so much preppy school spirit I think my head will explode every time their mouths open and all I here is high pitched ringing. Regardless the reason, Charlie doesn't seem to mind and doesn't ever really question my feelings, thankfully. If she were to I wouldn't even know what to say- I wouldn't know what to think- we've only been hanging out long enough to be acquaintances but she knows me better than some of my close friends and she doesn't have any here so basically I'm her best friend- I think? Then again, I don't lose sleep from being on the phone with any of my friends from dusk 'til Dawn most days of the week.
The whole situation is really complicated but doesn't feel like it unless I give it though. I think that's my favorite thing about her: no complications, even with the strings we've secretly attached, no reason to think about anything between us.
I wish I was able to skip history and still be able to do the work at home or something but this is one of the only classes that if you don't show, you don't know and I have to pass everything with flying colors this year. I haven't seen my new friend all day: she didn't find me in the library this morning and she didn't meet me at my locker and walk me to my 2nd period for the first time in a long time. Maybe after this lecture I'll ask to go to the office or something and swing by to see her, the only bad thing about my plan is having to deal with the annoyance I get from Behrad's pestering.
"Hey, Z?" I hear him say over the volume of my headphones but he doesn't know I can hear him so ignoring is the road I'm taking. "Zariiii!" He says again, much louder than last time.
A few seconds later something pokes the back of my head. I pull out my earphone and turn around to look at him, the pencil that poked me with still being held up. "What?" I ask him harshly.
"Mind handing me your paper when you're done?" B smiles lopsidedly and if his laxer than usual voice wasn't enough to tell me he's stoned, his eyes are redder than ruby.
This is how it's been our whole life, one of us giving the other answers, so I was already planning on handing my worksheet when I finished. I glance down at his paper where he hasn't even attempted to work and instead has been doodling. "Yeah, whatever." I turn back around to complete the last few questions.
"Cool, cool." A few seconds later he bothers me. "Are you almost done, though? I am slumped and was really planning on getting a nap in before lunch."
I don't think he realizes how annoying he's being right now. "Yes, Behrad. I'm almost done." I don't try to hide my anger because if I do he'll just continue bothering me until I break.
"Are you good? You're aura is... an angry red, right now."
I leave the last two questions blank and turn around to see him "petting" my aura, he says it's supposed to return it to white which is neutral but that bullshit never works. I put my paper on top of his blank one. "Here."
Behrad slides the paper back to me after looking at the front and back of it. "Z, you didn't do the last two."
"Figure it out!" I whisper yell. I put all of my things in my bag and as I am I feel a weight lifting off of me just knowing I'm going to be out of that door in a few seconds.
I grab my bag and sling it over my one shoulder while I squeeze through the rows of desks. I make my way to our teacher's desk. "How may I help you, Ms. Tomaz?" Mr. Hunter's accent isn't as enjoyable as Charlie's because his is more proper and doesn't have enough edge for me.
"Can I go to the nurse?" That seems like the excuse that will lead to the least amount of questions because every male teacher assumes if it's a girl it always involves her period. He nods and pulls out the green hall pass slip that he has to fill out.
"I know why your aura's red!" Behrad shouts across the room drawing every set of eyes to either him or me. "It must be that time of the month." He sends me a dramatic wink.
Laughter erupts from most the boys in our class- the girls just scoff, roll their eyes and return to their work- because of the same joke that he's said at least 17 times. I'm not even embarrassed by it anymore, he's just so immature and it's getting old.
I don't wait for Mr. Hunter to finish writing my pass, I just walk out with the risk of being caught by any roaming faculty. I feel my anger rising as I walk when it should be fading as I get farther from the classroom. By the time I hit the bottom of the stairs I'm practically fuming on the inside and I hope that Charlie hasn't strayed from her usual smoking routine because I need to calm down.
I push open the bathroom door with the amount of force it always takes to move the door but it flings open and the door handle bangs on the off-white brick wall. The chair that should be holding the door closed is in the corner, exactly where we left it yesterday and the air is clear of smoke meaning she hasn't been here.
Just to be sure, I open all of the stalls and all I see are "out of order" signs taped on every toilet with no mischievous smile attached to a slender body under layers of clothes. I whip out my phone and go to our text conversation.
Me: this bathroom is nowhere near as fun alone
I sit in the chair the entire rest of 4th period and the better half of 5th waiting for an appearance or a text. I check one last time to see if she's even read the text and when she hasn't I go to the cafeteria disappointed. Charlie has no obligation to have our little meetings so I shouldn't be bothered by her not showing. I still walk slowly and heavily, hoping we'll bump into each other before I make it into the disorderly lunchroom.
There's a string of thunder claps that are loud enough to bring me out of my deep sleep. I sit up and look out of the window but there's no rain, no lightning and no cloud in sight. The "thunder" claps again but is revealed to be a pebble tossed that was aimed for my window but hit the wooden panel just next to it.
It's probably some little kid and I lay back down ready to dismiss it but then multiple pebbles are thrown at once making an opera of noise. I pull myself out of bed and instantly regret it because the uncomfortable cold that my comforter had been keeping me from touches every square inch of my exposed skin.
I look out of my window to see none other than Charlie. I slide it open. "The pebble against the window thing is so retro and you're a terrible shot." I call down to her. She didn't have a boom box on her shoulder blasting some cheesy romantic song which would have completed the old school vibe she's giving off.
The moonlight gives enough light to see her smile. "I never claimed to be an athlete."
I shake my head, how is she able to charm me fresh out of bed in the middle of the night. "Why are you here?"
"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to sneak in and make up for missing you today." She drops all of the rest of her tiny rocks back into the gardened area that our roses are growing out of. When her hands are free she wraps her arms around herself. "It's chilly out tonight, mind throwing a rope down or something?"
"A rope?" I ask and she nods still shivering. "Who just has rope sitting in their room?"
"I'd assume, people who sneak out and on occasion people in. I'm guessing you're not one of those people?"
"Charlie, I can't let you in. My parents would kill me if they found out."
She looks around at my house and points to a downstairs window that just so happens to be theirs. "This is their window right? I'll just ask them." She steps toward the window and just before her knuckles meet the window to knock I stop her.
"No! Wait." She backs away with the biggest grin of accomplishment. I shake my head. "Go to the door." I close my window. It's officially the weekend so if her visit goes on for a while I won't be losing sleep for school but if I get caught Mâmân might just install cameras and take my door off.
I tiptoe down the stairs, through the hallway, past my parents room, to the front door and I crack it open just enough for her to squeeze in. Charlie shakes off her jacket and looks around the entrance room. "Just as quaint as I rememb-" She's talking at a normal volume which is a little too loud for my comfort.
I cover her mouth and her skin is freezing against my hand, much colder than it should be if she was only outside for the time it took her to get my attention.
"My parents are light sleepers." I whisper so low I can barely hear the words myself.
I drop my hand and she nods. She takes off her boots so that we make less noise as we sneak to my room. We were almost home free when I feel a familiar tingle in my nose. Before I can make my body do one of those quiet sneezes you do during a test at school it's already broken the silence in my house. And since my sneezes come in four waves there's four breaks of silence.
"Gesundheit." She whispers ever so quietly.
I motion my hands quickly and Charlie runs up the stairs quiet as a mouse and when I'm sure she's in the clear I turn around to see exactly what I expected. "Zari, what are you doing up?" Even his groggy voice is booming and powerful.
"Sorry, Bâbâ. I heard a weird noise out front." Technically not a lie. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him hoping he becomes less suspicious.
He hugs me back and releases me after a gentle squeeze. "Get some sleep, dokhtar." He grabs my chin, kisses my forehead and then we both go our separate ways- him back to his room and me to my "dangerous lesbo" friend.
I go up waiting for Charlie to jump out and scare me or give me some flirty line she didn't get to say at school then I see my door that I closed on my way out wide open. I go in and she's walking along my wall looking at the things on my wall and the dresser the moonlight is allowing her to see. She picks up the single most embarrassing picture she could have: the one of my brother and I fighting over a stuffed dragon the size of us at the time.
"I ended up tearing its head off while B was sleeping because my mom let him have it." I sit on my bed and Charlie puts the photo down. "I got in a load of trouble but kept the head as a memento."
"Mama's boys. So annoying." Daddy's girls like myself are probably more annoying but she wouldn't agree to that. She glides around the rest of the wall then makes her way to standing in front of me. "I didn't realize you had legs! You're a vision, babe."
I look down at myself: plaid sleeping shorts that are really just Behrad's pajama pants that I cut a little too short on accident and a black band t-shirt. Charlie's eye sight must be atrocious because I don't look special at all, much less like a vision. I appreciate the compliment nonetheless.
"Do you own a top that isn't black?" I ask. She has on a loose tank-black- with sweatpants- dark grey- and her fabled combat boots- black. "Or anything colorful at all?"
Charlie arches one of her brows at me and she pulls her tank up. I wish I could say I looked away or at her eyes but my eyes went straight to her boobs. They may be small but I appreciate quality, not quantity. "My bra is red. Does that count?"
I pull my eyes off of her body to her eyes. I'm hoping she didn't notice my slightly prolonged look. "If you wouldn't wear it out in the open- then no."
Her shirt drops down when her grip releases and she smiles. "I bet those roaming eyes would love to see me in it out in the open." Then points between my two eyes.
Charlie sits down next to me and just how you can feel someone's body heat radiating off of them, I can feel the cold from her arm against mine. "Why weren't you at school?"
Charlie shrugs. "You know me, free as a little birdie."
"Don't you think we're past the point in our relationship where you give me answers that aren't really answers but you avoid the question?" I grab the small blanket on the edge of my bed and wrap it around her shoulders. "Drop the facade, please. Did something happen? Can I help?" I've never been the hero type so this feeling of wanting to help is new but not unwelcome.
A sad and exhausted sigh escapes her but she half-smiles anyway. "Maybe it was too much British vernacular for them, maybe the constant rings from school or maybe the fact that I've refused to be adopted by two people with the last name "Hall" but after three years my fosters are finally fed up. My social worker is taking me to some other shit family in Connecticut where I'll probably age out of the system before finding a real family. No more phone, no more car, no more school... no more you." The last three words seemed to upset her more than anything else she said.
"This shouldn't have been my take away... but can you say "Connecticut" again?"
Charlie lighthearted laughter fills the room. "Connecticut." I smile at funny pronunciation.
She pulls the blanket closer to her body. If she has no car that means she walked here from wherever she was, in 48 degrees. "Where were you before you came here?"
"You know those humongous flats they just built down the road from school." I nod. "I have to stay with my social worker there until we leave, Monday."
"Does that mean you're not supposed to be here right now?" It's 2 a.m. and she walked two miles, definitely not supposed to be here- not that I mind.
"Do you not want me here?" Her words sink my heart.
"I didn't say that. I didn't get to see you at school and was longing for your company anyway." I tell her, truthfully.
"You'were sleep." Charlie states.
Good point. "Who's to say you weren't in my dream?"
"I sure hope I was." She replies. I set myself up for that one. "Because, you're often in mine." She always knows just what to say. I hate to say she gave me butterflies, because ew, but wow this girl. I can't believe I'm just now getting comfortable with her right before she leaves and I likely don't see her ever again. "Babe." When she speaks and I bring my eyes back up to her eyes, not having noticed they dropped down to her lips that just so happen to be the only thing I can make out in the darkness.
I clear my throat. "Yeah?"
"D'you mind if I spend the night? I'm not keen on walking three more kilometers. Smoker lungs, physical activity and cold weather don't mix well."
I nod. "I wasn't going to let you leave, even if you tried. I'd rather you not freeze to death."
I get up and walk to my usual side of the bed and Charlie goes to the other. We get under and it's warmer than it was before because of her body heat and my own that's maxed out from her being so close to me.
"Nice to know you care." She says when she's rolled onto her side facing me.
I roll too and I might be too close because I can feel her breath on me. "I care."
Her voice saddens. "Not like I care about you, though."
My feelings for Charlie are weird. I love that we're friends and that she flirts with me but I want more. Being friends isn't satisfying enough anymore, but I don't want our dynamic to change. I still want to be sarcastic and act like she's hard to be around and I still want her to make inappropriate comments I can roll my eyes at, but relationships make things weird. I don't know if it's the fact that she's leaving that made me realize this but it all just hit me like a truck: I like her.
I shrug. "What if... I did?"
She chuckles quietly. "Then your timing is rubbish."
We lay still like that, in each other's faces, both knowing that no matter how close we are it's not close enough but too afraid to make a move. I have to fight my mind and body so that I don't lean into her how I want to so bad. The only reason I'm not is because she's moving to a whole different state and the long distance thing has never worked for anyone in the history of ever.
I don't know how long I've been lost in thought so she could already be asleep. "I'm really gonna miss you." I whisper into the darkness. "You've kind of been my own personal sanity for awhile and now thinking about going another two years of high school without you is- as you would say- rubbish." When I use her slang I mimic her accent, terribly. "D.C. is bad enough, now it's losing its best Brit."
There's quiet for so long it convinced me she'd drifted off. "I have wanted to kiss you for so long now. Can I?" I admire that she asked, not a lot of people have ever done that.
"Please do."
And then, just at that moment, when I'm not sure if I'm floating or falling or climbing on top of her or she put me there, I feel the flutter of her lips on mine. Her lips are soft and leave mine tingling after our could-have-lead-to-a-make-out kiss. I close my eyes, and pushing past the darkness there's beautiful blooming things surrounding Charlie.
She pulls away too soon. I lean down for a real kiss before she can comment on anything. Then we're kissing, bodies and mouths moving seamlessly and not missing a beat. I didn't realize how badly I want- needed this but everything feels right and natural and effortless. Now I'm sure I'm floating with Charlie. A noise of happiness escapes her and it's the sweetest sound I've ever heard. There's an urge to touch all of the skin she'll allow me to, it's a new feeling for me- she's been giving me a lot of those- but it's nice so I give in.
I start by rubbing her cheek with my thumb and then my hands run down her arms to her hands that I put on my hips. Then I slip my hands under her shirt and feel all over her stomach and sides enjoying the cold that burns my warm fingertips that I hope are leaving impressions on her skin like hers are for me. Charlie disconnects from me for breaths of air and to pull her thin top off and I do the same.
Lust takes both of our reins when she flips us over and presses our torsos together, again, her cold burns against my warmth. I put my hand on the back of her neck and smash our lips together. I'm obsessed with the fact that her touch isn't bothering me and that I'm comfortable touching her.
Our lips are fast paced and hungry yet she's still being so gentle with me. Her tongue makes it into my mouth and she tastes like weed heavily masked with mint and the combination is so amazingly her. This is the moment for time to stop, right here- for space to yawn open and fall away the way it would at the edge of a black hole, so that time can do its endless loops and keep us forever huffing through our noses but refusing to pull away for air.
She cups my face and stops mid-make out to ask me a question breathlessly. "Is all of this contact okay?" My heart skips multiple beats but I find enough rhythm in it to nod and with that confirmation her lips connect to my neck.
It starts with regular kisses right under my jaw but as she makes her way down, the kisses become wetter and linger for longer. It becomes harder to contain myself and a soft moan I didn't expect escapes when she bites me gently, I feel her smile into my neck because of the noise of pleasure she got out of me. I don't know what comes over me but my mind tells me to push her shoulders gently, so I do. She understands what I'm getting at and complies by ducking her head under the blanket without hesitation.
Charlie's lips land on the inside of my thighs and with each kiss inches closer to my core. When you see this happen in movies or read it a in book the reaction the girl gives doesn't do the feeling justice because it feels like my stomach is hitting rock bottom only to break the ground to hit another level over and over again.
I release a moan that had been building in my throat when she puts a lingering peck on my bundle of nerves through my shorts. I cover my mouth after I realize how loud that I was and that I'll probably only get louder with time.
The sound of my door opening stops the blissful feeling and our moment curls away back in on itself the way a flower folds up for the night and all of the blooming things surrounding Charlie in my head die. "Khaahar, are you awa- ohhh!" I pull my blanket over my chest and the only thing I'm thankful for is that I kept my bra on.
I watch Behrad cover his eyes and walk out of my room much faster than he came in. I was already hot from the blanket, and the making out, and because of the anticipation of what was going to happen and I thought if I got any hotter I'd explode. The heat from embarrassment makes me feel like I'm about to start sweating and I know this is all the heat I can take before I pop.
Charlie comes up from the blanket reluctantly. "Am I right to assume that he killed the vibe?"
——
I wouldn't mind doing a part two of this where Behrad is more involved but I'll see how well this does and good the feedback is, then decide. I'm still so upset we lost Zari 1.0 before we got some Zarlie content or before the writers gave us a for sure answer on it Zari liked Charlie (even though we all know they had something)
-justalezbian