There's just certain expectations that are required to be my parent's son.
Near perfection at the top of the list.
I stare at the A- at the top of my test, my fingers picking at the staple in the top left corner.
This isn't the end of the world. It won't even touch my gpa. Not really. I made stupid mistakes, I knew the answers.
"How'd you do?" Ellie leans over, her shoulder smashing against mine, pink hair falling over me. "God why are you so smart?"
I don't answer her question. Slipping my less than perfect test into my notebook as the bell rings.
"So guess what?" Ellie continues on, unlike me she carelessly shoves her test into her bag that she carries with her to most classes, the paper crumpling between all the other things that are in there.
"What?" My glasses slide down my nose and I push them back into place with my finger.
"Wes tried to talk to the new girl." She says it proudly like she weaseled top secret information out of him.
My eyebrows raise because that doesn't sound like Wes.
But Ellie nods her head confirming her information and throwing out my skepticism.
"Apparently she saw him tic after Sawyer got to him yesterday." I'm listening intently even through the roar of the students beside us as they gather up their materials and head for the door. "He said it didn't go well. I'm gonna invite her to sit with us at lunch."
I roll my eyes, knowing better than to try and argue the idea with her. Ellie does what she wants, the rest of us just accept it and go on with our life. But I do it anyway.
"And what if she doesn't want to sit with us?" I ask.
She pulls her bag onto her shoulder, giving me the smuggest look as she says "remember when James thought he was going to sit with Peter sophomore year?"
I do remember.
"No one can deny me." She gives me that wicked grin that she has, full of mischief and pure determination.
I'm not exactly sure how a person like Ellie exists, pint sized but with an enormous spirit that she's unapologetic for. She's Ellie, you're either gonna love her or your not and she's cool with it.
Maybe it helps that her moms are excepting and supportive of everything. Not that I know them well, my parents found out and didn't want me to be exposed to such things. I don't tell them that I still hang out with Ellie constantly. Her moms aren't the reason I'm not straight.
I'm the reason.
"Are you coming?" Ellie shouts, nearing the door.
I wave her off, "I'll catch up".
She juts her hand in the air, waving to me and then her short stature is swallowed in the masses just outside the door. I turn my attention back to my imperfect test and just before Mr. Yin disappears into his office I say "can I talk to you?"
————————
My mom is giving a music lesson when I get home. Her eyes meet mine and she smiles which I return before slipping past and to my room. I try not to disrupt lessons.
I have just under an hour to work on homework before the beginner piano lesson gets here. When I turned 16 my parents gave me the option of going to get a job somewhere or taking over my mom's beginner lessons in exchange for the wagon. Naturally I took over the beginner lessons. It's easy, plus the wagon was essential.
Not only for me but for Wes.
As soon as my butt hits my chair at the small desk tucked into the corner of my room, I pull out my books. I got a lot of my work done in school, working ahead rather than listening to the teacher lecture about things I already know. It works out well.
I push my glasses farther up my nose and start in on my chemistry.
————————
"Hey son." My dad leans against my open doorway, his dark hair cut short, meticulously shaved on the sides, his face bare of any facial hair.
He's always looked like that.
"Hey dad." I greet, spinning in my chair to give my full attention.
"What ya working on?"
I've already rehearsed in my head what I'm going to say. My plan to fix the mistakes on my test. It's not that I'm going to get in trouble but I'll avoid a sigh that always seems more disappointed than not and a small lecture about how putting forth your best is not only expected but necessary if I want to succeed in life.
He just wants what's best for me.
And I just want to get out from underneath it all.
"Just finishing up the last of my homework." I tell him. "I missed a couple questions on my math test, I already talked to Mr. Yin about where I went wrong. I decided doing a couple extra exercises wouldn't hurt."
And there it is, that smile of approval because I'm trying to eradicate my short comings. He loves nothing more.
"Excellent." He says.
He's proud. I can see it in the smile that crinkles his eyes and softens his features making him look more like a father and less like the former drill Sargent he is.
"Mom said dinner will be ready in twenty." And then he shoves himself out of the doorway and disappears from my room as he says "love you son".
I let out a sigh, exhaustion sweeping over me. So deep I feel it in my bones. Closing my eyes, I pull my glasses from my face and rub. Trying to expel the overwhelming pressure that I'm constantly under. It'll all be worth it. When I can finally put some distance between me and this house, this town, all these people that expect me to be a certain way.
I just need to hold out for less than a year.
That's doable.
Right?
Anything is possible as long as it's temporary.
————————
Alright so I got my mom an adorable kitten yesterday. We named him Zippo Floyd Whitetail. He sat on my kids lap while he did homework, he ate dinner in my kids lap. He basically didn't leave my kids lap.