It's all your fault. You did this. You killed her. How can you even call yourself a doctor?
Charlie woke with a start, a jumble of words lingering in her mind as the nightmare began to dissipate. Her fingers turned white as she gripped the sheet, desperate for the last three words to leave her: It's your fault. But they didn't leave. She was tormented by them just as much in reality as in her dream.
Charlie held out her arm, blindly reaching for the alarm clock on her bedside table to check the time, but... it wasn't there. Startled, Charlie sat up peered through the dark room for the familiar glow of her clock, convinced she must have knocked it over during her nightmare, but there was no eerie glow to guide her.
"What the...?" Charlie mumbled, gripping her head as dizziness suddenly swamped her brain. She tried to remember what happened the night before, but it was a blur. She didn't remember much after arriving at the bar, and she definitely didn't remember coming home.
Charlie slowly crept out of bed, fumbling in the dark room for some light source, and after bumping into several pieces of furniture, she found a light switch and flipped it without a second thought. She winced as the artificial light illuminated her surroundings, and with a grumbling dissatisfaction, she recognized the signs of a brutal hangover starting to form.
"This... isn't my room," Charlie gulped, surveying the modern furniture of a tasteful yet clearly unused bedroom. Something about it felt vaguely familiar, but Charlie was far too encumbered by her banging headache to figure out why she recognized it.
Maybe Lahela just took me to his apartment last night? she thought to herself, trying to explain her new surroundings without considering the more dangerous alternatives as to why she was in an unfamiliar room instead of her own apartment.
Thoughts felt like they were burning into her brain, causing pain with each attempt at deduction. Charlie shook her head, trying to cast off any detective work until she could get her hands on some water.
She opened the bedroom door and stumbled out into a hallway, suddenly aware of her sore limbs and uncomfortable skinny jeans still hugging her body. They were the same ones she'd worn to the bar last night, the extra pair she kept in her locker in case she didn't feel like wandering back to her apartment in scrubs. Charlie's stomach lurched as she remembered the locker room...
Landry.
For a moment, the nausea settled in her stomach turned to boiling betrayal. The thought of him made her want to scream and cry at the same time, and her mind battled between wanting to destroy him and wanting to hide from him. She remembered the first time they met, how happy she was to find another nervous intern that was just as obsessed with Dr. Ramsey as she was. She'd instinctively trusted him and could never have imagined that the ambition they shared would ever betray her.
Tears prickled at her eyes, but Charlie willed them back, rationalizing that she was too dehydrated to waste body fluids on him.
Deciding that she didn't want to think about him anymore, Charlie straightened her spine and navigated the dim hallway to find a glass of water ASAP.
When she exited the hallway, she found herself in the main room of a sprawling apartment. The stunning cityscape glittered back at her through the floor-to-ceiling windows, illuminating a lavish living room leading to a chef's kitchen. All at once, Charlie realized where she was, and her jaw dropped.
No, no, it can't be- Charlie didn't even get to finish the thought.
"Good morning, rookie."
Charlie grimaced, recognizing the voice immediately. Despite herself, she felt a rush of happiness at the sound of her nickname. It sparked months of longing and years of admiration, and she couldn't fight the way her heart swelled at the mere thought of his presence.
Charlie slowly turned to face the voice and confirm her suspicions.
Ethan Ramsey.
She was in Ethan Ramsey's apartment, hungover in last night's clothes with absolutely no memory as to how she ended up in his guest bedroom.
If only the first-year med student fangirling over Ramsey's textbook could see where she was now...
"Dr. Ramsey," Charlie swallowed heavily, her skin prickling with embarrassment as she took a few tentative steps towards the kitchen.
Ethan Ramsey had never looked so... human. One week without a job had transformed her hero into an actual human being, and it startled Charlie. His stubble was longer than usual, less carefully groomed that she'd always seen it. His hair was a mess of bedhead, some parts even sticking up, and his sweatpants were rumbled from sleep. Charlie could have spent days in shock over the revelation that the Ethan Ramsey even owned sweatpants, but despite herself, her cheeks flushed as she realized he was only wearing sweatpants. How the hell did a workaholic doctor look like that without a shirt? Terrified she'd start drooling any moment, she averted her gaze to the crossword puzzle in front of him, and a small smile perked at her lips. Of course, he loves crosswords.
"How much do you remember from last night?" Ramsey's question caught Charlie off guard, and fighting through her hazy hangover brain, she struggled to process the question.
"Nothing," she admitted solemnly, "Nothing after tequila shots at the bar, at least."
Under Ethan's watchful eye, Charlie half-expected a pop quiz for her to demonstrate her deductions and piece together how she ended up here, but Ethan wasn't her boss anymore. He was no longer the teacher pushing a student towards success. Now... Ethan didn't know what he was.
A former boss? A knight in shining armor? A creepy former teacher who kept finding himself in compromising situations with an enigmatic intern?
Maybe even a friend?
When he looked at Charlie, it was obvious that she was miserable. Even now, he could smell the hint of tequila on her clothes from a long night of trying to forget her problems, and imagining such a scene caused his heart to squeeze. He could picture her so easily, slumped into a barstool as she desperately tried to forget the decisions she'd made. He'd been there enough to know how she felt... And he suddenly wished he couldn't picture it. Maybe he could have prevented this. He could have been a better mentor. He could have actually told her what to do instead of forcing her to figure it out as she went along.
He could have stayed.
The thought nearly paralyzed Ethan as he suddenly understood the lingering hurt behind her stare. He'd hadn't just left Edenbrook. He left Charlie, too.
"What happened last night?" Charlie hesitated, so embarrassed that she almost didn't want to ask. Charlie had never been one to disappoint. She'd been a stellar student her entire life, always reaching new heights and finding solutions to every problem. Sure, she'd disappointed people along the way, but disappointing Ethan was different. The shame manifested itself deeply, in a way she'd never felt before.
Ethan paused and then reached for the cell phone plugged into a nearby outlet. He handed over her smartphone, and wordlessly, Charlie her text messages to see a brand new text thread.
Oh no... Charlie felt like she might puke as she scrolled through all of the messages she'd sent "Ethan ❤️☠️."
There were so many messages, each more embarrassing than the last. It went through pages of Charlie drunk texting him about how she'd made new friends in the bar and didn't need him coming to her rescue. He asked several times where she was, and somehow, Charlie thought of a new way not to tell him. At one point, she even wrote how he "wasn't even that handsome" unless you're into the "brooding, sexy thing." By the time she reached the bottom, Charlie slumped into a barstool at his kitchen island and avoided eye contact like the plague.
"I'm so sorry," Charlie mumbled, unable to think of anything else to say. If she could have, she would have disappeared.
Ethan couldn't help but smile, still finding her insincere attempts to insult him funny, and he placed a glass of water in front of her along with a few tablets of ibuprofen.
"It's okay. I was just happy to be 'Dr. McSexy to the rescue,'" Ethan couldn't resist the urge to tease her.
Charlie's eyes shot to his, desperate to see if he was kidding, and when she realized he wasn't, she groaned. "I didn't say that, did I?"
"Only about 5 times," Ethan shrugged as if it was nothing and couldn't help but laugh when she winced at the thought.
"Fuck," Charlie held her head in her hands, "I'm never drinking again."
Ethan chuckled, nodding to the glass of water, "Drink that. And take the ibuprofen. I can only imagine the hangover you have right now."
Charlie obeyed, peering up at him curiously, "How did you even find me? I went out of my way to go to a bar in the middle of nowhere to avoid running into people I knew. And it doesn't seem like I was being very helpful." Charlie vaguely motioned towards her cell phone.
Honestly, Ethan wasn't sure if he wanted to admit the lengths he'd gone to to find her. He'd practically searched every bar in Boston before he found her, becoming increasingly concerned when he didn't see her at every turn. He'd been so scared...
He blocked out the mental image and shrugged instead of answering, "I just found you."
Charlie watched him, knowing that he was hiding something, but she didn't push. If she'd learned anything from Dr. Ramsey, it was when not to push him... She'd done it before, and every time, she went home sad and rejected.
"You cried the whole way here..." Ramsey's voice was so soft she almost didn't hear it, "I... I wasn't very good at listening to you before I..." he trailed off, but Charlie could easily finish it – before I left.
"What did I say?" Charlie tried to laugh it off as if they were still talking about her drunken adventure the night before, but they both knew it was more than that.
"You told me that Dr. Emery is investigating you, what Dr. Olsen did, that... I abandoned you when you needed me." There was shame in Ethan's voice.
Charlie paused, unsure of how to proceed. She hadn't dared let herself say that to anyone, not even herself, but now it was out. Now, it existed. Now, Charlie had to admit that, after months of supporting Ethan at every turn, he let her down. He left without ever wondering what it would do to her. He marched right past her as she begged him to stay.
The cold, stinging rejection returned, spreading through her body like wildfire.
Charlie had never wanted anyone to stay like she'd wanted him to. And as her friends circled around her and bolstered her with support, she could never stop thinking about the one person she wanted to be beside her.
"It's not your job to support me anymore," Charlie shrugged it off as best she could, putting on an obviously fake brave face, "Hell, it was never really your job anyway."
"Charlie..." Ethan tried, but she was already getting off the stool.
"I should get going. You're not paid to deal with annoying interns anymore," Charlie grabbed her phone, peering around the room to find more of her belongings so that she could leave as soon as possible.
There was a reason why she hadn't contacted him since he left, and now, she remembered it.
"Charlie, wait," Ethan stopped her, grabbing her arm, and she froze at the touch. She looked back at him, eyes full of confusion... and hope.
This was it. The moment he could finally say it. He could tell her of all the long nights he'd stayed up thinking about her. All of the times he took the long way in the hospital just to get a glimpse of her. All of the times he'd been proud of her and what she'd achieved. How deeply he hoped she would win the competition just so he could spend more time with her. All of the times he'd almost broken all of the rules for her.
How much he loved her.
But something stopped him. Maybe it was fear of losing her, or maybe it was fear that she loved him, too...
"I'm sorry. You've supported me, and I should have supported you," Ethan swallowed, "You're a good doctor, but you're an even better person."
Charlie's jaw nearly dropped, and a swell of a familiar euphoria filled her body at his words. She'd never say what it was, though, deep down, she'd always known it was love.
"Thank you."
Ethan wanted to say so much more, but instead, he released her arm and turned back to the kitchen, pressing a few buttons on the coffee maker to make two cups for the morning. It was a presumptuous move, but honestly, he couldn't have taken it if she really did rush out of his apartment – and his life – that morning.
"I'm visiting Naveen at his river house today. He'd love to see you," Ethan glanced up at her, issuing a silent invitation.
"I'm not sure he wants to see someone who smells so distinctly like tequila and mistakes," Charlie flushed, watching him make the two mugs with warm butterflies in her belly. He wants me to stay, she thought to herself.
"You can use my shower, and I'm sure you can find a change of clothes around here," Ethan suggested.
"Do you have enough women over to keep a change of clothes for them?" Charlie arched an eyebrow, hoping that the jealousy brewing inside didn't slip into her voice.
"I meant, one of my tee shirts, Charlie," Ethan couldn't shake the smile as he recognized the jealousy in her voice.
"So, I have permission to raid your secret drawer of embarrassing tee shirts?" Charlie was obviously enthused.
"What makes you think I have a secret drawer of embarrassing tee shirts?" Ethan laughed.
"You're unpredictable, and I personally enjoy the mental image of you in an embarrassing tee shirt," Charlie insisted.
Ethan cocked an eyebrow, "You enjoy the mental image of Dr. McSexy in an embarrassing tee shirt?"
Charlie groaned, hiding her face as she turned a bright shade of red, "I'll never live that down."
Ethan didn't answer because he knew that he would never forget that, though he honestly doubted that he would ever forget anything about Dr. Charlie Greene...