I stood in my place watching him, unblinking. Not realising that I was holding in my breath.
I continued to gawk him from afar, until he began to close the distance with short steps. I had to suck in a sharp breath to be able to breathe again, when he stopped just a foot from me.
Unable to utter a single word, I could only watch him in a trance. His mouth curled into a small smile—the same smile that I remembered him for. He was still the same, as before. Nothing had changed—Yet, everything had.
"It's been a while." He slowly began and I felt my lips quivering from the effect of his words.
"Have you been well?" He continued, unfazed and I felt like bursting into tears, right here infront of everyone.
"I have missed you, Aasiya." He slowly added in a small voice, gazing into my eyes with a solemn expression. Unable to look at him for another moment, I walked past him and didn't stop until I had reached out into open air.
I could feel tremors running through me and had to hug myself in order to gain some control. It was becoming harder to catch a breath. I could sense an episode of hyperventilation coming on and had to take a seat on the empty bench to calm my breathing.
"Aasiya—" I was heaving for breath while staring at my feet, when I saw him coming to stand infront of me. Still, I didn't dare look up and scooted to the far side of the bench, when he took a seat beside me.
For a long while, he said nothing, but I didn't have anything to say, either.
"I am sorry. I—" He finally began and I slowly turned to look at him to find his gaze fixated on his hands knotted in front of him.
"Everything I said to you that day—You have no idea how much it killed me. The words that left my mouth were not meant for you Aasiya—I didn't mean a single thing. Please believe me—" He slowly turned his gaze up to meet mine. His face held deep regret and I couldn't watch it for another moment, so I averted my gaze.
"I sent you a voice message. Did you—" He questioned and I nodded without looking up.
For a moment, there was only silence.
"I met him, Naveed, that day. He threatened me and I couldn't stand up to him then, Aasiya. I needed to buy us some time. Or he would have hurt you—or Amo and Zahra. I didn't want to hand you over to him, but I didn't have any other choice. He was too powerful—" He explained slowly and I silently listened without interrupting.
"I did find out everything about you, myself—but that didn't stop me from falling in love with you—Neither your engagement with him—I could figure out that it was forced—I was going to tell you—but, I never got a chance—" Unbeknownst to him, his words were shaking my heart to the very core.
"Aasiya—" He beckoned me to look at him and I felt like someone had tugged at the strings of my heart. With a gulp, I tried to drown my feelings and turned in my seat slightly to look at him.
"I have always wanted to tell you everything—in the past year—So many times—but—" He watched me defeated, unable to continue without breaking down infront of me.
"When you fainted that day—I didn't want to—but I had to tell Naveed. While he took you away, I used that 1 week to gather help. I had everything planned out—I got in touch with people whom even Naveed or his father couldn't stand up against. That's when I had sent you that message. I waited for your response but it never came, instead I was blocked. I feared that, maybe he had got hold of it, so I had sent my agent to check your place out for me. That's when I found out about your Nikah and—" Instead of finishing, he gasped out a sharp breath.
"I was late. If only—if only, I had gotten in a few hours earlier, things would've been so different." He added in a voice dripping with regret and I didn't dare say anything to it.
"—but, I knew there was still hope for us, when my agent saw you trying to run away." He was saying and I had turned to gape at him shocked.
"He followed you, on my orders. I couldn't come myself because Naveed was keeping an eye on me and I didn't want to give away your hideout. So, I waited until it was safe. I left the country on a mission, a while after you had gone. But the only reason, I was able to stay away till now was because I knew you were safe—" I didn't know what to say, so I only watched him unblinking.
"—Aasiya. I have come back for you. I am back now. I am sorry that I left you all alone—but now that I have returned—Everything is going to change. You won't have to hide anymore. I have got everything sorted. We'll get you a divorce. I have got all the evidence against him. It will take a while, but even Naveed knows that he cannot harm me so easily. He isn't that stupid and especially after his accident—"
"Accident?" That was the first thing, I had said in all the while. My heart was beating so hard against my chest that I had to press a hand against it.
"Yeah—He got into an accident the day after you left—" He remarked in a constraint voice, the muscles in his neck tightening from suppressed rage. Yet, all I could think about was that dream, I saw on the day of his accident.
"Is he—" I couldn't finish and had to gulp to be able to catch a breath. Hadi gave me an exhausted look at my inquiry.
"Unfortunately, he is doing better than he deserves—" He added in a voice laced with poison and shook his head. I released the breath that I was unaware of holding in.
Just then he turned to me sharply. His eyes watching me were pleading; nothing like how I remembered them. Gone was the coldness in his blue orbs; instead there existed only yearning and warmth.
"Aasiya—You don't have to worry about what he would do to you. I told you, I have got everything sorted out. Naveed or whatever—I can take them all on." His mouth broke into a smile filled with hope and I could sense the tears fighting against the corners of my eyes.
"We'll be together, Aasiya. See, I have returned to fulfil my promise. I can protect you Aasiya. You'll be safe by my side. I won't let anyone hurt you—" He beseeched me in a voice laced with love and hope and I felt myself getting pulled into those bewitching eyes, once again.
"Amo, You, Me, Zahra and Khan—We'll be together. I'll take you to spring, summer—winter, every festival. Just you and me—You won't have to worry about anything else—" He murmured softly and inched closer to take my hand in his.
Do the people think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested? (Quran 29:2)
Out of nowhere that Ayat, flashed across the screens of my mind and before he could do anything, I turned away abruptly, as if struck by lightning.
For a long moment, his hand hung uselessly between us, whereas I sat frozen in my place, trying to bite down the tears and stop them from escaping its confines. I could sense the shock in his eyes that were still focused on me.
"Aasiya—I understand that you might find it hard to believe me—" Before he could finish, I had turned to him with tears brimming in my eyes. I gasped out a raspy breath before becoming able to say anything.
"I—I believe you—I know, Navi—I know he can say all those things—I don't doubt you—" My lips quivered from the intensity of the words that I was about to utter. He continued watching me unblinking—as if holding onto my ever word intently. But just before I could say those words, a sob escaped my mouth.
"But—but—I can't—Hadi—I can't be with you—" I could no longer hold in my cries and I didn't try to either.
I saw him shaking his head at me, unsure as to what I meant.
"I don't get it—Is this because of him—" He inquired at a loss of words but I didn't let him complete.
Shaking my head at him, I let the tears drip down my chin.
"It's not—It's not Navi—It was never him—Navi was only an excuse—He—Navi didn't come in between, Hadi—Allah did—" I gasped out the last word and saw his face crumbling in front of me, as he watched me in disbelief. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn't get any word out. Unable to look at him, I turned my gaze down to my hands clutched in my lap tightly.
"Aasiya—I know that you have been through a lot and I know, I wasn't there—" He tried to say once more, but I cut him off again.
"No, Hadi. You don't get it. Even—Even, if someone is giving me the entire world—I don't want any share of it, if it's at the expense of my relationship with Him. I can't accept your love—I am sorry—" I didn't know how I managed to not breakdown infront of him; how I was able to get these words out, without falling apart.
"Look, I get it—I understand your concerns—but, I am not ready to give up on you just because of that. We can work something out, right?" Hadi added quickly as he came down to sit infront of me on the ground.
"How? How, Hadi—? We don't agree on the one thing that matters to me the most—" I tried to keep my tone levelled, without being affected by the hurt in his eyes that he was desperately trying to hide.
"That's it? Aasiya, come on. You can't give up on me for just this reason. You knew about it before, right? Then why—? I thought you loved me, too. Was I wrong? I can protect you, Aasiya. You won't have to hide from anyone, anymore. I'll give you a home, a family and love—! I'll give you everything, if you could just—" He was saying but I had already stopped listening.
Just? This matter was 'just' to him?—something of so little significance?
No—How could I blame him, when I was like him, until just a little while ago. Didn't I once secretly wish, just for all this? More than anything—a home—a loving family? Amo, Zahra and Hadi—They were exactly what I had always wished for.
I had known right from the start about Hadi being a Non-Muslim—Yet, that never stopped me from getting close to him. If Navi hadn't come in between me and Hadi— I might've had happily accepted this hand that was outstretched infront of me, in promise of love. No—even before Navi had come into my life, I was greedy for love—If Navi was never a part of my life—if I never knew Navi—and if at that time, I had found Hadi without knowing love of Allah, then—maybe, I would've gladly accepted Hadi's love—and made for myself a home in hellfire—because, that's how blinded I was in my ignorance.
How was I so blind? How could I not see anything except the desire of my Nafs? How did I ever fathom that I could live without Allah? How?
When, now I know—that the only thing—the only One, holding me up was Allah—has always been no one but Allah—He is the only One who never forsaked me—Who never gave up on me—No matter how far I fell into the depths of darkness and was led astray from the right path—He was the only One—waiting—so that I may return to Him, one day.
If Allah didn't give me guidance—If He didn't help me, then I would never have escaped the darkness—the emptiness that I had chosen as my fate—Ya Allah—Ya Kareem—! How could I ever thank You—? How?
"I am sorry, Hadi—I am sorry—but I can't. I love Allah. I really love Him more than anything in this world and I can't imagine a second without Him. I can't think of disobeying Him. I don't want to live with the regret of disappointing Him, again. He is the only One, I can't live without. I can give up on anything—on everything, but Him. I owe Him my everything and I really do love Him very much—I have nothing—No one but Him—and He is enough for me—" Tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I said all this.
(Fee Sabilillah- For the sake of Allah)
Assalamualaikum. Thankyou for reading, always❤️❤️
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