Racing down the East Wing corridor, Asha suddenly found herself face to face with the gargoyle guarding the entrance to the Headmasters' Office.
"Cockroach Cluster!" she gasped between breaths. She hadn't expected the old password to work, but to her astonishment, the statue stepped aside. Without hesitation Asha leapt onto the ascending spiral staircase. A second later, she burst through the heavy office door, not even thinking to knock. She could hear Snape racing up the stairs behind her so she abandoned his wand on a spindly table near the door, before scanning the room and rounding on Dumbledore.
The headmaster was sitting behind his desk with his laced fingers resting in his lap. He looked as if he were asleep. Upon registering Asha's abrupt entry, his eyes snapped open and skimmed between his student and the wand she had just absently placed on the table behind her. His eyes darkened. As Asha stood clutching her side and panting, Dumbledore stood up calmly, though concern was underlying his features.
"Asha," he said pleasantly, "what has-"
Before the door had swung halfway close, Snape rushed into the office. He rapidly scanned the room, looking from Asha to Dumbledore, then from Asha's empty left hand to his discarded wand. He snatched it up. Before anyone else could open their mouth, the words that had been on Asha's lips for over three years burst forth.
"Professor, please," she said breathlessly, "there's something wrong with me!" She had attempted to control her tone, but a touch of desperation and despair still slipped into her voice.
Severus stood perfectly still, scrutinising Albus' every move. The old man's composure did not waver. Though as Asha spoke, Severus did not fail to notice the colour of the headmaster's face pale ever so slightly.
"Asha," Dumbledore said kindly, "please, have a seat and tell me-,"
"No!" said Asha, cutting him off, "You don't understand!" No one understands. Suddenly she was shaking again and it took all her willpower not to submit to tears. "Something is wrong with me." Her voice was rougher and lower than usual as she fought to maintain whatever composure she had left. She stared at Dumbledore, searching desperately for any signs of help in those stupid blue eyes. All she found was a distant expression. Was he even listening to her?! Then the words came tumbling out in a flow she couldn't stem: "I keep doing magic accidentally but it's like it's not an accident at all! I can't explain it. But I know it's wrong. You told me I was normal but I'm clearly not!" Asha's voice continued to grow in volume until she was shouting, "Professor, something is wrong with my head! My brain isn't working properly and my life doesn't make any sense! I feel like I'm dying! I'm-"
"Asha," Dumbledore said so sharply that she gave a jolt of fright. Asha froze. Her breathing was ragged and her hands were trembling. For a terrifying second, she thought she saw tears welling in the headmaster's eyes. But they disappeared in an instant and were replaced by the flickering of something she couldn't identify. Dumbledore did know something. Dread tightened around her chest making it hard to breathe. She was suddenly deeply wary of the old man. It felt as if she were facing a total stranger. She waited for him to speak, anxious that she might miss what he was about to say over the thundering of her heart. After a moment, the headmaster fixed his piercing gaze behind her.
"Professor Snape," he said, his voice having returned to its normal, friendly tone, "would you please excuse us?"
Snape's unrelenting eyes bore into Dumbledore's but before he had a chance to respond, Asha spoke up.
"No," she said curtly. Both Dumbledore and Snape looked at her sharply, though they masked their surprise.
"Asha, this is something that I believe would be best discussed in private," Dumbledore said. His voice was kind but had an unmistakable edge of finality. "Now, if you don't mind Severus-"
"I said no," Asha repeated cooly, "he will stay." She backed a few steps away from Dumbledore until Snape was only a foot behind her right shoulder.
"Asha," Dumbledore urged. His expression remained impassive, but his voice was laced with a severity she had never heard from him. "As much as I appreciate the loyalty you are showing your professor, this is my office and I am your headmaster." He tilted his head so he was peering at her unobstructed over his half-moon spectacles. "I am in charge of who is permitted inside this space. Please remember that I only want what is best for you. Now, Severus, I will not ask again, you will leave Miss Winters and I to discuss her concerns in private. Thank you."
In the moment that Severus hesitated over whether or not he should defy Albus, Asha's hand shot back and grasped his forearm. He suppressed a flinch as her fingers dug into the spot where his faded Dark Mark was still branded.
"Stay," she said to him quietly, without tearing her gaze from Dumbledore. Severus' eyes flickered from Asha's hand to Albus. No one moved.
"He's not going anywhere," Asha announced fiercely, "You've been lying to me. I need someone here that I can trust."
Severus felt maliciously smug as he sensed Albus wince at the insinuation that the girl didn't feel safe to be alone with him. After a long moment, Dumbledore laced his fingers together and sighed in reluctant defeat. Severus swelled with a dark triumph.
"That is fair," Dumbledore said softly, before sitting back down behind his desk. "Please, have a seat." He waved his wand, conjuring a second chair in front of the desk for Snape. Asha hesitated, then sat stiffly in the left armchair.
Severus refused to move, instead clasping his hands behind his back, still holding his wand. He scowled and watched from afar, a deep crease between his brows. Albus ignored him, turning his attention to the girl.
"Now, Asha," said he calmly, "I understand this is an urgent matter. But it's important I take the time to get the full picture of what has been going on. Why don't you start by explaining to me what you meant when you said 'my life doesn't make any sense'?"
Asha looked at him blankly as she endured a surge of anxiety. This was actually happening. Should she really tell him? Then she thought back to the powerful smell of the gin and experienced the horrible glitching, static sensation in the depths of her brain. She was falling apart... She had no choice. Asha took a deep breath, knowing this would also be the first time Snape was hearing this.
"I'm a Parselmouth," she croaked. Then, afraid of Dumbledore's reaction, she quickly plundered on, leaving no chance for a response. "I found out at the duelling club when Harry Potter spoke to that snake." All of a sudden, Dumbledore was looking very grim. "I know Parselmouth is hereditary so I tried to figure out who I could have got it from because ... because I don't know anything about who my parents were. I searched for information everywhere I could think of..." she pictured Snape scowling behind her, since it was he who had caught her red-handed in the restricted section, "... but it was impossible."
Inside Severus Snape was roiling with infuriation. Asha had sworn this was not important. The stupid girl had hidden from him what was irrefutably the most critical piece of information she had! However he maintained an impenetrable shield of impassive reserve as Albus glanced at him.
"For a second I thought it was..." Asha faltered at the absurdity of it, "... I... I thought it could be You-Know-Who." Asha was now talking to a strange silver instrument on Dumbledore's desk; anything to avoid those piercing blue eyes. "Tom Riddle was the only Parselmouth alive at the right time. But I looked it up and it's well documented that You-Know-Who wasn't in New Zealand at the time I was conceived...so..."
Dumbledore stayed very quiet. Asha felt embarrassed to have shared her farfetched theory and hastily moved on.
"But that's not what's important," she said, staring determinedly at her shoelaces, "it's everything else! I've tried so hard to ignore it and to keep going, but I can't take it anymore. I think... I think I'm going insane." At the last word, her voice broke. She risked a glance at Dumbledore and found his expression was one of profound concern. Her heart was pounding again. Everything felt surreal. What was wrong with her?! Asha heard the rustling of robes as the headmaster simply stood up and turned to face the wall of portraits behind him. Her anger stirred.
"Albus," Snape began in a calm, drawling voice from the back of the room, "Miss Winters has just been in my classroom where she used wandless magic to shatter every jar of ingredients that lined the walls." Dumbledore showed no sign of having heard him. Snape's tone became wry and conceited; "I was unable to rectify the damage."
Now Dumbledore visibly tensed; both he and Severus understood the gravity of this fact. Only items broken by a powerful curse were unable to be mended with magic.
When Dumbledore still didn't reply, Asha's anger burst from the cave in which it had been lurking. She jumped to her feet and yelled: "SAY SOMETHING!" The headmaster slowly turned around. To Asha's horror, she saw he had tears in his eyes.
Severus was shocked and repelled. He had gathered that this was a serious and potentially dangerous matter, but the sorrow in the old man's eyes... What on earth had Albus done?
"I wish you had come to me sooner, Asha," said Dumbledore. "I had no idea things had deteriorated to such an extent. I'm so sorry you didn't feel comfortable to confide in me."
Asha's breath caught in her throat and she backed away from his desk.
"What do you mean?" she asked in a voice that didn't sound like her own, "tell me what you know!"
"Asha, I think you should sit down," Dumbledore said gently.
"STOP TELLING ME TO FUCKING SIT DOWN!!" Asha yelled, her fear and anguish boiling over the top, "JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Her desperation for answers outweighed the suffocating dread that screamed at her to run from whatever those answers might be.
"In order to explain, I need you to answer a question for me," said Dumbledore, stepping around his desk to approach her.
Asha almost screamed in frustration. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth with such force she felt sure her jaw was about to snap. At the same time, she clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms in an effort to fight back the tsunami of emotion.
Crack!
The ground lurched violently. Asha didn't have to open her eyes to know what had happened, but that didn't make what she saw any less shocking when she did. A deep fissure, about a meter long, ran through the stone floor between her feet. Snape stiffened and cautiously brought his wand to his side. Dumbledore just looked at Asha with what she could only describe as pity. She hated him for it.
"Asha," said Dumbledore softly, "I will not talk to you while you are in this state. You need to calm down."
Coincidently, Asha already felt much calmer than she had a second ago. The release of magic had dulled the intensity of her emotions, leaving her numb. She turned away from Dumbledore and Snape and crossed her arms as if to stop herself from doing any more damage. Focussing on the flame of a flickering candle, she attempted to dissociate from herself; to observe her thoughts and emotions as an outsider. It was something Asha did often when she felt herself beginning to sink into the depths of her grief for Cole. She was aware of Snape still standing silently behind her and could almost feel the anchor of control he represented. She took a steadying breath, relaxed her arms by her sides and turned around.
"Okay," she said, looking Dumbledore in the eye, "what is your question?"
Dumbledore also seemed to be steadying himself and took his time before speaking.
"On your first day at Hogwarts, you told me why you and your brother were given your names," he said slowly. "Please, remind me."
Asha bit back her exasperation and replied stiffly, "Because we were found on the doorstep of St Andrews on the day of the Winter Wildfires." Then, unable to contain herself, "Why is this relev-"
"I don't believe that's the full name of the event," interrupted Dumbledore. Meanwhile, Snape was utterly perplexed. He knew Albus would have a purpose for bringing this up.
"Look," Asha snapped, "Just stop. I don't see what this had to do with-" Her words died in her throat. She stared at the wall with unfocused eyes as her mind tried to piece things together. No... "I don't understand..." she murmured, "...1974."
She met Dumbledore's knowing eyes. He gave a tiny nod.
"The Winter Wildfires of 1974," she breathed, "but... that's impossible." Her moment of suspended disbelief was abruptly ended:
"What have you done, Albus?" came Snape's growling voice.
"It was the safest option," said Dumbledore.
Asha hardly heard the conversation. Her malfunctioning mind was unable to comprehend what Dumbledore was telling her. She couldn't wrap her head around it.
"How many years have you stole from her?!" barked Snape.
"Not stolen, Severus. They are not lost. She still holds them."
"You must remove whatever ridiculous experimental magic you've placed on her this instant!" said Snape, almost at the point of yelling. "It's not strong enough. She is breaking through and it is breaking her. You must return them."
"What have you taken from me?" Asha asked in a trembling voice, refusing to believe what her foggy mind had finally pieced together.
Snape and Dumbledore fell silent. Asha felt like she was about to pass out. She looked pleadingly into Snape's hard eyes. His face twitched and he turned away, stalking to the other side of the room.
"Memories, Asha", Dumbledore said softly, "Five years of memories."
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A/N: Oh shiiiiiit... drop a vote if u saw that coming lol