I've never run faster. Not even when Cresh was chasing me. I bolt through the dark forest like a stampeding animal. Adrenaline and terror guide me through the dense shrubbery, over logs and roots, in the direction that the horrific scream originated from.
I know full well I may be sprinting straight into a trap. Surely the Careers are the ones who elicited that scream out of someone. It might not even be Cas at all, but I can't risk it, just on the off-chance that it is him. The thought of it alone is enough to make me sick to my stomach.
My heart plummets to my feet when I hear the cannon fire. The birds and insects stop chirping as the chilling sound echoes through the forest. I keep running, barreling through the bushes, and I don't stop until the sound of laughter hits my ears.
I skid to a halt. Whoever it is is close. I scramble to hide behind a wide tree trunk, my mind racing with uncontrollable thoughts. I can hear twigs snapping. It sounds like there are two people, but thankfully, they seem to be walking away from my abysmal hiding spot.
I can barely feel anything other than the rapid pounding of my own heart. Slowly, and carefully, I peek my head around the tree trunk. My insides churn when I see the lacerated body of a boy with blond hair. So it wasn't Cas. Thank God. It looks like it might be the other boy from District 6, but it's impossible to tell for sure. It's dark. He's far away, and covered in his own torn flesh and blood. I don't even have to wonder who did this to him because I hear that voice resonating through the night air, accompanied by an amused laugh that makes my hair stand on end.
"That's another district down," Cresh tells his partner. "He didn't even try to fight back."
They're still walking in the opposite direction of me, but I find myself holding my breath until my lungs feel like they're on fire. Of course Cresh and his district partner are out hunting people in the middle of the night. It's the perfect time to sneak up on unsuspecting tributes and kill them before they even know what hit them. Awful. Absolutely awful.
"Do you think we'll find those two from Nine?" the other Career asks.
I have to bite down on my tongue to stifle a sharp inhale.
"I hope so," I hear Cresh chuckle. "That Winchester boy got away from me, but I bet you he was trying to steer me away from his boyfriend. That means he's probably around here somewhere. Man, I can't wait to find them. It's gonna be so fun to watch them bleed."
His echoing words are like a punch to the gut. It knocks all the air right out of me. They're looking for us. They're actively looking for us, and if they manage to find Cas before I do...
Their voices are gone, out of earshot. I clamber to my feet and hasten through the shrubs, away from the fallen tribute and deeper into the darkening forest. Time is running out. I need to move quickly.
I've been searching for hours. Pain shoots through my aching body with every step I take, and still, I feel like I've made zero progress. The forest looks almost identical everywhere I go. It's like I'm walking in circles. Is that the same rock I passed thirty minutes ago? Who knows. It might be. There are hardly any landmarks to give me a sense of direction, any idea as to where I am, and it doesn't help that it's still the dead of night.
I'm beginning to think this is futile. The Gamemakers are probably messing with the landscape, making everything look like carbon copies of each other so I lose track of where I am and where I'm headed. They're probably sitting in their control room laughing at me right now as I blindly stumble around, desperately searching for any sign of my district partner. They're probably enjoying my misery. They might even be snacking on junk food or drinking copious amounts of beverages as I trudge through the forest, stomach growling and tongue as dry and cracked as a desert. Oh, to be a Gamemaker and not have to worry about the effects of starvation or dehydration.
I despise them almost as much as I despise Cresh.
It doesn't take long for the panic to settle in. My mind is burned out. My body is drained and exhausted. I've been on the move almost all day and night, and I haven't slept, haven't eaten, haven't taken a drink. Normal thoughts turn into catastrophic enemies. I'm being attacked by my own mind, tormented with images of calamities that don't quite make sense but still overwhelm me with paralyzing terror, so much so that I have to sit down before my legs give out and send me collapsing to the ground.
How am I ever going to find Cas? I can barely walk anymore. Agonizing soreness seeps into my tired muscles the instant I sit back against a tree. I'm lightheaded, no doubt due to the stress and lack of food and water, but I don't dare break into the limited amount of food in my knapsack. It'll be gone by morning if I open it.
But what do I do? At this rate I'll die of dehydration before I reach Cas. It's still unbearably muggy. Not even nighttime has cooled the stifling air. My throat is so parched that it's difficult to swallow. I'm not even sweating that much anymore, but I know that's not a good sign. That means my body is running out of water, and fast.
I'm losing control. I'm losing my grip on reality. Fear clutches my thumping heart with icy fingers. It's hard to breathe. The air is so steamy. I'm exhausted, overwrought, completely terrified of where I am and what I've gotten myself into that I can't even think properly anymore. My thoughts are a frenzied mess. I can't wrangle them in.
What if I never find Cas? What if I drop dead of dehydration before I reach him? What if Cresh and his partner find him before I do? What will they do to him? Nothing good, I know. Or what if they find me first, borderline unconscious against a tree, sluggish with fatigue and unable to fight back? I'm a sitting duck out here, but I don't have the energy to move.
What if something happens to Cas because I ran in the opposite direction and left him alone in this dangerous rainforest?
This is all my fault. I shouldn't have run. I should have met up with him like we planned, like I promised. None of this would be happening if I had just followed the plan. I thought I was helping him by leading Cresh astray. I was trying to save him, but now he's alone, and I have no idea where to find him. I didn't think. I acted on a whim, and in the end, it did far more harm than good.
I'm sure I would cry if I had the water in my body to do so, but instead, I'm left with a throbbing pain in my chest that refuses to go away. It's like my heart is shattering to pieces, slowly and excruciatingly. It squeezes all the oxygen out of my lungs. It's worse than any pain I've ever experienced, and the cause is nothing concrete or tangible. That's what makes it so intolerable.
I never realized loneliness could hurt this much.
I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can keep going. The dire effects of no sleep or food or water is taking its toll on me, not to mention the terror that's still pumping through my veins. I want to find my district partner more than anything. Believe me, I do, but the mere thought of getting back on my aching feet makes the migraine hammering inside my skull more torturous than ever.
I can't do this. I just want him here with me. I can't stand being by myself in this nightmare world. I can't stand the thought of him being alone out there, afraid and vulnerable to attack, but I can't move. My body is already trying to shut itself down, and that only makes the torment worse.
This is all my fault.
I choke on a tearless sob. It rattles in my constricted throat, heaves my shoulders, and a faint jingle rings in my ears. At first I panic, thinking someone is nearby, but then I remember the silver locket hanging from my neck. Crowley's words come flooding back to me in an instant.
"If you ever feel like giving up, just open it."
I unclip the necklace with trembling fingers, hold the small rectangular locket in the palm of my hand. If there was ever an opportune moment to open it, I think this is it. I press the clasp on the side of the locket, and one glance at the contents of its interior is enough to make another strangled cry slip past my lips.
They're two picture frames. On the left are four small photos arranged in a collage. One of my mom, one of my dad, one of Charlie, and one of Sam. Separate pictures, but they all have such faint smiles on their faces. It's been so long since I've seen them. Just looking at those photos makes my chest pang with homesickness. I miss them so much.
Crowley must have gotten the pictures from some Capitol database. Everyone in Panem is entered in at a certain point. But the fact that my stylist, whose only responsibility was to dress me up nicely and escort me to my Launch Room, took the time to find photos of my family and best friend and put them into a locket for me to have in the arena warms my aching heart. He didn't have to go through so much effort for me, but he did, all because he took a liking to me and wants me to win. I wish I had the ability to give him my thanks. Even if I don't make it out of here, at least I have the chance to see their faces one last time.
The picture frame on the right, however, shoves that notion out of my head immediately. Taking up the whole frame is a photo of Cas. Faint smile, bright blue eyes, tousled jet black hair. I feel like it's been years since I've seen him. That's far too long.
Now I'm beginning to understand why Crowley told me to wait until I felt like giving up to open this locket. Seeing the faces of the people I care most about sends a wave of determination through my blood, through my exhausted body. I can't stop here. Not on the very first night. That's giving up too easily, and I am not a quitter.
I have to keep going. I promised Sam and Charlie I would try to win and come home. I can't let them down. I promised little Gabriel Novak that I would keep his older brother safe. I can't let him down, either. I promised Cas I wouldn't let anything happen to him, and I promised myself that I would do everything in my power to get the two of us home alive. I can't let any of them down.
I have to keep going. For them.
All of my muscles scream in agony as I push myself to my unsteady feet. My knees threaten to give out, but I stand strong. I close the locket, hold it in my fist as if it's actually giving me energy, and clip the necklace back around my neck. I think of the five faces inside, the people who are counting on me, who believe in me like no one else, and force my weak legs to move forward.
I'm not throwing in the towel that quickly.
As I plod through the forest, fatigue still weighing me down, I start to hear thunder rumbling in the distance. The ground shakes. I can almost feel the vibrations in the air. It doesn't sound like it's anywhere in the immediate vicinity, so the blissful sensation of rain is probably out of the question, but maybe I'll walk into it soon. Here's hoping the rain is drinkable.
I wonder with dread if rain will be the only water source in this arena that isn't by a death trap like the Cornucopia. I haven't seen a single river or stream anywhere during my travels. Surely there must be some kind of pond at least, right? There are still birds chirping and singing way out here. They have to drink, too, and I doubt they fly all the way back to that glade to do it. I'll just have to keep looking. I refuse to return to that stream by the Cornucopia to get water.
Dawn steadily approaches. Feeble rays of sunlight begin to pierce through the canopy of leaves above my head. I can already feel the temperature rising to its daytime humidity and unbearable heat. The thunder has long since vanished, and I didn't see or hear any rain at all. Maybe if I'm lucky, Cas managed to find some water. I've never been so parched in my life, and it's only going to get worse from here on out if I don't drink something.
Would it have killed the Gamemakers to fill my water bottle with just a pinch of liquid?
Midmorning hits. I'm on the verge of collapse again. My vision spins in circles. I can't remember the last time I was able to take a full breath. Everything hurts and aches and I just want to sit down, even though I know I need to keep going. I have to be close. I have to be. I've been searching for hours on end, and I don't know how I haven't come across a single clue as to where—
"Dean?"
I almost fall over. I whirl around so fast that it takes my vision a few beats to catch up with me. I'm so drained that I honestly can't tell if I'm hallucinating or not. Was that—
Movement catches my eye, up in the tree I passed a moment ago. I stop breathing. The world around me seems to skid to an abrupt halt. I dare to put my switchblade away. The leaves rustle, and every bit of exhaustion instantly leaves my body when Cas drops to the ground in front of me, alive and well and face alight with shocked relief.
"Dean!" he exclaims, and he starts running. He nearly takes me down when he leaps into my arms.
I don't think I've ever been happier to see someone. The amount of solace that surges through me is so overwhelming that it almost hurts. I hold him so tightly, so close, and cradle his head against my shoulder because I'm terrified of letting him out of my sight. I was fortunate to have found him when I did, and now I never want to let him go ever again. I already made that mistake once.
His toes barely touch the ground as he clings to me, shaking and shivering like a madman. I can't tell if he's crying or laughing, or both. All I know is that I'm beyond grateful he's alive, pressed against me, wrapped in my trembling arms, and I'm grateful for the locket dangling from its silver chain. I might not have kept going and found him without it.
As hours of built-up stress and pure apprehension slowly begin to wash away, I can't stop a feeble laugh from escaping my mouth. "Man, it's so good to see you," I say. "Are you okay?"
I feel Cas nod into my neck. "Yeah," he breathes. He clutches the fabric of my shirt, lets go of a shuddering sigh. It fans the skin on my neck and makes my body prickle with goosebumps. "Are you?"
"Never been better," I say.
Cas steps back then, but he keeps a firm grip on my arms. He worriedly scans my face and my shoulders and my chest as if he's searching for any injuries, even though I told him I was fine. I'm sure I don't look fantastic after wandering the forest for hours upon hours, but despite my thirst and fatigue, I couldn't be more contended. On the other hand, he looks good, considering the circumstances. Just sweaty and suffering from the aftereffects of distress, I assume. This past day hasn't been easy on anyone.
"I was so scared you were dead," he murmurs. The fearful glint in his wide eyes makes my heart pang. "But I didn't see you on the recap, so I knew you must've been okay, but I didn't know where you were and I was tempted to go find you but then I started hearing noises and I—"
His words catch in his throat. His grip on my arms falters. He draws an unsteady breath to compose himself, but I pull him back into an embrace before he can speak. He doesn't have to explain himself. I'm the one who got us into this mess.
"It's okay. I'm okay," I tell him. "I'm here now. Everything's gonna be okay."
Cas is still shivering. "I thought you were dead," he whimpers. "Please don't ever do that to me again."
"I won't," I reassure. "I promise."
And I refuse to let anything or anyone hold me back from keeping that promise.
We stay locked in that comforting embrace for a few moments longer, relishing the security of one another's presence, before we break apart. Cas is slowly beginning to calm back down, enough so that he manages to flash me a frail but warm smile as he gestures up at the tree he hopped down from. Apparently he'd been hiding out there all night and day, and I just happened to walk by that specific one.
But now that the initial relief and euphoria of finding my district partner alive and well is starting to fade, the crippling soreness creeps back into my limbs. I need to sit and rest, for real this time. Cas climbs up into his little tree and beckons me over. He helps me up next, and the two of us sit perched on a branch so wide that it might as well be a table. It's wonderful.
Although, I'm not sure if anything is as wonderful as being in his company after everything that's happened. I was terrified he was dead. He was terrified I was dead. I almost gave up and abandoned my search, but I'm so glad I didn't. Both Cresh and the Gamemakers tried their hardest to tear us apart, but they didn't try hard enough.
The boy from the fields and I are reunited at last.