"Sorry about that" I lowered my head as she just stared at me with a look that I cant describe.
She pulled me and made me sit on her bed. "Unnie ... you won" I gave her a nod. Yeah, I won.
"I'm sorry about what I did today ..." I pulled out Roachy from my pocket. "... Roachy and it's friends didn't mean any harm. They just wanted to help me" She giggled as I gave her Roachy.
"You gave it a name?" She held ever part of roachy as if she wasnt scared of it before. "Roachy ... why did you have to invite your friends? There were so many of you guys earlier and it scared me. I would appreciate it if you dont invite anyone next time" she returned Roachy to me.
"You heard that right? No more scaring Yuri" I said as I returned roachy inside my pocket.
"Yul, since I ... you know ... maybe we can-"
"Okay, It's time we clear things out" she said as I just stared at her. "Where should I start? ... "
"We can talk later, not here" she said as she gave a glance at the door. She's right this isnt the right place to talk.
But if not here then where?
"We can talk maybe in the park or in th-" then a brilliant idea made me stop her. "Would you like to go with me to Jeju island?" She thought about it for a few seconds before slowly nodding.
///////////
We came to Jeju island the next day. Her friends didnt know what's happening but they let her leave. My friends on the other hand didnt care that much. They were busy with their daily lives.
The plane ride to Jeju was quiet. We have been together for a few hours but neither of us said a word. I gave a thought on where in Jeju should we go and thankfully our old place was for sale. So I bought it, not the room but the whole house.
The old owner said that the place was now empty and that even our old furniture wasnt there anymore. It might be empty but memories are still there.
We were now walking at the streets where we walked together for almost everyday before. I dont know about her but for me it feels like home. Seoul had a different vibe than here, I feel at ease.
"Where are we going?" She said making me a bit surprised. It's the first thing that she said to me. "Convenience store" she didnt say anything and just followed me.
We arrived as Juri ran towards me for a hug. "Wh-why are you here!?" She said with excitement. "I missed you too"
"Hi Yuri" she said as Yul waved back at her with a smile. "I dont really have time to hang out with you today but maybe tomorrow?"
"How many days are you staying?" I made two with my fingers. "Today and tomorrow that's all we have" she hugged me, tighter this time.
"You're leaving already ... promise to come back longer next time" I nodded and showed her my pinky. After a few chat we left.
Yuri didnt say anything as she just followed me to the house. When we arrived I could see that she was surprised. "The house is empty" I said as we entered.
We passed by the living room and the main parts of the house. The only place we wanted to go to is our room. The room where we shared everything.
She opened the room and as I expected it was empty. Not a single furniture was inside. Just walls, the ceiling, the floor and a small window.
"Nothing's change" she said as she sat down on the floor. I placed all our bags at the side and sat next to her. "Even the smell is still the same"
"You want us to talk here?" I gave her a nod. "Okay" she took a deep breath then smiled.
"Should I start?" I said because I knew that she was still scared to talk. I dont know why but you could clearly see the nervousness on her face. "Go ahead"
"Well ... Chaewon was right. The old me was no different from the me that you met. You already know about the basics so let me tell you what i've learned.
First is that I had a girlfriend, which was Chaewon. This might hurt her feelings but I never really loved her as a person. I loved her as a friend or family. She was the only one that was there for me and it was just time for me to return the love.
And as you might already know, I broke up with her. It was the same day that we broke up. To make it short I broke up with the two people that I love, in the same day.
Secondly, I was bullied. Since I was little people already bullied me. My only friend back then was Chaewon. She found me weird but still stuck with me. Other people treated my weirdness differently. And all of it got worse as I grew up.
All the judgement and criticism that I recieved were nothing. It was because Chaewon was there for me. Even when I didnt want her anymore, she was still there. But of course that made me close everything except for my family and Chaewon.
I met my other friends when Chaewon was studying for an exam. I was alone that day, all I could think of was ... I wish Chaewon was here.
That's when I met Hyewon, I realized that not everyone will judge you. Others will just be there for you. Thanks to Hyewon I slowly met good people who accepted every single part of me.
Thanks to her I met Yujin, Chaeyeon and Hitomi. I became more open about myself. They helped me in every way that they could. Even if they dont usually show that they care, they do.
We became a tight group of friends. Chaewon on the other hand would be joining us sometimes.
As we became closer, I grew loving them and sometimes more than a friend. I had a crush on Hyewon, she was the reason for me to open up. And there were so many reasons for me to love her.
But I never confessed, the only person who knew about it is Chaewon and now you. When I told that to her she couldnt believe it. I didnt know that she liked me, she never told me anything.
When I was planning to confess to Hyewon, she confessed to me. That's when I realized that I didnt want to hurt my bestfriend. I put all my feelings for Hyewon aside and confessed to her instead.
She knew that I didnt love her the way that she does for me but I insisted her. We ended up having a secret relationship that only both of us know.
Well ... our relationship was good. No fights or anything but one day she distanced herself. She said that I should stop. I told her that I still want to try, cause maybe just maybe I could love her too.
But that didnt work, she just distanced herself and became busy with school. When she was gone I thought i'd be fine because I still had my friends. But they only made me distracted.
They distracted me from the reality that Chaewon and I were slowly growing apart. And the bullies, when I thought that they were gone that's when they became stronger. I couldnt tell anyone what they did to me, even my friends.
The day I jumped my body was covered in bruises, my friends didnt know anything nor did Chaewon. She was the only person that I could vent out on. When she left I just bottled everything inside. Until I couldnt handle it anymore.
All the bullying ..." I closed my eyes as I remembered them beating me up for some irrational thing. Tears started to fall as Yuri hugged me from the side and wiped my tears.
"... I just couldnt handle it anymore. And what's more hurting for me was her ... she didnt answer any of my calls or texts messages.
By the time that she answered her words were 'i'm busy'. That made my whole world crumble in pieces. The only person that I thought would be there for me, wasnt there anymore.
Then I met you, that's when things changed. Everything changed for me. You loved me even if i'm like this, you accepted me even if you didnt know anything about me.
At first I thought that maybe I just loved your presence. Maybe I loved you because I was longing for affection and wants someone to take care of me. But no when we broke up the only thing that was in my mind was you.
I loved, love and will love you. And that was real, I distanced myself from reality for such a long time that I didnt know what was real anymore.
But i'm sure that you, you're real. And my feelings for you? They're all real.
I learned that before I met you I only longed for affection and love from others.
But now I only long for you"