I would be lying if I said that the idea of Matteo having to give up his land and pack if this all ended badly didn't cross my mind once or twice. However, it never occurred to me that he would start believing that he would have to.
In my heart of hearts, I always believed that there was not a source of power greater than Caedes Pack. It was a pack crafted by the Devil himself. My father certainly ingrained that into my head. He never taught me how to do basic multiplication, but he made damn sure that I never stepped over a Caedes border. That was enough to forever leave the impression that not even could the world coming to an end obliterate the power and legacy that Matteo's family had created.
It made me physically ill to know that I might be the sole reason that it would have to all be handed over to Adrian if he successfully removed Matteo and me from all future equations.
I wanted to burn the whole thing. I wanted to absolutely destroy it. Take all seventeen pages stapled together and chew it apart like a dog. Anything just so I wouldn't have to think about Matteo rolling in his grave knowing that he had to presign those papers.
This pack was his absolute pride and joy, well what little bit of joy he was able to muster every once in a while. It brought me to a new level of brokenness thinking about that being ripped away from him.
Was there a way around it? Sure. I could have gotten pregnant months ago and had a heir lined up to take over when we both end up with more blood surrounding our bodies than in them. Was it still possible to organize that plan? Sure, but the chances of me staying alive for more than another two months were slim at this point. I didn't want to spend my last few months round.
I always found that little part of packlife 'fun'. How when an Alpha dies, the pack is then placed in the hands of the next Alpha in line. If there isn't an heir to succeed the Alpha, the pack is then handed down to the Beta. If there isn't a Beta, then to the Gamma, and so on. However, in the case that an Alpha's life is taken by another Alpha, and only another Alpha, then the pack is given to the victor. A year ago, I believed it was a beautiful thing. Now, I wish I could curbstomp whatever dimwitted Alpha decided to make that rule.
Very rogue of them to declare that a murderer should receive reward.
I made a last minute decision to take the land agreement, and a last second decision to take the indecipherable note under it, as well. I wasn't sure if they went together, but I had a gut feeling that they did.
Why'd I take it? I don't know. To buy time, maybe? It made sense, in theory, so I folded up the thick wad of paper and shoved it in the back pocket of my jeans. It wasn't hidden whatsoever, but who was going to question me? I would figure out something to do with it before Matteo came back, so I wasn't worried about it.
I didn't stay in Matteo's office. It was too dark in there, and I wasn't just referring to the closed curtains that blocked out any sunlight. I didn't have to sit in that office with Matteo to know that he had to make a lot of difficult decisions in there recently.
No wonder he was crying.
And I was the bitch trying to force it out of him.
I found my way back into the kitchen. I had to have gained nearly ten pounds over the past month, and none of it went to my ass. Stress eating may just be my only weakness.
"Do we seriously have no milk?" I shouted angrily as I pushed a second carton of orange juice to the far side of the shelf. After another minute of moving the same three jugs, I gave up on making a bowl of cereal. "I can't have anything nice around here," I grumbled, pulling a poptart out of the cabinet. They weren't my favorite snack. The insides were too sweet, so I only ate the crust on the outside. It was more of a chore to eat them than it was a luxury, but I was hungry and didn't feel like finding someone in the house to teach me how to work the stove again.
"You have everything nice around here," Daniella chimed in. I didn't expect her to find her way into my conversation, but I wasn't surprised that she did. Honestly, I was a little bit happy she did. I did more talking to myself these days than with other people. It was a little concerning.
"I don't even have a phone. I'm still stealing Matteo's to play games when he's in the shower," I complained, popping a piece of poptart crust into my mouth. Daniella rolled her eyes and walked over to fridge. "We don't have any milk."
"Yeah, and we don't have any sippy cups here, either." She pulled a bottle of water out and twisted it open. I scowled as she drank it.
"I meant for cereal," I deadpanned. I wanted to ask her for a water but figured she would launch it at my head. I wasn't in the mood to murder her today. "What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be helping with Matteo's little escapade into Vindicta today?" Dani leaned against the now closed fridge, swirling the half-drunk water in the bottle.
"He still has me assigned to you."
"I thought we were over that?"
"Yeah, well, no one seems to do a good enough job at babysitting you, so he stuck me back on duty. " Go figure, I thought to myself. I couldn't deny, though, that a little bit of me was happy that Dan was back to being my bodyguard babysitter. She wasn't nearly as nice to be around as Jack was, but she didn't see me as an almighty Alpha like every other person Matteo assigned me to.
"So you're back to following me around again," I concluded, trying to split the back half of my poptart away from the front. If I had a knife, it would have been much easier.
"Yeah, supposed to be."
"Supposed to be?"
"His orders were, 'do not under any circumstances let her out of your sight,' but I think hearing distance is just fine," she clarified. Setting my mutilated poptart on its wrapper, I leaned back in my chair. I cursed myself for lacking whatever brain cells a person needed to talk to themselves in their head. What if Matteo didn't want anyone else to know that he was preparing to give up Caedes if we both died? I said that shit out loud.
"So, you heard everything this morning?" I asked as she took another swig from the bottle.
"Your little argument with Matteo? No. I heard some rumors about it, but I wasn't aware I'd be babysitting today until a few minutes ago." A sigh of relief escaped, and I felt like I was able to relax again. Laughing off what she said, I tossed another piece of poptart in my mouth.
"What were the rumors?"
"He cried? Some stupid shit like that," Dani shrugged. I almost choked. Thank God, she didn't seem to believe it for a second. She took one final drink, finishing what was in the bottle, and then crushed it. "I think the pack is bored today."
"Probably. There's never anything to do around here," I whined, doing my best to jump to a different topic. I'm sure Matteo would absolutely deck me if he found out people heard what I said about him crying. Ignoring me, Dani pulled her phone out of her back pocket and started tapping wildly on the screen. It was impressive how quickly her thumbs moved. "Well, I only slept for like three hours last night so—"
"Huh, fun night?" She didn't look up from her phone, but I'm sure if she did, her eyes would be taunting me.
"Ha, no. I honestly wish that was the case."
"Shame. If I were the two of you, I'd be screwing like rabbits. Never know when it could be your last." I bit my lip, a little annoyed that she had to bring it up like that. A valid point but not really one I wanted to think about while I was having my first afternoon snack.
"Thanks, Dan," I replied boredly. "I'm gonna go take a nap." Getting up from the table, I crumpled the wrapper and whatever salvageable pieces of poptart were left and threw them in the trash.
"Alright. Just keep the door open."
"Yeah, sure. Whatever."
Matteo
There were very few points in my life where I felt unsure of what the outcome of my actions could be.
The first time it happened was after my mother died. I'd grown to have a bad temper and a terrible way of dealing with it. I don't remember the context of the incident, but I had just turned eight. I was old enough to know what I was doing but still too young to know the extent of it. The kid's name, I couldn't remember it if I tried. However, the dark brown eyes that begged me to release the unrelenting grip I had around his neck was a memory forever burned into my brain. I knew what I had done, but I didn't realize he wasn't going to wake back up. I was terrified as minutes passed, and the color in his face seemed to drain like water. I was very stupid back then. Fear was the only emotion that overcame me as sobs wracked my body. I seeked my father out for help as children do. The only thing my father said to me was, "I'll take care of it." I never asked what that meant.
The second time, and perhaps the most prevalent, was after my father died. My worst mistakes apparently occur in patterns. I was faced with the responsibility of taking over the pack after watching my father shut down from the inside out. I was a scared seventeen year old that wanted nothing to do with leading a pack after I watched it destroy my mother. The power seduced her, and she was eaten alive by addiction, depression, and constant fear. I'd indulged in my own fair share of it only two years prior. So, when my father passed away from obvious poisoning, I wrote it off as cancer to avoid a war that I wanted no part in. I should have absolutely obliterated Vindicta Pack when I had the chance.
The most recent still doesn't have a clear answer. I can still feel the way the blood in my veins ran as ice-cold as the blue in her eyes the first time our eyes met. Her heartbeat was pounding against her chest to the point that I could feel it in my own. She meant absolutely everything to me even as she laid below the half naked body of my Beta. I was well aware of Kaia's status as a rogue before I even asked for her name. The scent was a dead give away; it always was. Yet, every fiber in my body needed her, so I never thought twice as I carried her unconscious form back to the pack house. She may never be meant to be a Luna, but she was meant to be by my side. That was clear, so that's where she will reside until one of us dies. Sad and disturbing, but I can't deny the facts of life, I guess.
As I stood only about eighty yards from Vindicta's territory, I was becoming aware that this moment was going to be added to my slow-growing list. I wasn't sure if Adrian figured out that we planned to cross into his land, again. I wasn't sure that Adrian still didn't have patrols monitor this end of the southeast border at this time. I wasn't positive about much of anything. He was a bit of a wild card at times, and I couldn't help but wonder if he knew he shared that similarity with Kaia. She had been under his authority for years. Perhaps, that's where she got it from. Regardless, the faith I had in a plan that I only had half a voice in was beginning to dwindle the longer I stared at the line of trees ahead of me.
Alpha, are you okay?
Startled for only a moment, I jerked my head to the left. I was peering over at a wolf that shared a similar color of fur with Kaia's hair. If I'd been human, I don't know that I would have been able to stop the frown from etching itself into my lips. Luckily, wolves don't do that shit. The wolf I was looking at was a woman a little older than myself. Twenty-three? Twenty-four? She didn't have a mate, that I knew.
Yeah, I'm sending Kaeven and Luke in first, I instructed, aware that they could hear me. They'll get as far as they can in five minutes, and then I'll send you and Jay in. After that, I'll send the rest and come in last. She nodded, but I could feel her unease. I knew that, in this scenario, the Alpha sending in a group before himself was going to look weird—almost like I was sending them in on a suicide mission.
Which, to be fair, I was.
It made me sick to my stomach thinking that I was knowingly sending people to die, but I weighed my options. All nine of these people had no mates, no kids, and no siblings. Three of them already lost their parents, one lost a mate, and another came to the pack a few years ago alone. I made each of them aware that there was a chance they wouldn't be coming back, and they understood. I didn't tell them that the odds were incredibly against them. Confessing that would be contradicting to the story I'd already told them.
With a little nod, I sent off the first two. They were okay pack members. Nothing extraordinary. However, Kaeven was fast, and Luke could keep up with him on occasion, so they would be fine. I just needed them to lead any Vindicta members they could away from the border.
Alpha! My teeth ground themselves into one another. I recognized Luke's voice. Poor kid wasn't going to be fast enough. I could hear the fear and urgency in every syllable. Help!
Without another word, I glanced over to the female wolf beside me. A cold feeling sat in the center of my chest. I nodded in the direction of the border, and she understood. She barked once at Jay before they crossed over together. Jay was about as useless as they get, but I respected his dedication to the pack. He was only seventeen, so he didn't know much. He was a stupid kid, though. Wasted a lot of his time drinking and seeing the same dealer that I once had. I wanted to believe I was doing him a favor. Amber, the female wolf, on the other hand, was one of the brighter pack members. If anyone in the group of nine was going to make it out alive, it would be her. She was fast and knew how to use her head. Hopefully, she would make it farther than Kaeven...at least, farther than Luke.
We've been separated. I don't know where Luke is.
I was not the kind of Alpha to sit back and watch as pack members fought my battles. It was a hard title to give up. My pack may not ever be aware or even the world, but I would have to live with this moment until I die. I shook Kaeven's words out of my head before they started to give me a headache.
As minutes passed that felt like hours, I felt a foreign feeling wash over me. I couldn't seem to focus on the world around me because I was so focused thinking about what I couldn't see. I tried to convince myself that a few lives lost were better than hundreds, but for me it wasn't. I had never been the Alpha who had to make these kinds of decisions. It had been decades ago that anyone had the strength to challenge Caedes, far before I was Alpha, but now I was stuck between a rock and a f--king hard place. My pack and my mate. A family of people that couldn't live without me and a woman who I couldn't live without.
Send help! Kaeven pleaded to me through our link. I don't know how some Alphas do this.
The rest of you head in. I'll follow behind and meet you at the end. Kaeven and Luke are already there.
Yes, Alpha, they responded in unison. It made me bitter to know that was probably the last time they'd ever say it. Together, the five of them could do some absolute damage. They weren't as young as Jay, but they weren't as old as Amber. They were in that dangerous middle ground of having so much strength, speed, and power that they didn't know what to do with it. Without my guidance, they were ultimately screwed, but they would do a great deal of damage which is what we had planned. Their paws hit the dirt like thunder as they raced over Vindicta's border, leaving me to stand alone on unclaimed territory on the other side.
"Alpha Nerezza." I didn't have to turn around to know who was speaking to me. It was a voice that I had recently become familiarized with. I closed my eyes, taking in what I had left of the peaceful silence around me, before shifting back into my own body. Turning around, I faced the man who looked just the same as he had a day ago. He was holding what I assumed to be clothing.
"Hayden," I greeted, any sense of happiness had disappeared from my body. I pointed to the clothes wadded in his hands. "I'm guessing those are mine."
"Yeah, Barron said something to the effect of only liking to see women naked." I could tell he was just trying to crack a joke and be friendly, but it just made the bitter feeling swell within me.
"Did he give you a phone? I need to alert my Gamma and Beta that all hell has just broken loose," I responded, my tone bored.
"Well, hell hasn't broken loose yet." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out an ugly little thing that resembled more of a stone than a cellular device. Snatching both the clothing and phone from him, I made quick work of getting dressed.
Alpha, go back! We're surrounded!
I was unable to stop myself from flinching at the horrified scream. I could only imagine—
Help!
It was like a kick to the gut from the universe. Every instinct I had told me to run and save them. I balled my hands into fists, trying to ignore the gut-wrenching feeling. It was ingrained into every cell composing me to do exactly the opposite of what I was. I was breathing in smoke that I couldn't escape, knowing it was doing nothing but killing me.
They're killing him!
Is this what numbness felt like? Is this how Kaia felt around her bastard of a father or when she discovered she'd been abandoned? I'd never known truly what it felt like to be just a soul suspended in the shell of a human, but I assume this is as close as it gets. Listening to the people who trusted you, loved you, and idolized you beg for your help while you sit back and do nothing as their words weaken you from within because you deliberately put them in that postition.
Thank you for everything you've done. It's more appreciated than you'll ever know, I said. My gaze had settled itself on the ground that my pack had just unknowingly walked across to their deaths.
Please!
My shoulders dropped. My head felt heavy. I couldn't see it, but I felt the color drain from my face. A single, traitorous tear slipped down my cheek before I had the chance to blink it away. It felt like ice had wedged itself deep within my chest. The cold ache was practically immobilizing.
"Yes, it has."
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7/23/2020