Restless
"Hello? Sino 'to?" Patrick answered on the other line.
"Si Lila 'to, Pat. Alam mo kung nasaan si Ewan?" tanong niya, hawak-hawak ang tanim na ibibigay niya kay Ewan.
She asked Shane for Patrick's number. Good thing, hindi pa pala nito nade-delete.
"Hindi eh. Ba't di mo tawagan? Wala ka bang number?" sagot nito.
"Uh... Ano kasi..." she trailed off.
She didn't know what to say. Gusto niyang kausapin si Ewan at ibigay ang regalo niya dito. But she didn't want to call him and risk ringing his phone three times. Just like what he said that night at the sem-ender party. There's a part inside of her that knows what she wants but there's also a part which remains uncertain. If only she could see him right now. Then, maybe she'll finally know the answer.
"Ah alam ko na. May surprise ka 'no?" Patrick chuckled.
"Huh? Ah oo!" she agreed, looking at the plant she's holding.
"Teka, tatanungin ko. Ite-text ko na lang sa'yo."
"Sige."
"Tsaka, Lila. Pakisabi kay Shane na... Ah wala. Kalimutan mo na lang." He laughed a little.
She sighed. "Sabihin mo sa kanya ng harapan."
He paused before saying, "Tama ka. I'll do that." She hang up after.
Lila paced back and forth. Patrick already sent her the address. Mukhang wala pala ito sa kanila. She would've made a fool out of herself if she went to their house. This feels like a desperate move, she thought. Pero ibibigay niya lang naman ang regalo niya dito. It's like delivering something to a client.
She will give him the gift and thank him for the book. Maybe, they'll talk about that pre-school picture for a little. She'll say her goodbyes and then she will go home. It will be fine, she thought. But her leaping heart and her shambling brain is saying otherwise.
Naisip niya na baka next year niya na lang ibibigay ang tanim. Pwede naman 'yon. But a taxi stopped in front of her. Naghintay ito nang ilang sandali at bumusina. In the end, she went inside and told the driver the address. It's now or never.
The taxi stopped by a huge building. Tinignan niya ulit kung tama ba ang address na ito. Malapit lang pala, sa isip niya. She pressed the elevator and waited for the right floor. Every second the muscle on her chest beats faster and faster. Is the plant too obnoxious? Is it too overboard? Dapat siguro iba na lang ang ibigay niya. She should've bought an actual gift instead of this spare plant in their backyard. She pursed her lips as the elevator slid open. Agad niyang hinanap ang unit nito.
"Lila, anong ginagawa mo dito?" He looked surprised when he opened the door.
She was tongue-tied especially when she saw his naked torso. Ano nga ba ang sasabihin niya? Hello, regalo mo oh. But that sounds so wrong. Instead she put down the plant and pulled out her phone. She dialed his number. Nalilito ang lalaking kinuha ang cellphone. He stared at it.
Isa... Dalawa... Tatlo...
Lila gulped, the phone on her hand. She pressed cancel after the third ring. Both of them stared in each others eyes. Slowly Ewan's lips formed a curve.
"Come here..." he said and gestured her to come over.
He pulled her in his arms. She laughed in his embrace, a little embarrassed. Biglang nag-init ang mukha niya nang mapagtantong wala pala itong suot na pang-itaas. Agad siyang bumitiw.
"Ito lang 'yong regalo ko. Hindi bongga." Tinuro niya ang tanim sa gilid.
Tumawa ito saka kinuha ang tanim. "Are you kidding me? I always wanted a house plant," he declared with an animated face.
"Baliw!" tanampal niya ito sa dibdib. She jerked her hand in an instant. She just touched him naked. Great, Lila, make it more shameful than it really is, she thought.
He asked hesitatingly, "Do you wanna come inside?"
She bit her lip and replied, "Sure."
Nagkumahog itong naghahanap ng damit. She stood there awkwardly observing him and the whole place. He walked across her but she didn't realize that she's blocking his way. Bigla silang nagpatintero sa gitna. She moved to the right but he stepped to the left. They both laughed in unison.
She smiled and said, "Uupo na lang ako." She was about to turn back but she felt his hand on hers.
They both went silent as a certain tension between them building up. His eyes traveled down her lips. She gulped as he inched closer and closer. Her breath quicken as he dipped his head to reach for her lips. Bahagya siyang napaatras saka naramdaman ang gilid ng sofa. She shrieked when she fell back pulling him with her on the sofa. Now, he's on top of her.
She chuckled on his face trying to ease the atmosphere. The corner of his lip raised and his eyes went languid. Kinakabahan siya tila lalabas na sa katawan niya ang puso. Napaawang ang kanyang bibig nang muling inilapit ni Ewan ang mukha. Napapikit siya nang maramdaman ulit ang halik nito. This time, it's different. It's not a peck, definitely not. He softly nibbled on her lips, teasing her and making her feel dizzy. It's like he's trying to tell her something and she responded with the same intensity.
"I always..." He breathed. "...wanted to know how it feels..." he whispered in between their kisses.
He deepened the kiss and pushed himself closer to her. She clung her arms on his shoulder as she felt his weight. Nag-iinit ang mukha niya sa bawat segundong lumilipas. She felt his hand softly caressed her side breast. Nakikiliti siya sa ginagawa nito. It feels so foreign. May kung anong init na kumakawala sa katawan niya.
"Ay giatay!" someone screamed, it was a woman's voice.
Both of them yelped away. Nanlalaki ang mga mata nila. Agad niyang inayos ang buhok. At ang bahagyang nakataas na laylayan ng kanyang damit. Nilamon siya ng hiya nang mapagtanto ang nangyayari.
"Guys, maglagay naman kasi ng kahit ano sa pintuan kung magchuchukchakchenes kayo," the woman exclaimed.
Tumawa si Ewan saka nag-sorry sa babae. Tumayo ito saka kumuha ng T-shirt. Hiyang-hiya siya. Ano kayang iniisip ng babae sa kanya? She's out of her mind. She can't even face Ewan properly.
"That's Jeorge. Gab's girlfriend," he said to her.
Umalis ang babae saka pumasok sa isang kwarto. Tahimik at tulala pa rin siyang nakaupo. Ilang sandali lang ay lumabas ang babae na may dalang duffle bag at isinisilid ang mga damit sa loob. Ngumisi ito sa kanilang dalawa.
"Sorry ha. Kukunin ko lang mga damit ko. Pauwi na kasi ako sa'min." Mukhang hindi ito gulat sa ginagawa nila. She was just casually moving around.
"Uh..." She was about to say something but she can't find her voice.
"Tuloy niyo na 'yong naudlot! Go!" She grinned while waving her hand at them. Umalis din ito agad like nothing happened.
"This is so ridiculous," she laughed.
Napailing na lang si Ewan. Pareho silang natatawa at di makatingin sa isa't isa. When the heat subsided, he decided that they should eat something. She readily said yes and sat on the chair in the kitchen. Baka kung ano na namang mangyari kung mananatili sila sa sala.
Ewan told her that this is Gab's condo and he is here to hang out supposedly but there was an emergency. Dinala raw ang lolo nito sa hospital kaya ito ang naiwan dito. Mabilis silang natapos kumain. She immediately offered to wash the dishes. Wala na itong nagawa kundi hayaan siya.
They talk about the picture. They hardly remember anything about each other except that incident. It was such a long time ago but that pencil she throw at him was kind of a formative memory to her. Tinawanan na lang nila sa huli. She went silent after.
"Why do you always keep people at an arms length?" he blurted out.
Nakasandal ito sa gilid niya, pinapanuod siya. She turned the faucet off and stared at him.
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe to keep them from being disappointed," sagot niya saka ngumiti nang bahagya.
"Or to keep you from being hurt?" he guessed.
She pursed her lips. "Yeah. Siguro," she whispered.
"I wanna know you more, Lila. I wanna know how you like your coffee in the morning. I wanna know if you also eat breakfast food for dinner."
"You eat breakfast food for dinner?" she exclaimed.
He chuckled. "Yes, so I guess you don't? But that's besides the point. Just let me, okay?" inis na sabi pa nito na may halong pagbibiro.
"Lila... I wanna hear more of you singing. I wanna see how you ugly-cry in movies. I wanna see you laugh without a care. Please, let me know you more."
She bit her lip, not knowing what to say after that. It felt too much. Does she even deserve that kind of attention, adoration from someone like him? Napayuko siya nang bahagya bago muling tinignan ang lalaki.
"How do you manage to do this? Every single time, you sway my principles, you twist my mind and you keep me from breathing still." She gulped. "How do I know if I'll survive after this?"
He smiled. "I'll keep you afloat. I'm a great swimmer, you know," he even bragged.
"Hindi ako nagbibiro," singhal niya.
"Seryoso ako. Lalo na kapag sa'yo."
Pinahiran niya ang mukha nito ng bula na nanggagaling sa lababo.
"Ano-
He also did the same thing.
"Ang dumi niyan, Ewan!" sigaw niya sabay tawa.
"You started it," he said and wiped her face with another bubbles.
They spent the afternoon together. Umuwi siya nang malapit nang gumabi. Sinabayan pa siya nito sa pag-uwi. Nag-jeep lang sila dahil naubos na ang pera niya kanina sa taxi. She didn't want him to spend money. Dinahilan niya rin na mas matagal silang magsasama kung jeep ang sasakyan nila. And he then agreed.
Was it too soon? Lila's thoughts poured out of her mind. The kiss they shared, it was too intimate. Napako ang mga mata niya sa kisame. Napahawak siya sa labi. Their first kiss and she let him just like that. Gano'n na ba kalalim ang epekto nito sa kanya? Is it alright? Why does she feel guilty and anxious for no reason? This is her life. She should not be thinking of what might it look like to other people. She shook her worries away. But her brain is such a treacherous organ. It didn't do anything but to make her sleepless all night.
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