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"Thank you for everything Hamis," it was time to say our goodbyes, we both knew we were never going to meet again or even bother to reach out as our only source of bonding was Miss Tatu and in a few hours time her body was going to be incremented.
"No problem, thank you for coming," I nod and give him a side hug. He smiles and walks away. I stare at his body getting tinier with each giant step of his until he is a mere dot and Im just staring at the airport doors.
As I walked towards the plane I realized something. Something that has made me feel reborn once more. All this time I was with Hamis and Miss Tatu just widened my eyes towards it. I have had a major character development, I've transformed from the selfish girl that constantly thinks about herself and thinks that the world is just targeting her alone amidst the 7 billion that surrounded her. The girl who had constant support but never once thought that maybe the people who she constantly complained to had their own problems and wanted to be listened too. To a woman who didn't view her prosthesis as a barrier or cancer as a disease that took everything from her and learning to appreciate everything that has happened to her to bring her to this point. To appreciate the people she has around her. To realize the blessings in her life.
I smile at the blinking lights and wave to nobody but had the feeling that Hamis was waving to the plane too.
I pull out my phone from my pocket, my screen saver instantly making me happy. It was a picture of me, Mom and Dad, Miss Tatu and Sam, the people that cared for me so much and never failed to show their love towards me but I was too self absorbed to be grateful of the immense love they showed me and still complained about my prosthesis even though they kept trying to show me a prosthesis didn't make me any different.
Then as soon as I unlocked my phone a picture of me and Maximus pops up, it was a picture he took on my phone while I was dozing in his car. Maximus... The man who loved me and not my appearance, the man that completely reassured me that I wasn't any different from anyone else, I was unique in my own way and that wasn't because I was disabled. The man that showed me nothing had barriers. The man I loved. My hooded Berry Allen.
For some reason I was more than eager to finally go back home and hug everyone and tell them how much I loved them and how grateful I am for their presence in my life. I wanted to be there for them just like they were for me. Even the thought of meeting the Queen didn't bother me anymore because whether she accepted me or not, whether she liked me or not, Berry did and that was all that mattered. Her validation wasn't going to stop us from loving one another.
I was grateful for the kids I nursed. The kids that looked up to me. Their hugs and kind words, their smiles and never ending chatters. I missed every single one of them and the hardest part of being a nurse is sometimes losing them....
The chain of thoughts and an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness finally calmed me down to sleep.
.
"Hales!"
"Max!" He wasn't wearing his hoodie and shades and and of course attracted a lot of attention from a bunch of people behind their phone cameras. I run into his arm and sniff his cologne, a smell I actually found myself missing at times. I had a second home now and it was definitely in his arms.
"Are you okay?" He smiles and places his palms on either side of my face.
"More better now," I lean into his warm palm and sigh. We were definitely gaining a lot of unwanted attention.
"Why are you not disguised?" I skeptically look at all the people who were pointing, the crowd getting bigger, and Max's arm pulling me closer, like he wanted everyone to know that we were together.
"Today I decided to walk freely, no hiding and no disguise so its an obligation to be this guarded," I raise my eyebrows at all the men in black suits whom I didn't notice until he pointed them out, "oh so today the runaway prince didn't run?" He lowly laughs and starts walking us towards the airport gates, "what is there to hide when I want the whole world to know the source of my happiness?" I groan and place a hand on his shoulder, "that was the most cheesiest thing I've heard in a while," he laughs and shakes his head and is about to say something when our sweet bonding time is cut short by a short man in his late forties with a receding hairline and foul teeth who came limping towards us with a microphone, followed by some young ladies with notepads.
"Prince Maximus who is this," I look up at Maximus and quickly look away from him when I remember about the last time he introduced me to the world.
"The source of my happiness and my fiancé," It was good that I was looking away from him because now my cheeks were tinted pink, and a smile I couldn't suppress was getting bigger. The paparazzi kept flocking towards us but John, who winked at me and his team pushed them away from us and walked me and Max into separate cars, I was too dazed to ask why. I stepped into John's heavily tinted black car and squeal when I'm met by my mom, dad and Sam and violently jump on them getting an unpleasant groan from Sam and some forced laughters from my parents.
"Get off me you bitch!" I ruffle Sam's hair and move away from them, the smile I couldn't suppress now growing even more bigger. My mom pulls me into a hug and I breath her in, she smelled like the ocean, peaceful yet chaotic, " Are you okay Bambi?"
"I'm more than okay," I knew they all wanted to ask me about Miss Tatu but didn't know how to. I wanted to selfishly keep her memories to myself. I gently pat the envelope in my cardigan pocket, I was afraid to open it and read it but yet I was still eager. I wanted to know what she wrote for me but I was afraid it'd come with great sadness and pain. I know Miss Tatu would probably be happy that I was handling this whole situation maturely, that I wasn't a wreck. Deep down I was, I was just hiding the pain of losing her behind a smile for most of the time, but I knew once I was in my own sheets the pain would engulf me.
I wanted to cry but I didn't want to ruin anyone's mood, everyone seemed happy that I had returned early enough and not a wreck they probably predicted I'd be when I stepped out of the airport. I wasn't going to prioritize my pain and be selfish, I wasn't going to put my parents through the same pain I had put them eight and a half years ago, I wasn't the selfish Hales who thought her pain and misery mattered more than the happiness of the people she loved. So I talked normally, laughed occasionally but the stance was over as soon as I shut my bedroom door behind me.
I broke down, more of a mess than I was when I was crying with Hamis. Maybe it was because I was alone and no one there to be brave for, behind the closed door I can unleash the pain to myself, let the tears remind me of her memories; once happy memories but now just painful thinking that I can't make more of them with her.
I had never actually lost anyone this important in my life and this was the first time, it hurt, my grandparents died before I was born so that never actually phased me, this hurt. It hurt even more when I noticed our polaroid picture on the "wall of frames" where I had placed every single polaroid picture Sam had ever taken. It seemed at that moment that Miss Tatu's smile was outshining all the other pictures.
"Hales?" Sam whispers behind the closed door, I knew he never believed my fake stance and knew that I was breaking down behind my door.
I wipe my tears away quickly and vigorously rub my eyes before opening the door for him with a wide smile, he furrows his eyebrows and sighs before seating himself on my bed.
"'The wall of frame,' we definitely need to add more memories on that, but I haven't made more frames," I watch as he stands up and moves towards the polaroids, tracing his index slowly over the one he took of me and Miss Tatu, "She was one of the most energetic and happy woman I had ever met," I smile and move next to him watching the picture of me and Miss Tatu with so much awe and concentration as if it was a major motion movie.
"I like that you are like her Hales, positive and energetic," He looks at me but I fail to tear my eyes from her brilliant smile, I feel a few tears slide down my face but I try to dismiss them.
"You think so?"
"Yes, look at this picture," I look towards the polaroid he was pointing at, it was a picture of me staring at large neon signs, it was taken on the night before I lost my leg.
"You look so happy," I smile but didn't know what he was going at with it.
"But then look at this picture," it was a picture of me with a frown in a sundress in front of a sunflower field. I had already lost a leg and Sam was going beyond his ways to make me feel normal and happy again, but I was simply just unhappy and unable to feel happy.
"Look at this one now," we were back at looking at the polaroid of me and Miss Tatu. She was looking at me while smiling as I threw my head back in laughter, this was a few months after I had lost my leg, I hadn't accepted myself yet but I was always happy around Miss Tatu.
"Now look here," it was a polaroid Logan had took, barely a week ago or so. It was nearly Christmas and me, Sam, mom, dad, Anna and Daniel were all seated around a monopoly board and laughing at a joke I had said. I was happier there and didn't worry or even have the slightest thought about my prosthesis, I felt complete.
"Miss Tatu left Hales but she didn't leave before making sure you were back to your old self, your better self actually. I don't see a reason as to why you should be sad when you should be happy you granted her the one thing she wanted the most..."
"And what is that?"
"You being happy again and not caring about not being complete," I smile letting the tears roll down my face; the whole wall was full of memories, happy and sad memories, there was a picture of me Sam had taken with an x on my left leg, right before going into surgery.
"We should call this the "Wall of evolution" now," I smile and place my head on his shoulder. I had stopped crying and the memories that I thought were painful to think of seemed to bring me joy at that moment, even though I wasn't going to make more with Miss Tatu, the ones I had already made with her were enough to last a lifetime.
"Maximus belongs on this wall too," Sam
nods his head and we move away from the wall and throw ourselves on my bed, looking up at the ceiling with the dim glowing stars.
"Thank you Sam," he looks towards me and smile.
"Anything for you Hales, and if you don't mind I called Anna and Daniel over, they really miss hanging out together, ever since we quit at the coffee bar to work at the hospital we don't see each other enough," we all worked at different hospitals because we had agreed working together would be chaotic and we'd be unproductive together.
"Sure, I miss them too."
"So when are you going to read that letter?" He nods his head towards my cardigan that was on the floor, I wondered how he had known but he was Sam and he knew everything about me.
"When the time is right..."
"And when will it be right?"
"When I feel like it's right..."