John could not sleep. His mind raced with all that had happened that evening. He could not stop smiling, though surely it was wrong to be so overjoyed. He had been wreckless, kissing Miss Hale in such a way. He had not kissed a woman for many a year, not since he was around eighteen. That was only once, a girl who worked at the drapers. He couldn't even remember her name now.
He did not know what to do; the Irish workers were arriving the following evening, and things would likely take a chaotic turn once it was known he had brought them into the mill. He did not know what would happen; if the strike would be broken or if the Irish would serve only to incite rage. In truth, he no longer cared. The Irish would enable the mill to resume operations, one way or another.
There was one thing he knew for certain; he must speak with Miss Hale as soon as possible. It would not do to allow too much time to pass, for she would think him a cad. Would a Southern gentleman kiss a beautiful young girl against a bookcase as he had done? He doubted it.
He would write a note, he decided, first thing in the morning asking if he could come for his lesson that evening instead of Monday.
Mr Hale, as it turned out, had been delighted to have the lesson moved up. John sat in Mr Hale's study at seven o'clock that evening. His heart raced as he caught sight of Marg-Miss Hale. She did not quite meet his eyes, but she greeted him warmly enough. She looked tired, John thought. As though she had been crying, perhaps.
"Hello John!" Mr Hale stood as came into the room. "It is good to see you. What a fine surprise it was to recieve word from you this morning. We did so enjoy the dinner party last night, didn't we Margaret?"
John looked over at her. In the dim light of the room, he could make believe there was a blush on her cheeks.
"Yes, it was a very pleasant evening." Miss Hale said with a nod. "Might I offer you a cup of tea, Mr Thornton?"
"Aye, thank you."
"It is just a shame Adam - Mr Bell - has a prior engagement this evening and cannot join us. So, I thought perhaps we could continue our discussion from last week?"
Miss Hale poured the tea, so hastily that some spilt onto the table. She muttered under her breath, wiping at it with the sleeve of her dress. John was not sure, but he thought he saw a slight tremble in her hand. Was she nervous? He certainly was; the sight of her caused his heart to pound.
"John?"
He had not spoken, he realised, for far too long.
"Uh, yes. Excellent."
"Here you are." Miss Hale placed the cup infront of him, before pouring a cup for her father.
His eyes could not be dragged away from her. If she would just look up for a moment, she would see him staring. He felt debauched in his leering of her, yet he could not stop.
"So, John-" Mr Hale began.
"Father, might I be excused?" Margaret said sharply.
Stay.
Mr Hale frowned.
"So soon, Margaret? Oh, I was hoping you would join us. It does me good to hear you two young people talk."
"If you wish me to stay, I shall, of course." Margaret smiled, taking a seat. "Though I am most tired, I do not know what sort of company I shall be."
"Nonsense dear, you are always wonderful company. So, John.."
John could barely recall what Mr Hale had said for the past two hours. He had muttered agreements, made a few half hearted points, but really he was useless. He could not stop thinking of the previous evening, of Miss Hale's body pressed against his.
"Oh, I keep meaning to lend you a book I believe you will enjoy. I think I've left it by my bed, and I shall forget if I do not go now! Excuse me, John. Margaret, please talk with Mr Thornton until I get back." Mr Hale said, getting up.
"Yes, Father." Miss Hale whispered, her eyes fixed on her lap.
The door closed behind Mr Hale. John wondered what he was thinking; no other man would close the door on two unmarried people in such a way. It sickened John further; perhaps it was a sign of just how much Richard Hale trusted him. Yet John had violated that trust by kissing his only daughter in secret, in a house full of people that might have seen.
"Miss Hale-"
"Please, do not feel you need to say anything." Miss Hale muttered, her hands clasped together so tightly John could see her knuckles had turned white. "I will die of shame."
That was certainly not what he wanted to hear. Any happiness that burned within him was well and truly distinguished at her words, like cold water on a flame. He drained his teacup, trying to think of a response to her words. He set down the cup.
"I am sorry to have brought shame on you, Miss Hale. What I did - it is truly unforgivable."
"Mr Thornton-"
"I can ask only for your forgiveness and that we might forget the whole thing."
"I cannot." Miss Hale looked down.
John sighed heavily; that is what he had feared. If she could not forgive him for his indiscretion, he could not stay here.
"I should go."
She held up a hand, stopping him as he rose from the chair. He sat down, waiting to hear what she had to say.
"I cannot forget it, Mr Thornton. I see it in my mind over and over, I feel your lips upon mine. I do not understand how." She admitted softly. She looked up at him, a ghost of a smile on her face.
"Miss Hale." He breathed her name as though it were sacred. "You have thought of it?"
"You have not?" Miss Hale asked. "I have never been kissed before."
To know that he had been the first man to kiss this beautiful woman gave him an ugly sense of pride.
"I should not have done it."
"Yet you did. Why?" Miss Hale asked, as confidently and as casually as though she were inquiring after the weather.
"Because you were beautiful. Are, are beautiful. Because I had perhaps had one brandy too many and felt bold. Because I have thought of you every day since we first met."
"I thought you did not like me." Miss Hale said. "It is no secret we have not exactly seen eye to eye these past months."
"I do not care for some of the things you have done, nor some of your views. I am sure the feeling is entirely mutual. I think you a smart woman, a woman who knows her own mind and is not afraid to speak it. There is a funny sort o' bravery in that, Miss Hale."
She smiled as she looked down, as though she found something greatly amusing that he was not party to.
"You are the only man who thinks so. Father was greatly displeased with me, though he would never shout at me. He only wished I had been more considered in my response to you."
"Your father loves it in you, I know he does. He is fierce proud of you, Margaret. Miss Hale. Excuse me."
"You may call me Margaret when we are alone, I think."
"John, then." John replied. "Margaret, I hope this will not make things difficult between us. If you do not wish for me to come to the house, I will not. I have already taken unforgivable liberties, I will take no more if it causes you distress."
Margaret shook her head.
"Father would be greatly upset if you stopped coming. Perhaps - perhaps it is best if I do not sit in with you like this. I will tell Father I do not feel well, or that I have mending to do."
"Every time I visit? Will that not be a little suspicious?" John asked, unsure whether to be hurt or amused by Margaret's poorly thought out plan to avoid him. He took a deep breath - there was something that needed to be said, and it was no good pretending otherwise. "Margaret I - I enjoy seeing you. I enjoy spending time with you, even when we do not agree. I thought perhaps-"
"Ah, I've found it!" Richard Hale's voice cut in, the door opening. "Did you two find something to talk about?"
"Yes, Father. More tea, Mr Thornton?" Margaret asked, standing and reaching for the teapot and strainer.
"Yes, please."
She poured tea for both John and her father. When she handed him the cup, as had happened before, her fingers brushed his just a little too heavily. John felt his heart quicken, his breath catch. What sort of a man was he, rendered breathless by the slightest brush of a girl's fingers against his own?
"Might I be excused, Father? It is getting late and I wish see Mother."
"Of course, my dear. Though I poked my head around the door just now and I fear she is already fast asleep." Mr Hale stood and kissed his daughter on the cheek. "Sleep well, Margaret."
"I should go." John stood. "Miss Hale is right, it is getting late and I've enough to be getting on with at the mill even when the men are striking. Thank you, Mr Hale. I have enjoyed tonight's discussion very much."
"Oh, so soon John? I was hoping to to discuss the themes a little further. No matter, I shall save it for next time. Margaret, would you mind showing Mr Thornton out? I am afraid my knee is rather stiff and I cannot manage so many stairs. Dixon is snoring away in a chair by your mother's side."
"Of course." Margaret nodded. "Come, Mr Thornton, I will fetch your coat."
After shaking Mr Hale's hand, John followed Margaret down the stairs that lead to the front door. She did not say anything, nor did she look behind her to make sure he was following. Above them, they heard the creaking of the floorboards as Richard Hale made his way to bed. Margaret came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, seemingly holding her breath until they heard the closing of the door above them.
Magaret stepped forward and walked to the coat stand. She reached up, removing Mr Thornton's hat and coat.
"Here." She offered him both.
"Thank you." He took the hat from her, his fingers brushing against hers.
He went to pull away, but to his stunned surprise Margaret curled her hand around his. She said nothing, staring down at their joined hands clinging to his hat.
He could not understand it; had she not just told him she did not wish to see him again? Why was this woman holding his hand in the darkness of her father's hallway?
"Kiss me again." Margaret whispered. He cannot have heard her correctly, for Margaret Hale would never ask him to do such a thing. In his dreams, perhaps, but not in any sort of reality. John placed the top hat back on the stand, knowing he would be required to stay just a little longer.
"Miss Hale-"
"Margaret." She lifted her head and stared at him. "Please, John. I need to make sense of all this.
"How will me kissing you again help?" He murmured, moving closer to her ear to make sure they were not overheard. "It could surely only serve to make things worse."
Margaret reached up on tip toes and pressed her lips against his. He gripped her shoulders, unsure whether he should push her away or kiss her back. He did not understand what she thought she was doing. He could not deny that he had feelings for her. He kissed her properly, his hands holding her face. He had longed to kiss her for weeks, and that snatched, impuslive kiss in the study had done nothing to suppress his desire for her.
John felt he would die when she hesitantly opened her mouth at the slightest brush of his tongue. He had lost his mind; anyone could catch them like this. If her father were to see - surely he would lose all trust in John. As strong as his emerging feelings for Margaret were, John truly valued his friendship with Mr Hale.
"We can't do this." He murmured against her mouth. "We have lost our minds. You are not thinking."
"Perhaps I am not. I just need to understand what I am feeling for you."
He kissed her again, his hands on the small of her back pulling her closer. When he pulled away, he found his voice was almost gone when he tried to speak.
"Meet me, tomorrow." He rasped. "Please."
"I cannot." Margaret shook her head. "I cannot leave my mother."
"It will not take long, please. We need to discuss this."
"I will try."
"Come to the mill. Nobody will be there, bring a book or something that I could have left behind. Margaret, we need to talk. My mother is taking tea tomorrow at two so will be out for some time, come then."
"Mr Thornton, I - if someone were to see me enter the mill when it is empty.."
"Williams will be there, and some other men. As far as they are concerned you will come into my office and we will speak for a few moments."
"Fine." Margaret agreed. "I shall see you at two."
"Goodnight, Miss Hale." John reached for his hat, putting it on and stepping away from Margaret as quickly as he could. "Thank you. For the tea."
"Goodnight, Mr Thornton."
At around quarter past two the next day, there was a knock on John's office door. He had been expecting it, but it still startled him. In fact, he had been pacing up and down for the past fifteen minutes waiting for that knock at the door.
"Miss Hale 'ere to see you, Mr Thornton. Says she's got a book fer you."
"Show her in."
John stood. Margaret entered, clutching a book in her gloved hand. She nodded her thanks to Williams.
"I'm off out, Sir." He said to John. "We need more-"
"Very good, take as much time as you need." John said, not even hearing the end of his sentence as the door clicked close.
"I did not think you would come."
"Nor did I. Here is your book." Margaret held her hand out.
He took the book from her, frowning as he looked down at it. It was certainly not his, for his copy of Plato lay beside his bed. He should have left it with her, to make the lie more convincing. He had not been thinking.
"This is not mine." He reminded her. "Will your father miss it?"
"It is actually mine." Margaret said. "I thought it best to bring something he would not notice was gone."
"Oliver Twist? You like Dickens?"
"Doesn't everybody?" Margaret asked lightly. "Things have still not improved in regards to the workers coming back?"
"I thought you'd know all about that, given how close you are to Higgins."
"To his daughter, Bessie." Margaret corrected. "He does not discuss the strike with me anymore. You know that I like to see both sides of the situation, and I think that frustrates him."
"Miss Hale, I did not ask you here to talk about the strike."
"No." Margaret agreed. "I - I do not know what I can say to explain my behaviour last night."
"Let us perhaps start with why you asked me to kiss you again?"
Margaret laughed, rubbing at her forehead. She stood a little straighter, frowning as she spoke.
"I - I do not know. We were alone and I needed to make sense of the thoughts in my head. I thought perhaps if we- if I- oh it does not make any sense at all I know!"
"Do you wish for something more to happen between us?"
"You are being very blunt." Margaret said, moving to walk around the office. "Do you speak to everyone in this way?"
"I find it is the quickest path to finding the truth, Miss Hale. I've no time to be playing guessing games when it comes to your emotions."
"I do not know. I - I do not know what I am thinking. I would not claim to have liked you very much, but my opinion of you has changed since I have started to know you a little better. I think you an honourable man, though I think you have made mistakes."
"Oh?"
"I think you stubborn to the point of arrogance."
"Now who is blunt?" John asked. "I did not invite you here to insult me."
"Why did you invite me here?" Margaret asked, chin jutting out in defiance. "Do you wish me to claim I am in love with you?"
"No. I wish to know why you demanded I kiss you."
"You must think me to be very immoral." Margaret said, her eyebrow raising. "I do not think I demanded anything. I asked you a question and you have yet to answer it. Why did you ask me here?"
"I want to know why you asked to kiss me, that's why I asked you here. I want to know that I have not offended you, or upset you."
"I do not have any sort of justification for my actions, Mr Thornton. I came here because I know full well that I owe you an explanation but I cannot provide one. You kissed me, if you remember, the first time."
"Aye, I did. You looked beautiful that night - you look beautiful now. I think you a most handsome young lady, and despite what folk might say to the contrary I am only human. I was wrong to have taken advantage of you in such a manner, and I apologise."
"I - you did not. I was not an unwilling participant."
"You make it all sound so unpleasant, Miss Hale." He said with a small smile.
"It was not." Margaret admitted. "But I have never - I have never kissed anyone, as I told you. It was unexpected to say the least. I was shocked that you would shake my hand, yet only days later I allowed you to kiss me."
"I cannot pretend I did not enjoy it. But it was wrong, and if it is what you wish I will make no mention of it again. I will not tell your father, and I will stop coming to the house if that is what you want. I can either discontinue my lessons with your father or ask him to come here."
"Perhaps I do not want that." Margaret said. "I do not wish anything to change. My mother is gravely ill, Mr Thornton. Please do not tell my father that I have told you. I fear things will only get worse and - and I should like my father to have a friend to lean on. Mr Bell will be leaving soon to return to Oxford and he will have nobody to talk to. Well, he can talk to me of course, but I know he greatly values your comapny. I would not like him to be lonely."
"I am sorry. I did not know things were so bad."
"Nor did I, but I returned from your dinner party to find Doctor Donaldson leaving our house. I found out the truth of my mother's condition from Dixon, but I have asked that my father is not told. He will find out eventually, of course he will but - but I should like to save him some heartbreak. I know he has come to like you a great deal, even in these few short months, which is why I am telling you. Your lessons keep him occupied."
"I understand. I will keep your confidence - if there is anything I can do to help your family, let me know. Please."
"Thank you. I should leave, before your mother comes back." Margaret turned to the door.
"Miss Hale, there is something I must ask you."
"Oh?"
"If - if I were to ask your father if I might court you would that be an unwelcome question?"
"I cannot court you now! Not when my mother is so ill, and the strike is causing families to starve. It will not look right, least of all to your workers. They are suffering so greatly, and I am thinking of courting their master who they cannot reach an agreement with! I would look terribly callous."
"Is that your only concern?"
Margaret shook her head, and John winced. She was so frank he did not know what to make of it. He had never thought of courting a girl before, but he was certain this was not the usual reaction to a man expressing feelings towards a woman.
"I do not know how I feel about you, Mr Thornton. That is the truth of it. One moment I think you quite the worst man I have ever encountered, the next I am kissing you! It does not make the slightest bit of sense."
"Miss Hale, perhaps we should just forget the whole thing if it is so confusing for you." John stood and walked towards the door. "I am very busy."
Margaret stood and walked to him, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. A little too firmly.
"Goodbye, Mr Thornton." She stared him in the eyes, as though daring him to open the door.
John could not help himself, though he knew it to be utterly foolish. He leant down and captured her mouth with his. It was a different type of kiss to the previous two; urgent and desperate. Margaret was just as eager as him, her hands in his hair as he pressed her against the wall.
He could not explain this attraction to her, this desperate need to touch her. He felt like he was on fire; the most alive he had felt in years. He felt young, carefree - though he was not much of either. She made him feel like this. He wanted her desperately.
Margaret moved her lips from his, but before he could step back she had reached up her tip toes to kiss his neck. He gasped, his hands fisting in the material of her dress as he clung to her waist. Before he knew what he was doing he had lifted her up, pulling her legs around him and pressing her to the wall. Oh God, oh this felt so good, so sinfully good to feel her legs beneath her skirts. Her hands threaded in his hair, her tongue was against his. His knees weakened, and almost dropped her in his haste to end this most improper interaction.
She stumbled a little as he set her down, her hand reaching to steady herself against the wall. Her breath came in harsh pants, her mouth swollen from the force of his own. She looked dishevelled and sinful and perfect.
"No, no. We can't - don't-" He stuttured, unable to form a coherant sentence. Oh, Christ.
Margaret did not respond to him, instead she picked her hat up from where she had set it down and put it on her head. It was wonky.
"I need to leave." Margaret straightened her coat and opened the door. She hurried through the doorway without a glance back.
John did not understand that woman.