"Can I stay at your place for the night?"
----
Soonyoung froze as he instinctively sucked in a breath of air. A night with Jihoon? "What...?" he whispered brokenly, his throat still hoarse from the tears he had shed for the love of his life and the male's sick mother. How had it ever come to this? He had left Jihoon behind for his own good, so why was he crawling back, slipping through what Soonyoung had thought were the indestructible cracks inside of him? Slowly, the male had managed to sink his fingers in and create new scars where the old had healed. But then again, Soonyoung had asked for this, unconsciously prayed for him to come back, and now it was his turn to be strong.
Jihoon sighed softly. "I can't go back home tonight. So can I stay with you?"
The words were so hesitant and scared; neither of them could do anything but bask in the silence their actions had led them up to.
What is he thinking? they wondered, though the words were not to be spoken aloud.
How ironic it was that the one who had forgotten was the one who was begging to come back.
"Uhm..." Soonyoung nervously pulled his bottom lip between his teeth--he was sure not to draw blood, no matter how nice the notion seemed in that moment. "Of course you can. Of course you can..." He thought the continuation of words was more to convince himself than the one beside him that he would be okay with this. Of course Jihoon could stay, and of course Soonyoung would be able to bear having him near. Of course they both could... couldn't they?
"That's a relief." An almost humorous laugh slipped from the shorter male's lips. His cheeks were still flushed with despair for his mother, who was soon to become his late-mother, but he didn't need to think about that now, nor did he need to feel it. For now he could focus on Soonyoung--nothing but Soonyoung, and he knew that that would be enough to distract him from his impending grief. "I was thinking you were gonna say no."
Soonyoung's grip on his love's fingers gradually loosened. "Why would I do that?"
"No," Jihoon retorted immediately, a pucker forming between either of his eyebrows. "I can't tell. You're going to think I'm crazy."
"Tell me." Despite every selfish monster inside of him that pleaded to hold on, Soonyoung swallowed thickly and allowed the male's hand to slip from his own. "What is it?" With his now free palms, he wiped at either of his eyes to be rid of the remaining moisture. Then his gaze was back on Jihoon.
"Can you promise not to think I'm crazy?" Jihoon wiped at his own eyes while he waited for his friend's response.
Soonyoung nodded gently. His chest was burning with the urge to reattach their hands, to slip their fingers together and keep them tight in a little knot of comfort, but he knew better than to do that. He shoved his palms beneath his thighs. "Yes. I promise."
Jihoon let out a hesitant sigh before beginning, "It's just... I know you said we haven't met before, but it feels like we have. I feel like I've known you for years, like I know what you're going to say, how you're going to react to things, what your favorite food is, what all your little quirks are. I feel like I know you inside and out." Which is why I trusted you so quickly. I didn't have a choice. "Something inside of me told me that you were going to say no. I just knew it."
The words were already leaving the blonde's lips before he could realize the impact of what he was saying, "But I've only ever told you 'no' once, back when we were lit..."
Oh, no...
What he had stated right then processed with a horrified gasp. He just about slapped himself across the face as harshly as his fragile human body would allow, but before he could, Jihoon spoke and shattered his world.
"I know," the male chided, his words warm with remembrance. Then he froze, too. "Wait..." His head tilted off to the side as his eyes fogged up with a profound confusion. I know...? Know what? "I don't know where that came from... Sorry."
And this time, Soonyoung couldn't bring himself to break the silence.
----
"Oh, you're hom--oooo la la. You brought a friend?"
"Seungkwan, this is why I don't invite you over."
"Oh, bite me."
"I'm not so sure you would taste good."
"My boyfriend says I taste delicious."
"Yes, but boyfriends are supposed to lie to make their significant others feel better about themselves."
"Touche."
"Uhm, guys?" Yet again, Soonyoung was the one to break up the bickering between Junhui and Seungkwan. He knew that more often than not, Seungkwan was the one who started things, but that didn't relieve the stress of being in the middle of a confrontation, no matter how serious it was. "Listen, Jihoon is gonna be staying tonight. Is Seungkwan?"
Seungkwan quickly shook his head, answering the question right away. "Nope," he grinned, making sure he popped the 'p' like he was chewing his favorite kind of bubblegum. "I have a date with Hansol tonight. Thank but no thanks. You actually caught me on my way out."
Jihoon remained silent. He was more focused on keeping his gaze glued down to the ground, hiding the puffy redness that bordered his eyes.
"Well, have fun. Don't get pregnant."
"Dude!"
"Just saying."
With a playful scoff, Seungkwan slipped past the two hovering by the door and exited the warm and cozy home. He didn't bother to say goodbye to any of them, because he knew that they wouldn't be mad about it. It was just part of his "charm."
Soonyoung took a deep breath in through his nose before offering a smile. "How was your day, Junhui?"
The male--who was usually in a good mood--frowned and tiredly shook his head. "Nothing too great. Thanks for asking. You?"
"I'd have to say we're in the same boat."
"Guess so."
The shot each other a half-hearted smile, silently exchanging information about their situations with their eyes. Soonyoung filled him in in the best way he could, and Junhui just nodded, understanding and leaving to settle in his room for the night. They needed their time to themselves, he knew that much.
Thanks, Soonyoung thought softly, hoping that the genuine words would somehow reach his roommate. He then turned to face his friend, who was still intent on watching the floor.
Seeing Jihoon in the state he was, not as bad as earlier but still hurting, it broke Soonyoung's heart. He had to do something to ease the pain. What could he do? What would Junhui do?
A relieved smile tugged at the corners of his lips as an idea struck him. Whenever any of their friends were in pain, Junhui would take them home and prepare them a warm bath. Warm baths always help, Junhui insisted continuously.
"Jihoon," the blonde began, his tone obviously more optimistic now that he had an idea of what to do to make the other feel somewhat better. "You wanna take a bath? My friend says that baths always help to soothe the senses."
Hesitantly, puffy red eyes glanced up to connect with his own.
"Sure. Thanks."
"Of course."
Soonyoung moved to hover his palm just above the small of the male's back as he attempt to guide him to where the bathroom was situated. He made sure that his fingertips only barely grazed the cloth of his shirt.
Jihoon followed silently until they reached the door at the very end of the hall. "This is the bathroom?" he asked in a voice that was almost inaudible, not thinking that he had it in him to speak any louder. Crying always left him exhausted, and this time was no exception.
"Yeah. There are towels above the toilet, and I'll look through the clothes in my closet to find ones that will fit you. I'll set them outside the door--oh, and, my bedroom is right there." Soonyoung pointed to the door just beside the bathroom and tried his best to smile. "You can have the bed tonight. I'll sleep on the floor."
"Wait, I can--"
"No, it's alright. I don't mind."
"... Alright." Jihoon, too, offered a faint smile, though the redness of his suffering took away from it all, and slipped into the bathroom.
Soonyoung used this time to enter his bedroom and find his friend some clothes. He ended up with a baggy grey t-shirt--just too small for him to wear--and a pair of black basketball shorts. He figured that since he could tie the waist to tighten them, they would do just fine.
He quietly set them out in front of the bathroom; the light peeking through the crack close to the floor left them illuminated slightly. He had a strong urge to stick his ear up to the door and eavesdrop, telling himself he was just doing it to make sure his friend was okay, but the better side of him decided against it and took him back to his bedroom.
There, he waited, calming himself, preparing himself. He had almost forgotten that he was also crying earlier. However, that simple fact didn't matter to him. It was Jihoon who was most important, the one who needed to be taken care of and pampered. His own mental state was the least of his worries.
"Soonyoung?"
Immediately, the blonde shot up from his bed to approach the shorter male, who was nervously sticking his head in through the crack in the door.
"Hey, how was your bath?"
"It was alright. And... where do you want me to put this?" Outstretched in Jihoon's hand was a fluffy, pale blue towel, damp from the water he had dried off himself.
"Here, hand it to me." Soonyoung gently took the cloth from his friend's fingers and set it in the laundry hamper, just beside the open doorway. "You ready for bed?"
"Yeah. I'm pretty tired. Are you sure you don't want to--"
"It's alright. I don't mind sleeping on the floor."
"You really don't?"
"No." Not if it's you.
"Oh, okay." Pursing his lips, Jihoon crawled up onto the made bed, the foam mattress immediately curving to support his body. The sheets were all dark, a grey-ish black that complimented the white walls. "Just, if you change your mind, let me know, okay?"
"Okay, I will, I promise."
And with that, the two settled into their beds--one a real mattress, the other just a pile of blankets--and attempted to sleep.
----
The night had gone well so far.
Of course, Soonyoung hadn't been able to fall asleep, but he took comfort in the sound of Jihoon's steady breathing. Every once in a while his eyelids would flutter with fatigue, his senses dulling, yet he was always brought back to the present by the overwhelming need to make sure that nothing, nor in sleep or reality, was harming the person he was in love with.
His gaze flickered over to the window, where he always kept his curtains open, so he could see the sky as it changed in the night. Outside, it was pitch black, every crevice adorned by a bright, gleaming star. Midnight, he guessed.
He let out a gentle sigh as he eyes fluttered shut yet again. He could feel the pull way down at his feet, tugging at his consciousness, urging it to rest itself.
But then...
"Soonyoung...?"
He jolted, eyes going wide. His whole body turned in the direction of Jihoon's voice; it was obviously a distraught voice. Distraught... Distraught? That took the male by surprise. He immediately sat up and blinked a few times, clearing the haze from his vision. "What is it?" he asked, his question tinted with exhaustion. He was surprised to find that the male was sat down beside him. "What's wrong?"
"Just... uhm..."
It was only then that Soonyoung noticed that Jihoon was trying hard not to cry.
"You remember when I said I heard your voice, that one time?" he asked softly, his nervous gaze glued to his bare knees, as the shorts had rode up his legs at some point during the night.
"Y-yeah..."
"Soonyoung, I swear I'm going crazy... I know I am. I keep hearing that same voice, and it's your voice, I'm sure it is... 'It's okay to forget me, so smile, flower.' It's the same thing, over and over again. I don't know what to do anymore." His tiny fists balled up at his sides in frustration, tears brimming in his dark eyes. "I just..." He pulled his trembling bottom lip between his teeth before letting out an almost silent whine. "It makes me feel so lonely, so empty. I mean, I'm missing something, aren't I? God, j-just, I want it to stop." He hunched over his knees, practically curling up into a small ball. He felt so helpless.
Soonyoung pursed his lips to keep from spilling all of their secrets. He wanted badly to reveal what had happened in their past, the reason why Jihoon was drawn to him without knowing it; he wanted to pull him into his arms and never let go, not just for his own sake, but for his love's, as well. Yet he couldn't. He had done what he did for Jihoon's sake. He couldn't ruin it all now. "It's okay. Don't worry about it." He offered up a gentle smile, hoping it was convincing enough that Jihoon would buy it. "I'm sure it's just your mom getting to you." Taking a silent breath, he reached out and nervously set his hand on top of his friend's, curling his fingers to take hold of the other's. "Do you..." His gaze flicked down to his lap before they once more flicked upward. "Need a hug?"
"Yes," Jihoon barely whispered.
And so Soonyoung instantly reached forward and pulled the other into his arms. That was how they stayed, until Jihoon's silent cries turned to deep, even breaths...
----
Sorry for being so late! I was having some trouble getting the motivation to write, but no worries. I'm going to get working on another chapter as soon as possible
-Author 🖤