"Don't forget to turn off the lights when you go to bed."
"Okay."
"Night, Chaeyoung."
"Night, Jennie."
Chaeyoung closed the door with a soft thud. A tired sigh escaped her lips as she rested against the thin mahogany behind her. Her eyelids drooped by now, the midnight Netflix binging sessions with Jennie doing more harm than necessary. The baby pink neon lights in her room projected on her fatigued features as her thoughts retreated to the glum corner of her mind once more.
She threw herself butt first onto her bed. She didn't understand how Lisa could do it everytime without suffering a concussion because she was sure she'd felt a jab in her head somehow. Or maybe it was the headache. Chaeyoung was too tired to fuss over it, having popped pills for her headache just half an hour ago. She had a long day anyway.
All was done for the day. Promotional periods hit the hardest, with barely any time to sleep or eat a proper meal in between music show recordings, broadcasts and the occasional practices squeezed in here and there. Chaeyoung reflected back on her day as the unwanted feeling of hollowness slowly crept its way back in.
"How does it feel to be involved in what appears to be your first dating rumour with the one and only Bae Suzy?"
"How do you think the public would react had the rumours been true?"
It was at a spur of the moment, fans and reporters equally alike flocking them outside the SBS building after their Inkigayo recording despite the repeated warnings and reminders about practising social distancing. She'd heard it briefly, it was hard to miss anyway with how loud the dude was being even among the squealing fans.
Chaeyoung's heart leapt to the her throat at the mention of the name. The questions themselves threw her off completely in spite of her professional self reminding her to maintain the usual smile and the occasional waving. The reporter was shoved away by the bodyguards (and a coupe other fans who found his questions horrifyingly scandalous) but the initial speck of panic that crossed over her stayed in her mind ever since.
Lisa seemed to have heard them as well, giving her a quick squeeze through their intertwined hands and asked her if she was okay afterwards inside the van. Chaeyoung lied, obviously.
She didn't feel ready enough to disclose personal feelings about her love life and sexuality even to her best friend, even as Lisa was the first person she'd come out to. And if she was particularly tired to even talk at the moment, it showed. She was silent the entire ride back home.
She had been scared. And Chaeyoung never had fears to begin with.
No new notifications. Again. Chaeyoung pressed her lips into a thin line as her thumbs hovered over the last tangible conversation she had with her girlfriend. They'd joked about moving in together couple of years later, adopting a dog even and Chaeyoung had implicitly pledged to allow her girlfriend to choose the interior because apparently Suzy was a know-how in interior designing.
That was over 2 weeks ago.
Suzy hadn't replied to the last 'I love you' text she'd sent. Chaeyoung automatically understood, she always did. She was bound to anyway, sharing the same line of profession and dealing with the immense pressure and equally as hectic lifestyle with her girlfriend. She just didn't expect the turn in thier relationship.
Suzy was working hard for the latest Dior shoot, she herself had told her. It was nothing new for them, both sides had busy careers of their own to take care of and spending time apart due to pressing schedules had almost become a normal thing. Almost.
Now a year and a half into the realationship and Chaeyoung still missed her girlfriend just like the first time Suzy had flown to Paris for a fashion gig. Not that they met up on a daily basis (as much as they wanted to) but lately, the texts had been too short for her liking, the phone calls awfully rare and far in between and Chaeyoung had been dead tired from all their promotional gigs that she had yearned for comfort from the older woman more than ever.
Unfortunately for her, Suzy was never around. For obvious reasons, she managed to convince herself.
Chaeyoung logged out of the messaging app and opened Naver instead. The familiar sink at the pit of her gut was evident and Chaeyoung, oh how Chaeyoung hated the feeling. She shouldn't have to worry about her relationship with Suzy, her girlfriend was committed, she was committed.
Or atleast that was what she told herself.
Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she saw what the article at the top of the trending list read.
Bae Suzy sparks dating rumours with xxx after they were spotted leaving together.
For the love of Jisoo's bottles, Chaeyoung had the patience of a fossil waiting to be decayed into the earth and more. She'd once waited a good hour outside a public restroom after Lisa had pranked her into believing that she had salmonella.
She'd used every ounce of it her whole life and apparently, her neverending fund of patience was about to run out.
All but when Suzy had gotten into three dating rumours, two scandals and a sickly convincing lie on national television about how she was still waiting for the right man to come along, the whole time she was in a relationship with Chaeyoung.
So yeah, Chaeyoung was kind of a saint.
Feeling more pissed than the time they were forced to stop performing at that crappy Lotte concert, she logged off Naver and slid into her contacts list instead. Chaeyoung decided enough was enough, she needed to have a proper talk with her girlfriend.
The call button sent her into another flurry of thoughts, a tiny part of her starting to feel pathetic about always reaching out first to the older woman and Chaeyoung wondered for a brief while if she was being too clingy.
Suzy didn't pick up, obviously.
Why did I see this coming?
Nevertheless she left her a voicemail (Chaeyoung knew Suzy barely checked her voicemails).
"Hey, we need to talk. Call me back?"
Chaeyoung cringed at her evident awkwardness. Could she be blamed though, when she hadn't talked properly to her girlfriend for over 2 weeks, hadn't seen her in weeks now. Went on an actual date without a screen separating them? Months even.
Things weren't supposed to turn out this way, Chaeyoung squeezed her eyes shut.
"You ready?"
"I don't think I'll ever be," Chaeyoung chewed on her bottom lip. "I mean, she's THE Suzy. She's that big."
Hyeri smiled at her assuringly. "Don't worry, I promise she's funny when she's not being an actress. And she hates avocados too."
The new information did very little to calm her nerves. Why was she even nervous, Chaeyoung should have gotten used to meeting "big" people like Suzy, it was probably in her job description that yg had essentially burnt the day she stepped foot in that half assed company.
"Holy shit, why didn't you tell me she was pretty???" Chaeyoung freaked out after glancing over to where the actress was sitting.
"You see her everywhere, though??"
"Yes, but not this prettily," Chaeyoung inhaled.
Hyeri stifled a laugh as she linked arms with the panicky mess that was Chaeyoung and pulled her to where Suzy was sitting.
"Yo."
"Bitch, you're so late what the actual fuck-"
Chaeyoung stiffened momentarily. The woman halted too as she did a once over the stranger. The younger girl had trains of panic rush over her and it all but got into a rail accident when Suzy stared back at her with the most unreadable expression she'd seen on anyone and Chaeyoung was sure she was going to pass out soon if Hyeri did not get her shit together soon and start talking or something.
"Uh, hi?"
Great one, Roseanne.
"Hi," Suzy managed, a little flushed this time.
"Great, now that you know each other let's get Blini Napoleons. Your millionaire ass is paying." Hyeri began analysing the menus with glee while Suzy glared pointedly at her friend.
She glanced at Chaeyoung briefly and the younger girl smiled politely whilst averting eyes. She didn't fail to notice the heat that crept up her neck.
Suzy was singlehandedly the prettiest girl she'd laid eyes on.
Except maybe the time she saw Jisoo in krump lessons. Now, the memory always felt like she'd committed incest in some way (she was just weirded out, can you blame her). Jisoo's like a real sister so that didn't count.
Later, she ended up asking for Suzy's number from Hyeri.
Chaeyoung wanted to sleep.
That was physically impossible now, with how her eyelids basically refused to shut close despite drooping like a cocaine addict a few minutes ago. She tossed and turned on her sides, unable to find a comfortable position.
She needed to sleep. They had recording early next morning.
She tried stretching on the matress for the next couple of minutes, pacing around mindlessly all over her room and even sat down to write a few lyrics (when it could be used in their songs, that ask yg).
Unbeknownst to her conscience, a certain someone had been running in her mind all day.
And so Chaeyoung stayed up watching old Miss A videos till dawn.
not @ my keyboard correcting hyeri to hydro everytime i typed her name