this kinda has a part similar to the show "the fosters" ehm it's a good ass show to watch it
"i'm so tired of it." she said with her head down.
"i'm here for you. you know that right?" i said rubbing her back.
"what am i doing wrong?" she said. "roll the blunt please..why doesn't he love me?"
i asked myself the same question just with a different pronoun.
i smiled at her comment. i rolled the blunt for both of us. a good amount of hits later we were pretty gone.
"would you rather?" she asked sitting up a bit.
"hmm...would you rather have sex with derek or never have sex again?"
derek was this kid in our school that y/n found extremely repelling. she'd always say how she would never under any conditions associate sexually or romantically with him.
"i mean..i have some good finger action." she said. "next thing we know derek is packing."
i laughed. "i doubt it."
"ok antonio. would you rather marry your first love or your recent love?"
"like the person i've been in love with?"
"youre gonna tell me that you didn't love maria and jessica?" she gave me a stern face.
"trust me if i would've loved them that much i'd still be with one of them." i said.
we kept asking questions and laughing with eachother. it came a point where it was just mostly the silence and the music. she was laid on my bed. my mom still didn't know she was here, and i'm sure she wouldn't mind. she told her parents she was sleeping at her friends' house and they didn't question her. her family and i got along and we had a lot of love but they wouldn't just let her sleep at my house. plus it was a school night so more through.
we've been best friends but my whole family knew i was completely into her. she was the only girl who could calm me down at my worst and make me smile.
"tony?" she said.
"y/n." i assured i heard her.
"can you hold me?" i heard her sniffle.
i wasn't gonna ask if she was okay. i knew she wasn't at the moment. she got her heart broken. and i hated her ex for it. she was beyond perfect , the way she was a natural beauty with zero effort.
i didn't say anything. i just cuddled her into my chest. i wish it could be like this all the time but without the tears.
"i love you." i said running my hands through her hair.
"i love you too." she said and looked up at me. "more than you'll ever know."
more than i'd ever know..if only she knew.
we drifted into sleep together.
i woke up due to me forgetting to close the blinds the night before.
i was eager to keep sleeping and holding her so i tired getting up and closing the blinds.
"where are you going?" she asked in a sleepy voice.
"closing the blinds." i said.
she yawned. "it's 6 am. can i keep sleeping here or are you gonna kick me out. we gotta be at school at 8. you gonna kick me out so i can get ready for school at 7:30?"
"nah, stay with me." i said getting back into the bed.
we were up till like 4 am before the sun rose. we still wanted more sleep.
i watched her drift off into sleep. i shouldn't have even tried to feel too great about holding her because it was probably just a one time occurrence.
i looked to the room of the now darkened out room and then to her sleeping. she was an angel. i wish she was mine.
i tried to get some sleep to feel her try to move closer to me. maybe she was just moving in her sleep.
but it was casual that she just moved her head into my chest. and i casually wrapped my arm around her sleeping body. and we casually found a way to hold hands.
"i can't sleep." she said.
"it's okay." i said.
"oh fuck did i wake you up?" she said getting out of my arms.
"no no i wasnt sleeping." i chuckled reassuring her.
she just looked at me like we made some calm eye contact and she ran her hand through my hair. some of the light was coming in through the blind.
"you're an angel tony. you know that?"
"you think?"
"i know." she said passing her hand through my cheek.
how wouldn't i fall in love with her? i could fuck girls, i could even be attracted to someone else. she'd be my first choice forever—fuck that, she'd be my only choice.
i sat up a little bit to look at her better.
her thumb caressed my cheek. i wondered if she knew what a goddess she was.
she took a quick deep breath and she leaned in. her lips were the best feeling, but i was taken by surprise so i didn't react how i wanted to.
"i'm.." she said and got up.
"w-what?"
"nothing. i'm sorry."
"it's okay-"
just tell her you're in love with her.
"no no i fucked up and i'm so sorry." she said grabbing her stuff and putting on her shoes and she walked out of the room.
why the fuck didn't i react.
i got up after 30 seconds of processing thing and she was gone.
"fuck!" i said and hit the side of the wall.
"what the fuck are you doing?" said ondreaz.
i was guessing he just got back from partying or something.
"did you see y/n?"
"yeah that bitch is fast, she zoomed out of the house before i could even say hi. did you give her bad head or something?" he laughed grabbing a cup of water.
"no, we're just friends—no we're not."
"make up your mind, dumbass. you friends or not? i'm tired and kinda of drunk so i'm gonna be straight up."
"i really fucking like her. fuck that, i love her. i want her like out of anyone. and i'm a bitch because she just kissed me and i didn't know how to react and i didn't really kiss back and i didn't chase her because i was scared."
"so why are you wasting time? go fucking tell her that. you're telling me something i've been knowing, you drop any plan to see her, you go out of your way to see her, you fucking trip over yourself for her. go tell her, i don't get why the fuck you're telling me."
"give me the car keys." i said.
"don't you have school anyways?" asked ondreaz. "i don't get how you sleep two hours and don't look dead."
"i'm not gonna be able to sleep."
"sleep dumb fuck, she doesn't want you losing sleep over her. it's a friday if you wanna sleep in after school it's fine."
***
i only saw her from a distance most of the school day. we had our last class together and we sat next to eachother.
i saw her sitting at the desk that we both shared.
"hey." i said sitting next to her.
"hi.." she said not wanting to look up.
"y/n."
"mr. lopez, class has started!"
"sorry miss." i said staying quiet for another 45 minute period.
once the bell rung y/n got up.
"y/n hold up." i said following her.
"what's up." she said still not looking me in the eyes.
"i'm sorry."
"tony don't be sorry. let's just put it in the past. it was my mistake."
"can we please go to my house?" i asked.
"yeah get in the car i'll take you.."'she said getting into the drivers seat.
the drive wasnt very long but it was pretty silent.
once we got to my house, we said hi to my family and went to my room.
"aren't you like kinda sleepy?"
"no." i said. "y/n i'm sorry because-"
"tony let's forget about it-"
"no. i love you and it's not like—" i signaled a finger before she could interrupt you. "i love you. i've been in love with you since i saw you in 7th grade, my whole life i've wishes you were my only choice. i'm sorry for not saying it sooner; i love you and it feels so fucking good to say."
she finally made eye contact with me.
"you talk too much."
"no, y/n i'm being serious-"
she got up and in a swift movement kissed me. this time i didn't hesitate to kiss her back. i never wanted to move.
i felt the kiss start to get deeper. i slid my hands from her waist to her hips.
"i like you a lot." she said. "i thought i made it obvious. i felt like i used guys to get over that i thought i'd never have you."
"you got me."
we cuddled up on my bed.
"i don't wanna bother you but can i sleep over again?"
"bother the fuck out of me."
"take me on an adventure lopez. i'm not another one of your fuck buddies."
"fuck that." i said getting up as i grabbed my keys. "where we off to baby?"
"i could get used to being called baby." she smiled. "the moon lopez. the moon."