tatum
corey: where u at? billie told us to meet us here early fool. i figured u woulda went w her or sum shit
does he not remeber anything from last night?
tatum: not going sorry
corey: call me
i roll my eyes, pressing coreys contact and calling him as he picks up on the first ring.
"where the hell are you?" he questions.
"making smoothies for people" i tell him, smiling at a customer who is walking in.
"well get your ass-" corey begins before i cut him off to talk to the teenage girl infront of me.
"hi, what can i get for you?" i ask her, hearing corey groan over the line.
"a small banana strawberry smoothie please" the girl smiles, looking up from her phone and back up to me.
"corey, wait one minute damn! i called you in the middle of work" i tell him.
"wait, i might be going crazy but were you the girl on billies story a couple days ago? billie eilish?" the customer says, excitement filling her voice.
"nope, i don't know a billie eilish" i lie.
i really wasn't in the mood to tell this girl i know billie eilish, and even though i'm mad at billie, i would never come out publicly and say we have a thing or whatever, especially considering my record.
"i'm sorry, you look just like her" the girl laughs.
"do you have the picture by any chance?" i ask her as she nods quickly.
"corey yes one seconded holy shit" i tell him, puting my phone on speaker and setting it next to me as i make the girls smoothie.
"here" the girl says, handing me her phone as i hand her the smoothie.
it was me. i was sleeping on billies bed as billie was standing above me, flipping the camera off with the caption this dumbass.
i smile at the picture, quickly snapping out of it and handing the phone back to the girl.
"weird, but nope, no idea. anyways, your total is $5.15" i tell her as she nods, handing me the cash.
something about seeing that picture fills me with regret. this has been the longest we've gone without talking, hasn't even been a full day, and i thought i would be fine but it's driving me insane.
"alright. corey what?" i ask him, picking the phone back up.
"so why aren't you here? we get in coachella for free and backstage for like every artist?" he asks like i'm stupid.
i guess i kinda am for not taking the opportunity, but i know billie doesn't wanna see me and i don't really wanna see her.
"okay well, me and billie didn't exactly end on good terms last night if you remeber" i tell him.
"god, you can't put your past behind you for one weekend?" he complains.
"she's mad at me"
"you don't even have to talk to her" he argues.
"i don't wanna see her" i half admit.
of course i wanna see her, i just wanna see her when she wants to see me.
"you love her, you guys are like practically dating"
"i do not love her, and we are not dating" i say quietly, making sure no one around can hear me.
"yeah you guys just make out and are with each other every hour of the day, it's obvious tatum" he replies.
"that's not true" i lie.
"tatum, stop being stupid, it's fine. me and kermit could both tell you had something for her since day one. can you please just get your ass over here? her set is in a couple hours" he complains.
"it takes 2 and half hours to drive over there" i tell him, checking the time.
"you can make it if you leave now" he says as i contemplate it.
i end the call, sighing and resting my hands against the counter.
i check my phone, seeing i still have two hours left on my shift, than glancing at my home screen which was a picture of billie who had the biggest smile on her face she took the night we went to the pier.
i missed that. i miss her.
i need to make things right.
tatum: i need a hella big favor
daniel: what's up
tatum: can u come in and finish my two hour shift?
daniel: yeah but i'm gonna need shit from u. u owe me for the last time i had to cover ur ass too
tatum: ik ik i got u by this week k? thx sm
i grab my keys, and head out to my car and speed towards my house, changing out of my work uniform and into different clothes, packing a small bag for the weekend.
i slip off my ankle monitor, setting it under my pillow before heading back upstairs.
"bye ghost i'll see you soon"
"where you going?" my mom asks.
"uh, going to spend the weekend at coreys" i simply lie.
she doesn't say another word as i head out the front door, into my car.
~
tatum: alright i'm here where the fuk do i go
corey: gonna make me miss the first song of the set to find ur ass
tatum: just tell me where to go dumbass
corey: u will see a big ferris wheel right when u walk in. just go there
tatum: r u forgetting i don't have a wrist band?
corey: god, just stay outside the doors. i'll b there in 10 min.
i turn off my phone, stepping out of my car and towards the entrance of the festival which was mostly filled with white teenagers who had a lot of money.
i would always watch coachella live to see my favorite performers, never did i imagine i'd be here, nonetheless personally knowing someone who's performing.
sometime later i see corey coming towards the entrance, handing me a vip necklace to put around my neck.
"billie give this to you to give to me?" i ask him, following behind him and into the festival.
"nope, finneas. billie has no idea you are coming" he says which relieves some of my nerves.
of course i want her to know i'm here, but i don't want her to be set off by it and have a bad show because of me the whole time.
"i really don't think she will be happy to see me" i admit, following him to the side of the stage.
we flash our passes to i'm guessing was some security guard before moving away and letting us through where kermit, billies parents, and some other people i didn't regonzie were standing.
"what's up" kermit asks me with a smile. "i'm glad you came"
"yeah me too" i say, watching billie jump up and down on the stage.
everyone in the crowd was jumping with billie, and singing her lyrics. i could tell billie loved the energy of them considering the smile hasn't left her face once.
"alright, this next one ima need mosh pits to open up" billie says, pointing into the crowd. "not right away, but when i tell you too you are all gonna jump like some fuckin kangaroos okay?"
"i cant believe we are friends with a celebrity" kermit says. "like what are the chances? and none of us even knew"
"i know, it's pretty fuckin surreal" corey adds.
a couple more songs go by, my eyes not leaving billie once.
seeing her like this makes me realize how much i need her. how happy she makes me.
i'm not even the one on the stage, but watching her, i can practically feel the adrenaline. to see her smile like this makes me so fucking happy.
"alright, i have two more songs, and this next one, me and my brother finneas literally wrote last night" she says as the crowd cheers with excitement. "it's not perfect, and we still have tweaking to do to it, but here it is. it's called xanny"
she glances back at fin who nods at her, as she sets up the mic stand.
play xanny*
"what is it about them?
i must be missing something
they just keep doing nothing
too intoxicated to be scared
better off without them
they're nothing but unstable
bring ashtrays to the table
and that's about the only thing they share"
"holy shit this is about us" kermit says in almost a whisper.
"i'm in their seconded hand smoke
still just drinking canned coke
i don't need a xanny to feel better
on designated drive home
only one who's not stoned
don't give me a xanny, now or ever"
each lyric that comes out of her mouth feels like a stab to the chest. i hate that this is how i made her feel, i hate how i treated her. i hate how i told her she didn't understand what i was going through.
"wakin up at sundown
they're late to every party
nobody's ever sorry
too inebriated now to dance
morning as they come down
their pretty heads are hurting
they're awfully bad at learning
make the same mistakes, blame circumstance"
"i'm in their seconded hand smoke
still just drinking canned coke
i don't need a xanny to feel better
on designated drives home
only one who's not stoned
don't give me a xanny, now or ever"
i wish i could run on the stage and tell her how wrong i am, how sorry i am. each word makes me regret last night more and more. i'm so stupid i'm so fucking stupid. i cant lose the only thing that keeps me sane.
"please don't try to kiss me on the sidewalk
on your cigarette break
i cant afford to love someone
who isn't dying by mistake in silver lake"
she repeats the chorus one more time before kermit wraps an arm around me, pulling me into a side hug.
a tear involuntarily slips down my cheek as i continue to watch billie.
"i'm a dumbass kermit" i mumble as more tears start to run down my face.
"it's okay, you can fix this, you're gonna fix it" he says before squeezing me tightly.
billies last song is about to end, as i swallow hard, thinking about how i'm going to be facing her in a couple of seconds. what i'm going to say.
"i'm going to the bathroom" i than say right as billie begins to wave at the crowd.
"what? tatum, you have to stay here, billies about to finish" corey says, putting a hand on my shoulder which i shake off and head off the stage.
i close the door behind me, setting my hands against the sink and looking at myself in the mirror.
you dumbass what are you doing?
you came here to apologize and now you're going to cry in the bathroom?
stop being a pussy and go out there.
"but what if she doesn't wanna see me?" i mumble to myself.
your right, she doesn't. she deserves better than you.
she does care about you, but you need to tell her.
no she doesn't.
yes she does.
"god" i say out loud, pushing myself off of the sink and running a hand through my hair.
look how miserable you are without her, it's making you crazy.
you're in love with her
"holy shit i'm in love with her" i whisper.
i open the door, making my way back towards the stage.
"you good?" kermit asks, as i join him along with finneas, claudia, and corey.
"i'm glad you came!" finneas says excitedly, not allowing me to reply to kermit.
"uh yeah, me too" i say, forcing a smile. "can we talk for a minute actually finneas?"
"yeah, sure" he says, stepping away from the group as i follow him.
"i need to apologize to billie" i admit.
"yeah, that's why i told kermit and corey to get you to come, i was worried you wouldn't" he tells me which makes me feel a little bit better.
"i really fucked up and i feel terrible" i admit as he nods.
"billies also overreacting a little, taking this way out of proportion" he tells me as i shake my head.
"no she's not, she's right."
"alright listen to me, billie is one of the most stubborn people i have ever met, and she's not going to admit she's wrong, even when you apologize she'll probably still be mad" he tells me.
"i know"
"if what shes telling me is true though, you need to tone it down. i think you are perfect for billie, tatum i really do. she has never talked about someone the way she talks about you" he tells me which makes me smile. "but you gotta take care of yourself first"
"i know, i am, i will. nothing it worth losing billie over" i tell him honestly, which makes him smile.
"good. she's in the greenroom, i'll make sure to keep people away from there for a little"
"thank you so much finneas" i tell him as he pulls me into a hug.