Matt was standing in front of the school building waiting for Daniel. His thoughts had been drifting back to the date with Daniel all weekend and even during school he hadn't really been able to focus properly. He and Daniel had spent the entire day together, they had watched the film, cuddled in the theatre, and sat in a café judging people who were passing by the window for their fashion choices. When they had taken the last bus back the sun had already been setting and Matt had barely been able to keep his eyes open as he stumbled from the bus stop to his house. He had been grateful for Daniel who had insisted on accompanying him because otherwise Matt was sure that he would have fallen asleep on the pavement somewhere. They had said goodnight and kissed again in the shadows of a tree blocking them from both the street light and the view from the house.
Matt giggled and leaned against the wall of the school building. He had slung his arms around Daniel when they had kissed and he still couldn't believe the feeling of holding someone he loved in his arms, feeling his gentle touches and knowing that he made his heart race just as much as his own. He wished that he could do that everyday wherever they were. But as usual they both had ignored each other during school. As much as Matt hated the fact that they couldn't be open about their relationship he couldn't argue with Daniel's reasoning. Even if Daniel's parents were more accepting, he wouldn't want to force Daniel to come out before he felt ready for it.
Matt looked at his watch. Daniel was already half an hour late, which was unusual to say the least. At first Matt hadn't thought anything by it but now he found himself restlessly shifting his weight from one foot to the other and ruffling his hair. Daniel hadn't even replied to his texts. Worry suddenly clouded his mind, pushing back the enjoyable memories of the date. Had Emily talked to Daniel already? He still had today.
Again Matt pulled out his phone and began typing but was interrupted by Dan's voice.
"Hey," Daniel said. His voice sounded much softer than usual and he looked down at the ground.
"What's wrong?" Matt asked. His breath caught in his throat. Something was definitely not right.
Daniel shrugged. "I don't even know why I'm still talking to you," he mumbled.
"What are you talking about?"
Finally Daniel raised his head and looked at Matt. Matt wasn't sure if what he saw in his eyes was anger or sadness or a mixture of both.
"Joe and Jonathan told me what's up. I'll give you guys the money."
With that Daniel turned around and tried to walk away but Matt shook off the shock that was trying to freeze him in place and walked in front of Daniel to stand in his way.
"What?" Matt couldn't believe Daniel's words. How would the other two have found out? He hadn't really spoken to either of them for weeks. At school he mostly just kept to himself these days and except for his mother he certainly hadn't told anybody. Had one of them overheard the conversation he had had with Emily?
"You can stop pretending now, I know the truth," Daniel yelled. Now he was clearly angry.
"How did they find out?" Matt asked. The question was not really directed at Daniel but more a thought that had hijacked his tongue.
"Because you told them. Because you set me up. Stop pretending like you don't know anything about this," Daniel hissed. He shoved Matt out of his way and marched down the pavement.
"No, Daniel, wait," Matt shouted and ran after him. "Give me a chance to explain."
"Your friends did a good job at explaining already. Leave me alone," Daniel said and again tried to push Matt out of his way but Matt grabbed his shoulders and stopped him.
"Daniel! Please, please hear me out."
"Why would I?"
"Because the thing you hate the most about films is that people get lost in escalating conflicts that could easily be solved by communication."
"I kind of understand now why those characters don't want to talk to each other though." Again Daniel avoided looking at Matt and it uncomfortably tugged at Matt's heart.
"Daniel, please. I know, it's my fault that I didn't tell you about this sooner. But I promise I was planning on telling you the truth. Today actually. Just give me half an hour and listen to me. And then you can decide what you want to do. But please, I want you to know the truth. The entire truth."
"Why would I believe you?"
"Honestly I don't know. All I can do is tell you the truth and hope that you do."
After giving him a long stare Daniel nodded. He seemed defeated and exhausted and Matt wanted nothing more than to hug him. He hoped that hearing the truth would make him feel a little bit better or that they could maybe still work things out.
He took a quick look around. There were still a few other people at the bus stop. None of them were looking into their direction but Matt still felt uncomfortable explaining himself there basically in front of them.
"Let's go to the café," he suggested. Daniel again just nodded and followed him.
Daniel sat in the usual corner at the back of the café, his legs pulled up onto the bench and against his body, while he listened to Matt's explanation. It made sense to him and he wanted to believe it but it also seemed convenient for Matt. Daniel still felt betrayed. His friend, no his boyfriend had betrayed him. And it felt like his world came crushing down upon him.
"Daniel?"
He looked up into Matt's exhausted and worried eyes. His hair was tousled from being ruffled through so much. It was something Matt always did when he was nervous. It made him look cute. Against all better judgement Daniel reached out to caress Matt's arm that was reaching towards the cup of hot chocolate and he felt every hair that brushed against his fingertips.
The smell of the drink, which usually he would have considered to be delicious, was making him feel sick. Or was it Matt's seemingly caring behaviour that made him feel that way?
"You didn't change," Daniel whispered as a lingering feeling of regret and betrayal was the first real emotion that stirred somewhere in the back of his mind since he had talked to Joe and Jonathan in the morning. A long sigh escaped Daniel. "You don't like me."
He felt Matt's hand as it brushed against his own arm in return. Maybe it was an attempt to comfort him? But he didn't feel comforted by it at all. Mocked was a word he would rather choose to describe what he felt.
"What they said isn't true, I promise," Matt mumbled but somehow Daniel had a hard time believing him.
"Daniel, I'm sorry," Matt said quietly, "I didn't lie when I said that I never intended to hurt you and please believe me, I would have never wanted to be part of their plan. Never!"
"Uh hu," Daniel said and nodded sarcastically. Again he felt Matt's hand on his arm, brushing against it gently, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. Why did Matt have to be so cruel? Wasn't this enough? He sighed when he realised that despite all of this he still had the same feelings for him. His heart was still racing when Matt touched him, he still wanted to lean against his shoulder and breathe in the scent of his shampoo, and he still wanted to look into his eyes and get lost in them before sharing a kiss.
"Please," he heard Matt beg, "I know I should have told you about their plan but since I was never going to tell them about us anyway I thought that it didn't really matter. And I was scared that if I told you about it you wouldn't trust me any more."
"But now I surely do trust you," Daniel huffed sarcastically and shook off Matt's hand. He suddenly felt anger building inside him. "Do you know what it felt like when they threatened me? Do you know what it felt like finding out that the person I genuinely started caring about and trusting actually doesn't care? Do you have any idea?"
Daniel stopped to take a deep breath and when he continued his voice was a lot quieter but shook with anger.
"It's one thing to not like me and to feel like you are better than everyone else. But this? You went too far. You went way too far. You are cruel, Matt, you are just cruel! I can't believe I fell for it."
He glared at Matt whose skin had turned worryingly pale.
"I'm sorry. I can't imagine how you must have felt," Matt replied and reached out as if to touch him again but then changed his mind, his hand dropping onto the table as if it had suddenly lost all its purpose. There was an uncomfortable silence between them while Matt was searching for words.
"I understand why you don't want to believe me. I'm sorry that I wasn't more honest with you earlier on. I should have told you about this from the beginning. I felt really guilty the entire time. Even though I wasn't hanging out with you because the other two wanted me to. I was asking myself so many times whether I should tell you about what they were planning or not. But like I said, I was so scared to lose your friendship. Again. And I didn't want that to happen. I was too selfish. I'm sorry. I can understand it if you can't trust me now and if you don't want to talk to me any more. But I want you to know that I never wanted anything bad to happen to you and I certainly didn't want to be a part of Joe's and Jonathan's horrible idea." Matt hesitated. His fingers were fumbling with the hem of his shirt and his eyes were nervously avoiding Daniel's gaze.
They silently sat there at the table and Daniel studied Matt's expression, trying to find even a hint of untruthfulness in what he had said. But all he could find seemed to be genuine regret.
"What happens now?" he asked hesitantly scared of the answer.
"That is entirely up to you," Matt answered. "Whatever you decide."
Daniel shook his head. "No, I meant the blackmail. I can't risk my parents finding out. But I also don't have the amount of money that they want."
Matt finally raised his head and looked at him.
"I will pay it. It's my fault that you are in this situation anyway, so it should be me who has to pay the price. I can give you the money before school and then you can give it to them."
Daniel nodded reluctantly. He didn't want to be dependent on Matt's help and now that his anger and betrayal had subsided a little he didn't want Matt to have to pay the money either. But was there really another option?
"Are we friends?" Daniel asked and finally Matt looked at him with a flicker of hope in his eyes and a hint of a smile edged onto his lips.
"If you want to be," he said and Daniel nodded immediately. His hand sneaked onto Matt's thigh underneath the table where he intertwined their fingers. It still felt right.
"I think I need a little break from the rest of our relationship. At least until I feel like I can trust you again. But maybe after a while we can be more than friends again?" Daniel suggested.
"Sure," Matt agreed and smiled shyly. "I promise I will be one hundred percent honest with you from now on. About everything."
"Everything?" Daniel asked and smirked. Matt nodded eagerly.
"Did you send me this?" Daniel pulled the slightly crumpled love letter out of the back pocket of his jeans. He had been carrying it around with him since the day he had gotten it. The embarrassed giggle that escaped from Matt's lips and the red hues that suddenly coloured his cheeks were more than enough of an answer.