Ice Queen
By: quinteyl
Critic mentor: Binibining_dewy
Critique for ICE QUEEN
Format and construction of words: for construction of word, unang chapter pa lang i saw some conflict agad, also sa format. merong talagang times na nanazigway sya pero nasobrahan atah sayo pero for sure maayos pa cheer up also try to find a good word para dun. And for format may napansin ako na dapat ay paragraph sya pero nagiging sentence na lang kagaya nung iba. Then sa prolog sunod sunod ang lines hindi na namin maimagine kung anong nangyayari and again still you can fix it ok cheer up. Merong mga lines na hindi malinaw.
Advice and suggestions: Try this guide, "SA TINGIN MO BA MAKIKITA MO PA SILA?!..." ( emotion nya dito) "HINDI NA!" (describe here the expression and movements). and hindi naging malinaw samin ang intro magiging totoo lang ako, nabasa ko ang intro mo at magulo sya, hindi malinaw ang point of view, also ang gustong ipahatid ng bida. Try to use a paragraph para maintindihan ng readers mo ang gusto mong ihatid. sabihin mo rin sa paragraph ang emotion at sakit na nararamdaman ng bida.
OVER ALL: Sorry for this hshs.... no hate just love. Over all, maganda ang characters, ang flow siguro revise and edit edit pa, maganda ang plot, sobra. Do some research also for more information about magical, so that you can make your character more stronger and you can give more and big impact to the readers. Feel the character i can feel through your work na parang sinulat mo lang sya but without your feelings kaya medyo nawawala at hindi namin mafeel yung character.
REST YOUR MIND, BE INSPIRED AND BE INSPIRATION TO OTHERS. MAGANDA ANG GAWA MO NEED MO LANG NG REVISE SA FORMAT CHEER UP I HOPE YOU CAN DONE YOUR WORK, KEEP WRITING
and inspiring others, cheer up, also you can read inspiration books and skills for writing, and watch more movies so you can have more ideas and inspiration
thank you and good luck.