Ilsa has been suffering for months after a particularly haunting mission in America. She keeps having dreams about the horrible events and Ethan wants to help her, but does he know how?
-------------------------
Here are some pictures of Ilsa looking sad and troubled (it hurts I know) and Ethan looking anxious to help you visualise for the story...
If you like listening to music whilst reading I suggest the song "Sweden" from the Mimecraft soundtrack (yes, Minecraft. It has good classical music!!)
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
And below is the start of the story :)
-------------------------
Ilsa woke with a jump. Sweat ran from her forehead and across her neck and she felt the remnants of tears around her eyes. She lay on her side facing away from Ethan, him laying flat on his back. The duvet was barely covering her side but she wasn't cold.
Ilsa listened to Ethan's heavy breathing and decided he was still asleep. She silently lifted her hand to wipe the tears from under her eyes, and sniffed. Then she stared blankly at the wall.
Ethan watched as she lay completely still. He focused on the drips of sweat running into her hair. He listened as her breathing slowed and she shuffled her toes in the bottom of the duvet.
The crashes and the screams were still with her now even though she had woken. Blood and burning mixed together to form a remnant scent of sleep. She couldn't escape that day. The scenes painted themselves on the blank wall in front of her. She wanted to blink them away but couldn't - she had no choice.
Ethan continued to watch, forcing his heavy eyes to stay open. He saw her shoulders tense and a jolt ran through his stomach.
Ilsa could hear the sounds and she could see everything, but for whatever reason she could never ever talk about it. She just let it haunt her slumber for weeks. No wonder she was less witty now, no wonder she hardly wore heels. She was tired. Tired of getting no sleep and tired of having to relive something she needs to forget every night. Ilsa was also tired of being quiet about it all.
Her eyes darted to the right and she blinked a couple times, Ethan gazing across the room to see what she saw. There was nothing there. She shifted her legs and moved the duvet over her shoulders. He noticed goosebumps on her skin; contradicting the sweat on her forehead. Ethan let the duvet slip off of him as she pulled, quickly closing his eyes as he saw her begin to turn to look at him. He heard a sigh escape her lips as she rolled back over and he had to use all his strength not to bundle her into his arms.
He knew it was for the best that he should just listen and watch. Other nights he had cuddled and caressed until she drifted off to sleep again. Those nights she never spoke; only looked and smiled. Those nights he learnt nothing more.
But this night was going to be different. Ethan couldn't bare to see her in such a state. Gently helping her to talk was his only hope of making her feel better. He loved her with all of his heart after all, so he stayed quiet - watching.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
Ethan snapped awake and groaned internally as he looked over at Ilsa. She was in the same position.
Thank God he thought as he recalled his 'mission'. He had only slept for a few seconds.
He watched her intently, slightly worried for her thoughts. He watched as she breathed but was stopped as he noticed her glitched movements. Her side rose and fell at different times, as if she was struggling to breathe. Ethan silently shifted to get a better look, now to see the light reveal her tear stricken cheek.
His stomach pained inside as he saw more and more tears roll down to her ears and across her neck. She breathed out of her nose harder now, as if to conceal the strongest of weeps.
They stayed like this for a moment, Ethan watching, heart-broken as the love of his life wept silently to herself. Ilsa still stared at the wall, her eyes blinking slowly every now and then, and tears escaping in the process. There was a strange silence, until Ilsa reached a hand up and placed it on her forehead. She seemed to be telling herself to stop, and Ethan made sure to make no sound.
She ran her hand over her eye and wiped the tears that were still flowing freely. Ilsa seemed to be getting stressed out and scared now, and Ethan didn't like it. She rubbed under her nose and pulled a strand of hair over her face, playing with it as she continued to sob. Ethan watched still, aching inside more than ever to comfort her.
Suddenly Ilsa pressed her eyes closed tightly. She seemed to cry harder, her breathing now uncontrolled. She brought another hand to her head and let go of her hair. Both hands pushed down her forehead and she let out a squeak of pain as she gave in.
"Ethan" she whispered, her voice cracked and quiet. She breathed his name again, more tears flowing down her face and her head pounding.
"Hey, heyy." He shushed her gently. "Ilsa, I'm here". She felt his arms wrap around her waste and flinched at the motion.
"It's me, Ethan. You're safe." Ethan replied, his tone soft and caring.
Ilsa didn't reply, she just closed her eyes tightly and sighed.
Ethan pressed on - "The dream?" He asked, knowing the answer and regretting his choice of sentence.
She just hummed in reply, a tear rolling across her cheek. She was still facing away from him, towards the wall.
Ethan shifted positions and felt her tense in his arms, so stopped. Her eyes were focused on the bedsheet and she was stroking it with her fingers. She seemed emersed in a world of her own, until a beep was heard from the hallway.
Ethan knew it was obviously their Roomba (vacuum robot) starting his nightly route to clean the living room. Whereas Ilsa did not and immediately began to freak.
Ethan held her down as her head crept up and stretched towards the back of the bed. She was crying more again, and he shushed her as she began to whimper out loud. He had never seen her like this and he never wanted to see her like it again. She was breaking his heart more than he thought it could break.
"Hey, hey, you know it's the vacuum." He said calm and steady, making sure she heard. "The Roomba out in the hall, remember? It's ok". Ilsa relaxed a bit more in his arms. That noise was the exact same as the noise of bomb timers. Ethan wondered why he hadn't thrown the Roomba out ages before this.
Ilsa shuffled closer to Ethan and they both stayed like that. Just together.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
Ilsa had calmed down and her breathing was steadier than it had been all night. She was back to stroking the sheets and Ethan zoned out watching her fingers move.
The next thing he knew she had stopped and he could hear her crying again. He guessed she thought he was asleep.
"Ilsa?" He said softly. She didn't reply.
"Ilsa hey, hey come here, come here" he spoke, endearment in his voice. He slowly rolled her over so they were level with each other's gaze.
The dry streaks of tears formed paths for new ones that followed, and her hair was matted together. Her pyjama top had spun sideways like she'd been twisting in her sleep, her eyes were red.
Ethan looked at her and she looked anywhere but him. She blinked several times before gazing hesitantly at his eyes. They were on hers as she had predicted. Ethan shuffled one hand down to hold Ilsa's and the other up to stroke her cheek. She pressed into his touch weakly and he noticed, giving her a tiny smile as he felt her really relax for the first time.
Ilsa looked back at Ethan and sighed, her whole body was exhausted. Ethan looked at Ilsa's dark glassy eyes, and he saw the redness of the skin around them. They lay together for some time, just listening to their own breaths together and feeling each other's warmth.
After a while, Ilsa broke the silence. "I'm sorry." She squeaked as Ethan opened his eyes.
"For what?" He replied. Ilsa simply sighed and closed her eyes, letting her head drop further back into Ethan's palm that was resting on the pillow.
Ethan spoke again, this time only a little more ensuringly. "Ilsa, listen. Please don't go apologising. You've done nothing wrong, and I want to help you. I love you so much and I don't want you to go through this alone. I hate seeing you this way and-"
"It's just..." Ilsa cut him off and her sentence trailed. Ethan gave her a sympathetic look, silently urging her to continue.
"I always do this. I can't just get over a mission, can't just get over an accident or a slip-up. I always have to be the one to carry it on. I'm like a constant reminder for the rest of the team how-"
She stopped. Her voice was cracked and weak, and she was shaking. Tears began to stream down her cheeks again and Ethan pulled her closer. She buried her head in his shoulder.
"Ilsa listen to me, it's ok, we will get through this. Please, you know how much the team care about you. They wouldn't want this to be happening. We all love you" Ethan said. Ilsa shuddered as she cried harder at his words. Ethan stroked the back of her head and shushed.
Ethan wondered what to do. Should he sit her up and talk it out? Or... maybe not? He was a trained combat spy; he killed dozens a week, but he had no idea what to do in this situation, whatsoever.
Ignoring his ideas he continued stroking her head until she calmed down. She wimpered again and tensed.
"You're ok, you're ok Ilsa." He whispered softly into her ear as she relaxed once more. She sighed and tilted her head upwards to meet his eyes. He smiled and she managed a small smile back, pain not leaving her eyes. Ethan waited for her to make the next move, and she shifted her position. She was now facing Ethan fully, and his hand was around her back, his second hand still holding her shaking one.
"I'm seeing things." Ilsa said, her shaking breath making Ethan's heart melt four times over.
"And I hear them too. I can smell it all as well. I can't sleep." She finished, quickly looking away and down, avoiding Ethan's eyes.
Ethan said nothing, letting her continue at her own pace.
"I get it every night. It won't stop." She paused and sighed, and Ethan saw tears form in her eyes.
"I try to forget. I really try." She continued.
"I know you do." Ethan replied. She looked up at him, eyes sad.
"But it keeps coming back. Now in the day, you know you've had to save me more than once now. I've been miles away in a daydream back to those horrors."
Ethan squeezed her hand as his reply and she went on, her voice breaking as she began to cry again.
"I'm just so tired now. I'm so tired and it won't go away. I- I don't know what to do." She finished, her eyes glassy as tears raced across her jaw and onto Ethan's shoulder.
"Oh Ilsa" he said, his arms both enveloping her in a warm bear hug and supporting her as she grew weak. Ilsa accepted it, burying her head as she wept.
"Ilsa, you know we'll get through this. I'm going to help you all the way. It will be ok, alright?"
Ilsa whispered "Ethan?" in response as she lifted her head. Ethan nodded in reply and his eyes locked onto hers.
"I'm just so scared." She whispered quietly as Ethan saw her go pale. He was quite amazed at how brave she was being, saying all these things.
"I know you are, we all are. But it's ok. I'm here, and I won't let anything happen to you, ok?" Ethan said as he got slightly worried at her change in colour.
Ilsa nodded and wriggled a bit so Ethan loosened his grasp. She grabbed the rest of the duvet from hanging over the edge of the bed and bundled it onto Ethan. He smiled in reply and his eyes gave her a sympathetic look. He gently lay some of the covers back over Ilsa and tucked the duvet around her back. The colour returned to her face, slowly, and she smiled as he snuggled down right next to her.
Both of their eyes seemed heavy, and Ilsa's stung from the tears. Ethan cradled her in his arms and they stayed, listening to each other's breathing and heartbeat. Ilsa seemed like a new born baby in his arms, her eyes drooped shut as Ethan stroked her cheek.
"Thank you" Ilsa said softly, opening her eyes to look up at Ethan's. Ethan smiled in response and stopped stroking her cheek to let his hand rest against her skin. The heat of his skin made Ilsa feel so cosy and she felt herself drifting off.
"I love you Ilsa." Ethan whispered, eyes closed.
"I love you too" Ilsa replied, eyes also shut. "So much."
And with that they both fell into a deep slumber, Ethan cradling Ilsa all through the night and neither waking once.
They woke at 12.46pm the next day at the same time. Ilsa's head rested heavily on Ethan's shoulder and they held hands as Ethan stroked Ilsa's arm with his spare hand.
Maybe Ethan watched Ilsa asleep instead^^
"Good morning, Ilsa" Ethan stated with a grin.
Ilsa looked back with a small smile, her eyes grateful. She looked refreshed after a good sleep.
"Good afternoon, Ethan!" She replied with the sweetest chuckle, and Ethan laughed as he rolled over to look at the clock. He began to tickle her stomach. Ilsa giggled and fought against him, laughing hard.
Once Ethan had halted his antics he turned to Ilsa.
"How did you sleep?" He asked and gave her an encouraging smile as he reached for her hand.
"I slept very well. Very well indeed." She replied, her voice cracking as she melted into Ethan's arms and tears welled in her eyes.
Ethan beamed as he held her against his shoulder, content as ever.
They both spent the rest of the day in bed, talking about random things and playing games. Ethan watched Ilsa, amazed she was such a mess only hours ago. He smiled as she stopped to look at why he was staring mid pillow fight, and she leaned into his arms once more.
"Love you." they said in unison and laughed.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
The end, thank you so much for reading. Leave a vote or comment if you'd like :) constructive criticism is a l w a y s welcome. <3