Clara told me at lunch that day about Helena's casual approach to the Miles situation. From the sound, she wanted to see how things would go and she wasn't going to take a step until he took one first. First-year boys were new and fresh, and his interest in her might have been more of a desire to experience Renault in all its entirety.
She had a good head on her shoulders, and quite the charm to show up to the Fields wearing her uniform and his number painted on her cheek. Her light hair had been swept back, the navy paint standing out against her tan and blush when Miles ran out with the guys onto the grass.
Jimin wrinkled the blanket we sat on as he tucked his feet under him and whooped. Clara straightened it out and screamed for my brother. I clapped too, warming to the day and the idea of being outside as Miles smiled. Even from afar, his joy turned into mine and as the guys formed a hooting circle, he poured his energy into it, shouting as loud as any of us watching.
All of Renault found a way to crowd the grass outside the play area on blankets or in the bleachers. Even Yoongi and his friends leaned against the metal railing and squinted at their warmups.
"Do you see Ezra?" Jimin pointed to one of the guys in red shorts rather than blue. Without the scarf, Ezra seemed different altogether. More energy went into his high knees and stretching lunges than seemed possible.
"Is he on the team?" I asked.
"No, but they needed an extra man. I think he wants to join polo though." Jimin scratched behind his ear, his face lost in thought. "He seems athletic enough."
"You didn't recruit him for fencing?" I stifled a laugh.
Jimin chuckled anyway, shaking his head. "I didn't have to. He tried out, killed it, and then said he wanted to try the other clubs first."
Another figure plopped down next to me before I could respond. Without his ivory cloak Jin was just as majestic, his collared shirt still crisp under his loosened tie and his dress shoes polished as though he hadn't wandered through grass to get here. "Mind if I join you?"
"Of course not." I scooted over to give him more room. He peered over his shoulder to another guest. The blanket appeared small as Hoseok took the final corner with a grin.
I smoothed down my skirt and crossed my legs. "Is today Sit With Melissa day?"
A voice behind the blanket answered. "What a boring holiday that'd be." Isadora's blazer was tied around her waist as she perched on the grass. Her scarlet headband was pretty in her silky hair. She tucked a loose strand of it behind her ear she faced strictly forward. "Sitting doesn't have sentimental value."
"It doesn't," Clara said, "but you could have sat emotionless anywhere else."
Isadora rolled her eyes a bit. "I can choose my company."
"Don't scare her when she's trying to be human," Hoseok said. "She'll never do it again."
As the others laughed, Jin leaned in close. "Thank you."
He didn't need to elaborate for me to know what he hinted at. My head fell on his shoulder as an understanding. He froze a tad, grinning even as I left him alone. "Do they do that in human schools?"
"To those they befriend, yes."
The rugby coach, a stout man that moved too fast to be as human as he looked, blew his whistle. Jungkook and Miles ditched the side in blue shorts to meet Ezra and Malachi in red at centerfield. Without other local schools to compete against, our teams split themselves to conduct athletic events. From dance, to fencing, and even here, the best third-years secured the right to form their own mini squads and compete. It was the closest thing we had to human high school activities. When the captains were picked well, the rivalries weren't half bad.
The four guys shook hands, the ref tossing a silver coin and then handing Malachi and Ezra the match ball after he wished them luck. The boys exchanged banter and wandered back to their sides, pulling into a tight knit huddle. Ezra drew plays on his palm with his finger, Jungkook squatted to chat with his team. As they broke, Jungkook pat Miles on the back and escorted his pack into a wide formation.
"Who do you think is going to take it?" Hoseok asked. He'd sat up crosslegged, leaning forward with his fingers at his lips.
Jimin shrugged. "Ezra's good."
"Good enough to beat Kook?" Isadora asked. "We'll see."
From the bleachers, Helena howled. "Go Miles!"
Clara's hand fell on my thigh before Helena could catch me staring. Because of it, I missed the whistle. The boys sprinted for one another, Malachi weaving through the first line of defense as Ezra shoved other players out of the way for him. Though new to the team, to the school as a whole, Ezra picked up dhampir like they were folding chairs.
"Miles! Get him!" Jungkook shouted, grunting as he and Ezra collided head on. Ezra's cleats dug further into the dirt as he struggled to find a hold on the first captain. But Jungkook held firm, a bull fighter that seemed to wrestle an animal more powerful. He bought time by stalling, just enough for one of Jungkook's other teammates to careen into Malachi sideways and for Miles to meet his momentum at the other end. Both boys dropped Malachi onto his rear, the ball rolling awkwardly into someone else's hands.
The blue team passed the rugby ball like it were made of lava until one of the second-years ran it through the goal.
The crowd at the Fields roared, murmurs of Jungkook's skill whispering through the throng. Jungkook tousled Ezra's curls as they pulled apart and headed to the next starting line.
Malachi whistled to their group. For the first time, I noticed Antero in the middle of their formation, all of their smirks a bit too smug for their next play to be friendly. They stood and assembled, Jungkook and Miles still laughing from their last success.
When the whistle blew, the red team was a blur of speed. Antero carried the ball under his arm, dodging the reach of fingertips by a breath. Miles lowered into a ready stance at his approach, my brother's eyes narrowing onto the council member's kneecaps.
But Antero lowered as well, his grin mischievous as he feinted a step to the left and watched Miles take the bait. Another defender awaited behind, but there was nothing either could do when Malachi and another red team member flanked Antero's sides, kneeling so that Antero could use their legs as stepping stones.
An Ivory Table member soared over the second defender's head, everyone on the field pausing in awe as Antero somersaulted to his feet and dashed through Jungkook's goal.
Hoseok threw his hands out. "Is that legal?"
The rugby coach blew his whistle, the point going to Ezra's team.
Clara made a hmph sound. "This is going to be better than I thought."
Isadora looked to the rest of us. "They're only doing one half because it's practice. The time will pass quick and if they go point by point..."
"Are you hinting at Ezra winning?" Jin asked.
Hoseok shrugged. "Doesn't matter who wins, the team said we're still having a party tonight."
It slipped my mind. After the first practice scrimmage there was always a party hosted by the winning captain. Regardless of their season not starting for another week or two, those of us that could make it piled into one of the neglected classroom towers to shout and roughhouse more. The one I attended during my first year was warm, loud, and rowdy. The need to study saved me from the one last year.
"Why are you rolling your eyes, Mel?" Clara raised a delicate brow. "We're going."
"I have work to do," I said. The red and blue teams blended together as a sudden irritation hollowed my chest. If it weren't for my brother, I wouldn't have come close to this grass. The game proceeded in whistles and tackles and strength but I couldn't focus on any of it.
Had our semester began months ago, I'd have rallied from this moment to the time I stepped foot at that party. I remembered days of being overjoyed to forget responsibility and dance. Studying used to be the worst excuse, and used when I really had homework to finish. But something about gathering altogether, willingly letting our guards down, enjoying stupid fun didn't sit right in my stomach.
Not everyone had the opportunity to throw their heads back and savor good times like that, and the last time I tried with those closest to me, that was the last time I saw them.
It must have been nice for my classmates to live uncontrolled. Really, to live in the bubble that believed there was nothing to worry about at all because we were in school. As if vampires couldn't breach castle walls. And to make matters worse, I'd thought myself into a corner that was difficult to escape.
I stood slowly, mumbling my excuse and doing my best not to face a concerned Clara. As our classmates cheered for a good tackle, that drew her attention back to the field. The split second allowed me to slide from the bundle of blankets to cover of the nearest building. One of the classroom halls.
If I did anything, I had to get through this rut. Spending my third year in the safety of my dorm wasn't an option. At least not when my friends insisted on seeing me out and about, and at some point I think they were glad just to see me in the dining hall or in passing. But even the council required my face, my voice, and my participation. I couldn't be alone.
With that in mind, the next step was to follow them. I'd say yes to the hangouts, to the parties, to the games. But in the meantime, I'd stick to my plan.
Monday morning brought my meeting with Headmistress. Joth's puzzle would be a step closer to getting solved if successful. Then, I'd truly have freedom. Because if I couldn't be alone, if I needed friends around me, then there were two I'd have again and again. It was only a matter of reaching them.
The logic calmed me enough to assure me I wouldn't ruin everyone's experience of the scrimmage. I watched them from underneath the awning, the small bloom of contentment warming my stomach from their moving lips, laughter, and clapping hands.
If I could give them the world, I would have, but I had to find my own first.
"Melissa."
As my peace withered from his voice, he was there. Namjoon glanced past me at the field.
"Are you watching your brother?"
I suppose that if I was I'd be in the stands and not curled up under shade an entire fifty feet away. How stupid it must have looked, to find me sulking in my own timeout corner. Over a party, at that.
With him here, though, the urge to return to them was that much stronger. I could only relive scaring the guard off so often before wishing he stayed away. And I thought it would've been easier for him to avoid me anyway since he did it so well after volunteering to catch me.
"I'm going to get back to him," I said finally.
"Wait."
Could we not do this? The whole I have something else routine didn't suit him. Nevertheless, I stopped because I had manners. "Yes?"
He didn't seem like he knew where to start, but when it clicked, he nodded as if assuring himself. "How are you? Is everything alright?"
"If you mean I've stopped crying, then sure."
He ignored me easily. "That's not what I'm talking about. It's for the school. Have you came across anything odd lately?"
The cheers from the grass were background noise. My first instinct was to reach for the necklace, but I crossed my arms instead. "No. Why do you ask?"
His gaze measured me a second longer, but revealed nothing—not even whether or not he thought I lied. "I keep picking up on something. It feels wrong, like it doesn't belong here."
"I can keep an eye out for it," I said, moving to retreat until he stopped me with a tiny, humble grin.
"It's really a vorvian feeling. I don't know how strong it will be for you."
"Then I can't help," I said, matching his small smile but without half the kindness. Gosh, I hated being petty. Such a sticky web to get wrapped up in. And the worst part about being a child like this was that he wouldn't read in between the lines. People couldn't read minds.
"I wanted to apologize for what happened on the trail." He rubbed the back of his neck, attention drifting to rugby seemingly to not face me. But damnit if he were going to head down the slow friend zone route I preferred him to rip off the bandaid. Namjoon said, "I shouldn't have left."
"It was rude," I agreed, "but it also wasn't. You had things to do and I get it. You're a guard, I'm a student, things got out of hand. Inappropriate relations. Spare me the rest." He raised a brow, his neck craning back in confusion but he wasn't as shocked as I thought he'd be. It made it easier for me to finish my side of the story. "I'm sorry too."
He shifted his weight to his other hip as he scanned the courtyard around us. After finding it empty, he still lowered his voice. "You act like you've had that talk before."
I huffed a laugh. "No, I haven't, but I don't want this to be my first."
"It's not." Before I braced myself, he said, "What does my role as a guard have to do with anything?"
Maybe I should've sat down for this conversation.
"You're... staff at this school," I stammered. "Staff and students don't—," I searched his face, all the certainty there—"do not make me say it aloud."
His eyes sparkled with amusement. "If you're wondering, I don't date dhampir."
Damn his forward behavior, the contagious smile, the charming dimples to match. I bit the inside of my cheek but it felt like I sat on a secret. Something big and uncomfortable beneath me that was all mine to guard and act like I never received. More, my feelings were a ball of yarn, unraveling.
"But you'd date a student?"
"If I liked her mind."
I nodded. "You know, I don't think you have to date someone to like them."
"I agree." He looked to the field again and my stomach dropped as a whistle sounded. "I enjoy talking to you. You're a smart girl."
And a dhampir, but I wouldn't finish his sentence for him.
"I should get back to the game," I told him. He nodded, and the sensation of his eyes roving over my back as I went followed me back to the grass.
Isadora had taken my spot between Jin and Jimin since I'd left. I plopped down on the opposite side of Clara to the surprise of my group. Both teams sweat, the scores nearly matched, and the raucous from students carried on.
Clara pinched my arm, her own way of checking up on me, and I nudged her with my shoulder. As a small group we watched until the very last minutes as Jungkook ran the rugby ball through the goal one last time to get the last advantage before the horn sounded off. Miles and the boys in blue rushed him, all of them dog piling in kicked-up grass while the boys in red gave one another high-fives.
My brother's smile was a mile wide, but for the first time that joy couldn't break the haze that clouded my mind. The guard flustered me from the moment I embraced Miles to when I left my friends and started picking an outfit for the night.
A few hours without uniform and I wouldn't be in pajamas. This decision seemed to matter more than it should've.
It was a party. Guards didn't attend parties. He wouldn't see me in what I chose. Since when did I consider making decisions based on others? Why was I excited to go to this party at all?
While those thoughts swirled, I found a cute top and my best jeans anyway. A touch of jewelry, makeup, and perfume later and I wandered through a side hall to one of the school's somewhat forgotten relics.
As any castle had towers, so did Renault. They used to house some of the larger classrooms and offices, and most still did. Only the eastern tower, the one closest to the woods, laid useless. But I guess not entirely so, because as I neared and caught sight of its gas lanterns beaming in the distance and the smallest whisper of voices inside, my first urge to turn back arrived.
I shoved the door open, a wave of heat and music clashing with the quiet of outside. But as soon as my vision adjusted to the strewn fairy lights and countless faces, the second urge to turn back hit too.
The classroom that'd been on the first floor was separated by only a foyer, but my classmates waved and shouted my name as I stepped into the light. There were few desks shoved to the stone walls, but the chalkboard remained and so did the professor podium. Drinks and snacks were on lab tables to the far left, and across from those were another group of students that'd already helped themselves.
Jungkook, Ezra, Antero, Malachi, and Miles were the epicenter of the party. The cornerstones of entertainment by the way students gravitated to their conversation. When I squinted hard enough I noticed Helena there too, just outside of the group of guys but holding onto Miles' hand all the same.
And since there were no white cloaks, I really couldn't tell the difference in any face.
Their revelry spilled together. All around was happiness, it seemed. And robotically I sifted through the crowd with the same mocking smile but couldn't feel the actual pleasure to get me off the ground.
I searched the waves of students for Clara's face or Jimin's, even Isadora's or Matthias's until the room seemed to sway beneath my feet. My stomach turned over. The heat of moving bodies pressed against me on all sides. The space to breathe seemed to shrink until it was broken up further. Gentle, I pushed through some shoulders and limbs to resurface in the foyer.
Five minutes at a party was record timing. Further than I'd hoped to get. I could rejoin the classroom or tuck tail and head back to bed. War or slow slumber. Two unflattering options until I noticed the spiral staircase base. An iron wrought rail and stone mechanism that'd take me up.
I took it two steps at a time, letting some other students pass as they ventured down. But the music got softer from this height and the darkness up here signified less traffic.
At the very top was a small corridor. Two doors lined each wall, but moonlight poured through a window that bathed them all in silver.
I didn't pick which one I wanted to slip into, I just moved to a place that would let me be alone and shut the door behind me. A tattered armchair sat behind a mahogany desk, but invited me to sit amongst the empty bookshelves there. Other trinkets covered in white sheets resembled oddly shaped ghosts in the corners. Without using the iron chandelier above, the moonlight followed me here too.
I heard him before I saw him.
"How did you get here?"
His figure lounged in the armchair, one leg over the other with his head propped up by a hand. Though as pale as starlight, his dark eyes proved him real. At night, his presence felt unavoidable. Like he wanted to be felt.
"I don't know," I said, unsure of why I could barely say it. "I just wanted to get away."
I didn't think I'd ever adjust to such patience. He seemed to like stretching the time around him, since he had all of it. I adjusted too, unaware I awaited his response until it came.
"I never sat in this armchair but it was a gift for me." He ran a finger down the armrest, and I wondered if he could feel it from wherever he was. If he were anywhere else at all, and the thought of him only being a ghost sent something sad through me. "I told myself I would sit in it for something important. When I received special news or met an honored guest."
Taehyung stared in anticipation, as though he knew the gears in my mind shifted into place. Like he felt the release of wonder too.
I said, "You stayed here?"
"I lived here for a time." He leaned back and fell into his own memories too. "Before he met her, it was one of his spare studies. He taught me things and I stood where you stand."
I looked around me. Somehow my feet navigated me to the center, and that was when I'd gotten distracted by the night sky. "Then Joth was your teacher and that's how you know so much."
He nodded.
"Can you feel it?" I gestured to the armchair with a look as he raised his brows.
He ran his ghastly fingers against the leather again. "No."
"You can't feel anything?"
Taehyung's voice was low. "To do so, I would have to push further into your mind, and I told you I wouldn't."
"Then could you feel me?" It seemed so harmless when I only thought it, but aloud, it seemed to tie us together. My mouth dried, and my hands slid into my back pockets as he stared for too long and I wondered if I was too impulsive. My heart skipped a beat when he stood.
His steps were slow, and every inch he took closer made my heart thunder in my ears. The urge to meet him halfway battled with the desire to backtrack, and as neither side won I stayed exactly in the middle until he were close enough to be there, but not.
He reached a gentle hand from his side. His fingers were long and slender like an artist's, but steady. I held my breath, looking at his touch rather than his eyes. His knuckles brushed my cheek, but nothing truly passed.
Before I realized it, my hand went through his shoulder, smoke curling around my fingertips. His small chuckle was polite.
"I wanted to test my theory," I said, wishing I could turn into smoke like him so that he'd never see my face again. I didn't know what'd taken hold of me, but our closeness didn't bother me. Not even his bravery. I enjoyed that for all it was worth.
I hated thinking that he might not be real.
"There is something else I should tell you," he said. "It has to do with why I came."
Despite the warning flaring in my head, I listened.
"Before you and I spoke, I felt you." His gaze flicked to the necklace. "Strong desire and a connection to you, the thoughts I had a chance to see because you didn't know I was there. There is something you think about all the time, and I couldn't tell you then, but I apologize."
That warning grew louder, threatened me to step away from him so that I didn't have to see it again. But all I could do was will my own tears back.
"I'm sorry about your friends." He swallowed, his eye contact too heavy. Too representative of years and years of meaning words like these. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
My voice cracked. "You being there wouldn't have done anything."
I would've seen their bodies and learned to hate his face too.
But he shook his head, insistent. "I still should've been. I could've protected you."
"It's not your job to protect me."
"That doesn't mean I don't want to," he said.
It was too much too fast. He couldn't hand this to me and expect me to comprehend all of it, and the shadows behind his somber eyes pleaded for something I couldn't even put my finger on.
"What are we?" I blurted. "What is this?"
He looked like he wanted to reach for my hands but thought against it. I'm not even sure if I'd have let him hold them.
"I barely know you and—,"
Don't say it, Mel. This is a fever dream. A road you can't go down.
"I feel like I'm supposed to care for you."
The softest way of putting it, but it really was the sensation of two magnets pulling together. Of realizing, maybe foolishly, I've lived my life out of routine until I met him—and I couldn't even touch his hand.
He only looked at my lips for a split second, a gesture that lit me as ablaze as the moon. "You aren't supposed to do anything."
"You didn't answer my question."
His sad grin seemed to be more polite than giving. "I won't let it happen to you again, Melissa."
I believed him.
He said, "Please. If you do anything, do not be afraid of me. I may trust you more than you'll ever trust me. As long as you aren't afraid."
But I wasn't going to lie to him. He terrified me how I didn't even think fear applied. If I ran from him, it wasn't going to be for my life, but from a life that had him in it.
The same sense of forever that filled me from the moment I picked up the necklace buzzed around us.
"I won't be," I lied anyway.
"Enjoy your evening." He started to vanish at the waist and legs until I grabbed for his shoulder again, blushing as my hand went through it. He stopped still.
"Stay for a bit. Tell me about your office."
Before I knew it, he reappeared in his full entirety. We spoke until the music below stopped, and even after that.
✥ • • • • • ✥
(A/N) Lovely students,
Sorry this took a day longer than schedule! Blame catchumylife and League of Legends :/
Anyway, I'd love to ask for a little checkup! How are you doing with the story? I hope you're enjoying yourself still ❤️
Thank you for reading, by the way. Always thank you.
Next release: 7/22, July 22nd
With love,
Milan