He felt tired, so tired. Evan walked in a very stiff manner towards his room, showered and changed into fresh clothes. Looking at the plush bed he saw his wife lying at her side, without making any noise he in a very slow motion slipped into the duvet. He didn't want to wake her up.
"Had your dinner?"
Evan exhaled a deep breath and tilted his head sideways to look at his wife, the love of his life Zess. "Yeah."
Zess turned around to face her husband, inside his firm and cold mask she knew he was hurting every second.
"I know when you are being a liar, dear husband."
She was about to get up when Evan gripped her wrist. "I am not hungry Zess."
Zess yanked away her wrist from his. "Like I am going to listen to you."
None of his protests worked, like always. And so after fifteen minutes Evan was sat at the dinning table eating the heated up dinner. None of them talked.
Zess was washing away the dishes in sink when Evan leaned beside her, staring at nothing particularly outside the kitchen window.
Sighing loudly, Zess finally put the last one of cutlery down.
"Evan, look at me."
Evan moved his gaze from the window to look at Zess's determined eyes. the haunting look in his eyes were clearly visible.
"Evan.. I know that you miss Emma everyday, I can understand how you feel guilty over whatever happened years back. But in this guilt Evan, you are ignoring... pushing away everything else in your life - in our life Evan."
Evan was staring at her blankly.
Her voice was so broken. "But I cant take this anymore Evan, I just cant. You have wrapped yourself up such a way in a shell Evan and I am trying so hard... so hard to cope with this."
Zess paused in the middle of her sentence while Evan silently held her hand, but Zess brushed it away immediately. Her eyes welling up. Gulping down the lump in her throat, she rested her back against the sink in resignation.
"It was my ultrasound today."
Evan closed his eyes tight, he again missed it. "Zess, I'm so.."
"How many times more will you say sorry Evan? I am so done with it all. Can't you see you beating yourself up for your guilt is affecting other people around too?" The sadness in her words cut his heart deeply.
Evan now reached out for her hands and held them still instead of her protests...
"I kept dialing your number..." Zess's voice trembled.
"My phone was in silent.." Evan said guiltily.
Zess chuckled humorlessly. "It always is."
Evan's heart broke seeing her stifle a sob.
"I kept waiting and waiting in the hospital but you didn't show up - you never did."
Evan's one hand wrapped around her swollen belly, Zess was five months pregnant. They were having their first child and Evan realized that he was missing out the whole experience, he was neglecting his responsibilities towards his wife and child.
"I am sorry Zess, so so sorry. In the grief of - guilt of loosing Emma I didn't realize that I was pushing you away. Pushing our little one away."
He placed a light kiss on her temple. "I promise Zess, this would never happen again. I promise you or our baby would never have to feel like this ever again. I promise. Just trust me this once."
Zess's sobs didn't reduce but increased instead as she bit her bottom lip to control them, those damn pregnancy hormones were getting onto her nerves pretty often recently.
"Then you better get me some vanilla ice-cream first." She snapped between her hiccuping sobs.
Evan chuckled in response.
Tucking Zess inside the duvet properly Evan walked around the bed to stand beside the window, he stared at the darkness outside. From now on he really would give his best to keep his family happy. For his own damn mistakes he had lost Emma, he wasn't there.. not a single time when she needed him. He kept pushing away what was close to him for something which he didn't have and the result of it all - a life long of misery. He wont let history repeat itself, he wont let Zess suffer like the way Emma did - because of him.
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( **Flashback** )
Evan stood horrified looking at the broken mirror in the bathroom and the sleeping pills scattered around with the shreds of broken glasses.
"Emma."
He shouted her name now in panic once again.
It was when the evening sun had set down, Evan was curious at the death like silence in the whole house. Emma hardly went out after sunset, he had not even heard anything connected to her the whole day. Which suddenly made him a little curious and worried. At first like always he yelled her name numerous times standing down in the living room.
Nothing.
Grunting and mentally preparing himself to snap at her when he would see her. Evan leaped his way upstairs through the staircase and immediately he was greeted with this mess of her belongings.
Turning around from the broken mirror Evan watched wide mouthed at her now empty wardrobes, half of her clothes were vanished and half of them were lying on the floor in a pile.
Evan almost ran towards Emma's bed, his condition quite aimless and terrified at the thousand possibilities. He raked a hand through his hair not knowing what to do when his eyes fell upon the piece of paper over her bedside table, a corner of it tucked under an empty vase.
Evan reached out for the paper with a trembling hand, his other hand removing the vase. As he read each word of the letter, Evan's eyes went moist with unshed tears. An unknown fear gripped his whole being.
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I realized that I have been nothing but a burden to you all, a nuisance. I am sorry that my disturbing presence have annoyed you always. If I could change that I would have a long time ago.
Today I realized that if I am no more into your lives that would make no difference. So I am freeing you all from my presence, from seeing my face and bearing me anymore.
I wish you all a very happy life ahead. Don't try to search for me, not that anyone would anyway.
- Emma Stewart.
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Suddenly at the end of the letter Evan didn't know what to feel anymore. He felt like he was burnt - pretty badly, his heart painfully stuck in his throat. He just knew that he was responsible for this but suddenly another thought came into his mind.
Earlier today he had heard this gossip from one of his friend about how Brandan and Emma kissed at one secluded corner at the party last night. He brushed away this thinking it to be just a false rumor, from when did Brandan started getting interested in Emma? He didn't believe in such useless talks of some stupid gossip-mongers.
But now holding this letter in hand, Emma leaving home - those talks didn't seem that much useless anymore. He got suspicious. He had this sinking feeling like Brandan had something to do with this.
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Brandan was sitting at the edge of his bed, his head hung low and his elbows lazily and tiredly resting on his knees. To say he was feeling miserable, would be less.
He had stayed in the confines of his bedroom since he left Emma humiliated beyond limits. He was feeling disgusted at himself.
Yes, he was the popular player, alright, but that didn't mean he had the right to behave in such a way with a woman like that. He felt like a fuc*** bast***. Whatever mean words he said about Emma, he himself knew that none of them were true. How could he say all those things?
The issue of marriage and his fear about the whole thing, he couldn't use it as the fair reason of his aggressive behavior anymore.
He had admitted to himself that last night was the best night of his life, not that he would confess this aloud to anyone else but let's face the truth for once. His ballistic heart and mind reminisced how it was the most passionate, the most incredible night he had ever spent with a woman.
Emma had always this natural, unique aura around her but last night, she looked like an angel descended straight from heaven - just for him.
Brandan shook his head several times to clear all this thoughts but failed miserably.
Then there were those immaculate three words he said, that he loved her. Where did that come from? The more he thought, the more he felt restless and dizzy. He wasn't used to all this feelings attacking him like dozens of bricks falling upon his head all at once.
"I need to go see her." He murmured to himself.
He stood up in a dash. "And I have to apologize."
Though he doubted if she would ever forgive him after how he treated her this morning, he still however felt desperate to apologize. He wanted to torment her, alright, but he had definitely crossed the line here.
He stopped midway though when Evan suddenly burst in almost yanking his bedroom door off of its frame. The next second, he found his collar being held roughly by Evan's muscly hands.
"What the hell did you do to my sister?" Evan screamed over Brandan's face making him utterly surprised by the sudden attack.
"freaking hell! what is wrong with you?" Brandan questioned back.
Evan snapped with venom, "Just answer me damn it, people saw you kissing Emma last night. So you better tell me what the f*** happened?"
Yanking away his hands Brandan yelled back now annoyed. "You should leave Evan, looks like you are not in your right mind."
That resulted Evan to clench his fists. "Yes, I am not in my right mind. Do you know why?"
Brandan just stared at his best friend questioningly and a little bit irritatedly.
" Because, Emma left. She's GONE. " Evan said breathing heavy.
Brandan felt the ground slipping away from beneath his feet.
With shaking voice he asked. "What do you mean by she's gone? She must have been to some friend's."
It was what Brandan hoped and prayed for her to be at. Evan breathed heavily, his eyes red with a number of emotions. With a defeated yet still enraged expression he slowly revealed Emma's letter from his pocket.
Slowly, Brandan held the letter open from its folded position with trembling hands and the shock after reading the letter, the burden of guilt and repentance that followed was indescribable. Brandan slumped back against the wall behind him, for a few seconds he zoned out of the present. He felt the words written, hit him like a thousand punches in his chest.
That was it, he had pushed her to the edge. He had finally broken her enough to drive her away from all of their lives. Each word she had written and the words he said to her in the morning kept spinning in his mind and stabbed continuously like a set of butcher knives.
Brandan whispered in a devastated tone, "I shouldn't have... I shouldn't ..."
"What Brandan? what did you do?" Evan inquired.
Brandan was in a fit of daze, so when Evan bellowed at his face, "Fucking speak it up Brandan."
Brandan found himself blabbering in a hoarse voice. "I.. I slept with her.. we.. last night. I said things to her in the morning... she.. Emma.."
His tangled, messy words barely understandable were interrupted by a shattering punch across his jaw, another one similar to the earlier punch hit his stomach. Evan was moving his hand backwards to hit him again now in his ribs intending to break something underneath his skin and flesh. But suddenly, Brandan got his senses back, now his own rage followed with terrible force.
In a matter of seconds Evan was thrown on the floor as Brandan now connected his fist to his nose.
"I have done a grave mistake, a sin. But Evan, you..." Brandan kicked his knee to Evan's stomach still hovering over him, "You too weren't innocent..."
"Emma told me everything about how you moron of a brother have blamed her for your mother's death." Brandan yelled frustrated.
Both of them were shaking in anger when suddenly Brandan's eyes fell upon a furious male figure standing at the door.
Robert glared at both of the men who were now bleeding and struggling to stand upon their own feet. Brandan hung his head low in shame, seeing the disgust in his fathers eyes. He realized that Robert had heard everything. Brandan couldn't meet Robert's eyes for the first time in his life and another realization hit him to the core that he had driven his own life at a place where only darkness and disappointment could be seen, there was no light. This was what Robert had been foreseeing all this while, and Brandan could see that now. There was no hope anymore in his father's eyes, nothing for him was left there anymore.
Brandan raised up his head and looked at his father with tears of guilt and shame in his eyes, but what he saw in Robert's eyes... numbed him. There was so much disappointment and sadness reflecting from the way his father stared back at his own flesh and blood.
And like that, without saying a single word, Robert left from there. That was the last time he ever spoke to his only son - Brandan.
That was the last day of Evan and Brandan's friendship, only hatred was what left between them.
( **End of Flashback** )
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Emma's departure turned all of their lives upside down. Now when Brandan would read her last letter sitting alone in dark lonely nights, he would imagine her sitting beside him. Then he would tell her... that how wrong she was, her absence made difference... a lot of difference to him and to all of them.
And he would beg her in his dreams to come back, to give him a chance to show her how sorry he was, that he missed her, that he would do anything she asked him to do. He would bear any sentence she gave him as a punishment with a smile on his lips, he would take it all with his head bowed down.
He wanted to let her know that he had realized his love for her when he lost her, that he had accepted his feelings for her and that he would be a lucky man if she was in his life.
But as the morning sun chased away the darkness, his dreams would also come to an end. He knew that his dreams were always meant to be just dreams, she was never going to come back.
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If you liked this chapter my dear readers, please vote and comment. Your constructive comments are really helpful for me to understand my mistakes, improve my writing and inspire me.
Thanks to all those sweet readers who are voting and commenting, I really appreciate you guys. Love u...
Before I leave, I wanted to ask you guys... are you liking the way this story is moving forward? Do you like the characters? Do you have questions which don't include the future story line?