Chapter 18
One week staying with the Tan is happiness. Tita Aimee treated me like her own daughter, as tito Jonathan. Joshmer, we go to school and home together and study.
My brother, Harris, always asks me if I'm good but my parents never ask me. But that's okay, I'm trying to regain myself now. I'm striving for my studies so I can help them in the future, even if they disown me.
"Hindi ba kayo sasama mamaya? Inom?" Tanong ni Desiree sa amin. Nandito kami ngayon sa mini john hay ng campus. Walang masyadong students at napakarefreshing dito.
"Gonna review." Tipid na sagot ni Joshmer. Umirap si Desiree dahil don kaya bahagya akong natawa.
"Two weeks pa naman before the finals!" Singit ni Tascia. Bahagya tuloy akong nakonsensiya dahil baka miss na nila sa galaan si Joshmer, hindi na kasi sumasama sakanila si Joshmer since nakatira ako sakanila.
"Oo nga dude. Tiyaka university week naman next week." Tofer said.
"Kahit naman university week next week may pasok pa rin." Joshmer answered. "Kailan ba?" Mukhang nakukulitan na rin siguro sa mga kaibigan niya.
"Sa Saturday!" Masayang sambit ni Desiree. "Dianna, you'll join us huh?" Tipid akong ngumiti. I'm not an alcoholic person.
"Tingnan ko." Kaagad bumusangot ang mukha ni Desiree sa sinabi ko.
"No. You'll join us. Tiyaka sa bahay nina Alvarez." Banggit niya sa apilido ng kaklase namin. "Birthday niya!"
Nang pauwi na kami ni Joshmer, habang nasa sasakyan kami ay tinanong niya ako tungkol sa inuman na gaganapin sa Sabado.
"It's okay with me. Ikaw? Tiyaka baka miss ka na rin kasama nina Tofer. Lagi nalang ako ang kasama mo." I chuckled. "Hindi ka ba nagsasawa sa mukha ko? Hanggang bahay makikita mo ako." I joked.
"Why would I? You're beautiful." Namula kaagad ako sa sinabi niya.
Joshmer is always praising me about my looks, my passion, talents and all. He's always reminding me how worth it I am.
And for the first time, I felt alive.
Pagkauwi namin ay nagshower muna ako at nagpalit ng damit na pambahay. Sweater and shorts lang ang suot ko, mamaya pa kasi ang uwi nina tita dahil nasa kumpanya palang ito. Bumaba na rin ako sa sala para makapag-aral na kami ni Joshmer.
Joshmer is great! I swear, kapag sa prof ang hirap intindihin but Joshmer always look a way for me to understand it.
Nakaupo lang kami ngayon sa sahig habang nasa coffee table ang mga gamit namin. Sumandal ako sa sofa na nasa likuran ko nang magkaroon kami ng study break.
"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I asked. Bahagya siyang nagulat sa tanong ko, nakita ko sa reaksiyon niya but he still maintains his posture.
"I think she's not ready yet." Napanguso ako sa sagot niya, bahagyang nakaramdam ng selos sa babaeng tinutukoy niya.
"Did she tell you that?" Kasi kung ako sa babae, I'll grab the chance to be his girlfriend.
This guy beside me is a blessing that keeps me at my peace.
"Nope. She didn't." Bahagyang napataas ang isa kong kilay dahil sa pagtatanong. "I just feel that she's not ready for it." Tumango-tango ako sa sinabi niya.
"And she will be blessed to have you." Bigla tuloy akong napaisip kung magkagirlfriend kaya siya? May magbabago ba sa amin?
Of course! Lalo na at maraming tao ang mababa ang pag-unawa na porket magkaibigan ang dalawang magkaiba ang kasarian ay magjowa na agad.
"Nope. I will be blessed to have her." He corrected me.
"What will you do if you already have a girlfriend?" Ewan ko ba, baka sa napanood namin ito na movie nung isang araw kaya nacucurious ako.
I'm just curious kung ano siya as a boyfriend. Kasi ang sweet niya na sa akin e magkaibigan lang naman kami.
"Gonna spoil her. Tell her how worth it she is. How beautiful she is. How blessed I am to have her in my life. And how God blessed her to keep her alive." Joshmer and his words.
I'm gonna admit it, I'm attracted to him not because of his looks and wealth but because of his words and attitude.
If I am everyone then, everyone wants him to be their boyfriend.
Plus the fact that his parents are so supportive, loving and a caring one!
"Why don't you court her?" I suggested. "Even if she's not ready yet, you can still pursue her. Right?"
"Yeah. But I still wanted her to completely love herself." I was confused on what he said. "She's still in her journey wherein she's trying to find her happiness and I'm afraid she will find it in me. Though, I really love that but." He paused for a while before saying his words. "We can't control fate. I'm afraid that I'm the one who gave her happiness and yet the one who'll make her lose herself again."
"Why? Is there something wrong with her?" I asked worriedly.
"Nothing's wrong with her but because of the people around her, she always thinks everything's wrong with her. But the truth is, there's nothing." Ha paused again. "And I really hate people who mess up on her mind."
Nalungkot ako bigla sa istorya ng babaeng gusto niya.
"She's battling with her mind for God knows how many months or even years. And I'm praying to Him that He will heal her."
Let's admit it, being with someone's poem is priceless but being with someone's prayer? God, this man is irreplaceable.
"Right, only God can heal her peace of mind and heart." I said. Kaya lalo akong nalapit dahil sa pananalangin ko sakaniya, kaya ngayon lahat ng bigat na nararamdaman ko ay gumagaan.
"And He will completely guide her when she's cooperating with Him."
Sabi nga nila kahit gasgas na. Nasa Diyos ang awa at nasa tao ang gawa.
He will guide you so guide yourself to Him.
University week is no fun. I really thought it was something like those I've read novels and watched movies but I was completely wrong.
Here we are, inside of the classroom listening to our professor in accounting discussing partnership dissolution while hearing some students playing drums and singing outside.
"You really need to stay focused even if it's kind of disturbing." Some of our subjects, especially the minor one suspend our class to enjoy university week but not the major one.
Major subject can't relate.
O baka mas masaya sa sa main campus kapag university week? But we can't do anything, dito sa Maryheights Campus ang SAMCIS.
Sabagay, magtataka pa ba ako kung pati nga nung intrams regular class, after the class lang ang games.
Desiree beside me inhales a large amount of air, she caught my attention.
"Okay ka lang?" She looks sad. Natuloy yung pag-inom namin nung sabado, well nothing happened that much. Pero simula nung Sabado ay malungkot na siya.
"Yeah." She tried to give me a smile. She doesn't look like the Desiree I knew.
Nagkaroon kami ng fifteen minutes break as usual. Some of our classmates went to the booths but I just stayed here in the classroom reading books.
Tofer and Josh also went to the booths. I think they were gonna buy food. While Desiree, nakasukob lang siya sa mesa niya. Medyo magulo pa ang buhok niya at nakalagay sa taas ng ulo niya ang eyeglasses niya. She didn't wear contacts today.
"I thought focus ka sa studies mo kaya mo binusted si Diego?" Napatingin ako kay Zebi na nakahalukipkip sa side ko. Nakita ko rin sa gilid ng mata ko ang tamad na pag-angat ng tingin ni Desiree.
"Bakit nanaman?" I tried not to sound irritated because I do. Hindi pa siya tapos na paringgan ako sa personal at sa social media na para bang may ginawa akong ikakasira ng pangarap niya.
"Busted Diego then dated Joshmer. Wow. Practical choice." Bahagya pa siyang pumalakpak. Ayokong gumawa ng eksena dahil lagi nalang siyang gumagawa ng eksena.
"Okay. I think I already explained myself to you. I don't need to explain it again." Marahan na sabi ko.
Isn't it tiring to explain yourself to someone who doesn't want to open his or her heart to understand you?
Hindi mo mababali ang opinyon ng ayaw makinig at pinaninindigan kung anong gusto niyang paniwalaan kahit hindi naman totoo.
"Oh. Hindi na ako magtataka." Then she looked at Desiree, napatingin tuloy ako kay Desiree pero umirap lang siya. "Birds with the same feathers flock together." Ngiwi na sabi niya.
"Same what?" Mukhang bangag pa si Desiree nang tinanong niya iyon.
"Parehong malandi." Nandidiring sabi ni Zebi sakaniya. "Hindi ba nilalandi mo yung pinsan ni Joshmer?" Desiree, again, rolled her eyes.
"Oh tapos? Totoo naman." Nagulat ako sa confident na boses ni Desiree. "Anong malandi don? Isa lang naman nilalandi ko?" Tanong pa niya.
"See? Malandi nga." Bakas pa rin ang pandidiri sa mukha ni Zebi.
"Gusto mo i-lap dance pa kita." Tamad na sagot ni Desiree sakaniya.
"Yuck. So gross. Proud malandi."
"Do you know what malandi means? Did I hit two birds? No." She paused. "Do you know who suits malandi well? It's you, Zebi. Huwag kang patanga." Sasagot pa sana si Zebi kaso nga lang pumasok na ang professor namin.
For the rest of the week we reviewed for Finals. Hindi kagaya dati, hindi na ako ganon ka-pressure. Kung ano man ang naging resulta, edi tanggapin na lang. Wala na rin naman akong magagawa kung ganon ang naging resulta diba?
This is the best of the best.
"Where do you want to eat?" Tanong agad ni Joshmer pagkatapos ng Finals namin sa oblicon. I am confident enough now that I'll pass the exam.
Ganon siguro talaga kapag may peace of mind.
"What about you ba?" He's always asking about me, but what about him?
"Inihaws?" Tanong niya. "Well, I heard it on Tofer and Tascia, they said it's good. Wanna give it a try?" I nodded.
"Inihaws then."
Sa may malapit na provincial buses ang branch na kinainan namin, sa ilalim lang ng SM. Chicken pareho ang in-order namin.
"What do you want to do next? We need to release our stress." Ngiti niya sa akin. Inayos na niya ang pagkain namin. Wala naman masyadong kumakain dahil hindi pa naman lunch, well ten o'clok AM pa lang.
"Watch a movie?" I asked him. Well, his parents gave me an allowance since I'm scholar under their foundation kaya may panggastos ako kahit na galing din sakanila.
"A movie then." Ngiti niya. We started eating then we stared at each other. I suddenly chuckled. Mukhang pareho kami nang naiisip.
"May kulang no?" Tanong ko sakaniya nang nakailang subo na kami ng pagkain.
"You noticed it too?" Natatawang tanong niya sa akin kaya tumango ako.
"Guess what?" Natatawang tanong ko pa.
"Chicken oil!" Sabay naming sabi at sabay rin kaming natawa.
"Mas masarap yata sa Mang Inasal." Mahinang bulong ko sakaniya. He chuckled.
"Hinahanap ng dila ko ang chicken oil." Pagsakay naman niya sa akin.
In the end, we finished our food kahit na namiss pa namin ang chicken oil.
Kahit na nasa baba lang ng SM sumakay pa kami sa kotse niya para makapagpark, syempre may mga customers din na magpapark doon kaya sa SM na kami magpapark.
We watched movies while eating snacks. After that we went to an arcade. Nakaka-enjoy nga yung sumasayaw.
"Didn't know you're a good dancer." Hingal na sabi niya nang matapos na kaming sumayaw. Nag make face ako dahil sa sinabi niya.
"Bolero mo!" Lagi niya nalang akong binobola kaya lumalaki ang ulo ko eh.
"Totoo. Why don't you use tiktok? Isang savage love naman diyan lodi." Ang cringe! Hindi ako sanay na marinig sakaniya iyan.
"Alam mo ikaw! Nagbago ka na!" Natawa siya sa sinabi ko at bahagyang ginulo ang buhok ko pagkatapos ay inakbayan palabas.
"Where does my baby want to go?" Tanong niya pa habang naglalakad kami sa Mall. Ilang oras din pala kami sa arcade. Masyado akong nag enjoy sa laro at pagsasayaw.
"Session?" Sunday, means sarado ang session. Kaya you can freely walk and feel the warmth of Baguio.
Pagdating namin sa session marami ring artist ang nagda-draw sa daan. It's not vandalism, they're expressing themselves through arts. Kaso mawawala rin kinabukasan.
While roaming in the session road, Joshmer held my hand. Napatingin tuloy ako rito pagkatapos ay sakaniya, ngumiti ako sakaniya and he smiled too.
“Thank you.” Hindi ako magsasawang magpasalamat sakaniya kahit araw-araw pa iyan.
He lightens the dark road I’m walking.
“Thank you too.”
Parang kailan lang nung ako lang mag-isa ang umiiyak sa ilalim ng gabing madilim, sa malamig na pagyakap ng hangin, sa pagkislap ng mga bituin at sa buwan na nagbibigay liwanag sa akin.
“Thank you for lighting up my dark road.” Umiling siya sa sinabi ko.
“Dianna; a moon. The moon lightens up the darkness of the night.” He touched my cheek. “You. You are the one who lights your way with Him. You free yourself from darkness.”
I got a teary eye from what he just said.
May narinig kaming boses, may nagpeperform din kasi dito t’wing gabi. Nginitian ako ni Joshmer pagkatapos ay hinila ako malapit sa pinagkukumpulan ng mga tao.
“Now I walked with you with my head held high in the darkest night I feel so alive.”
Bahagya akong natawa habang tumatakbo kami nang magkahawak ang kamay.
Hanggang sa nakarating kami sa babaeng kumakanta.
“I have walked alone with the stars in the moonlit night. I have walked alone, no one by my side.”
Bahagya akong napangiti ng mapait dahil sa lyrics ng kanta. Naalala ang mga gabing umiiyak ako, lumalabas ng bahay para makahinga.
“Now I walked with you with my head held high in the darkest night I feel so alive.”
Tuluyan akong napangiti dahil don, kahit ayaw ibigay ni Josh ang lahat ng credits sakaniya. I know he’s been God’s instrument to give me peace.
Napatingin ako sakaniya, nakatingin na pala siya sa akin. Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang kamay niya bago magsalita. He never let go of my hand.
“Thank you for walking with me.” I know he understands what I said.
“My pleasure to walk with you, my Dianna.”