I watch him as he thinks of the memory. After a while I loose hope. I look into his eyes. He is dazing off into space. I wait patiently.
"I'm sorry." He says with a sad expression.
"It's okay." I croak. "Let's go for the walk we said that we were going to go on." I add.
He only nods. We start to walk. All I can think about is how Troy doesn't remember anything of me. There is a hole right where the memories are but they are trapped in a box.
We finally make it to a park. This is where we got Rebel.
"Does this place look familiar?" I ask.
He looks around.
"No." He mumbles.
"It's okay." I say with a fake smile.
I touch his hand for comfort. The fire works explode in my hand. I've missed them for so long.
"Let's go home. I have to go to the doctors soon." Troy explain.
"Okay." I reply.
We walk back in silence. Once we get to our houses, Troy rushes inside. I slowly walk into my house. I seem to be in a daze. I hadn't realized that I got into the bathroom with a razor. How did it get here?
I look up my wrist to see fresh cuts. How?
How did I do this? I start to cry. My hands cut up my other arm. The pain is a release to all the pain of Troy. I drop the razor and start to shake.
I miss him so much. Why did I cut myself? I promised myself I wouldn't but here I am with cuts on both wrist.
I quickly get a rag and wash the rag. I can't let my mom see these. After I wash them I go into my room and put a loose long sleeve shirt on.
I go under my sheets on my bed a stare at the wall while tears pull out of my eyes.
"Are you alright?" My mom asks and walks in with food.
I sit up and brush the tears away.
"Yeah--I'm fine." I simply reply.
She brings over the food to me.
"I'm sorry honey. It's hard but believe me that he'll get better." She said and pulled my pony tail out.
"Why don't you get some sleep." She suggested.
I simply nod. I couldn't talk again. I lay down and fall into a dreamless sleep.
----------------------------------------------
I wake up to my alarm.
It Monday.
I lazily get up. I promised my mom I would go to school. I go into the warm shower. I carefully wash my body, afraid that the cuts will burn. I get out of the shower and put baggy sweatpants and sweatshirt on. I blow dry my hair and tie it up into a messy bun.
I don't bother to do make-up. I brush my teeth and head down stairs.
"I'm glad you are going to school." My mom said.
I nod and walk out the door without saying goodbye. I walk to school with my head down. I have a feeling I'm going to get bullied today. Troy used to protect me, now that he isn't here, I'm prey.
I walk into school not lifting my head. I can feel all eyes on me. I hear whispers.
"Look it's the depressed girl...."
"I can't believe she hasn't died yet..."
"She so fat...ugly....worthless.." People whisper.
Tears start to form in my eyes. I wish I had a razor now. I walk to my locker and grab my books that I need. I walk to my first class.
"It's good to see you back, Carolina!" My teacher says.
I give her a fake smile and sit in my original seat. I watch the class form into the classroom.
"Look it's Carolina! She actually hasn't killed herself. I heard that she made her sister go to prison and Troy got into a car crash! Good thing he lost his memory of her. Maybe her can finally realize I'm perfect for him." Cece said.
Cece is a popular girl in our school. She dates about any boy she can grab. She is also the bully.
"Get away from me." I mumble.
I wait for the teacher to say something...anything.
"Oh now she is trying to stick up for herself everyone! That's so brave! If your turning brave, why don't you meet me after school at City Lake Park." She challenge.
Anger forms at the pit of my stomach.
"Fine, I will." I say with my head held high.
She starts to laugh. Then, her group laugh. Her 'group' follows her around and are basacally her slaves.
They walk away and class beggings. What have I got myself into?
After class I quickly get out of the classroom. I go to my locker. As I'm walking, someone trips me. I fall hard to the ground. Luckily my books broke my fall.
I get up and avoid people. People point and laugh at me.
"Are you okay?" Someone asks me.
I look up and see a girl with glasses on. She has dirty blonde hair.
"Yeah." I say and walk away.
"Hey wait up!" The girl said.
She catches up to me.
"May I help you?" I ask.
"I wanted to know if you wanted to eat lunch with me?" She asked.
I look at her. Is this a joke?
"I guess." I reply.
Her face lightens up.
"Okay! I'll see you at lunch!" She said and went into the music room.
I walk to my locker and throw my books into it. I walk to my next class.
All of my morning classes were a blur. I miss him.
I walk to lunch. I haven't eaten all day and I'm still not hungry. I scan over the crowd of people. I look for the girl who asked me to sit with her at lunch. I look at the back corner and see her eating a sandwich.
I walk over to her and sit down across from her. She looks up at me and smiles.
"I'm glad you came to sit beside me." The girl said.
"Anytime. Anyways, what is your name?" I ask.
"Oh sorry I haven't told you! My name is Ashley." She said.
"That's a pretty name. My name is Carolina." I reply.
"I know who you are. Your the talk of the school. I'm sorry about you boyfriend." She softly said.
"I know I'm the talk of the school. It's all bad things." Tears start to sting in my eyes. "I miss Troy so much." I choke out.
"It'll be okay. Would you like to be friends?" Ashely asked.
I look up at her.
"I would love that." I reply.
I give her a weak smile. After lunch, I said by to Ashely. She is a sweet girl.
The afternoon was no better than the morning. More name calling. I run out of school once we were dismissed. I run all the way home.
I wish Troy was here. He would wrap his arms around me and never let go. I wouldn't let him let go. I run to my room and cry.
I cry for the name callings, the bullying. Then I remember I have to go to the park. Why did I even agree to that? I get up.
"Hi." Troy said.
I hadn't realized my window was open.
"Hi." I reply.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"To the park. I'm meeting...someone, Cece. I said that I would...meet her there with her 'group'." I say and run down the stairs.
I don't even say goodbye to him. He doesn't remember anything so I guess I can tell him anything.
I run to the park and see her.
"You actually showed up! Boys!" She screamed.
I feel two strong hands go around my arms. I look over and see two of the football players.
"You know you shouldn't mess with me, Carolina. Now you pay." She said.
She walks up to me and raises her arm. I wince waiting for the impact to come. It never does. I crake open my eyes and see someone on the ground beating up Cece.
The football players try to grab the person off of her but then someone else comes and tackles one of the football players. The remaining football player runs away.
I go help the person off of Cece.
It's Ashely.
"Ashley!" I scream and hug her.
She hugs me back.
"Thank you so much." I say.
"Anytime. I always wanted to do that to Cece!" She said excitedly.
We down at her. She is laying with a bloody nose. We look over to the boy and football player fighting. Ashley and I make eye contact and run to help the stranger that helped us.
We pull the person off.
It's Troy.