Dear Diary
I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in hate at first sight yes but love... No. I guess I just haven't found that right person yet. Not that I'm looking for him don't get me wrong. I enjoy being single. Not having to constantly worry about keeping the other one happy and continuously asking for permission before you do something. Not exactly my cup of tea. I love that I can go out and get drunk without being judged. I love meeting new people without an obsessive boyfriend going into labor. I've been in my fair share of relationships but it always ends just before something good can come of it. I just don't have the patience to deal with some people's crap if I'm being honest.
~Ally
I look up from my diary as soon as I hear a knock coming from the door. Walking over to it I quickly unlock it and swing it open.
" I brought wine." Zac greets as he lifts up 2 bottles of wine.
" And I have vodka." I smirk as I let him in. I shiver from the breeze that comes from the corridor. Someone probably left open a window.
I invited Zac over for a little sleepover. I'm sure Emily won't mind Zac sleeping in her bed. Anyways like I said, I'm terrified of storms because anything can happen at any time and Zac seemed like the perfect person to invite over.
" Just no chick flicks. I may be gay but I'm still not watching that shit." Zac announces as he throws his belongings onto Emily's bed.
" I'm not a fan either so don't worry about that one." I chuckle as I pull on a gray hoodie from my wardrobe.
We decide on ordering pizza as I simply refuse to head out in the storm. Before the pizza could even arrive we started drinking. It's just the two of us so who the hell is going to stop us? Unfortunately for us we didn't have anything to mix the vodka with so we settled on drinking it dry. Not the best choice but eh who's judging? Probably just Emily's stuffed unicorn but I turned her around to face the wall.
Soon enough the pizza arrives and we attack it like it's the last drop of water on earth. Loud music is playing in the background and the room is filled up with our laughter. Thanks to the music and booze I managed to forget about the storm that's going on outside.
Zac is great company. I seriously don't know why we haven't hung out before. I don't want to say I feel more comfortable knowing he's gay and he won't try and get it on but I don't want to lie either. All in all he makes me laugh and that's all I need.
" Confession time. What's going on between you and Tyler?" Zac asks as he hands over the bottle of wine to me. College girls don't have wine glasses. Only shot glasses. Sue me.
I accidentally burp and burst out laughing. I blame it on the wine.
" Nothings going on. He's just a big flirt. " I shrug as I take a sip from the almost finished bottle of wine.
Zac quirks his right eyebrow indicating that he doesn't believe me. I reply by rolling my eyes.
" Confession time. When did you realize you were gay? "
Zac takes a deep breath in before taking another sip from the wine.
" I guess I just always knew. It became more clear once I started high school and ever since then I've been certain that I don't find girls attractive. " he shrugs.
Zac is a good looking guy. He must have girls falling in his direction. He keeps up a good straight-boy act. Heck I didn't even know he was gay until he confessed to it.
" So only I know? "
He nods.
" My parents will disown me if I come out. They are highly catholic and don't believe in being gay and lesbian. They see it as a sin. My brother, well it's just hard you know. He's my best friend and I don't know how to tell him. I can't just drop it in a text for him even though I really want to. It's complicated. " he explains.
I nod in agreement.
" Thank you for trusting me and if you ever feel like things are getting too complicated for you, I'm always here to listen. We could go away for the weekend to a resort or something. I'll be like your wing woman and set you up with a few cute guys. " I wink.
Zac chuckles as he passes me the wine bottle again. I take one last big gulp and put the now empty bottle down.
" Time for shots! " I yell and hop onto my feet.
I hear Zac complaining but in a matter of seconds he has his first shot down his throat. That made him stop complaining. The shots continue on coming as we dance the night away.
" Ally! I-I learned a few moves in s-self defense classes last week. Want me to show youuu?" Zac asks. Well tries to ask but we are so full of giggles that I barley understand what he's saying.
Zac lunges forward and kicks my legs out from underneath me. It hurt like a bitch. I waited for the impact of my head hitting the floor but Zac got it trapped in a head lock. How the hell did he do that? Drunk self defense show and tell isn't exactly easy to keep up with.
Zac starts ruffling my hair before he loosens his grip around my neck for me to stand up straight. I pull off my hoodie from the sudden adrenaline and lunge forward to tackle Zac. He's a step ahead of my as he throws me over his shoulder and then throws me back onto my bed. Not wasting a second I get up and jump onto his back and try to choke him.
Remind me how we ended up like this again?
" We need more shots." Zac laughs as he manages to pull me off from him.
I nod in agreement.
***
Why is my face so sticky?
What smells so bad?
Who the hell keeps banging furniture into the wall? Assholes.
No wait that's a knock.
Someone's knocking?
" Ally open up." I hear a musculan voice call out while knocking on the door again.
My eyes fly open as I realize that I'm not dreaming anymore. I peal off the candy wrapper that was stuck on my face. When did we get candy? I look over at Zac and see that he is passed out on my bed and I'm in Emily's bed. Zac is shirtless with only his boxers on. His hair is all over the place as he is still fast asleep.
We really shouldn't have finished that second bottle of wine and then the vodka.
" Ally I'm counting to 3 before I kick down this door." the voice warns.
I recognize the voice as Tyler's. What the hell is he doing here? I look over at the time and see it's barley past 7am.
Groaning I get out of bed. I have to stand still so that my head stops spinning. I hear Tyler knock again. Fuck he's annoying.
" What?" I ask frustrated while holding my head in the palm of my hand and keeping the door half closed with the other hand.
The room is a mess and I don't want Tyler to see it like that. I'm not a clean freak but I don't necessarily like people judging how untidy my room is. Oh and the fact that Zac is passed out half naked in my bed.
" You look like shit."
I glare at Tyler. He woke me up to tell me I look like shit? He could've sent a text for God's sake.
" Why are you here?"
Tyler quirks his left eye brow as he pulls out his phone. He shows me his call history and I see my name at the top. I called him at 2am?
" You called and said I should pick you up later for a jog." he explains.
My eyes almost pop out of their pockets. Why in the name of my own sanity would I call Tyler at a late hour and ask him to pick me up to go jogging? That explains why he is in a tracksuit.
" I knew you were drunk but you said it so we're going for a jog and I don't care how hungover you are." he demands.
Why is he always up so early and ready to start the day? It takes me at least an hour to get out of bed.
" Yeah no-"
" Fuck Ally. Last night was amazing. " I hear Zac groan from my bed.
I watch as Tyler's face pales as he realizes who the voice belongs to. Before I can even explain the situation Tyler pushes me aside and bursts into my room.
This looks bad. Zac is laying in my bed with only his boxers on. Clothes are scattered all around the room. Pillows and blankets are halfway on the floor. The room smells like a liquor store and I look as if a monkey searched for insects in my hair. Totally see where Tyler's mind is heading.
" It's not what it looks like." is the first thing I manage to say.
It's not what it looks like? Can you be any more obvious about something that didn't happen?
I know nothing happened because Zac is gay and well I was here the whole time. For Tyler, it's a different story. He doesn't know Zac is gay.
Why do I always get myself into such a mess?
" Unbelievable." Tyler mutters as he shakes his head. He heads for the door. I quickly step into view to block his exit.
" No Tyler you're getting the wrong idea here." I try and explain.
" Save it." Tyler spits as he tries and round me to get to the door.
Zac hops out of bed as he tries to pull on his pants.
" No dude really -"
" Don't fucking talk to me!" Tyler barks.
" Tyler! " I scold him.
He has no right to be so rude towards Zac.
Zac quickly gathers his things. I would make a run for it as well.
" I'll see you later." Zac whispers as he kisses my cheek.
Tyler raises his eyebrows at the action.
Fuck.
Zac you are making it really hard to keep your secret.
As soon as Zac left the room the tension immediately washed in. Tyler was giving me a disgusted look and I tried really hard not to hit him.
" See you later? What, are you guys fuck buddies now?" Tyler snaps.
Oh for the love of God. When did my college life became so complicated?
" If you are going to stand here and accuse me without letting me explain you might as well leave." I snap back.
Like I said previously, Tyler has a mood change thirce a day.
Tyler rubs his jaw out of frustration. Damn that jaw line. Still looking as good as ever. Snap out of it.
" What am I supposed to think after hearing and seeing it for myself?"
" You just saw the aftermath of one too many shots." I whine and flop down onto my bed.
" Bullshit!" Tyler yells.
I immediately stand up from my bed and walk over to him. Now I'm pissed.
" How fucking dare you walk into my room, accuse me of something that didn't happen, be rude to my guest and then call me out on bullshit when I'm actually telling the truth?! Fuck. Why am I even trying to explain myself to you? I don't recall caring about what you think!" I yell out of frustration.
The storm might have settled down outside but it's about to break out inside this room.
" How can you be that kind of friends with someone who tried to force himself on you Allison? He's only using you for sex and you fucking let him. I really thought your standards were higher than that."
My right hand meets Tyler's cheek for the second time since I met him. I see his left cheek starting to go red from the sudden impact.
" Get out. " I say in a low voice.
Tyler is silent for a few seconds. I sometimes think he has a better grip of reality once you hit him with it. Literally.
" Ally -"
" Just get out!" I yell.
I'm tired of his bullshit. He can't just come in here and call me out on stuff I haven't done since I was back home. I'm trying to change. I'm trying to forget that girl. I'm trying to be more like the girl I was before that storm in my life but here he comes and breaks down everything I have build since I got here. Is it so hard to believe that I want to be something else than just the bad girl? Just because I act like I don't care doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I'm not a rock.
Without another word he turns around and walks out of the dorm.
And for the first time in months I break down and cry.
Yes, the bad girl can cry.
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