19.
I had to blink a few times to comprehend what I was seeing.
The Romano underboss was actually sitting on a couch and watching a football game. Not only was he lounging lazily—like an actual human being—but he wasn't dressed in a stiff suit today. He had shed his usual long-sleeved collared shirt for a simple grey t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts.
I cocked my head to the side, admiring the way his V-neck shirt clung to his torso as he draped unceremoniously on the couch.
Ugh, was I really that pathetic?
"I'm going outside." I moved past his lounging form and out onto the deck.
As I closed the door behind me, I moved across the pool deck and stopped at the top of the stairs. I took a moment to marvel at the strong sun and the lazy ocean. The sight alone was enough to ease the tension from my shoulders and the lines of stress I carried around my brows.
Last night, I had gone to bed immediately after dinner. I had been a bit self-conscious after Lucian's insinuations about sex that I'd been avoiding any close contact with him since.
Lucian thought it was humorous.
He seemed to make it his priority to touch me as much as possible this morning during breakfast.
The door opened behind me and he stepped out onto the deck.
"You know I'm not going to jump you." Lucian bumped shoulders with me as he made his way down the deck stairs. "Don't be so ridiculous, Afton. I know when to feel out the situation." He turned on the staircase and faced me. "And I know when you're horny enough to take advantage of."
"Funny," I praised dryly. "Too bad for you, I am never that horny."
He raised his eyebrows skeptically. "You were the night of the New Year's Eve party." His smile grew wide and predatory. "You laid down readily beneath me."
"You're so full of yourself," I snipped back. "And you're blocking my view." He crossed his arms over his chest, highly amused and clearly not intending to get out of my way. "What?" I growled.
"You're adorable when you're trying to be an asshole." He admired me from his position on the staircase. "Instead of it turning me away, I'm only amused because I know you're just trying to cover your uncertainty."
"And what am I uncertain over, exactly?"
"Our sexual relationship."
Oh, for the love of...
"Yes, that's it," I said wryly.
"I know that's it," he replied. "Are you..." He considered me, suddenly very serious. "Are you one of those men who won't have sex until marriage? Because if you are, we can make it work—"
"No, I just think sex is something a bit more..." I hesitated, feeling stupid admitting this out loud. But this was Lucian. He wouldn't make fun of me that much. "I think sex entails more emotion, more commitment. I'm not one of those guys who thinks of sex as just a release."
Lucian appeared to be mulling over what I told him.
"I can understand that. I also experience the emotions that accompany sex." He immediately grew defensive when I gave him a doubtful look. "I do. At least, I feel as if I would with you." Dark eyes narrowed and sized me up. "But that's not all that's holding you back."
I threw my head back impatiently.
I hated this topic, but I knew he wasn't going to drop it until he knew everything. And Lucian had an unusual talent of being able to tell if I was holding back information.
"You're a guy, Lucian. I was straight before I met you. The thought of having your... dick up my ass makes me feel a little... I don't know, unusual? It's unknown territory for me. I didn't lay in bed at night and fantasize about being fucked by a guy."
His lips twitched.
"We're making progress," he encouraged. "But I know there is still something that's holding you back." At my silence, he prodded further. "Are you afraid of committing to me? I remembered that night when you accused me of fucking and dropping. Is that still on your mind?"
I remembered that night just as vividly.
Lucian had been beyond furious when I mentioned it. When he found it had been Nick who had put that notion in my head, he'd been even more furious.
But in all honesty, I was worried about that. I was afraid he would get tired of me because he only enjoyed the chase. I liked our relationship right now, why would I want it to change? Would he be disgusted with my lack of experience and go somewhere else?
The questions really were endless and I hated that I had so many.
It was just sex, after all.
Wasn't it?
He walked up a few steps until he crowded me.
"You have absolutely nothing to be worried about," he said quietly, his expression sincere. "I've been pursuing you for quite a while. Don't you think that if it was all about sex that I'd be long gone by now?" He took me by the shoulders and enveloped me in an embrace. "I'm still here, aren't I?"
"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his shirt, feeling ridiculous. "I'm sorry for being like this. I wish I could just have sex with you and not think so hard about it."
He laughed and tightened his hold.
"Afton, you always think too much." Lucian stroked the nape of my neck tenderly. "I am perfectly capable of waiting until you're ready, but that doesn't mean I won't test the boundaries and see how far you're willing to go."
Meaning, he did want this and he would continue to pursue me.
Fortunately, I didn't run him away with my weeping insecurities.
What he said made sense. If Lucian really was in it for the sex, he was definitely spending a lot of time and effort on me. He wouldn't be this patient. He would have lost interest a long time ago.
His teeth nibbled on my earlobe, suddenly turning our embrace from comforting to sensual. "As far as your other concern, I guarantee you that I can make it very pleasurable for you." He pulled away, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me down the stairs. "You'll be begging for more."
I had to grin at his arrogance. "Again, you're full of yourself."
"It's warranted." He smiled. "I am just that good at everything."
I pulled my hand from his grip as I fell into step with him. "Speaking of overinflated egos, what's the real story between you and your brother?"
I always hated asking him things, only because I never knew when I was being openly nosey. I just wanted to know more about him, about his past, his family. He already knew so much about me.
He shoulders stiffened and he squinted at the ocean horizon.
"You're awfully interested in him. I noticed you two got along well."
"Yes, because I am thinking of having a hot and heavy affair with your younger brother." I flashed him an impish grin when he gave me an unimpressed glare. "Honestly, I'm interested in you. If you don't want to tell me, you don't need to. I—"
"We were extremely close as children," Lucian cut me off.
He walked close to the wet, sandy shore and watched as the waves licked at his exposed toes.
"When we moved from Italy to New Jersey, we made a pact as kids to leave home as soon as we were able to." He hesitated. "We were sheltered from the business as children, but we knew well enough about the killings and the drug trafficking. Being raised by our mother, we had a strong sense of morals. I'd like to think we still do."
Here, he offered me a sly smile but it quickly froze.
"Blaise and I also witnessed something that set us further apart from our father."
I raised my eyebrows.
"My father had an affair," Lucian murmured lowly. "At the time, I was seventeen, Blaise was only thirteen. I confronted Gabriele about it and he slugged me across the face to shut me up. But I don't think he ever touched another woman again. To this day, Contessa still doesn't know about Gabriele's infidelity."
"That's horrible." I was sick. "She's so kind and generous." I couldn't fault Blaise for disliking his father, simply because I would feel the same if I were in his position.
"She is. She didn't deserve that disrespect," Lucian said. "I am not close with my father, I don't even like him at times, but I respect him for being a good businessman. He's taught me a lot and I truly believe he's tried to change his ways and redeem himself."
Dark eyes swung toward me.
"Blaise and I had everything figured out. Once he graduated from high school, we would travel to another country. He would study accounting and I would study law. We'd make our own law firm and bring down Gabriele's empire. Only, I turned eighteen first and my father wanted an underboss."
"And you two began drifting apart," I guessed.
I thought on my relationship with Nick.
We had been inseparable as children.
Like Lucian and Blaise, we had complained about our parents all the time and had planned for a better future. Only, as soon as Nick began working for Lucian, all that had changed and we had lost that bond.
Lucian placed his hands into his pockets. "You could say that. I was in a pretty bad spot for a while. I was high off power and control. I began turning into the very same thing Blaise and I despised as kids. He was still living at home at the time and he had to see me at my lowest."
His self-contempt was intense.
"You were young, Lucian. You were obviously going to make mistakes."
He flashed me a look, somewhere torn between hilarity and anger. "I was eighteen. You are eighteen now, Afton. You're incredibly mature for your age. It just goes to show that being young doesn't always justify your actions. And for four years, Blaise saw all of my mistakes before he went off to college. He said he was going to keep his end of the deal."
Despite what impression he gave off, I knew Lucian did not hate Blaise.
He was just upset with his brother. I wondered if Lucian was angry with Blaise for leaving, or if Lucian was angry that Blaise was too immature to see that he had changed his ways.
"Why did you agree to become Gabriele's underboss?"
Lucian considered the question before he answered in a subdued tone. "I grew up and realized that someone needed to stay and protect the rest of the family in case Gabriele grew too power hungry. I also realized that the empire he was running wasn't nearly as bad as Blaise and I imagined it was."
Here, Lucian offered me a fond smile.
"You should have heard the scenarios Blaise and I came up with as children when we thought about the mafia. I'm sure they were even more outlandish than your perception of what I do."
I grimaced.
He laughed and grabbed a fistful of my hair.
Tugging me closer, he pressed his lips against my temple. "I know your particular interest in mafia movies, Afton. I can only imagine what you think I do at work." He refused to let me go even when I pressed my palms against his stomach and attempted to push away. "If you ever do want to know what I do specifically, you can always ask."
I went limp and my hands settled on his hipbones.
"You would tell me?"
"I want to shelter you from that world, but I also don't want you to be ignorant and naïve about it." Lucian stroked my sides possessively and pressed his face against the top of my head. "The decision is entirely yours and not one you have to make this instant."
His declaration surprised me.
Had he noticed my hesitation in asking personal questions? Or had it simply been a natural invitation to include me in on his life? No matter what his motives were, I was grateful he had opened up the lines of conversation.
"Were you planning on going swimming?" Lucian's voice broke through my thoughts.
"What?" I asked dumbly. "In the ocean? Or in the pool?"
He scoffed in my ear, nuzzling his face deeper into my hair.
"In the ocean." Keeping his arms around me, he forced us to take another step toward the depths of the ocean. "You seem rather tense around the ocean. Surely you swam in it during your stay in California."
"No—I mean, I like looking at it and listening to it but I don't want to go swimming in it."
My anxiety spiked as the water completely submerged my ankle. I tried to remain nonchalant about it, but I had a feeling Lucian saw right through the act.
"And why is that?" Lucian kept a tight hold and continued to force us further into the water.
Even when I struggled, he kept hold.
By now, the waves gently hit my calf. I pushed at Lucian, this time not caring if I let my uneasiness show. "Lucian..." Terror clogged my throat and I hit him a bit too roughly in the stomach. "I really don't want to swim in the ocean. Please."
He hardly doubled over at my punch and instead grinned broadly as he swept me off my feet.
"You hate seafood and you refuse to swim in the ocean. Is there something you're not telling me? Any childhood misfortune that scarred you from sea creatures?"
He carried me bridal style and my cheeks warmed. As he walked further into the ocean, his shorts got wet but he didn't seem to care.
"I'm scared shitless of those jellyfish and other creatures that feel up my legs." I tried to calm. "A leech attached itself to my leg one time at a lake..." I confessed. "I bawled my eyes out. And I was fifteen. My brother made fun of me for months."
Lucian flashed laughed full-heartedly.
"I won't let you fall in," he promised.
We were already around waist-deep and the bottoms of my feet skimmed the ocean.
I clutched him tightly.
"Out of curiosity," Lucian started, "what would you give me if I returned you safely to the shore?"
"Are you seriously blackmailing me?" I asked, incredulous. "Let me guess, if I won't sleep with you, you'll drop me in the water."
Already, I had visions of sea life squirming and wiggling around Lucian's vulnerable feet and legs. It made me nauseous at the thought. Lucian wasn't exactly a muscular and strong man. It could be any minute that his arms grew too weak to carry me.
Onyx eyes danced. Lucian had never looked so open. "Something like that—"
As he took another step in, to tease me, his eyes widened comically.
It was only the split-second warning I got before we were both submerged into the ocean.
My heart was racing so fast, I swam ungracefully up to the surface. As soon as I broke the water, I spluttered, giving a breathless whimper. I didn't give a shit about Lucian as I began swimming toward the shore.
Behind me, Lucian popped up, laughing crazily. "I just slipped, Afton. It's hardly waist deep."
My whole body trembled and I tried not to let it show.
He chuckled behind me and tried to catch me, but I avoided his reach. As soon as my feet hit the bottom of the ocean, I began running through the heavy weight of water and toward the shore.
I spat water from my mouth.
No matter how nice the ocean was to look at, I never wanted to swim in it.
Ever.
"I'm sorry," Lucian tried again. While he stopped laughing at my misfortune, it didn't stop the humor from coming through. "Fort Meyers is a safe beach. You are going to be alright, Afton."
I finally reaching land. "Fuck. You."
"If you get something on you, I promise to take it off." Lucian laughed again, obviously finding great amusement in the whole thing.
Offering him a lethal look over my shoulder, I stomped across the beach and inside the house.
M.R.
Fortunately, after a quick inspection and a shower, I hadn't found anything attached to me, which was good, because I would have needed Lucian to deal with it.
Surprisingly, my wound hadn't become irritated and was healing up nicely.
I could hardly feel any discomfort.
"I think I might go out jogging," I told Lucian when I saw the underboss peering into the kitchen cabinets. He was dry and his perfect hair was parted to the side again. "I haven't run in ages. And I—"
"No," Lucian murmured softly, not even looking in my direction. "You were just shot, Afton. Any unnecessary physical activity should be avoided for at least a month."
He made an 'awing' sound as he grabbed a spice container. He opened the small lid and swiped his finger against the underbelly. He tasted the residue before setting it aside.
"Besides, I'm making dinner. You made a good breakfast this morning, I have to keep the bar high."
Leaning against the wall into the kitchen, I watched him fondly.
He was particularly serious as he rummaged through the cabinets, pulling out ingredients I would never know what to do with. It had been an agreement between us. I would make breakfast and he would make dinner. We'd fend for ourselves during lunch, but that was alright.
"It's been almost two weeks since I was shot," I said. "It's healing and the bullet hadn't torn anything important." I pushed off from the wall and took a step inside the kitchen. "I have track—"
He gave me a look, that kind of condescending look a parent would give his child.
"Are you really going back to California for the Spring?" Lucian's question was not scathing, but only curious. "You haven't really sold me on the idea that you're enjoying it there."
Staring, I couldn't do anything but watch as Lucian filled a pot with water. Even though his back was turned to me, I know I had his full attention.
I always had his undivided attention.
"I— I was..." I hesitated. I hadn't talked with anyone about this. "It's nothing."
His lips curled up into a smirk as he placed the pot of water onto the stove and turned it on high heat. After covering the pot, he turned toward me and motioned for me to sit at the table. There was already a bottle of open wine and he had poured me a huge glass.
I watched, warily, as he took a sip of his own.
"You need to learn to relax around me," Lucian urged, pushing the glass closer to me. "I've seen you interact with your little friend and you're never this uptight with him." He pointed directly to the chair across from him. "Sit."
My little friend.
Lucian knew very well his name was Tony.
Under his watchful and expectant eye, I grabbed the wine glass and sipped. It was an incredibly dry red wine, but I liked it. Next to the open bottle of wine, I spotted another bottle ready to take the place of the current one once it was empty.
"You don't like California," Lucian observed, leaning back in his chair with his glass in hand. "Why does that make you upset?"
"Because I was supposed to like it," I replied, clutching my glass clumsily as opposed to Lucian's elegance. "I made a huge deal about moving there for school, for art, and for running. I made my own decision and went against my father. I was supposed to thrive there... I was supposed to show him that I can make my own decisions and be right about it...only..."
Lucian observed me closely, his attention firm.
"You need to look at this from a more positive point of view. Yes, you did make your own decision and you didn't let your parents decide for you. That, in itself, is something to be proud of. You are able to make independent choices, you are able to know what you want and go for it."
He smiled thinly at my silence.
"It was good experience living by yourself and being able to discern what you wanted and what you didn't. Now don't be stubborn and stay in California just to defy your father."
"But he was right all along," I argued sullenly. "I hate that. I hate it even more that I don't want to be an artist and that I am considering something similar to a doctor, which happens to be exactly what he's been pushing more towards all my life."
He raised his eyebrows. "I didn't know that. What happened to art? You said you were having problems in your class, but that's not why you're deciding to do something else, is it?"
"I just realized that drawing wasn't what I wanted to do my whole life."
Lucian seemed to mull something over. "Would you work with me?" he asked cautiously. "I could use someone I could trust—a partner—to run the business with me. You don't know much about the business now, but I can teach you."
He paused, most likely sensing the sudden stillness in the air.
"Of course, we could also use a doctor for our Family. If that's the route you want to take." Lucian gave a small shrug. "I'm only giving you options, ideas."
His invitation reminded me again of all the things standing between us. It was easy to forget everything here in Florida. I had accepted the fact that Lucian was the underboss to the powerful Romano syndicate, but I still hadn't really hashed out my place in everything.
Where did I stand in the mafia?
Could I choose to put myself in the middle of the Romano Family business? Did I want to?
Despite Lucian's insistence that he would like me to be sheltered, I knew he was also considering the possibility that I would be a prime player in the Romano Family.
He was just as torn as I was.
It was very likely that Lucian wouldn't let me live a life outside the Romano home. I was either going to choose a life similar to Contessa, behind beautiful decorated prison bars, disguised as a luxurious home and lifestyle, or I would be working directly with Lucian.
My feelings regarding Lucian had grown clearer the past few days.
I cared deeply for him. It was very possible I loved this man. It was still hard to come to terms with, but I loved being around him, interacting with him, cooking with him, sitting with him. We didn't even have to fucking talk and I still enjoyed being with him.
I couldn't imagine being away from him for any long periods at a time. And he always loved being with me for who I was, never expecting anything and never demanding much of anything.
It scared me. This alien feeling. I had never felt this way for anyone. Tony and Nick were exceptions, but my admiration for them didn't go this deep, this painful, this strong.
I knew I would have to eventually make a decision regarding my role in the mafia.
Just thinking about it made me gulp down a few mouthfuls of wine.
"I'll let you know when I decide," I responded, my tone somehow conveying my melancholy on the topic. "What are you planning on making for dinner?"
I changed the topic, quite poorly.
Lucian only frowned, his mood suddenly mirroring my own.
M.R.
Whenever my glass got anywhere close to being empty, it somehow filled itself back up again.
In the back of my mind, I knew what Lucian was doing but I let it continue anyway. He would never take advantage of me completely, but he did want to see me looser, more relaxed around him. And tonight, I wanted to take my mind of the things I had been bothered by earlier.
The wine certainly didn't get me wasted, but it made me dizzy and relaxed.
I said things I couldn't censor and Lucian seemed to take great enjoyment out of the whole thing.
Tomorrow morning, I would be horrified of the things I said, the things I did, but tonight, I wanted to take full advantage of this.
After dinner, we had plopped down on the leather couch in front of the television. An old movie was playing but I was hardly playing any attention to it.
Lucian was lying on his side, his back against the cushions and I was pressed against him toward the end of the couch. My back was to the movie, but I didn't care. I was far too content laying my burning cheek against Lucian's extended bicep.
My fingers were boldly running down his stomach and around his hips. Lucian, who had only drunk a glass or two of wine, didn't seem to mind my exploration. He wore a smug smirk, far more absorbed with the sight of me than the movie.
Without the aid of wine, I had never felt comfortable—bold enough—to touch Lucian like this. I admired the way his body was so hard and taunt. He was muscular, but it was a subtle muscle like my own. As my fingers moved underneath the hem of his shirt, I noticed his skin was incredibly warm, probably brought on by the warm night air and the alcohol.
I traced the indentation around his hips and pelvic bone, earning an intake of breath from Lucian.
"What do you dream about when you see your future?" I asked him curiously.
My thumb pressed against his hipbone, caressing it.
His legs flexed before he swung his outer leg around my body and caged me more firmly against him. One arm was my cushion for my head but the other arm wrapped possessively around my torso. He pressed a kiss against my temple and squeezed me even closer.
Being this close, I could smell his sweat, his aftershave, the mint gum, but more accurately, I could smell the wine and marinara sauce on his breath.
"You," he responded heatedly, his lips never leaving my skin. "I would love to have you with me. Forever. I want to see you old and wrinkly next to me."
I snickered at the sappy response before angling my head up.
His lips were forced to abandon their resting perch on my temple.
I stared at him, trying to see past the absolute sincerity in his tone and his expression. "Something else," I ordered with a grin. "No matter how much wine I've had, I'm still aware of your ability to smooth talk. You're always the romantic, but I want more."
Lucian considered me and our noses brushed.
"I'd love to marry you," he purred. "I'd love to see my ring on your finger. And then we would live on a vineyard. I always wanted to live on a vineyard with distant mountains. Our house would be modest, but we'd have everything we would ever need."
The answer surprised me, even in my hazy state.
I would have thought he'd mention something about his family, or the family business.
I could definitely see him living running a vineyard. He'd have a huge wine cellar and every kind of wine available. But the first comment made me contemplate his response closer. Marriage, huh? I'd never really thought about marriage, especially to a man.
And I found myself saying it out loud.
"Would you be against marrying someone you loved?" Lucian asked in answer to my statement. "If you found a man you could never imagine living without, would you still be against marriage?"
"I'm not against it," I responded without hesitation, "I just said I'd never thought about it." I stared at him from beneath my lashes, a fucking stupid grin on my face. "I'd marry you."
Lucian blinked and then smiled.
"That's the wine talking," he said a bit bitterly.
I fisted his shirt. "I mean it," I argued. "Obviously, I'd need more time before we got married, but I could see myself living with you on that vineyard. I do love you, you know."
The confession made my face burn even warmer and I felt a little flutter in my chest and stomach. I don't know if it was from the wine or the sudden panic at hearing those words being said aloud.
Lucian frowned deeply, his eyes intense.
He leaned closer, breathing harshly against my skin as he kissed my cheek and then the corner of my lips. "Say it again when you haven't consumed so many glasses of wine, Afton. I want to hear it again." He scratched his stubbled jaw against my naked cheek. "You already know how much you mean to me. I'd do anything to make you happy."
"It's hard... with the mafia," I slurred in confession, disheartened.
"I know, I know," Lucian whispered passionately.
He pressed his lips against mine, seeming almost desperate. His hand curled around my jaw, taking possession of it and controlling the kiss easily.
It was easy to get lost in him.
I didn't feel the nervousness that usually accompanied physical touch. Instead, I fell further against him, my hands resuming their initial discovery of his body. His shirt was easy to lift and dive underneath. My fingers raked across his stomach and up his chest, loving the feeling of being able to touch Lucian this intimately.
He responded eagerly to my wandering hands, his kiss growing deeper and more eager.
The arousal against my hip was becoming harder and hotter. I could feel my own reacting favorably.
His tongue slipped past my lips and into my mouth. Keeping our lips locked, the underboss shifted on the couch before flipping me fully on my back. He laid on top of me, encouraging my hands to continue their assault on his body.
I could only comply as I raked my fingernails down his sides.
He tore his lips from mine, breathing heavily as he rained kisses and licks down my throat.
The hickey on my neck had faded somewhat from the other night, but he attacked it with vigor, biting and sucking. The sounds he was making made my cock twitch and harden.
Suddenly, he sat up, grabbing me by the collar and hauling me into a sitting position. His eyes were darker than usual as he pushed me awkwardly down, toward his groin.
"Please," he moaned. "Please take me in your mouth, Afton."
Excited, and dizzy with wine, I fumbled with his shorts, eyeing the tented material. It didn't take long for me to unbutton his shorts and release his manhood from its restraints. The long, thick cock was hard and heavy, already weeping in excitement.
Having no idea what to do, but determined to make him feel pleasure, I curled more comfortably on the couch before engulfing his cock in my mouth.
He smelt entirely all male with the muskiness and the sweat. It didn't turn me off. It only aroused me further. He tasted just as he smelt and I sucked eagerly, hardly being able to take him all in. My hands and mouth seemed to be on autopilot as I stroked what length I couldn't get at with my mouth.
Lucian laughed breathlessly as he moaned and thrust into my mouth.
"Yes," he encouraged.
He reached down, curling his fingers through my hair and yanking me deeper on his length.
Pulling away from his hand, I let his cock slip from my mouth. It hit my chin before I hesitantly licked his balls. They seemed to shudder and I rolled them alongside my tongue, taking special care to suck each one individually.
Lucian gave a strangled cry, pulling at my hair and pushing me away. He grabbed me roughly around the face, pulling me in for a searing kiss. I rolled my eyes back in pleasure as his other hand found my erection and began to stroke it.
"Please, I'm ready," I whispered as soon as he gave me an inch of breathing room. "I want this."
"No," he denied, pushing me back down against the couch. "You are too drunk. I want you to remember our first time," he replied huskily. Lucian then unbuttoned my shorts, pulling out my own erection. "I think a little friction will work just fine."
As opposed to the first time we did this clothed, our erections were both revealed and unprotected. As he pressed his cock against mine, I reared my head back with uncontrollable ecstasy and pressed my hips up to meet his thrusts.
The leather couch beneath us stuck to our skin and made the friction so much more intense. He planted his balls against my cock and thrust downward.
I cried out in sharp pleasure.
I didn't remember much after that. It was an unbelievable pleasure.
It was probably the most powerful orgasm I had ever had.
M.R.
The sun was bright when I opened my eyes.
Whatever cloud I had over my senses the night before was gone, and in its place, was a manageable headache. I was still lying on the couch from last night, but instead of Lucian draped over me, a blanket tucked me in.
It took a while to gather my bearings, but when I managed, I groaned with humiliation.
The things I said, the things I did, came back at me with cruel clarity. And yet, while it was embarrassing on my behalf, I didn't regret any of the things I'd said.
I had never felt as in control with Lucian as I did last night. He hadn't seemed as untouchable or dangerous as he usually did.
I suppose that was the whole point Lucian was trying to make with the wine.
Sitting up slowly, I squinted around the room, not hearing or seeing Lucian anywhere nearby. I was the early-riser, Lucian was the late-riser. The time was six o'clock and far too early for the Romano underboss to be anything but asleep.
Had he gone back into the bedroom? Had he been turned off by me from last night?
Before I could get off the couch and meander to the bedroom, something caught my eye outside the back door. Lucian was sitting on one of the chairs, staring out into the ocean. He had an unreadable, but gloom sort of expression on his face as he exhaled a puff of smoke from his cigarette.
The scene really struck me for unknown reasons.
Maybe it was the dark mood around him or the utter isolation he clouded himself with. I stood up from the couch, securing my clothes and my appearance as I approached him.
There was deep contemplation on his face and he hadn't noticed my approach.
"Did I take up too much of the couch?" I asked, suddenly unsure how to proceed.
He turned, surprised, but he recovered quickly and easily. A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth. "You always take up more room than you should, Afton."
He wasn't angry with me, I knew. But there was something hanging over his head, something that had to do with the mafia or our relationship. Stepping closer, I reached for his cigarette between his two fingers and dropped it on the deck before stepping on it with my heel.
"I thought you quit," I hinted. "You only ever smoke when you're agitated."
Lucian frowned into the ocean horizon before looking up at me. "I'm sorry, Afton. But we have to go back to New Jersey sooner than we planned."
"When?" I noticed his phone next to his cup of black coffee.
Evidently, his deep contemplation was about the mafia.
I could ask, and he would tell me, but at the moment, I really didn't want to know.
"Tomorrow morning, bright and early." The underboss then scoffed lightly when I remained silent. "You don't even ask why, you don't even complain. I don't deserve you." He grinned into the distance. "But I'm a selfish son of a bitch."
I didn't like this ominous aura around him.
Leaning against the arm of his chair, I regained my courage from last night and touched his jawline. He turned, expectant and surprised, before I lightly touched his lips with my own. I felt like such a chick. And I would feel even more like a chick after this.
"I do love you, you know," I said as I leaned away from him.
Despite the wine, despite the whirlwind of conversation we had last night, I remembered confessing my feelings to him. He had seemed bitter and requested I say it again when I didn't have so much wine in my system.
I felt like I needed to say it, that I needed to let him know that his feelings were reciprocated despite being buried under a confusing, jumbled mess. Emily and her battle for cancer always weighed heavily on me. Any day, she could slip in battle and be gone. And just like Tony's father, who had been there one day and gone the next in his coma.
I wanted him to know I cared for him deeply before anything happened to one of us.
Lucian reached forward and stroked my cheek, his bleakness suddenly gone.
"I love you too." He admired my face as he traced his thumb against my lower lip. "I promise you everything will work out for us. You deserve so much."
"You deserve it too, Lucian."
Smiling grimly, I stood up from his chair and sat in the one next to him. I stared out into the rising sun, admiring the deep blue and green of the ocean.