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I DIDN'T GET THE JOKE
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From a small opening in the stage, enters Harley Quinn, only now she is dressed in a black vest and some professional, black pants. Messy clown makeup clings to her face, making her look like a clown that's ready to go back to their desk job. A tiny mic hangs near her mouth area, allowing her to speak to the roaring audience. The crowd immediacy lites up once they see her climbing up onto the deck, right above the tank of water.
"The hell is she doing," Charlie Swan asks himself, nervously rubbing the corners of his lips.
Sitting beside him, Billy Black leans in and responds, "Beats me."
Laughing, Harley removes her vest and twirls around in the stage, tossing it to the audience. "Okay, people. Are ya ready ta do this thing," she enthusiastically asks the audience.
The crowd roars with cheers.
"Well, ya better be ready, 'cause my life kinda freakin' depends on it."
Charlie's face drops. "What? What does she mean by that," he nervously asks. The Chief leans over his friend's son, Jacob, and faces his daughter. "Bella, what the hell does she mean by that?"
Just as confused, Bella shakes her head and shrugs. No idea.
Charlie leans back in his chair, feeling uneasy.
"She could be messin' with us," Billy unsurely says.
"Yeah! Alright. So, when the timer hits zero," Harley points to a large timer behind her, "a tank full of flesh-eating piranhas will fall from above." She begins to work up the room into a frantic mess as she explains her upcoming act. She catches the horror in her friends' and family's face. Her grin widens in size.
Everyone looks up at her as she lets Richard and Samantha, the previous performers, rip off her blouse and dress pants, revealing a sparkling outfit with matching shoes, both made by Queenie, the circus' fashion director. They kneel down and begin to lock up her feet with a heavy chain.
"Now, every lady has to have a pair of handcuffs. Isn't that right, girls," she playfully asks as they go on to lock up her wrists. Manic laughter escapes her lips as she looks onto the crowd of whispers. Her eyes lay on her uncle, who is now standing from his seat.
His plan is to go and stop his niece from performing her dangerous act, but Alice Cullen stops him from doing so. She whispers something to him. He debates with himself, then finally sits back down, still anxious. The only confident person in the group is the shortest of the bunch. She goes to sit back down, but Edward stops her. His lips mouthes, "What the devil is she doing, Alice."
Alice snatches her arm away, while Jasper separates them both, glaring daggers at his brother. His wife sits back in her chair and cups the corners of her mouth, cheering her on. "You go, Harley!"
Waving her hand, Harley gives the crowd a dazzling smile. "One, two, three," she counts down with the audience. She gives the signal to start the clock and a loud buzzer rings through the air, dropping into the tank of water.
Charlie and Esme can't watch.
They have to look away.
Having rehearsed this several times, she is doing great. While holding her breath, she makes quick work with the locked handcuffs, and successfully unhooks them. She lifts her arms with triumph and shoots the audience a bright smile as they applaud. On his seat, her Chief Swan releases a sigh of relief, and leans back in his seat. This girl is going to give me a damn heart attack, he thinks. Nearby, Jacob leans into his chair, watching her with fear. Esme says something about how she can't look, and hides her face with her husband's chest. Carlisle holds her to him, shielding her from the horror.
The performer, Harley, goes to float up to the surface, but something holds her back. It's the bottom chain. It had gotten wrapped around a metal bar on the ground of the tank. A frustrated growl escapes her lips as she sinks down and begins to tug at it, her glittery heels still on her feet. This is when she begins to panic. Her mind drifts to how being surrounded by an enormous amount of water took the life away from her Buttercup, and how it almost took hers. Of course, she trained for this stunt plenty of times, even in Gotham, but you're never really prepared for things like this. She struggles to control her breathing as she weakly pulls on the chain. After trying numerous attempts to separate herself from it, she gives up and begins to pound on the glass.
Time quickly runs out.
"Help! Stop it," she shouts from inside the tank, panicking. Still, no one does anything. The crowed continues to cheer her on, failing to notice the fear in her face. She starts to kick and bang on glass when someone finally notices her struggle.
"Oh, my God! She can't get out," Richard shouts.
"She's serious," someone else says.
"She can't get out," others shout.
"Son, go get some help! Find Queenie," Mr. Haly demands.
His son disappears into the back room.
Seconds from hearing the commotion, Charlie and Harley's friends and family stand from their seats and make a run for it. Jacob sprints into action and joins the group with his father. Everyone runs down the stairs and enters the stage, against the ringleader's warning. Harley sees the horror in her uncle's face as he bangs his fists on the glass. "Harleen! Harleen," he frantically shouts her name.
She points to a pipe behind him, and just as he goes to reach for it, he finds Edward already there. "Hey! Out of the way," he shouts. At human speed, he runs toward the tank and hits the glass with the pipe.
It doesn't break.
He tries again.
Nothing.
An animalistic growl escapes his lips as him and his family hold onto random objects and hit on the glass, trying to release her from the water. Still, nothing. The room grows tense, and people are beginning to panic. The audience screams with horror as they watch the young girl struggle to survive.
"I'm a doctor," Carlisle announces. "Harleen, just stay calm, alright? We're get you out. Let's get some help here. Everyone, grab anything you can."
After stepping out of shock, men and women from all over the crowd help Charlie and the Cullens throw heavy objects at the glass. Harley continues to kick on the strong glass, out of oxygen. Their attempts fail, but they still keep going at it while she changes direction and tries to get the chain loose. Finally, she finally manages to break free, but then the time runs out, and as soon as she bursts for air, the piranhas are set loose.
A loud scream escapes her throat and she sinks back down.
It's something you only see in horror movies.
Directly in front of Harleen, Edward watches with wide eyes as everything happens in slow motion.
"Harley, no," Bella yells over the screams. Warm tears pour down her face and neck as she watches the water turn a deep shade of red.
Carlisle's eyes widen with in size. This is not good. He turns his head to search for his children. No one but Alice and Jasper have moved away from the tank. The two of them stand at a safe distance, watching everything play out. Harley kicks and screams inside the tank, struggling against the piranhas. After trying for so long, she gives up. The screams outside the tank muffle into a jumbled mess, and as the murky red water swirls above her, she is put into a deep trance. Memories flood through her as people try to come to her salvation.
It had been two months since she formed her relationship with the Joker. It had been two months since the abuse started. It had been two months since she made it her priority to please him, and only him. Two days from today, Harley became frustrated with her Buttercup, because he wasn't paying any attention to her. He explained that he was busy forming the perfect plan to capture Batman. Harley kept urging him to go out with her, but he'd just ignore her. He finally grew annoyed, and kicked her out of their shared home, or shall I say, amusement park. Harley genuinely believed that Batman was the source of the Joker's anger and lack of attention for her. So, she decided that the only way she can make the Joker happy again is to kill Batman herself.
Dressed in her usual red and black jester costume, she stood inside one of Penguin's abandoned nightclubs. It overlooked an elevated train track. Hung upside down, Batman started to wake up from her sleeping drug. "Unngh...." he groaned, groggy. He was chained up and hung over a huge fish tank, which was filled with water. A number of piranha fish swam around, hungry. He noticed Harleen beneath him, sitting at the bar with a stack of papers. "Quinn..."
Harley drank a soda pop as she stared at the hanging man before her. "Oh! You're awake, finally," she chirped.
"The Joker. Where...?"
Harley casually took a sip of her grape soda and released a sad sigh while cupping her chin. "It's just me, B-Man. No Joker, no gas bombs, no city in peril. Just you, that tank, and me."
"Why?"
Harley held one of Joker's plans: "DEATH OF A HUNDRED SMILES" upside-down for Batman to see. "To show Mr. J. I could really pull off one of his plans. See, he could never get these fishies to smile."
Batman sourly glared at Harley. "Brilliant."
She shrugged as she strutted away from the tank. "Yeah, yeah, I can tell you're less than thrilled. Y'know, for what it's worth, I actually enjoyed some of our romps. But there comes a time when a gal wants more," she said, wistfully smiling. "And now all this gal wants is to settle down with her lovin' sweetheart."
Batman looked genuinely surprised. "You and the Joker?"
Harley grinned. "Right-a-roonie!"
He glared at her as she explained her loopy plan to her prisoner.
Harley smiled, pleased with herself. "But then I had the bright idea of hanging the victim, that's you, upside-down! That way, to you, it'll look like they're smiling. Clever?"
Batman's lips slowly curled into a sheepish smile. His shoulder shook with laughter. Harley noticed this through the tank. She was shocked. He was mocking her. "I've never seen you laugh before. I don't think I like it," she said, nervously rubbing her arm.
His laughter continued.
"Cut it out. You're giving me the creeps!"
"You little fool," he said. He coldly gave the facts to Harley, who stared at him in shock through the tank glass. "The Joker doesn't love anything except himself. Wakeup, Harleen. He had you pegged for hired help the minute you walked into Arkham."
Harley looked stunned. "That's not... no," she whispered, her anger building. "No! He told me things, secret things he never told anyone..."
He looked at Harley coldly through his blank eyes. "Was it his line about the abusive father, or the one about the runaway mom?"
Harley looked stunned, her lip quivering. She was about to lose it.
He continued, "He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one."
"Stop," Harley clasped her hands to her ears as she screamed, "Please! Stop!"
"What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes," he said.
As he spoke, and the words sunk in, Harley lowered her hands. Her eyes grew wide and slowly began to fill up with tears. She stood, staring blankly into space with tears running down her cheeks. "He said it was the circus."
"He's got a million of them, Harley," Batman gently said.
"You're wrong! My puddin' does love me! He does! You're the problem," she snapped, enraged. She ran to the chain winch and frantically started to pull at the chain. With tears streaming down her face, she insanely grinned as she started to lower Batman toward the tank.
""There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven...,"" Batman quoted the Joker.
"Circus," she quietly finished his sentence, miserable. Then, out of nowhere, her face turned angry again. "Now you're gonna die and make everything right!"
Inches from the snapping piranha that swam close to the surface, Batman calmly spoke to her. "Except he'll never believe you did it."
She paused, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Huh? Sure he will..."
The fish swam around madly, anxious for a bite of Batman.
"How's Joker going to know I'm really gone? All those fish will leave are scraps of bone and cloth. Anyone can fake that," he continued.
Harley anxiously looked at his utility belt as it lied on the bar.
"True, you've got my belt, but it's not the same as a body."
Harley was now sweating as Batman continued.
"He'll never buy it."
Joker paced back and forth in his lair, tossing out old plans. The phone on his desk started to ring, but he ignored it. "Boring. Lame. Not funny. Been done. Too "Riddler,"" he said to himself, referring to the stack of plans he created. He couldn't take the ringing any longer, so he grabbed the phone. "What," he shouted into the phone while flipping through the plans again. "Harley? Where the hell have you...uh-huh...yeah, yeah... mmm... Batman, eh? Well, you don't say..." He calmed a bit. Suddenly, it sunk in. He lunged forward, screaming, "You have who, tied up where?!"
Merely minutes later, pedestrians leaped out of the way as Joker's purple Lamborghini nearly mowed them down.
In the nightclub, the piranhas continued to leap up to try to snap at Batman. His head was almost touching the water. "Well, nertz to you, Mr. Smarty-Bat," Harley said. She stood in front of the tank, smiling triumphantly at Batman. "When I told Mr. J what I was doing, he was so thrilled he could hardly speak!"
Suddenly, the doors to the club slammed open. The Joker lunged in, screaming, "Harley!"
Harley happily ran to embrace the seething-mad Joker. "Hi, Buttercup! You're just in time to see the-"
Joker angrily smacked her away.
She released a pained grunt and held her cheek.
Batman was still hung over the tank. The water touched his "ears." Joker leaned in to chummily say, "'Scuse me. I'll just be a minute."
Harley was scared and confused. She gathered up the Joker's blueprint as she scrambled off the floor. The furious Joker advanced on her. "But, Buttercup! I don't understand! Don't you wanna finally get rid of Batman?"
"Only if I do it, idiot!"
Harley held the blueprint out as the Joker loomed over her. "But it's s-still your plan, see? Everything just like you said," she replied. She flipped the photo of the piranha upside-down. It looked like the fish were smiling. "Except I hung the guy upside-down, so he'd see their little frowns as little smiles! Now it all works!"
Joker angrily grabbed the blueprint from her and ripped it up. "Except you had to explain it to me! If you have to explain a joke, there is no joke!"
Scared, Harley pulled a stuffed swordfish from the wall and defensively held it in front of her. "N-now calm down, Buttercup!"
"You've forgotten what I told you a long time ago. One of the painful truths of comedy," Joker said, menacingly advancing on her. He grabbed the fish from her and knocked her back with it. "You always take shots from folks who just don't get the joke!"
"Ooof!" Harley stumbled backward, toward a high boarded-up window and crashed through. There were splinters of wood but not glass. She fell down toward the trash-strewn-alley below.
Joker sourly turned away from the window as he dropped the stuffed fish on the floor. "And don't call me Buttercup."
Sticking out from a pile of crushed boxes and trash boxes, Harley's hand slightly twitched. She was hurt pretty bad, barely conscious. A thin trickle of blood ran down the side of her mouth. "My fault. I didn't get the joke," she weakly said to herself.
Batman was now lying on the bar, having been lifted out of the tank and placed there by the Joker. "I really have to apologize for the kid," the Joker said. He steadied Batman's still-chained legs and sheepishly smiled at him. "No respect for tradition! Let's just pretend the whole thing never happened and do this some other time." He gave Batman a good-natured pat on the cheek. "'Kay?" He turned and casually walked away, whistling a little tune.
Suddenly, he paused, reevaluating the situation. "Then again, this is a rather rare opportunity." He hurried back to Batman and flipped him over, pulling a gun from his jacket. "You know what they say..."A bat in the hand is worth two in the belfry!"" He aimed his gun at Batman. "I guess you're going out on a laugh after all!"
Batman quickly brung his legs up and struck the Joker's gun hand, causing it to discharge into the tank behind them. The two of them rolled off into a fight while Harley struggled to lift herself from the ground.
"You need to call the police! She's dying," a man's voice shouts.
Inside the circus, the tank continues to overflow with red water, meaning something, or someone is frantically moving inside. The screaming continues as Richard pulls everyone away from the tank. Jacob, Bella and Charlie stand in the corner, struggling to comprehend what's happening. Charlie watches everyone try to get to Harley, but to no avail.
"Oh, my God! This is fucking bullshit! Whoever thought of this is a sick, sadistic fuck," someone suddenly cries out from behind the crowd.
Bella whips her head around to find Harley Quinn standing behind her. She's still in her heels and sparkly dress, only now she's soaked in water. The brunette immediately climbs up the steps and launches herself at her before anyone else could work it out. Everyone watches the brunette embrace her mentally deranged cousin. "Harley, you are actually insane," she whispers, relieved this was all but part of the act.
The blonde teen giggles and wraps her arms around her cousin's torso. "Yeah, I am."
Bella finally pulls away from her as the crowd surrounds Harley. The second person to wrap her into a hug is Charlie. He's obviously upset by her sneaky trick. "You're grounded forever. You hear that?"
Harley nods her head and giggles, pulling away from the hug. The ringmaster stands behind her uncle. He slowly claps his hands together, wearing an amazed smile. He was not expecting that. He knew she was going to perform the water act, he just didn't know about her special twist. He watches the audience pull her into high-fives and fist bumps. She laughs along with the crowd, basked in the feeling of the rush she gets after a performance. She wishes it never ends.
Suddenly, someone grabs her hand. Harley turns to find Edward looking back at her. "This was all part of the act," he asks, amazed.
Harley laughs and nods her head. "Ya mad ya fell for it, huh?"
"I'm just mad I didn't see it coming," he replies, smiling.
Harley shrugs her shoulders and puts her hands up. "That's me."
They smile at one another as the crowd continues to applaud.
"So, wait.. You didn't really die," a small voice suddenly questions.
Harley turns around to find the little girl she saw earlier. Beaming a smile, she kneels down in front of her and shakes her head. "No.. I didn't. I was there all along. You just couldn't see me."
"But how," the little girl asks, her eyes big and wide.
Harley giggles and dramatically waves her hands in the air. "Magic."
"I wanna learn how to do that. Then I can be like you some day," she glances at her mother, "Right, mommy?"
Her mother smiles and nods her head, placing her hand on her shoulder.
The soaking wet blonde smiles and glances over her shoulder, throwing Samantha a wink, who blushes and looks away. Richard stifles his laughter, teasing his girlfriend about how Harley has an obvious crush on her. Harley looks at the little girl and nods her head. "Well, I do have one last trick up my sleeve. How about you and your mommy join us in the back?"
The little girl beams a large smile and looks at her smiling mother. "Mommy, please!"
"Sure, Honey," her mother replies.
As the girl squeals with excitement, Harley stands back up and gently grabs her hand. Everyone cheers and claps as they watch Haly's Circus' newest performer walk across the tent. With one last glance at Bella and Edward, Harley smiles and disappears behind a black curtain.
"Alright, everyone. Return to your seats," the ringmaster instructs, adjusting the mic on his shirt. The crowd of people speak to one another as they return to their seats. Once Harley's friends and family return to their seats, they all release a synchronized sigh of relief. Their thoughts drift from how insane Harley is to how she will be the death of them, the last one refers to Charlie the most.
FIN