Monday July 6th. Switzerland.
Chloe stirred and then woke up, regretfully leaving her dream of Seb bringing dinner to their bed, naked. She kept her eyes closed thinking that if she did that then she'd drift off back to sleep and back to Seb. She couldn't believe she'd actually slept last night, she actually felt quite refreshed, the first time in a while. Then she felt the bed move as someone shuffled beside her. She froze. She was definitely alone when she'd got into bed last night, maybe she'd imagined it, maybe she was still asleep and still dreaming. Then she felt a chill run down spine, her stomach began to churn and her heart began to beat faster. Surely she was imagining things and was getting wound up over nothing, she had to be. She laid perfectly still, she could hear someone breathing; soft, shallow breaths that told her that this person was asleep next to her, in the bed she shared with her husband. Ok, keep calm, don't open your eyes, don't freak out. You're still half asleep, you're still dreaming, this isn't real. She took in a breath through her nose and a familiar, intoxicating scent filled her nostrils that reminded her of her gorgeous Seb. Seb?! She allowed herself to open one eye and very quickly her other eye popped open too. There he was, laying beside her but on top of the duvet, sleeping peacefully on his front with his hands under his pillow, fully clothed as though he'd walked through the door and collapsed onto the bed to fall straight into a deep, exhausted sleep. He's back! He's here! Hang on, what on earth is he doing here? What's happened? What's gone so wrong that meant he's flown back home? Despite the questions that were now flying around in her head, she couldn't help but feel overjoyed to see him. He was back by her side, back where he belonged. No wonder she'd slept so well last night! Then she felt anxious and sad; why was he here? She knew he'd had a tough weekend but he still wasn't really meant to be here, he was supposed to stay within his team 'bubble' until after the Hungarian Grand Prix in two weeks time. He wasn't allowed to come home unless it was an emergency. She kept looking at him as though he was a mirage and not really there, he was still wearing his Ferrari t-shirt and dark grey shorts, the exact same clothes she'd seen him wearing in an image just before she'd dozed off last night. He fidgeted in his sleep and turned his head so that he was now facing her and she felt her insides flutter and her heart swell with love, he looked so peaceful and content when he slept, so utterly beautiful and adorable. She could lay here watching him sleep for hours. Except that this time she couldn't, she needed to know why he was here when he should still be in Austria. "Seb." She whispered his name, wanting to wake him as gently as possible. No response, so she tried again, just a touch louder. "Seb." She waited for a moment, he sighed in his sleep and seemed to stir but that was all. "Seb." She tried once more, a little louder. This time he quietly groaned and lifted his head only to bury his face into his pillow. "Seb, wake up." She put her hand on his back and gave him a nudge, he groaned again, sounding muffled into his pillow before turning his head to face her.
Her beautiful but curious eyes were his perfect medicine, all of the torment and anguish of yesterday just melted away as he gazed into them. Just being here felt so perfectly right, there was no where else he'd rather be. "My beautiful girl." He croaked, his voice heavy with sleep.
"What are you doing here?" She asked as his lips curled up into a lazy, sleepy smile.
He didn't want to answer her, he just wanted to lay here with her and never leave her side again. Instead of speaking, he just took hold of her hand and brought it up to his face so that he could nuzzle against it.
"Oh Seb." She sighed as he closed his eyes, he was so damn cute when he sleepy. Feeling his lips kissing the back of her hand only made her want to kiss him and keep him here forever. Part of her was so delighted to have him back and so touched that he'd come back to her so early but the other part was worried as to why he was here. His hold on her hand loosened, he'd drifted off back to sleep so she gave him another nudge to wake him and he took hold of her hand again, holding on to it as though it was comforting him. "Want some breakfast?" She asked, deciding to approach the question of why he was here from a different angle.
"Mmm." Was her only response. Was that a yes or a no? Either way, she knew he'd have to eat so she went to pull her hand away from his only for him to tighten his hold. "Seb, what's going on?" She asked firmly, she was all for him being so loving but it didn't alter the fact that he shouldn't be here.
"Chloe." He groaned, why couldn't she just let them lay here in peace?
"Well I'm getting up, you need to eat." She yanked her hand away from his, making his eyes snap open, and she then took a second to mentally and physically prepare herself for the task of rolling onto her back and trying to get herself out of bed. At thirty-six weeks pregnant, it was getting harder and harder by the day.
Seb moved to lay on his side and watch her as she struggled to get up. He sniggered, finding it quite amusing as she huffed and grunted.
"Don't fucking help or anything will you." She suddenly snapped, as she used all the strength she had in her arms to make herself sit up.
"Sorry." He mumbled as he got up and then scrambled around the bed to help her. He held his hands out for her to take.
"It's too late now." She huffed as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and got to her feet. She was instantly pulled into his arms and his lips were on hers before she could say anything else. His tongue gently brushed over her lips, seeking entrance, asking her for permission to deepen his kiss wordlessly and because she always so weak where he was concerned, she gave in and let him have his way, hearing him moan with relief as he slipped his fingers into her hair. He was kissing her with so much depth and hunger, like her kiss was the only thing that would keep him alive. She relaxed in his arms, letting herself get swept away by his love, letting him satisfy his hunger.
Needing to breathe, he broke their passionate kiss. "Fuck I've missed you." He whispered vehemently, moving his hands to cup her face, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs and looking deeply into her eyes. He was home because she was his home.
"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly, placing her hands over the top of his.
"I am now." He smiled, kissing her forehead, the tip of her nose and then a lingering kiss on her lips. He'd talk later, he didn't want to keep from her the reason why he was here but for now he just wanted to be with her.
"Why are you here? It's not that I'm not happy to see you because I am, I'm really happy to see you especially as I was hating the idea of three weeks without you but I can see that somethings wrong."
"Can we talk later?" He asked. "I'm hungry and I need to shower." He added, remembering that he was still in yesterday's clothes.
"Ok." She nodded, removing his hands from her cheeks. "You go and shower and I'll sort us some breakfast."
"Can you bring it up here? Only I don't really want to see anyone just yet."
"I'm clumsy as fuck with this in front of me....." She pointed to her bump. "....I really don't trust myself to carry a tray laden with food and drink up the stairs. I literally have to use the handrail to pull myself up anyway." She wavered as he looked anxious. "I could ask mum to help me bring it up?" She suggested. "I take it that no one else knows you're here?"
"No, it was kind of late when I got here. You were all in bed."
"Is your car outside?"
"Parked it round the back of the garage." He admitted sheepishly.
"Wow, you really don't want anyone else to know you're here." She breathed, somewhat astonished. "Ok, can you manage with toast and orange juice? I think I can manage to bring that up here for you."
"Thank you." He broke out into a smile. "You're an angel."
"You owe this angel an explanation Vettel." She stated firmly as he headed for the en-suite. The second she heard the door close, she scanned the room for his rucksack, he never travelled without it so she knew it'd be here somewhere. It had to be. Then her eyes found what she was really looking for, his phone. She swallowed nervously and glanced to the en-suite door before tiptoeing her way around to his side of the bed where his phone sat on the nightstand. She glanced again to the door, she'd never felt the need to check his phone before and it felt all kinds of wrong to be even thinking of doing it now. The screen came to life and Britta's name appeared on the screen, with no vibration or ring tone it was obvious his phone was on silent and she hesitated before picking it up. The call cut out and her mouth fell open, he had over forty missed calls and half as many messages, if she unlocked his phone to view who'd been calling him then the notifications might disappear and he'd know she'd been looking. She went for it; tapping in his pass code the screen unlocked and displayed who'd been calling him. They were mainly from Britta, Heikki and Mattia but there were also some from Riccardo. She wanted to look further and read his messages but as they were all iMessages and would come up as read once she'd opened them, she knew she'd have to leave it at that. She was about to lock it when another call came in, this time from Heikki and she decided to answer it. "Hello Heikki."
"Thank fuck.....what the hells going on?" He sounded relieved but then angry. "Is he there with you?"
"Yeah he's......"
"Put him on the line, now!" He yelled.
"He's taking a shower." She mumbled anxiously, she'd never heard Heikki sound like this.
"It's ok Britta, he's with Chloe!" She heard him yell before coming back to her. "Seriously Chloe, what the fuck is going on? We're getting shit from Mattia here, wanting to know where his driver is."
"I don't.....I don't know." She stuttered, it sounded like her husband was in trouble.
"Look....I'm not angry at you, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted at you." Heikki said, sounding calmer and relieved. "It's just that me and Britta have been going out of our minds with worry, Seb went to speak to Mattia after the team press conference and then disappeared and we've trying all night to get hold of him."
"All I know is that I woke up a little while ago and he was here. He was asleep next to me on the bed, still in his clothes. He thinks I'm getting breakfast."
"So you don't know what's caused him to go AWOL then?"
"No." She looked towards the en-suite door anxiously in case Seb came back out.
"Will you get him to call me as soon as he's out of the shower?"
"Let me talk to him first."
"I've got the team boss on my back here, I need to speak to him as soon as he's done in the shower." Heikki insisted.
"And I'm telling you that I'll talk to him first." She replied stubbornly.
"Chloe please, he's broken protocol by leaving to come home, I have to get him back here as soon as possible. Britta's going nuts because he's supposed to be on tv early this evening and I have to tell Mattia where his driver is and that he's on his way back."
"He might be Mattia's driver but he's my husband first and he'll call you when we've talked and when he's ready." With that she cut the call and threw the phone down onto the bed just as the en-suite door opened.
"You ok? I heard your voice."Seb stepped out with a towel around his waist, his body still wet from his shower. "I thought you was getting me some breakfast?" He added, looking puzzled.
"Fuck breakfast, you need to tell me what's been going on." She retorted angrily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chloe looked at her reflection in the mirror as she brushed her hair, she ignored her rumbling stomach, she'd refused to get either herself or Seb any breakfast until he'd talked. This had resulted in him leaving the room in a strop and heading downstairs to get his own breakfast, putting himself in the firing line of questions from his parents much sooner than he'd wanted. As yet he hadn't come back up, maybe Heike or Norbert had managed to get the truth out of him where she'd failed? A fluttering noise made her look towards the door where Seb was waving a white t-shirt, using it as a makeshift white flag. He then pushed the door open and stood there poking his bottom lip out, giving her a puppy eyed look which she could never stay angry at. She turned to look back at the mirror and finish brushing her hair and was aware of him approaching her cautiously, all she could think of right now was that he'd better have his explanation ready. In typical Seb fashion, he stopped behind her and enveloped her in his arms, doing his usual thing of burying his nose in her hair until he found her neck. She heard him inhale and then hum quietly as he exhaled as though being close to her like this relaxed him.
"I love you." He rested his chin on her shoulder and then swept his hands down to her bump as he looked at her unimpressed expression in the mirror.
"Are you ready to talk now?" She asked.
"One minute." There was just one thing he needed to do first.
She stayed quiet and patient while he pulled up her navy top until he'd exposed her belly and she watched his expression in the mirror as his hands trailed slowly and softly over her skin. He looked completely awestruck and he smiled as he met her gaze in the reflection. Then his smile faded and he sighed heavily, straight away she could see some of the anguish that she'd seen on tv yesterday and she placed her hands over his, lacing their fingers together.
"I spoke to Mattia last night, I told him how I feel, how I've lost the passion, the drive and how I feel like I'm just going through the motions every time I'm in the car. I told him how it was un-drivable yesterday, how it felt totally different from Friday and Saturday morning, how I just can't connect with it."
"And what did he say to that?"
"He said he'd noticed, he'd seen the difference in me at the test...." He paused as he thought back to yesterday and gave a little disappointed shake of his head. "....he said he thinks that Charles has gelled with the car, he's adapted his driving style and I have not."
"That's bullshit!" She snapped. "They've given you a shit car, they're putting too much focus on Charles and his car and not enough on you, it's their fault and not yours."
"He thinks I'm too distracted....."
"Distracted? By who? Me?" She turned to face him, when he didn't answer her straight away she knew, Mattia was blaming her.
"We ended up arguing, he said that in my head I'd left Ferrari the day we decided to call it quits, that I'm no longer fully focused or committed to the team, that I'm not getting the best out of the car like Charles does, how I've not been the same since I met you and he can see how I'd rather be at home with you instead of driving his car so I told him I was done and to find another driver and I ended up here late last night."
"You walked out?" She gasped in shock, pulling her hands away from his.
"Yeah." He admitted with a small shrug of shoulders before shoving his hands into his jeans pockets as though what he'd done was no big deal.
She looked at his face in disbelief, he's really walked out? Just like that? Is this it? Is this the end of his season already? Of his career? What about his contract? He has to see it through, he can't just walk away! His serious expression told her that every word was true. I'm a distraction, Mattia blames me, Seb has lost his motivation and his passion for Formula One because of me. I know that car hasn't helped but.....this is my.....fault. Struggling with her hormones like she'd done all the way through the past months, she burst into tears.
"Ah shit." Seb muttered in frustration, blaming himself for making her cry.
Hearing the tone of his voice only made her cry harder and only hammered home the fact that this was her fault.
"No no no no!" Seb cried as she started to sob. "Please no, don't cry!" He pulled her as close as he could. "Please liebe, I don't want you to cry."
"....my....fault....." She gasped as she clung on to his black t-shirt.
"No, no." He soothed as he rubbed her back. "It's not your fault."
Unable to speak through the what felt like a massive lump in her throat, she nodded her head vigorously.
"It's my fault and Ferrari's and maybe even the virus....if we hadn't been forced to have that long break, if they'd given me a car that I could fully push to it's limits, that I'd fall in love with driving then I wouldn't have felt how I have been. Chloe, schatzi, look at me." He took a firm hold of the tops of her arms to prise her away from his body, her face was red with upset and anger, her eyes looked bloodshot and puffy and her cheeks were wet with her tears. It killed him inside to see her in such a state even though he knew her pesky hormones were partially to blame. "Darling look at me." He took a firmer tone as she failed to meet his request and he grasped her face to force her to look at him.
Her eyes shot up to meet his, he never called her 'darling', this was new and the shock of this new nickname somehow reduced her sobs to tearful gasping breaths.
"That's better." He cooed softly and started to wipe her tears away from her cheeks with his palms. "Remember when we first talked about this? I told you then that it wasn't your fault, that you're not to blame yourself."
Still unable to make a sound other than her ragged breaths, she just nodded.
"I got myself into this situation, now it's up to me to get myself out of it and I've started to do that by coming back home." He continued.
"No." She let out strangled cry and gripped his wrists, she didn't want things to end like this for him. She took a deep breath and then swallowed, wanting to force her words to come out. "You can't Seb! Not like this!" She thought of the missed calls on his phone and how some were from Mattia, if he'd tried to call then he must want to talk, there was still a chance for both him and Seb to salvage this situation.
"It's ok, you've no need to worry, I'll be fine." He tried to reassure her, certain that she was worried he'd regret how things had ended.
"You have to go back." She urged, her voice trembling.
"I think it's a bit late to go back now." He replied, thinking at how angry both himself and Mattia had been. She let out a heavy, shaky sigh and rolled her eyes, making him chuckle. It was clear that she was trying to compose herself enough to be able to say more than a few words at a time.
"Seb...." She pulled his hands away from her cheeks and stepped back to place them on her large bump. Inside she could feel L.J moving, probably reacting to her distress. As Seb felt it too, he lowered his gaze to where his hands were and she looked down too, able to see her belly moving as their baby wriggled and squirmed. "He can hear us you know."
"I know." He replied, getting down on to his knees to kiss her belly and leave his forehead resting against it.
"He'll be able to recognise our voices when he's born....." She paused and sniffed as she fought to calm herself. ".....and he'll know you're his daddy the second he hears your voice." She couldn't quite believe what she was about to say next but she had to make him see that he had to go back to Austria, as soon as possible.
He didn't reply, instead he put his ear to her bump to see if he could hear his son's heartbeat. After trying a few different spots, he found it. He closed his eyes as the beautiful, quiet but fast rhythm soothed him and he could feel it in his own heart. He loved his little boy, he'd do anything for him already, even kill for him.
"He's heard us talking, he's heard me crying - again - but more importantly he's heard his father giving up." She said shakily.
Seb leant back and looked up at her incredulously.
"You've given up Seb. Yes you've lost your passion for your sport, your team can't give you winning car and would probably make a glorious fuck up of a Mercedes if they were given one and if this really isn't my fault like you say it isn't...."
"It isn't your fault!" He insisted, interrupting her.
"Let me finish. If this isn't my fault and it's yours, then you've given up. Sebastian Vettel would fight....." She stopped as her voice shook with the emotion she was barely keeping a lid on. "Sebastian Vettel would fight to find that passion, he'd fight with his shitty un-drivable car, he'd fight to prove Mattia wrong and he'd never give up, he'd never back down, especially for his son."
He stood up. His wife never failed to amaze him but this sudden swing from devastated sobbing to fighting spirit was quite a turn around. For a moment he was speechless.
"You have to go back to Austria, you have to call Britta and Mattia, tell them you're on your way back. You have to keep racing and at least finish the season because no one knows how long it'll last and if you won't do it for yourself or for me, then do it for him." She took his hand once more and placed it on her belly. "For L.J." She swallowed again as her tears threatened to come back. She really, really didn't want Seb to go back to Austria, she wanted him to stay here for her own selfish reasons, to be with her to enjoy her last few weeks of pregnancy and to ensure he was by her side when she went into labour but she also knew that he had to go back. Her husband was a racer, Formula One was his life, she couldn't allow him to just give it all up now and finish his career under a dark cloud. He'd regret it and she would too.
He looked from her still moving bump to her eyes to see the certainty within them. She was right. "You're the most amazing woman I've ever met in my entire life." He murmured softly. Leaning in, he slipped a hand to the back of her neck to bring her lips closer to his. He cherished their softness as he gave her a deep lingering kiss, letting the taste and scent of her absorb into his bloodstream. Then he pulled away to admire her closed eyes and love filled expression before walking away, he had a couple of phone calls to make.