Reposted: January 28, 2022
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Summary: Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes has opened up.
Tom wasn't the only one looking forward to Harry's birthday. Sirius and Bella blurted out ideas during mealtimes and often cornered Harry or Tom for their opinion on a particular subject. Remus and Barty spent a lot of their time reeling them in. And other times adding their own suggestions, prompting Sirius and Bella to reel them in.
"How many of your friends will you be inviting?" Sirius asked.
"All of them. But if they can't make it, no hard feelings," Harry said. "Not Tracey, though," he added jokingly. "I wonder what she's doing right now."
"Swearing up a storm because you're unavailable?" Tom guessed.
"Maybe."
At that moment, Tracey was indeed swearing up a storm... because she stubbed her toe. Stupid dresser.
Harry kept checking the Daily Prophet, but hardly anything caught his eye. One of the shops in Diagon Alley had been remodeled. A Muggle in Ireland had to be Obliviated because a wizard had unknowingly performed a Levitating Charm in front of him.
So far, the news that received the biggest reaction was that Igor Karkaroff had been removed from the headmaster's post in Durmstrang.
"Does it say why?" Harry asked Barty, who had been the one to bring attention to it.
"Let's see..." Barty skimmed the page. "Nope. Pretty evasive. Oh, your friends apparently had bought premises in Diagon Alley." He handed Harry the papers.
Sure enough, toward the back of the papers was a picture of Fred and George smiling as they stood in front of their shop, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. They were wearing new magenta robes that clashed with their flaming hair.
Dobby popped in with a letter in his hand. "From the Wheezys," he said before leaving again.
"I'm guessing it's about the shop," Tom said as Harry opened it.
"Yep," Harry confirmed. "They invited us to come see. Can we go?" he asked Remus.
"I don't see why not. But I won't be going today." Remus yawned. The full moon was approaching rapidly.
"Bella? Barty?"
"Can't. I lost a bet with Azure," Barty said, not looking particularly thrilled at this.
"Tough," Tom said, wincing.
Harry snorted. "I warned you, Azure's gotten really good at chess for a snake."
Barty glowered at him. He didn't need a reminder. It was bad enough Azure was poking her head over the table from the seat across from him, hissing tauntingly.
"Well, if we're gonna go, let's go." Sirius kissed Remus quickly and stood up.
Bella patted Barty's arm sympathetically. "I'll stay with you."
"Thanks." Barty looked a little more cheerful.
Diagon Alley didn't have many people this early in the morning. The exception was the Weasleys' shop, which had people clustered around the windows.
The left-handed one was full of a variety of goods. On the other, a poster flashing with yellow letters.
No Need To Worry About You-Know-Who
You SHOULD Be Worrying About U-NO-POO
the Constipation Sensation That's Gripping the Nation!
"Fuck me," Tom groaned just as Fred opened the door, beaming.
"Sorry, but you're not my type," Fred said cheerfully. "Welcome! You got our letter?"
"We did. Full moon's keeping Remus in bed, Barty lost a bet to Azure, and Bella's keeping him company."
"Hm." Fred didn't look as if he really cared much for Barty or Bella, but he wasn't about to voice this.
Harry glanced back at the poster. "That poster — it's brilliant, by the way."
"Why, thank you, Harry. George came up with it. Come on in, all of you."
The shop was so tightly packed with customers Harry couldn't get near the shelves, but he could see that the twins were already doing very well. The Skiving Snackboxes were especially popular; several people were inspecting the boxes of Nosebleed Nougat with particular interest.
George arrived, and Tom pointed at him accusingly.
"Fred said you're the one who made the U-No-Poo."
"I sure did. Why?" George asked, grinning proudly.
"Because it's clever and I hate it," Tom muttered.
"Whoa, Tom, you look constipated," Harry said. "Guess we know what product not to get for you."
"I — you little..." Tom trailed off, swearing in Parseltongue.
"Watch your language, Riddle. There are ladies present," Harry said, gesturing to Hermione, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley, all of whom were huddled around a cage.
Sirius went to join them to see what looked like small balls of pink and purple fluff rolling around inside.
"Pygmy Puffs," George explained. "Miniature puffskeins, we can't breed them fast enough."
"They're really cute!" Ginny said. "Mum, can we get one?"
As Mrs. Weasley pondered over getting one or not, Harry, Tom and Sirius wandered off to explore the rest of the shop.
"'Patented Daydream Charms...'" Sirius read, trailing off as he skimmed the description on the back. "Ingenious!"
George sniffed, wiping away an imaginary tear. "That means so much, coming from a Marauder. What would Moony think?"
"He'd agree. And so would Prongs," Sirius said, and George clutched his chest as if overwhelmed.
"George? Fred? What are these?" Ginny had reappeared, holding a pink product.
"Love potion," said Fred proudly.
Harry felt Tom stiffen beside him. Ginny eyed the product with equal wariness. "And it works?"
"Certainly it work," Fred answered, "for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question —"
"— and the attractiveness of the girl," George added. "But we're not selling them to our sister."
Ginny's expression had become closed off. "I don't think you should be selling them to anyone, actually!" she said harshly before pushing her way back toward the front. She slammed the product back in its place with such force it made the witches nearby jump.
The twins exchanged bewildered glances. "What was that all about?"
"Dumbledore had her under a compulsion, remember?" Harry said. "It worked like a love potion."
The twins winced.
"Damn!" muttered George, looking back toward Ginny guiltily. "That was kind of dumb of us."
"Maybe we should stop making them," Fred said.
Harry and Tom continued to explore while Sirius began asking the twins questions about other potentially bad products.
"Let's hope they're more careful in the future," Harry said.
"Yes, let's." Tom looked agitated, casting glances at the entrance.
"We can leave if you want. I don't mind. The shop's not going anywhere anytime soon."
Tom shrugged. "We better tell Sirius."
Sirius, unsurprisingly, wanted to stay longer. "Where do you want to meet up? Florean Fortescue's? I wouldn't mind some ice cream."
"Sounds good," said Harry. "See you there."
They passed Ron, Ginny, and Hermione on their way out. Ginny had a purple Pygmy Puff in her arms.
"Your mum got you one, then?" Harry said.
"Mhm. I named him Arnold."
"Better than what he would have suggested," Tom said, jabbing a finger at Harry. "He probably would have called him Furball or Fuzzy."
"I would not have!" Harry said indignantly. "Don't listen to Tom, he's just mad about U-No-Poo."
Ginny laughed, looking a little better.
Harry and Tom reached the parlor and bought ice cream. Harry had to stop eating at one point because Tom kept making unnecessarily loud noises as he licked his spoon off.
"Do you mind?" Harry finally said.
Tom rounded his eyes. "Do I mind what?"
"You know what!"
"Mm, I'm pretty sure it's called U-No-Poo."
Harry gave up.
"Harry!"
It was Draco that had spoken. He came over and pulled up a chair. "Have you seen the new joke shop?"
"Yeah, we just left," Harry answered. "Did you go in?"
Draco shook his head. "Father said we have better things to do than waste our time fooling around with trivial matters. I agree."
"It's a really cool place," Harry said defensively. "Granted, some of the products can be dangerous, but then again, what isn't? Anyway," he went on, changing the subject because Draco didn't look convinced, "how are you doing?"
"I'm doing fine. Except Mother keeps dropping hints about courting Pansy when the time comes. Mothers!" He shook his head.
"Mothers," echoed Harry, painfully aware he couldn't truly understand his friend's plight. Well, Remus came close, he supposed. And Severus certainly had his moments, especially when Remus didn't.
He was saved from having to say anything else by Sirius' arrival.
"I hope you three were behaving," Sirius said, giving the group a look.
"When have we ever misbehaved?" Harry asked, smiling and blinking up at him innocently.
Draco looked indignant. "Don't group me with those two."
"Draco." Sirius clapped a hand on his shoulder. "When you're in the presence of these two, you're bound to be caught up in our shenanigans somehow."
"Or you," Harry pointed out.
"Or me," Sirius agreed. "And once you add Rem and Sev into the mix..."
Draco stared up at him for a few seconds before slowly standing. "I'm going to go find my father." Before I get caught up went unsaid but fully understood.
Sirius ordered some ice cream for himself and Remus and they all went home.
The first thing they heard coming in was Barty running around yelling Azure's name. "Where the fuck is that little snake?"
"Where have you checked?" Harry asked.
"Where haven't I checked?" Barty retorted, looking frazzled.
"Outside?" Tom suggested. "She likes burrowing in the dirt."
Barty paused. "Be right back." He disappeared so fast he might have Apparated.
Remus was lying on the couch with a pillow clutched over his head. Sirius leaned over and removed it, revealing unkempt hair falling over a very disgruntled face.
"We're back, Moony," he said in a singsong voice.
"About time. I was this close to hexing Barty," Remus said, holding his fingers close together. "So how was it? Get anything?"
"Just ice cream from Fortescue's," Sirius replied, handing the chocolate sundae over to Remus, who immediately dug in. Then he went on telling him all the cool products they saw — and the one that didn't leave a good impression.
"Love potions? Really?" Remus looked skeptical, pausing with the spoon halfway to his mouth. "They do realize their sister was basically under one for a good several months, don't they?"
"Not until Harry brought it up," Sirius said, finishing up his ice cream. "Ginny was pretty upset, not that I blame her."
"Is she okay now?" Remus asked.
"She seemed fine when we were leaving," Harry replied. "Her mum had bought her a Pygmy Puff. Cute little ball of fluff. You'd love them."
"You'll have to show me next time we go, then." He took one last bite and laid back down. "But for now, leave me alone. I'm tired."
Harry and Tom went off to leave him in peace. And Sirius went to fetch some more food for Remus.
Remus loving chocolate is one of those headcanons that you just accept without thinking too deeply about. I mean, canonically, Remus is never seen eating it himself, he's always handing it to someone.
Thoughts on George fangirling (fanboying?) over Sirius' approval of the products? Barty's and Azure's friendship? Ginny's reaction to the love potion? Anything else?
Up next: the party the night before Harry's birthday — and before he and Tom bond