QOTD: who's your OTP?? - can be real or fictional teehee
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Adeline's POV
"𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐘...𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 Jordan isn't it?"
I immediately stepped back into my place.
I scoffed, "I know you did not just say that." He looked equally devastated and smug as if he caught the reason I was saying all this.
"I saw what you were looking at" he simply replied as he glanced to the phone in my hand. I shook my head with my mouth agape, I didn't know what to say. I was bewildered that he thought that. But my lack of response seemed to make him think he was still right.
He took my silence as an answer and scoffed mockingly, "So you've been reluctant about - whatever this is - from day one I felt like I had to chase you down for it to happen because of how he hurt you, and god it killed me every time thinking of him with you. I thought you were over it but things go wrong once and now you're back to looking at pictures of you and precious Jordie - "
"Oh Josh shut up that is not what's happening - I do not want that back are you kidding me? H-how could you even - " I stuttered and he pursed his lips, a whole new wave of anger was in his eyes.
"Well can you blame me?! You're not even trying to make this work and he's the only guy you ever loved - of course you would still have feelings for him, you can't tell me you don't think about him anymore, is he the guy you want still?" he suddenly urged and I felt put on the spot. The whole point was that for this whole weekend I didn't think about Jordan, the last time was at the airport when those stupid fans filmed us.
"He's had you in his toxic web - I've fucking seen it in your eyes! Since you never got closure and now you're using this shit as a way to get out or something, afraid to jump again" he argued and I groaned out of pure frustration. We were definitely going in circles, neither of us could see the other's point of view.
"Okay fine you want an answer, yes I thought about him when those girls caught us at the airport and I didn't say anything - "
"Aww shucks thanks for telling me now" he replied with a scorned sarcasm. I hated this side of him, of us. I never thought we'd get here.
I couldn't even remember how we got here.
"Jesus Christ Jo I didn't say anything because it wasn't a big deal, that's the whole fucking point! I knew you'd react - like this -" I yelled as I gestured to his stiff body language, "I took the time to wonder why I thought of him and it was because yes fine - I never got that closure, but mostly because the last time I had ever felt that free and happy in that moment was with Jordan and-and seeing any threat to that freaked me out so I stood away from you as an instinct. Also because I didn't want any leaked shit to come out...but look what happened!" I yelled and he just stood there with nothing to say.
"So there? Happy?!" I added with such impatience in my tone. He tried so hard to egg on that I was still into Jordan that it made me concerned how long he actually believed this.
I didn't blame him to a degree, but I wanted to give my all into this. I wanted to leave the insecurity behind with someone new, but how could I do that when there were eyes everywhere praying for Josh's downfall, and now mine.
"And you're one to talk about being stuck on someone no matter how much time has passed, it's not like you've written all your heartbroken songs about one girl who left, and you're probably still writing songs about her since she's your holy inspiration" I confronted with sass. He looked at with a hint of pain when I said the word 'inspiration' but I simply shook my head and looked away.
He started pacing around and he was backing away and I huffed, "Josh think logically for a fucking second - I'm not doing this for me. You just gotta think it over, I gotta think it over! Do you think I want to distance myself from you? You think I wanna take a break after barely starting, I didn't ask for any of this - "
"You say you gotta think it over, but it seems like you've already done it" he retorted sarcastically, "you just listed all the things that neither of us want but your mind seems to be made up...I should've known the second you chose to be here alone over dealing with it together. Newsflash I was feeling the hate too, but I was there, and you were...here." he said with an eery quietness to him that sent a wave of distress down my spine. I didn't think about it in that way; it seemed like neither of us were ever on the same page with this.
"Josh, come on..." I was expecting him to interrupt me again, usually it pissed me off but this time, I wished he did. Because after I said that, it just trailed off into an awkward silence and I didn't know how to contain my emotions at this point. Josh was a cryer too, but he was more adamant on being angry with me at this point.
"You knew this about me when you signed up, you knew that I - I'm very cautious about all this shit...who I let into my life and who I...fall for" I almost whispered without making eye contact, "I'm not built for this shit - for everyone to hate on me but just wait for them to get over it - if they ever do. I'm a simple girl who just wants simple fucking things. I want to be known for my art and and I wanna buy my Mom a new car after getting enough money from this annoying internship. I wanna help Angelo get into a good school I-I wanna move out with Blaire so she doesn't have to deal with her shitty family anymore and maybe get a dog. I never wanted any of this." I rambled, my voice choked as I thought about my family and them having to see the shit people were saying about me.
"Well" the first time he said it you could hear he was getting emotional too so he cleared his throat, "Well when you say it like that, it sounds like..." he then drifted off with so much hurt in his voice.
I then reconsidered what I said and walked a bit closer to him and shook my head. He thought that meant I never wanted to meet him, as that started all of these changes.
"N-no Josh I'm sorry that's not what I meant I mean...come on I used to tweet about you all the fucking time and I've watched your rendition of When There Was Me And You hundreds of times for a reason" I added and there was the smallest hint of a smile from him, I chuckled as I wiped my nose.
"And I still just wonder...why me of all 'fangirls' at this point - god that sounds so cliche but like trust me the fangirl obsessed with you is still somewhere" I barely whispered but he definitely heard me. The anger in his demeanour was now gone as was mine, but he shook his head in a state of melancholy.
"Why you? Are you serious?" he asked and I looked up and shrugged my shoulders weakly. I didn't really want an answer though, because it would just make me feel worse about all of this. So as I was about to gesture for him to not reply, he shook his head anyway.
I laughed humourlessly, "What? You didn't expect me to actually consider what they were saying, when anyone else could be a better fit for you...and if they were right for what I even have to offer - "
"Shut the fuck up, please," he interrupted again. I looked at him with zero emotion as he tried to cut off my self deprecation before it went any further.
"I can't keep this to myself are you kidding, you have to offer is more than any guy wants and I-I hate you for not seeing it, for never seeing it" he says almost with frustration in his voice and I started twiddling my thumbs. "You offer - everything to everyone else and expect nothing in return, you're the least selfish person I know it's second nature to you it's almost insane. You're pushing me away from your 'baggage' when you're right - I signed up for it when I forced Chelsea to get me this ball gig - fully knowing that it would take so much for you to trust me...just to-to be in your small world, but that's all I wanted. I didn't want anyone else." he vented and I couldn't help it, my face faltered and I felt a tear finally escape but I tried to immediately wipe it away.
"Fuck, no you can't do that or I'll - " he whimpered back, slightly smiling as he saw my tears and I chuckled too.
"You're such a big part of my world Josh you have no idea, there's not a day that goes by where I didn't wanna see your Instagram DM's turned text messages everyday, watching shows with you and shit - our world was just simple things but..."
"But...it's not just 'our world' anymore." he answered for me. I looked at his red-stained eyes and I so badly wanted to hug him, but I didn't know if he wanted me to.
Our world turned to shit and we didn't know how to come back from it, it was so much easier when the public didn't know. We weren't even official but it was nice getting to do things on our own terms, now the world wanted answers and I wasn't ready to give them. My paranoid self would instead be watching our backs at all times, and we both knew that couldn't be a good future. That wasn't healthy.
To have it all die down, and if he wanted good press for his second album he needed to be in everyone's good books - and this wasn't doing it for him anymore. The worlds outside of our own didn't mix well.
We were both accepting where the other person was coming from, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
"So...this is how it ends then, who am I kidding it barely fucking started" Josh muttered and I but my lip so hard to not let out another whimper.
"Josh I'm sorry. I thought this was what's best -"
"No, you're-you're right. The second album...it's happening soon and I gotta be on my A-Game and I need to focus, get people hyped about me...I wasn't thinking about that, thanks for doing it for me. It'll just be a matter of time." he accepted but hearing the defeat in his voice almost made me want to take it all back.
But again, that was the selfish route on both our accounts, I wanted to give him every chance to succeed in his career and I didn't want to be any reason for its downfall again.
"And I hope your supporters love you again as much as I - they used to" he corrected and the initial coldness in my body was replaced with a flush of heat. His eyes darted away from me and he looked to the ground.
I couldn't give myself time to process what he just said and it seemed he didn't want to delve into it either, so we pretended it never happened. But I caught it nonetheless.
"Y-you too. And hey you're soon gonna get back to the best acting job you ever had and I'll still be fangirling, before you had to take 'not the worst acting job you ever had'" I tried to joke as I referenced our first text conversation.
Josh sighed before his brown eyes gazed into mine one last time, "I don't know if it was ever an acting job, Adeline." he concluded.
My heart felt like it was plummeted down by an anchor and my face dropped with it, I was almost in shock from those words. But before I could even reply, we both then looked to our phones after a familiar ding came from the group chat.
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'𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐊𝐒'
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joshua - ALVIIIIIN 🥴
adeline - theodore 🥺
olivia - simôn 🤓
_____________________
simôn 🤓
sorry guys but we really
need to go now !!
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read
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He nodded over to me and I quickly took my bag - he let me walk out first. No other words were said as we went back down to the lobby.
I don't know if it was ever an acting job, Adeline.
Did we really just end...whatever we were?
─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
--- notes ---
... well. that was something...
hope you guys enjoyed that somehow
JAKSKDJEN
catch any certain lyrics tho? 👀
PLEASE VOTE CAN WE GET 40?? 🥰