***Sorry for 5,000 words. I would totally split this chapter, but this book isn't finishing itself without a lot of redirection. And yes, this is the other Taylor Swift song I said I would use. No more of those for this book :)***
***(Jay's POV; song for this chapter: "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift)***
It's been a long night. I didn't sleep a wink. After Nya broke up with me, Lloyd calmed down. Unfortunately, he spent the evening throwing up afterwards. That kid drank way too much.
No one really wants to hang around him after all the drama that ensued last night. They think he's a self-obsessed control freak. I guess when he's super stressed, getting sloshed is not a good way for him to deal with it.
I couldn't sleep because I was worried sick about Nya. I went and knocked on her door several times last night. It was locked.
And she never answered.
Seeing as it's almost time to leave for school, I try her door again.
"Nya?" I timidly call. "It's time for school, Nya."
I hear rustling inside. A quiet voice says, "Leave me alone, Jay."
I let out a huge sigh of relief. I thought for sure she'd jumped out her window and hitched the first ride away from here.
"Nya, please talk to me. Lloyd's really sorry for what happened last night."
He is. He's also sorry that he drank that much in the first place, given that he has a splitting headache right now.
"Tell him it's okay," she moans. "Just make sure he doesn't talk to me right now."
I pause. "Can I talk to you right now?"
There's silence for a moment, as if she's debating. Finally, she answers, "No."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
"That's not a very good reason."
I listen as feet shuffle across the floor. Her voice is much closer when she next speaks.
"Jay, I don't want to hurt you." The words are tainted with tears.
"It's okay, Nya. I'm not afraid."
"You should be. Everyone who gets close to me gets hurt."
I sigh in pity. "You mean your parents?"
"And Lloyd. And I hurt you. And indirectly, Zane got hurt because of me. Is he okay?"
"Yeah. That guy is surprisingly resilient." I scuff my foot along the floor. "Are you going to open the door?"
She avoids my question. "Can I skip school today?"
"Give me a really good reason."
"I don't want to see Harumi."
"You'll have to see her, anyway. She's basically our nemesis."
"Okay, I don't want to see Lloyd."
"We'll make sure he keeps his distance."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Aww, Nya, I hardly think – "
The door swings open, revealing a bedraggled Nya. She's wearing the same clothes as last night, her eyes are bloodshot, her nose is red, and –
"Nya, your hair!" I gasp.
It's unevenly cut at her shoulders. On the floor lay beautiful strands of her once long locks.
"What happened?" I murmur, placing my hands on her shoulders.
She shoves me away. "Don't touch me! If it upsets you even to see me, you certainly shouldn't touch me!"
"Nya, I'm here for you. I love you. Of course, I want to get close."
"Well, you shouldn't!" She wipes her eyes with her sleeve, and I notice she has one of my sweatshirts draped over her shoulders.
"Jay, I know you think everything can go back to normal now that Lloyd's in his right mind, but it can't."
I get that I'm a guy and my brain works differently than hers, but this doesn't even seem logical. "Why?"
"I realized something last night, Jay. I'm toxic. When people get to know me, they get burned. They get...killed."
My forehead wrinkles. "That doesn't make sense. You're not toxic. Sure, you can have an attitude, but your friends love your sass." To a degree, at least.
"I'm not talking about being snarky! I told my dad I hated him! I wasn't willing to break up with you to save the team!"
"You...shouldn't have to?"
She rolls her eyes. "Okay, so my love life is more important than saving my friends from imminent danger?"
"Well, I get it, but now that it's over – "
"I'm messed up, Jay," she sighs. "I haven't changed since the accident. I don't think I can be close to people. Not until this girl inside me disappears."
I wrap my arms around her. "She doesn't have to. Just because you exploded at your dad doesn't mean you were a bad person. It means you were human."
She wriggles out of my grasp. "If being human means other people die, I don't want to be that anymore." She turns her back on me, giving me a full view of her messy, badly cut hair. "It's over, Jay."
"But I love you!"
She turns toward me, and her face softens. "You have so much love to go around, I have faith you can find someone far better than me. Someone more worthy of your heart." Her voice wobbles, as though the thought upsets her.
If she doesn't want me to leave, why does she hope I'll find a new love?
"But I don't want anyone else!" I argue.
"You would, once you saw the true extent of my – "
Desperately, I do the one thing that might save our relationship: I place my arm around the small of her back and touch my lips to hers.
The kiss is passionate, longing, hopeful. I try to show her just how much of my love she owns with the touch.
She gives up and kisses me back, but it feels like goodbye.
And then, she breaks contact.
Her eyes stare into mine. "I lied, Jay. I do love you. I won't ever forget the time we had, but I'm not going to break you. Not like I'm broken. We're over."
"No, Nya, please. Don't do this to us." My voice is pained, whiney.
"I'm not doing it to us. I'm doing it for you." She guides me to the door. "I'll see you later."
"Nya," I whimper, but she smiles sadly. The door closes in my face.
I run for the bunkroom. Maybe I'll be late for school, but I can't go as I am now.
As I flop on my bed, I whip out my BorgPod and turn on the first breakup song I come to. I need to feel the depth of my emotions right now.
Guitar drifts through my earbuds, and I breathe out the pain.
"I still remember the look on your face,
Lit through the darkness at 1:58,
The words that you whispered
For just us to know.
You told me you loved me,
So why did you go away,
Away?"
All I can think of is last night with Nya. We watched Breakfast at Tiffany's, we had a haunting kiss, we laughed in the kitchen. I confessed my fears about my mom to her.
How does she think leaving fixes anything?
"I do recall now the smell of the rain,
Fresh on the pavement,
I ran off the plane,
That July ninth,
The beat of your heart.
It jumps through your shirt,
I can still feel your arms."
I remember having Nya in my arms just the other night, keeping her warm. I don't like the part where she could've died; I like the part where she woke up. We were snuggled so close together, and I felt like I was needed. Wanted.
My smile dips. Later that night, when we were down in the basement, she admitted there was no other place she'd rather be. She loved the smell of me, the feel of her head on my chest.
Why did she just give up?
"But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes.
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss,
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Your name, forever the name on my lips."
All I want is to be with her again. I love her attitude, her laugh, her sparkling eyes. I love how she stands up for herself, for her friends. She's amazing, and she doesn't even know it.
I miss her. Yes, she hurt me, but she's never hurt me more than not letting me into her life.
I wrap my arms around myself, music still filtering through my earbuds, and find someone to hitch a ride to school with.
***(Nya's POV)***
After my conversation with Jay, I pretty much just want to go back to bed. Not that I slept, anyway. I was too busy dreaming up a way to get out of here and become someone else.
I hear a knock on my door and walk over. I'm sure it's just Jay, back to –
"Nya? We need to leave," calls Lloyd.
Oh, no. I'm tough enough to do whatever I put my mind to, but I am not willing to open that door and face him right now.
I scan my room for an escape. My eyes land on my window.
I guess being a ninja has some benefits.
Unlatching it and thrusting it open, I quickly throw a bag together. First in is my schoolwork. I caught up on all my homework last night in between crying fits. I mean, I kind of had to. Kai would kill me if my grades dropped.
I toss in one of Jay's sweatshirts, too. I'm going to need it to make it through the day. The Sons of Garmadon think power withdrawals are bad? They haven't been introduced to Jay Walker withdrawals.
And lastly, I throw in the money I keep on hand and a spare change of clothes. Just in case I decide to run away.
I sigh, taking those items back out. I can't leave now. I have to help save Skylor and the elemental masters.
Once I slide out my window, I see Cole climbing in his earth driller down below. I wave frantically.
"Cole! Do you think I can – "
That's when Jay turns to me, piercing me with his blue eyes. I stop short.
Too bad Zane's already gone for the day.
"Hey, Nya. Need a ride?" Cole asks, approaching me. He takes in my appearance sympathetically.
I hate sympathy.
"No, actually, I just wanted to wish you two a good day at school." I smile and wave my fingers, heading for a bike.
"Nya, what are you doing?" Jay's voice is wary. I know I've caused him a lot of heartache.
"Driving to school. See you there." I sling my bag over my shoulder and put the keys in the ignition.
"You don't have a license," Jay states.
Well, obviously.
"I don't need one." I rev the engine. I mean, I've seen the guys ride these things enough. I've watched some BorgTube videos on how to work one. If Lloyd can ride one home while hopelessly inebriated, why can't I?
Besides, what do I care if I fail? It's nothing compared to my failure in relationships.
I put it in gear and speed off. I think I did that to look cool. I shouldn't have.
These things are really wobbly.
The bike tips, and I jump off to avoid being caught under it.
Jay and Cole watch skeptically.
I blush furiously and march up to the earth driller. "Fine. I'll ride with you guys."
As I climb in, Cole makes a "cuckoo" motion to Jay. I think he was trying to do it discreetly, but no one said he was the smartest ninja.
"I saw that, Cole," I sigh.
He laughs sheepishly in response.
The ride to school is quiet. I feel horrible putting this much distance between me and Jay, but what choice do I have? I know from experience I can't just be friends with him. It's either us as a couple, or no "us" at all.
I clear my throat. I might actually need a favor from him. "Um, Jay?"
"Nya?" he asks. His voice is neutral, but I don't miss the thread of hope.
Pain stabs my heart. "Do you have an extra pair of earbuds? I – "
He tugs some out of his bag. "Here. You need them more than I do."
I swallow. "Thanks."
"Anything for you." He looks at me meaningfully.
I turn red and look down at my lap. I hate myself.
I pull up some classic breakup songs and just listen.
"I do remember the swing of your step,
The life of the party, you're showing off again.
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in.
I'm not much for dancing, but for you I did."
As soon as the artist mentions dancing, I'm down for the count. I pause the song. Jay and I only danced once, but that's all it took for me to fall head over heels for him.
As soon as we get to school, I jump out of the earth driller. I toss a wave to Cole and Jay, heading straight for my first class. I think they're both in it, but I'm not in a mood to walk with anyone. I can't work out my problems when other people are around.
When I get inside, I'm met with a staring principal. "Nya? What happened to you?"
"Oh, hey," I laugh nervously. "What are you doing out of your office, Principal Mystakè?"
"I was going to check on you as soon as you got here. I'm glad I did." She assesses me. "You look awful. Do you need to go to the nurse's office?"
"Um, no. All good here."
She points down the hall. "Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind talking?"
"See, I have a super important quiz I need to – "
"In my office. Now."
I sigh and follow her reluctantly. If school has taught me one thing, it's that Mystakè's stubborn streak rivals my own.
Once we finally arrive, I flop into a chair. "What's this all about?" I groan.
"I was hoping you could tell me that."
I debate all the possible topics she could want to address. "You want to know why I hate my Spanish tutor?"
"No."
"You want to know why I bothered coming into school yesterday?"
"Well, maybe, but not right now."
"You want – "
"Okay, that's enough. I want to know why you look like you've been chewed up by a snake and spit out by its predator."
I frown. "Do snakes have teeth?"
"Spill it, Nya."
"Okay, okay, fine." There's no good place to start this story, so I just go with what's on my mind. "I danced with a guy behind the school the day before yesterday."
She furrows a brow. "That's cryptic."
"And then I fell in love with him."
"Oh, okay. I didn't think you were into lightning romance."
How fitting a term. "I didn't, either," I sigh. "But I do love him, with all my heart. And we're not together anymore."
"This is messed up."
"Tell me about it."
She clears her throat. "Why did you break up?"
Well, I'm not about to tell her Lloyd got drunk. "Um, I realized I'm a toxic person?"
"No, you're not."
"You don't know the real me."
"I know enough. You're one of the most accepting students here. Why do you think I let you give tours to new students?"
"You don't want to leave them with the likes of Harumi Jade?"
She laughs. "Have you seen the school paper yet?"
This intrigues me. "Does it have anything to do with – "
Mystakè holds up a copy of next week's issue. On the front page stand Harumi and I, arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, mouths wide open in song.
My mouth breaks into a grin. It feels so unnatural to smile after last night's fiasco.
"I don't know how that happened," she chuckles, "but it seems like a good story."
I release a breath, remembering what Rumi told me about my relationship with Lloyd.
She was right. She did drive us apart.
My principal eyes me. "Are you going to be all right today? I'm really worried about – "
"I'll be fine. I don't want to miss another day of Spanish." I'm so behind in that class.
She nods. "Okay. One last thing: What's with your hair?"
"You mean how it's always so shiny, or – "
"I mean with the crazy layers."
I think for a moment. "I need a new hair stylist?"
She rolls her eyes. "I'll get you a referral. Now shoo, or you'll be late."
I smile and shoulder my bag. "Thanks."
By lunch time, I'm dead on my feet. I'm also fed up with pretty much everyone I see.
Right now, everyone I see is Harumi Jade, so that kind of makes sense.
She floats toward me. "Oh, Nya, what happened?" she says, faking concern. Her voice is sickly sweet.
I ignore her, staring at a poster for the upcoming school dance. Jay and I were going to go to it together.
I wish I could rip it to shreds.
"Yoo-hoo, Nya? Did you hear me?"
"What's that?" I ask sarcastically. "Sounds like someone horribly uninvolved in my life wants to know all about my business." I turn to her. "Oh, hey. It's just you, Rumi."
She narrows her eyes. "What is up with you?"
"Oh, just a bad night, you know. I was so worried about Skylor." And my best friend, and my boyfriend, thank you very much.
"I'm so sorry Lloyd couldn't be there for you," she sighs.
Oh, I'm sure she is. "Yeah, well, it's whatever." That's a lie.
She leans close. "I guess now you understand what I said about not counting on him as a best friend. He has other priorities." She flips her hair.
"Thank you, Harumi. Where would I be without your timely advice?" I roll my eyes. What a stuffed-up, spoiled princess.
"Want some more?" she smiles wickedly.
"Oh, not really. I think I'll just – "
She shoves me against the wall. Gee, no wonder everybody meets outside the cafeteria. There's no adult supervision whatsoever.
"Get your hands off me," I growl, "or I – "
"You'll what?" she asks, blinking innocently.
"I will purposefully get all the answers wrong on my next test, so you won't be able to cheat off of it."
She cackles. "Oh, Nya, you're such a nerd. Why don't you go hang out with someone who has more in common?"
"Like I wanted to talk to you in the first place." I mean, she did initiate this interaction.
Her eyes gleam. "I heard all about you and Jay from Lloyd last night."
I squirm. She's found my weakness.
"I knew that would get you nervous," she simpers. "You know, you two are perfect for each other. Just a couple of good-for-nothing dorks with – "
Suddenly, I'm on top of her. I've got her arms pinned to the ground, and she's staring up at me in surprise and fear.
"Don't you ever say that about Jay Walker," I heave. "He's a better person than you or I could ever hope to be."
"Get off me!" she cries, trying to get the attention of a staff member.
I refuse to let her go just yet. "If you ever say a word against him again, I will find a way to uproot your little power-trip fantasy land, brick by brick." I rise and stride away.
Right into the bathroom, that is.
I rush to a stall, wrench open the door, and collapse in tears inside. I quickly unzip my bag and pull out Jay's sweatshirt. It's on my arms and over my head.
And then, I just inhale the comforting scent.
Why can't Harumi have peas for brains? In addition to being incredibly beautiful and popular, she's also too intelligent for her own good. I wish she'd never found out about me and Jay.
I grab my phone and hook Jay's earbuds up to it. Turning on some music, I allow myself to remember my time with Jay. I'll never forget the kiss we had last night, his sweet dimple, how he never gave up on me.
"...I love your handshake, meeting my father,
I love the way you walk with your hands in your pockets,
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something.
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions."
Jay always did stupid stuff to make people laugh. It worked, at least for me. I remember last night, being terrified that Lloyd was in trouble, when he helped take the pressure off me. I can be so uptight, but Jay balanced that so well.
"And I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes.
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss.
Never thought we'd have a last kiss,
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Your name, forever the name on my lips."
I realize I'm full-on ugly crying. Stupid tears. Why did I have to fall asleep next to Lloyd under the stars?
Yet as soon as the thought enters my mind, I take it back. Even if it's slowly eating me up, I'm glad I got to love Jay. I'm glad I still do. It's my privilege. I think one moment of being his is worth all the pain of leaving.
"So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep,
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe,
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are.
Hope it's nice where you are."
The worst part is, if I were only a different person, it all could've worked out. If twelve year old me had died the day my parents did, Jay and I could still be together.
I sniffle, and the next line of the song convicts me. It sounds like Jay singing straight to my soul.
"And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day,
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed.
You can plan for a change in weather and time,
But I never planned on you changing your mind."
"I'm sorry, Jay," I whisper through the tears. "We would've had a beautiful life together."
At some point, I force myself to go get some food from the cafeteria. I rub the moisture from my eyes and confidently march out of the bathroom.
Right into the chest of Lloyd Garmadon.
"Nya?" he asks. "Are you all right? I saw you rush in there, so I thought – "
I take one look at him and run.
"Nya!" he calls after me, but I'm on my way to someplace he can't find me.
They say the best hiding spots are either totally isolated, so no one would look for you there, or totally crowded, so no one could find you if they were looking. I go for the latter and try the cafeteria.
Entering, I see my friend group in their usual spot. Scratch that. I see only Cole, Jay, and Zane. This team is broken, just like me.
Someone bumps into me, knocking me on the floor. I look up to see it's Harumi Jade.
That's right before her entire lunch tray nails me right in the forehead. I see stars, but also flying mashed potatoes.
I guess it was a good day to wear old clothes.
"Oh, Nya, I'm so sorry!!" Rumi exclaims.
The entire cafeteria is silent. I know they're all watching.
Oh, great. I came here to hide, but it seems this is "everybody-look-at-Nya" day.
I shove her tray off my head and sit up. "You little – "
But suddenly, Jay's at my side. "Don't do it," he murmurs. "The last thing you need added to your plate is getting expelled."
I ball my hands into fists. "But what if she really – "
Rumi laughs. "Wow, Nya, so childish. I can't believe your bothersome little boyfriend had to come save you."
I'm going to give it to Harumi, but Jay drags me away kicking and screaming first.
I slump down in the chair next to him. "That girl is – "
He hands me his sports beverage. "Take a drink, Nya."
"I'm not thirsty," I argue. "And you can't just – "
"Take a drink." His expression leaves no room for nonsense.
I sigh and obey. Slowly, I am learning the virtue of keeping my mouth shut.
Very slowly.
"That girl is a menace," Cole moans.
Very, very slowly.
"Let me see your head," Jay requests.
"No," I refuse. "I'm fine."
I realize I maybe said that a little too adamantly. He looks crestfallen.
"Fine," I agree. "Let's head down to the nurse's office." I hope I get an excuse to leave school. This is the last place I want to be, anyway.
Jay stands and pulls out my chair. He offers me a hand, but I shake my head. I can't encourage this kind of behavior. It only makes Jay think I can give him something I can't.
We walk together down the long halls, saying nothing. I can tell he wants to speak. Sure, I do, too. But I'm not about to jump back into the world of dating relationships. Or relationships, period.
We arrive at the nurse's office. She gives me one look before writing up an excuse.
Jay stands there with me the whole time. He tells me some funny story about when he was in some mother-son skating competition. I try not to smile.
The conversation ends with a look of defeat on his face. I want to wipe it away with a kiss, but I can't.
Once we're finally out of there, Jay asks, "Do you need me to drive you back to the monastery?"
I give his arm a pointed look. "I don't know you really can right now."
He shrugs. "It was just dislocated. It doesn't feel so bad anymore."
"You still shouldn't strain it."
"How else do you expect to get back?"
"Zane's out of class by now."
I see his shoulders fall. "Oh, yeah. I forgot."
I can't resist a pat to his arm. "Thanks for the offer, though. Maybe he and I can check out that lead about the boat."
"Oh, okay. Let me know what you find out." He pulls up Zane's number on his phone and puts in a quick call.
After hanging up, he informs me, "Zane said he's out front. I'll walk with you."
"You have class."
"You're a bigger priority."
"I can take care of myself!"
"That's what I'm worried about. You were about to beat up Rumi in the cafeteria."
I huff. "She deserved it."
"What will you do if you run into her again?"
I think for a moment. "I'll pummel her through a wall."
"And that's why I'm going with you." Jay places a hand at my back, much to my dismay. However, I don't have the heart to push him off.
When he next speaks, his breath tickles my ear. I shiver in response.
"I see you're wearing my sweatshirt," he murmurs.
I blush. "Oh, uh...this old thing?" I chuckle. "This isn't yours."
"Don't lie to me, Nya. You miss me."
"What don't you get about us not being able to date?"
"Literally all of it." His breath moves to my cheek. It smells like cotton candy, and I can't help a smile. He is devoted to his sweets.
"Jay, we can't be together because I will only hurt you."
"Getting hurt is a part of life."
"But – " We're at the door.
Saved by the bell.
"Well, there's Zane," I smile. "You shouldn't leave Cole alone in the cafeteria."
"He has Lloyd."
"You double shouldn't leave him alone."
Jay runs a hand through his hair, knowing I'm right. "Text me when you get wherever you're headed."
"Sure." I can do that. I think.
He heads off, and I make my way toward Zane.
"Ready to go?" I smile.
He turns and nods, smiling. "Of course. I'm sorry about what happened with Harumi today."
I shrug. "I'll be okay." After a venting session, that is. "Do you mind if we stop by the hospital to see Kai?"
"The hospital? No problem. Do you need anything to eat?"
I feel angels singing in my stomach. "Yes, please. I'll take anything."
"I have some leftovers from lunch." He passes over an orange and a bottle of name-brand tea.
"I'm glad to see you're okay," I muse, digging in. "I know Lloyd hit you pretty hard."
He shrugs. "I heal fast."
"Lucky you. Ever wonder why?"
"Quite a bit, but I've reason to believe there's a logical explanation for this." He begins making his way to the Ultra Stealth Raider.
I raise my eyebrows. "Like what?"
"Perhaps I have some sort of regeneration capabilities not usually possessed by humans."
"Zane, what in Ninjago does – " As I move to follow, my foot misses a step. In fact, both feet do. Everything I see is wobbling.
Oh, no. This can't be...but I only gave that to...
And then it clicks. The whole evil plan the Sons of Garmadon developed.
I plummet toward the ground as my vision swims. I know this isn't happening, but it looks so darn true.
Reali-tea.
The door to the school opens. "Nya, you forgot – "
"Jay, that's not Zane!" I yell, stumbling to catch myself. Why did Wu even keep this tea on hand in the first place?
"What do you – Nya, what are you doing?" Jay questions. He cautiously walks toward me.
"No, Jay, look out!" I yell.
A crowbar cracks him over the head. He crumples.
"No, Jay..." I plead, but I lose my balance once more.
This time, I can't catch myself.
Down, down, down.
Smack.
My eyes cross as consciousness flees.
Stupid tea.