When Morgana and Gwen had shown up at the door, Gaius had known that something very serious had happened. His first move had been to ask whether anyone was hurt. No one was. His next move had been to seat the ladies at the table and serve them a steaming mug of tea. Tea, he'd explained, helped clear the mind and calm the nerves. From the way Morgana had downed hers, it was clear she'd been in desperate need of it.
"Well," Gaius sighed, after listening to her tale, "that's certainly a lot to take in."
Morgana could feel her heart racing. The tea had only been able to calm her so much. "I know, I'm sorry. I just didn't know who else to turn to. I though maybe you might know something that could help."
"Never apologise for seeking my advice," Gaius attempted a smile, "but as it is, I'm afraid I may need to look a few things up before I can be of use."
Morgana and Gwen exchanged glaces. Somehow, that hadn't sounded very reassuring.
"I think I'd benefit from a trip to the library; would you mind waiting here? I'm sure Merlin will keep you company."
Merlin, who'd joined the tea party a little late — at which point Morgana had decided she may as well restart the tale and include him too — simply nodded. Throughout the tale, he'd remained as silent as possible. Everything that Morgana had said about her nightmare seemed to hint to some level of magic: whether it belonged to Morgana herself or whether she'd simply been enchanted.
It seemed she'd had a vision.
Which put both Merlin and Gaius in an incredibly difficult position. Magic was forbidden in Camelot, as was any discussion of magic that wasn't strictly about a witch-hunt or some other means to trap and expose sorcerers. And that was under normal circumstances. So, sat across the table from the King's ward, the idea of discussing magic was not only highly illegal, but unthinkable.
Merlin had a feeling that Gaius' library trip was merely a stall. A play for time while he figured out something, anything, that could make the nightmare seem mundane. A coincidence, as Gwen had suggested; just a bad dream and a little déjà vu.
"We'll wait," Morgana assured, "take as long as you need. But, uh—"
"Try to hurry back with an answer? Of course, My Lady." Not wanting to alarm the others, Gaius merely shot Merlin a warning glance — that meant something very much like do not mention magic or anything of the kind whilst I'm gone — and then promptly left the room.
The following silence was oppressive.
Morgana stared blankly into the depths of her empty mug, almost willing the others to stop looking at her. She could feel their eyes upon her and she hated it. Worse still, she could feel their thoughts: nothing coherent, no words or images, just a sense of emotion that seemed to push against her mind. It was strange and invasive. It was like the beginnings of a headache.
Morgana looked up just in time to catch Gwen and Merlin exchanging a glance, and the sight of their worried expressions made her head hurt more. It didn't feel natural. It felt like something forbidden, it felt like— "magic," Morgana blurred out, "I think I have magic, I—" she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my god. I— I didn't say that. I didn't— I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just tired, that's all, I didn't—"
"Magic isn't something to be feared."
Morgana, eyes already wide, stared at Merlin in disbelief.
"It's not evil. You don't have to fear it."
"That's treason," Morgana whispered.
Merlin could feel his heart racing. He could be killed for this. Tortured, even, if Uther found out. Morgana was right, it was treason. He'd already said enough. And yet he couldn't stop himself from adding one last thing. "It's also true," he said.
"You'd really speak against the King? You'd speak against him in the presence of his ward?"
"Morgana," Gwen touched her arm softly, "I don't think he—"
"Let him answer."
Merlin felt sick. He felt sick and stupid and acutely aware of the fear settling in the pit of his stomach, and he found himself desperately wishing that Arthur was there — to make a joke, or to say Merlin hadn't meant it, or that he hadn't know what he was talking about. But he had meant it, and he did know what he was talking about. And so, looking Morgana directly in the eyes and mustering every ounce of courage he had left: "yes," he said, "I would speak against the King. He's blinded by hatred and he murders innocent people because of it. He's wrong about magic."
"Then I believe you."
"I—" Merlin blinked, "what?"
"I said I believe you. If you say magic can be good, and your belief is so strong that you'd commit treason and risk execution, then I believe you're telling the truth. Either that, or you're incredibly stupid."
Merlin's laugh seemed to get caught in his throat. He was dumbfounded. He couldn't quite tell if Morgana was being serious but then, watching as tears welled up and spilled from her eyes, there could be no doubting it: she was deadly serious.
"I think I have magic," she whispered. And then again. And again. And again. Until the fear in her voice had been replaced with resignation. "What am I going to do?"
"Well," Merlin gave a small smile, "you could let me teach you. I mean, I have—"
"We know," Gwen laughed, "you made it a little obvious. Not that— not that you wouldn't have stood up for sorcerers if you didn't have magic, but I just meant that it wasn't hard to guess why you felt so strongly about it."
"Right. Of course, obviously."
"Merlin?" Morgana smiled, "thank you. It would be an honour to be taught by you."
"And what," Gaius mused, standing in the doorway, "would Merlin be teaching you exactly?"
Morgana's face fell.
"It's alright," Merlin assured, "he knows."
Gaius rolled his eyes as he moved to join the others at the table. "I know many things, Merlin, you'll have to be more specific."
"My magic. You know about my magic."
Gaius visibly stiffened.
For a moment, Merlin thought the old man was going to deny it. To try and make an excuse for him or to pretend he didn't know what was happening or to hush it all up. And then, watching as his eyebrows drew harshly together, Merlin thought he was going to yell.
Instead, Gaius simply said: "ah. So you told them."
"We won't tell anyone," Morgana urged, "you have my word. Merlin was only trying to help me. I won't see any harm come to him."
"I'll hold you to that, My Lady. Nothing that was said in this room is to be discussed with anyone else, for all of our safety. Magic is a secret to be guarded with your lives."
Morgana nodded. "I don't need to be reminded of what Uther is capable of."
Gwen caught Morgana's eye, smiled, and then glanced at the empty mug of tea in front of her.
Morgana understood immediately. "Thank you, Gaius, for your hospitality. Gwen and I really should be going, but I promise you we won't breathe a word of this to anyone. And Merlin? Thank you again." And then, without giving them much time to reply, Morgana had stood up, given a polite smile, and swept out of the room with Gwen.
As soon as the door had closed, Merlin launched into an explanation of "I'm sorry" and "I know you didn't want me to tell them but—" and "it all worked out okay" and then, finally, growing a little wary of Gaius' silence: "you're not angry?"
"I might have been, if you'd have gotten yourself in trouble."
"So you're not angry that I told them?"
Gaius sighed. "It may have been much safer if Morgana's magic was kept from her."
"I couldn't just leave her like that," Merlin argued, "she was scared, Gaius, you didn't see her but she was. She was terrified. She was sure she had magic and she thought she was evil— I couldn't just leave her like that!"
"Merlin. There's no need to raise your voice."
"Sorry."
"I understand why you did what you did. And it's done now. If Morgana ever needs anything at least she has somewhere safe to come." And then, to Merlin's great surprise, Gaius laughed. It started off quietly at first, just a small chuckle, and then the whole room was filled with the echoes of laughter.
"What's so funny?"
"Honestly, Merlin," Gaius wheezed, wiping away a tear, "what's gotten into you, telling the King's ward that she's a sorceress, and then telling her about your magic? You might as well have told Arthur while you were at it."
Merlin shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Gaius stared at him.
"Listen, I—"
"Merlin you didn't."