[The girl in my heart always thought I hated her. Never spoke out, I just wanted to ignore everything and follow her home. -Pei Chuan]
In the summer of 1996, a few days after a hail ended, Beiyao's fever also retreated.
Before Zhao Zhilan sent her to the kindergarten, she told her: "If you feel uncomfortable or have a stomachache, you have to raise your hand and tell Teacher Xiao Zhao that you know? Mother will pick you up after get off work."
Beiyao nodded and kissed on Zhao Zhilan's face: "Mum bye."
She walked into the classroom carrying a small cloth bag, and teacher Xiao Zhao warmly welcomed her.
Kindergarten does not need to take any classes, teach children to count, and then play some games.
Today, Bei Yao's hair is not tied up, her hair is soft and her hair is faintly yellow.
Teacher Xiao Wu taught the students to fold the plane.
Beiyao looked around and found something wrong.
There seems to be a little child in the classroom. She knows the little one. The name is Pei Chuan. Because she lives close, her mother will let her be called the little boy brother. Xiao Beiyao had a fever a few days ago, and it was also the day when the hail fell, and the kid peeed his pants.
Bei Yao asked Tong Tong: "Brother Pei Chuan?"
Xiang Tongtong's chubby hand covered his mouth: "He's peeing, so dirty, we won't play with him."
Bei Yao blinked his head slightly.
For a four-year-old child, dropping out of school is a distant and complicated term. She can only find that there is one child missing from the kindergarten.
However, other children do not think this is a matter of much concern.
It's just that Bei Yao remembered the dark and dead eyes he saw that day, like a little wolf. Zhao Zhilan worked at the garment factory, and came over to pick up his daughter after work.
Back home, Bei Yao whispered: "Mom, Brother Pei Chuan is gone, kindergarten."
Her word order was reversed, so Zhao Zhilan couldn't understand it. On the day of the hail, Pei Chuan wet his pants. No one took him home that night, and the child silently refused to go to kindergarten the next day.
Zhao Zhilan's heart was a little complicated. She touched her daughter's soft hair: "He will not come to kindergarten in the future."
"why?"
Zhao Zhilan said: "He was peeing in the classroom, and he was sad. The children would laugh at him. He would not go to kindergarten."
Bei Yao Xing'er has clear eyes and cheeky pink cheeks: "I'm peeing too." She said that at the beginning of the year, she accidentally wet the bed and was beaten by Zhao Zhilan.
She can't understand, can't she go to kindergarten after peeing? But this is obviously not intentional?
Zhao Zhilan was not easy to explain, and finally sighed softly: "silly girl, you will understand when you grow up."
Min. The child who feels the early wisdom, the shame will be particularly heavy.
That is a poor boy.
September season.
Pei Chuan, who no longer attends kindergarten, went to the attached preschool in Chaoyang Primary School.
The number of students in the class is singular.
A group of five-year-old children looked at the boys wearing blue-gray pants on the podium. Teacher Yu Qian patted Pei Chuan's thin shoulders and asked the children: "This is a new kid from our class. Is there any great child who is willing to take care of him?"
Everyone looked at each other, watching the boy's empty pants, no one raised his hand.
Teacher Yu then said: "Kind and brave children, there will be more red flowers."
Upon hearing this, the children raised their hands one after another.
Pei Chuan looked out the window.
In early autumn of September, the leaves were fresh green, and he was clearly out of the kindergarten, but the new environment did not seem to be better.
Finally, teacher Yu picked a boy from a group of children, named Chen Gang.
They sat at the first table together.
At first Chen Gang will talk to him enthusiastically, but Pei Chuan is always silent.
He will be dazed when he is silent, sometimes looking at the swallows in the sky, sometimes looking at the words in the book. But one day, Chen Gang couldn't stand Pei Chuan's loneliness and began to "sneeze" him.
The child at this age could not bear loneliness. Chen Gang cried out the next day to change seats, and Xiaohonghua couldn't help it anymore.
Pei Chuan kept his eyes down.
Teacher Yu Qian was a little embarrassed and comforted him: "It doesn't matter, we Pei Chuan will change a new friend, OK?"
Pei Chuan's desk became a little girl named Xu Feifei.
Xu Feifei is also quiet, and the two of them are relatively speechless most of the time.
Xu Feifei didn't like Pei Chuan. She sat down reluctantly and found that Pei Chuan didn't like others moving him. The five-year-old boy, with no expression on his face, kept a corner. He will not cross the border, but will show a more cold and unwholesome expression when Xu Feifei crosses half of the table.
However, there are also benefits. For example, Xu Feifei quietly used his eraser, and the little boy just put up with it and said nothing.
One day Xu Feifei found a five-dollar note on Pei Chuan's table.
five yuan! For Xu Feifei, she only received fifty cents last year. Five dollars can buy a lot of things.
The wooden table in the preschool was interconnected, and she remembered the bubble gum and snacks in the small shop, and suddenly held the note in her hand.
Pei Chuan turned to look at her.
Xu Feifei was very upset, and Pei Chuan was silent for a while, then turned his head and continued to read the book. Xu Feifei's heart beat wildly, and it took a while to calm down.
She suddenly found that the same table was cold and lonely, but very generous. He doesn't account for many things.
After a long time, even the child Xu Feifei felt it sensitively, as if someone could accompany Pei Chuan, he could tolerate many things.
Xu Feifei also discovered a secret. Pei Chuan brought a glass every day, but he didn't drink any water in it. In the afternoon after school, Pei Chuan will pour the water into the pool and take his father's car home as if nothing had happened.
The Pei Chuan family is quite rich, Xu Feifei thought. There are too few people with motorcycles in City C this year. Walking on the street and riding such a car will attract many people.
Xu Feifei smelled the sweet taste of the water poured out of the cup, and must have added juice or sugar, but Pei Chuan stopped carrying water in winter.
The following summer, Jiang Wenjuan began to prepare water for his son.
For more than half a year, Xu Feifei has used countless pieces of rubber from Pei Chuan, took his neatly cut pencils, and occasionally candy and paper money will appear in his schoolbag.
Xu Feifei took the drinking glass hanging from his wheelchair, unscrewed it and drank it.
It turned out to be a good juice! She couldn't help but lick the sweet and sour bottle mouth.
Pei Chuan, who had always been silent, suddenly came to grab the cup.
Xu Feifei was stunned. She subconsciously refused to return it to her. The water in the glass spilled out and splashed her face.
The whole class looked at it, and then there was a constant "hahaha" laugh. Xu Feifei's appearance is very ordinary, because the family is not good, the dress is not good-looking, and the hair is dry and dry, tied loosely. She had a cold, her nose was red, and she had a snot on her nose. There is something dark in the mouth.
Juice is splashing on his face now, and he is still being joked by his classmates. Xu Feifei cried on the spot, she threw Pei Chuan's glass back angrily.
The cup hit the boy's knee, and the juice flowed from his leg, from the crotch to the stump.
Pei Chuan's face changed, and he pushed Xu Feifei suddenly. Xu Feifei didn't expect him to be so powerful, he didn't stand firmly on the ground.
The laughter in the class came to an abrupt end.
Someone went to complain to the teacher, and Pei Chuan and Xu Feifei fought.
Teacher Zheng, another male teacher in the preschool, said: "Children want to get along peacefully and apologize to each other, you are still good friends. Pei Chuan, you are a little boy, please apologize to Feifei first."
In the summer of May, his pants were all sticky with juice. Pei Chuan was silent, clenching his teeth without saying a word, and Teacher Zheng gave him a disgruntled glance.
After that day, Pei Chuan didn't have the same table again.
When he was in elementary school, Pei Chuan was sitting alone in the backlit corner.
Everyone is accustomed to his reticence and non-existence, and no one in the class will talk to him until the end of the semester, Pei Chuan took the first full mark.
Everyone was surprised.
The only one who failed in the class was Chen Hu. Someone said, "You are a neighbor Chen Hu. You can't win a person without legs. You are stupid."
Chen Hu blushed and said dumbly: "Pei Chuan's kindergarten urine pants!"
"seriously?"
Li Da also said: "Really! We have all seen it." He also described it.
After a burst of laughter, Pei Chuan lost the first aura.
He packed his things home in silence.
During the summer vacation, Pei Chuan saw the little sister who lived opposite.
When he looked outside, he looked down at her inadvertently.
The children in the community are playing games, which is very exciting. It is called "chasing electricity". The number of people is divided into two parts. The children of the "positive electricity school" are going to chase the "negative electricity school."
The boys ran fast, because Bei Yao was too young to catch up with others, and was caught after being chased. So as soon as the children entered the game, they ran away, and she watched beside the small flowerbed.
When facing Pei Chuan's eyes, the eyes of those water grapes were clear and beautiful.
She was holding a small cake with a missing mouth, and a rosy mouth with a little cream, but it was not dirty at all. The little girl's skin was milky, and she was a little bit cute and cute.
Xiao Beiyao suddenly smiled at him.
After a while, the door of his house was knocked.
The sound outside the door also seemed to be creamy: "Brother Pei Chuan, open the door."
Pei Chuan didn't move.
She said, "I will share your half of the cake, let's play together."
Pei Chuan felt ironic.
Are these two people who were rejected and forced to play together?
He didn't move, and he didn't plan to open the door for her. Although she... looks cute, but he understands that people in this world are like Xu Feifei, no one will stay with a crippled person for no reason.
Xiao Beiyao didn't feel that she was sitting on the cold bench, she was more emotionally slow than other children.
She said sweetly: "Today Yaoyao's birthday, happy to give you half."
Idiot, he thought.
He even thought viciously that girls are as selfish and hate as Xu Feifei. This hottest August, let her stand a long lesson outside, don't provoke him, he will give her nothing.
In the end, Pei Chuan still didn't open the door for Xiao Beiyao, she bounced back home at dusk, and she didn't feel bad.
At night, Jiang Wenjuan came back and said in surprise: "Ogawa, how come there is a fruit candy at our door?"
Pei Chuan was stunned and did not speak for a long time.
Later, he gradually learned that Pei Yao was not an abandoned child, and everyone liked her very much.
Since that year, she will send cakes every year on Beiyao's birthday.
In fact, Pei Chuan knows that there is nothing special about it. She will give away the children in the community, such as Chen Hu, Fang Minjun, and Li Da.
However, it is still different, only he will understand.
Fang Minjun will not give him cakes.
At the age of eight this winter, there was a heavy snowfall in City C.
It should have been the New Year. Jiang Wenjuan was afraid of his son's autism and pushed him back to play with other children.
Pei Chuanben felt resistant, and he knew they would refuse.
Who knows Chen Hu rolled his eyes, hehe smiled and agreed: "Then you play with us."
Pei Chuan looked at them with dark pupils.
Jiang Wenjuan felt very happy: "Thank you, Ogawa, and play with the children. My mother calls me something."
She went to the teahouse not far away.
A group of children playing snow outside, Pei Chuan's body is stiff, even if he knows that it is not right, but he is a little eager in his heart.
This is the Chinese New Year, he also likes the Chinese New Year, do not want to watch TV alone in a wheelchair at home.
Chen Hu's cheeks were chubby and fainted two groups of plateau red.
He probed his brain to see Aunt Jiang was away, and the chicken thief smiled: "Pei Chuan, you can play with us, I will let you do what you want."
Pei Chuan frowned.
"See? We are playing snowball fights. Dispatch first, palms and backs of hands, the same is a team. Then fight."
Although it was a boy, Pei Chuan did not speak, but he agreed.
Several boys looked at each other, and Chen Hu pulled Fang Minjun again and said something in her ear.
The assignment came out soon.
Of all the children's palms, only Pei Chuan had his hands back up.
The next moment, many snowballs hit him.
The children cheered, and the cold snowball exploded on him. Pei Chuan froze, his eyes faintly glowing. He gritted his teeth for a moment, trying to bury them all in the snow.
A little girl in a red cotton coat ran out of the building.
"Chen Hu--" She lengthened her tone, and the tone seemed very sweet. "What are you doing?"
"Snowball fight." Chen Hu said, "Bei Yao, will you come?"
Bei Yao was a little angry: "He got snow in his clothes and he was not allowed to beat him."
Chen Hu said: "If you don't come, just do anything to help him, do you want to be with him?"
Han Xue encountered the boy's hot body temperature, and instantly melted into water.
He sits in a wheelchair, does not hide or shine, and his eyes are covered with snowflakes. Pei Yao remembered his mother saying that Uncle Pei was a big hero, and Pei Chuan was also a little hero.
The little hero sacrificed his body for the happiness of the people, and they should respect him no matter what time.
When the next snowball fell, she wore a thick and chubby body in front of Pei Chuan.
This year, the world is white and has nothing to do with love, just pure instinct.
She said: "Don't lose it, he will be cold."
She was most afraid of the cold by herself. Brother Pei Chuan must be very cold now.
Chen Hu said angrily: "Hum Beiyao, you traitor! Do you believe us we will also hit you." After a threatening snowball hit the past, hit Beiyao cotton pants.
Beiyao was angry, and threw one back: "If you hit me, I will fight back."
This time was terrible. Many snowballs hit Pei Yao and Pei Chuan.
Although Bei Yao counterattacked, where was their opponent, he burst into tears and cried.
Fang Minjun said: "Don't make trouble, Bei Yao cry."
The boys also panic, how terrible the girls cry. And they don't hate Bei Yao. Although Min Min looks good, Xiao Bei Yao is cute and obedient, and they don't want to make her cry.
The children were afraid of being scolded, and they dispersed as soon as they slipped away.
Chen Hu sulked and said: "Shy, shameless, crying ghost, not allowed to complain!"
The children dispersed and went to play elsewhere.
She wiped her face with her small hands and patted the snowflakes on her body. Xu Jiu Beiyao turned her head and Pei Chuan was watching her.
His clothes were much wet, but his face was calm and unusual, as if he was not bullied.
She glanced at him, sobbing and wiping her tears away.
He leaned over and patted the snowflake on his shoulder.
"Crybaby" had a snow flake on her long eyelashes, with a smell of milk on her body. She said: "Brother Pei Chuan, I'll call you mom, you go home."
Pei Chuan said nothing, holding her wrist and throwing it away, not allowing her to touch herself.
You are with them.
The little girl blinked and was not angry. She waved at him and went to Jiang Wenjuan.
When he returned, Jiang Wenjuan took the little girl's hand and came back to find her son.
In the wind and snow, she resembled a snow doll with two pink flower buds on her head, and Bei Yao stopped crying.
Jiang Wenjuan said: "Your chocolate, Ogawa, give Yaoyao a little."
Pei Chuan gave a piece in silence, the little girl shook her head, and her teeth leaked when she talked, softly: "No need, thank you Aunt Jiang, thank you brother Pei Chuan."
She ran home quickly.
Pei Chuan withdrew his hand and clenched the piece of chocolate she didn't want.
Inexplicably a little unhappy.
When Pei Chuan was in the fourth grade, he learned that he could get a prosthesis.
In this era, the technique of prosthetic limbs is still not perfect, but for the boy who is almost ten years old and early Hui, Pei Chuan knows what this means.
It means that he can stand up without having to sit in a wheelchair, he can walk to school by himself, and his pants will not be empty again.
Pei Chuan had a little nervousness during the holiday when the prosthesis was installed.
It has been too long for him to remember the taste of walking.
However, he stood up and fell forward suddenly.
Jiang Wenjuan supported him: "Don't worry, let's take it slowly."
It hurts. It really hurts.
Every time the prosthetic and stump limbs run together, it is like squeezing the bones and flesh.
He couldn't grasp the center of gravity, and he couldn't stand.
Jiang Wenjuan had to let him practice by holding the railing.
Over and over again, from early morning to dusk, he was like a toddler, practicing hard and hopefully.
Jiang Wenjuan looked away, covering his mouth, with tears in his eyes.
Finally, Pei Chuan got used to such pain, and gradually found the center of gravity.
In the fourth grade, he straightened his back, like a soldier in armor, quietly clenched his fists and went to the classroom.
The eyes of the students at that moment were incredible.
Pei Chuan heard them whispering: "Isn't his calf gone? How can he walk now?"
"It's amazing, what did he do?"
However, Pei Chuan did not have friends in the class. Although the students were curious, they did not come to ask him.
Pei Chuan goes to school every day after school, and will wait for them to finish walking before slowly walking back.
After all, he only learned how to adapt. His walking posture is a little weird. If he walks fast, he will be particularly awkward.
Until Pei Chuan was stopped by Ding Wenxiang, Pei Chuan had heard of Ding Wenxiang in sixth grade.
This bad student is 13 years old this year and is in sixth grade.
It is said that Ding Wenxiang was in the countryside when he was a child, and a finger was cut off by the knife of the pig's grass.
Ding Wenxiang wanted to know what the same broken thing would look like if it was fake.
"Press and hold him! Ono Seed, dare to push me."
A few boys rushed up, it rained in October, and Pei Chuan's cheek was pressed into the muddy water.
The students in the lower grades stood one by one in fear and looked at them from afar.
Pei Chuan smelled the stench of the mud and rain hit his hair and cheeks.
He struggled frantically: "Let me go, you let me go!"
However, he is not a teenager, how can he earn the shackles of a few older children.
The sky is grey.
Ding Wenxiang took off his shoes and rolled up Pei Chuan's trouser legs again.
Prosthetic limbs. Exposed naked to everyone, very stiff and false colors, and the soft skin of the human body can be seen at once.
The rain in October is really cool.
Pei Chuan was half-faced in muddy water, trembling continually.
Pei Chuan's pupils were dark, and there was silence inside.
He raised his eyes slightly and saw Beiyao coming from afar.
She also grew up, and the red panda behind her flicked, holding hands with Tongtong.
The two girls didn't expect to see the scene in front of them, and they both froze. Xiang Tongtong whispered, "That fake leg is so scary."
He was in the mud, with dark eyes looking at Bei Yao, slowly quieting down.
Pei Chuan closed his eyes, and he no longer struggled.
Far away, he couldn't see what Beiyao was looking at that moment.
However, the once soft and strange seeds in my heart, still ignorant that they did not take root and germinated, they were strangled by the endless shame in the extreme cold.
I don't know how long, someone shouted, "Uncle Gatekeeper is here!"
The forty-year-old uncle waved the contraction stick in his hand and caught a few boys: "You students who bully, don't leave today. Apologize for compensation and accept school punishment."
The uncle guard lifted Pei Chuan and put his pants down.
The children took advantage of this effort and ran away. The door chased sanitaryly, and Pei Chuan looked at their backs coldly, just like watching a farce.
He looked around and there was no one around him.
She didn't know when she had left.
It was raining on the sky, and Pei Chuan's face was muddy and half expressionless.
Waiting for him for a long time, Xiang Tongtong quietly leaned out and looked at the low Beiyao, she said: "Yaoyao, I know you are uncomfortable, but everything happened, we can't beat Ding Wenxiang, we can only find The doorman came to help."
It took a long time for Bei Yao to say, "Well, don't mention this matter."
Growing up, she also understands that people have self-esteem. After all, they know people. Pei Chuan certainly doesn't want her to see it.
Now Brother Pei Chuan can't scream.
Bei Yao was a little sad in her heart, but this year she was not yet ten years old and was not deeply involved in the world. At that time, her mood at the last moment was just a bad past.
After that day, Pei Chuan refused to wear a prosthesis.
Jiang Wenjuan couldn't accept it: "We used more than half of the money to give you a prosthetic leg. Now you say you don't wear it anymore, you have to sit in a wheelchair all your life!"
However, the boy was like a lone wolf who was only forced to a desperate situation, his fingers clenched and whitened, and he never refused to compromise.
The prosthesis was finally locked in the box.
In Pei Chuan's sixth grade, two things happened. One thing is that Ding Wenxiang in the second grade was cut off by the triad.
The class was full of excitement, Pei Chuan coldly hooked his lips.
It has been two years since the original incident, and no one would have thought that it would be related to a sixth-grade teenager.
Within a few days, perhaps it was his retribution for doing bad things, Pei Haobin and Jiang Wenjuan divorced.
The two husbands and wives who were envious of others were divorced in silence.
It looks peaceful, and seems to contain countless storms that cannot be explored.
Jiang Wenjuan left their lives in silence.
Pei Chuan was the last one to know. He pushed his wheelchair to find his mother. Pei Haobin was hysterical for the first time. I still want to see you!"
April is clearly spring, but Pei Chuan feels endlessly cold.
Pei Haobin slowed down and wiped his face for a while: "I'm sorry, Dad shouldn't say that."
"It's okay." Pei Chuan lowered his eyelids and returned to the room for a long time.
At the Ching Ming Festival, Pei Haobin did not come to pick Pei Chuan, and Jiang Wenjuan also left Pei Chuan's life.
After a sudden heavy rain, all children were either sent an umbrella in advance or were taken home.
Pei Chuan looked at the rain curtain and remembered the hail as a child. The children were all taken away by the parents. He was unwilling to leave and he stubbornly waited for his mother. In the end, the teacher had no choice but to accompany him to wait in the kindergarten overnight.
It seems that from the beginning to the end, nothing seems to have changed, and people have grown up.
Integrity, kindness and generosity did not bring any good luck and change. He was driving a wheelchair, a kind of hatred tearing the world.
Over the fifth grade, a little figure ran over in the rain.
When Pei Chuan looked up at her coldly.
Beiyao held up his umbrella and raised it above his head.
Under the sky, she had only one umbrella.
The thunder roared, and at that time, Bei Yao was not quite able to see his expression clearly.
She looked at the bad weather with anxiety, her shoulders were soaked with wet shoulders.
If this person is not the little brother of her neighbor's house, if his parents did not divorce at this time, Bei Yao will not come over. After all, no one likes hot faces and cold farts. She is not familiar with him.
From a young age to the present, Pei Chuan has no good face for her. He doesn't like himself, and in order to avoid embarrassment, Bei Yao generally does not interact with him.
However, for so many years, the first impression of Pei Chuan was him in his mother's mouth. This is a little hero, with a pair of legs in exchange for countless families and beauty.
Heroes should not be abandoned by the world, they should be respected. But everyone seems to forget his loss.
She protected the little boy under the umbrella: "Let's go home, Pei Chuan."