I toss and turn, my mind unable to push away all the questions running through it as I try and calm myself down. The sun has just begun to rise, the sheets tangled around my legs due to my restless night, my brain pounding in my head as I want to ask all of those questions. Zion had left in the middle of the night from my bed, going to his own bed, due to how little sleep he was able to get because of me. I have witnessed my sleep begin to decline in hours the more the tensions rise and I only expect for this next night to get worse as Penelope said she would make her way back to Zion and me before going to her pack.
If there were an Alpha I would want to read a biography about, it would be Penelope, for she defeated odds to become one of the first female Alphas who did not get their title because their mate or husband died. She was given the title of Alpha without being married, never claiming the title of Luna as she believed her intellectual mind would better suit that of an alpha than the submissive partner. For centuries Lunas have been seen as the leader without a voice, in the shadow of their husband as only a few would come to rise up and do something great with their lives. Over the last few decades, more Lunas have come to power in their packs, having more say and being in the war room with their husbands as they debate battle strategies.
Penelope tore apart enemies as she claimed her title, gaining the respect of her traditional pack as they knew they could not force her to take the role of Luna.
I have always looked up to Penelope because I wanted to do something like that in my life. I was once shy, allowing myself to be rejected by own mate as I did not put up a fight and was made rogue. I sat in the audience and observed my own life unfold around me as Zion brought me back to the palace and showed me his world. Slowly I began to develop my own sense of pride and strength, standing up for myself and speaking up for those who could not, but I always lacked a backbone and reassurance, for I was always naive. The kingdom loved me as their Queen, the mourned me for weeks, and they hurried me among some of the greatest queens in history because I was a rogue as well. The public never saw a childish and foolish queen and they will never know that it took my own death to become the leader which they deserved.
It took my own demise to become the strong woman I always wanted to be.
Yet here I am, facing the odds yet again as I am to go to battle with Zion at my side. Death does not scare me, for I have died before and know how peaceful the afterlife can be, but I am scared to leave this world. I am not scared of the pain of death, the pain of no longer existing, but I will fight for the things that could be if I live. If I live and if Zion lives, we go on to be with one another as we planned, to marry, to have a child, and to spend the rest of our days together. I am fighting for the continuation of the kingdom and for the future Zion and I may have.
I am standing up for something I believe in and not backing down like the women I once was when Zion first met me. My parents would have been proud of the woman I have become, not because I married the ruler of the kingdom, pulled the rogues together with Zion's men to fight his last war, but because I have finally found the strength within me.
Getting out of bed, I get dressed for the day and head for the kitchen, preparing myself a small breakfast as I can hear Zion beginning to wake up upstairs. The smell of toast and fresh jam awakens my senses as I bite into the food and look out the window to the trees which sway gently in the wind. The world seems peaceful today, preparing itself for the bloodshed to come.
"Scouts spotted Lily's army training and witches arrive as well," Zion announces, coming into the room as I take in a calming breath. Lily is preparing to march to the palace and begin her battle. "Penelope's scouts said it looks like the army will be leaving within the next day or so."
I do not reply and decide to finish up my breakfast, wanting to get in a filling meal before I talk about Lily.
"So it begins," I comment, looking up to Zion as he takes a seat across from me. "Things are becoming more real by the day."
Zion nods, watching for the timer to ring on the toaster as he has placed bread in there while I finished my own food. "You can always back down-"
"I know what I signed up for," I cut off, voice stern as I want Zion to know I am still set on fighting on that battlefield. The toaster rings and he grabs his breakfast, beginning to spread the jam over his slices as I look back out the window. "If we all pulled away when we got scared, then your family may have never founded the kingdom, warriors would have never stood their ground and run off, and the world would be a different place."
"I am not doubting your bravery," Zion points out.
"But you are doubting my skill." His silence means my speculation is correct. I would be doubting my skill too, for I am not trained like the royal guards, like Zion, like Penelope's men, but I am a werewolf. I can sink my canines into flesh and rip tendons to shreds. Besides, Lily Maxwell will be on the battlefield and she is a human, someone unable to take on a wolf without help from a gun or knife. With Zion beside me, I am not doubting my skill, I am more concerned about winning the battle than my skill being the reason why I die. "We have been over this before, time and time again, Zion. We have discussed what may happen when we fight on the battlefield and what may happen if we both survive. I have prayed that we both survive."
"You have never been one for religion," Zion comments, gazing up to me. He's right, I never once traveled to the temple to pray with a Priestess beside me or to guide me in prayer, I never went to the shrine in the palace to pray to the Moon Goddess during the dead of night.
"Religion may be fading from the world of werewolves," I mumble, recalling the politics which took place, for politics have become intertwined with politics more than ever. "But prayer to the Moon Goddess can help give hope to those who seek it in times of need. Why do you think armies of our allies and enemies still ask for a blessing from the Moon Goddess before they begin a battle? People like to believe in something bigger than themselves and the universe to give their lives more meaning and because they believe doing so will mean that the Moon Goddess will be on their side."
"Wise words."
"Common words," I correct, "wisdom should not be corresponded to those in religious power. You and I met with the Head Priestess of the Moon Goddess Temple, we saw the girls being raised to be devote to the Moon Goddess, unable to experience the real world as they live within a bubble of their own naivety."
Zion puts down his meal, placing his head in his hands as he runs a hand through his hair, looking up at me through bloodshot eyes. "I wish you were still by my side as I wore the crown of the Alpha King. The woman you have become...you have the true head of Queen resting upon your shoulders now."
I wish I had been a better Queen, one of intellect and wisdom. A silent Queen is a Queen with no true power. I was a silent Queen, I only spoke with the Ring Leaders because Zion wanted me to, I used the Ring Leaders to my advantage and should have not leveraged my title as future Queen and title as rogue to use them and sent many of them to die fighting a war for an Alpha King which they held no responsibility to serve. I never spoke up against the rotten actions which took place in the palace, about the broken politics and titles who helped to run this kingdom.
"I do not pretend to know the challenges you are facing, the guilt of coming back to life when so many are not able to, the emotions you have just begun feeling again..." Zion's eyes begin to water as he looks across the table from me. "Let me be part of the next chapter of your life as we enjoy the rest of our lives together. Let this battle we fight mark the end of the chapter where you have decided to stay with me and the next chapter focus on the story of us spending our lives together."
Getting up from his chair, Zion walks over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders as he bends down and his lips brush across my ear. "I wish we had met in a different life, where we lived simple lives and could develop our relationship without all of these struggles in the way," I whisper, looking out the window as I try and hold my tears back.
"But that is not for us to decide," Zion remarks, placing his fingers under my chin as he turns my head back to look up at him. "But we are not the ones who decide what lives we are born into and the fate we will face. We must live out and make the best of the time which has been given to us."
Lips brush against mine softly as Zion closes the gap between us, moving around to face me as he pulls me out of my chair and holds me close. Wrapping my arms around him, I run a hand through his thick locks, allowing myself to become consumed by Zion as he pulls me up to sit on the table, my legs around his torso as I pull him closer to me.
The abrupt knock at the door pulls us away from one another as I look outside to see Alpha Penelope's car in the private drive, still running as I see no one is inside the car. Zion pulls away from me, helping me down from the table as we head for the front door, opening it to see a very tense-looking Alpha. "Two days," Penelope blurts out, pushing her way into the house as she heads right into the kitchen and for the cabinets. I watch as she pulls out a bottle of strong liquor, not even bothering to pour a shot as she pours half a wine glass full of the drink. Penelope hisses at the taste of the liquor, looking over to Zion as she asks if he has anything aged longer. Shaking his head, Penelope goes on to drink more of the glass she poured.
"Two days till Crimson Lock is at the palace?" Zion asks, trying to get answers as Penelope finishes off the glass.
"My scouts almost got discovered. I believe Lily's pack members thought they were rogues and ran away at the sight of an army. Lily cannot risk word getting out to other packs, she will begin heading for the palace tonight."
"We believed she would move soon," I comment, crossing my arms as I wonder why Penelope is in such a state as this. "Why so stressed now?"
"There are seventy more warriors than what we counted just the other day...and fifteen more witches."
"Where do we stand in numbers compared to them?" I ask, worried as I watch Penelope put the liquor away. The auburn Alpha looks my way, her bloodshot eyes meeting mine as she looks hopeless.
"They have one hundred more men than us. Crimson Lock is one of the largest and strongest packs in the kingdom. We have many talented men and women on our own side, but it will be a tough fight. I expect many families to mourn the loss of their family members...something I always despise because I will be given the blame for I collected these warriors together to be led under my name."
"But we cannot just Lily's army march to the palace and enter without a battle," I snap.
"I am not saying I am pulling my army out of this battle," Penelope corrects, giving me a stern look. "I am just saying it will be a tough battle. I am on my way back to my pack and army to prepare them for a battle where many of them will be charging to their death." Walking past me, Penelope crashes upon the couch of the living room as she explains she will crash here until the alcohol wears off and then she will drive back to her pack.
Zion pulls me outside, out of the earshot of Penelope as I can sense how tense he is as well. "So?"
"We better pray that our side is better trained and more willing to fight and die to protect this kingdom than those who would rather see it become torn down," I reply, taking in a deep breath as I look up to the bright sun. "And we better hope that the odds are not against us."