"Dimo ba alam damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan, makasama kay suntok sa buwan"
Ansel and Cy laughed out as Hurricane sang the first line of the song. We found a 24-hours karaoke bar nearby the hill. They decided na sulitin ang buong gabi bago ulit kami sumabak sa pag-aaral. And who I am to say no?
"Diko 'to gusto pero wag kang lalayo.." Hurricane winked as he took a sip on his beer. Mukhang may tama na siya-sila ni Cyclone who's holding the other mic. Nakikipag-duet sa kakambal niya. No. Lasing na talaga sila.
I watched them getting dumb na parang di sila napapagod mag-aral. Na parang wala kaming mga quizzes na babalikan after this night. Sometimes, it really feels great to be carefree.
Lumapit sakin si Ansel who's on her last dutchmill drink. Ngiting ngiti lamang siya doon sa dalawa na kumakanta. "Relate na relate ang kambal sa kanta, tsk."
"What's the song called?"
"Suntok sa buwan. Johnoy Danao, ganda no?"
Tumango lamang ako. Ininom ang natitirang beer. Hindi ako pwedeng malasing dahil paniguradong ako ang magda drive pabalik since malakas na ang tama nong dalawa. Si Ansel naman hindi talaga nagda-drive. Nag-aral siya pero hindi siya pwede sa malalayong byahe lalo na kapag ang daan ay gaya ng sa Tagaytay.
"Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin." Hurricane sang.
"Hala sis, di ka daw aantayin habambuhay." Ansel jested na hindi ko lang pinansin.
"Do we have water?"
"Nasa kotse."
Tumango lamang ako bago tumayo at kinuha ang susi sa bulsa ni Cyclone, agad naman siyang umiwas na akala mo hina harass lagi! "Hey, careful baka iba makapa mo!"
I just rolled my eyes before getting the key fob at dumiretso sa kotse. Kailangan ko mahimasmasan, medyo tinamaan ako sa ininom ko. Baka maaksidente pa kami pag-uwi. I looked at my wristwatch, it's nearly 1 in the morning. Hindi eto ang first time namin ma-late sa labas pero eto ang unang beses na sa malayo.
Agad kong nakita ang mineral bottle at ininom yon. I was on the middle of finishing the whole bottle ng lumabas si Hurricane. His hands on his pockets. Hindi siya pagewang gewang lumakad, instead mukha siyang hindi lasing but his face says otherwise. He's so red.
"Bat ka lumabas?"
I motioned the water I'm drinking with my eyes para naman masagot ang obvious. Hinantay niya akong matapos sa pag-inom. Hindi padin siya nakilos at parang tanga na nakatingin lang. Bigla akong nailang kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, mabilis naman siyang umiwas ng tingin at tumikhim.. na naman.
"Nasusuka ako." He blurted out.
"Mukha ba akong sukahan?"
He chuckles, "Taray talaga. Nasusuka talaga ako may tubig pa ba?"
I looked inside the car bago tumango. May isa pang mineral bottle, tumingin ako sa kanya na mukhang susuka na nga. For one moment there, napahanga ako paano niya nagagawang pigilan yong suka niya na obviously na nasa lalamunan na at paakyat. Agad siyang tumakbo sa may gilid bago nag-labas.. napa buntong hininga nalang ako.
Bakit ba kailangan lagi ako ang nakaka witness sa isa kapag susuka sila dahil sa alak? Tsk.
Kinuha ko ang mineral bottle sa sasakyan bago lumapit sa kanya at inabot. Hindi niya agad tinanggap dahil may second wave pa. Lumayo ako ng konti dahil ang baho talaga! He vomit again.. hoping it's the last. Parang ilalabas na niya buong intestine niya sa pag-suka e. "Chandy!"
"What?"
"Pahagod ng likod ko!" he said between his coughs. Hindi ko napigilan hindi mapaikot ng mata sa pagiging demanding niya! I can already imagine how clingy he is in relationship.
Hindi ko siya sinunod, nanatili lang ako sa pwesto ko at nang mukhang na-realize niya na wala akong balak sundin siya lumingon siya sakin. Glaring bago umiling. My face remained impassive.
Tsk. Sige lang, keep on being wasted para maturn-off ako.
He throws up for the last time bago hinang hina na lumapit sakin. Inabot niya ang tubig bago sumandal sa railing at uminom. I watched how his laryngeal prominence moved as he gulped I had to take my eyes immediately. Adam's apple moving too sexy is one of my weaknesses. Damn.
"My throat hurts."
"Tiisin mo."
He placed his hand on his chest where his heart's located. Acting like he was hurt. "You still don't have a heart for me?"
I just looked at him. Wala namang gamot sa sinasabe niya. He shrugged bago humarap sa railings. Tinatanaw ang view. Hindi kita dito ang Taal Lake.. more on city lights ang makikita but it was still a view.
Walang umimik samin. We're just looking at front, letting the breezy air embrace us, coating the warmth reigning inside. I should've brought my jacket.
"Pag may girlfriend na'ko.. dadalhin ko dito.."
Ediwow. Walang nag-tatanong.
"Gusto mo ba dito? Sa Tagaytay?" he asked curiously. His brows both arched, waiting for me to answer.
I have to look away again. "It's relaxing here. Yes."
Nakita ko sa peripheral vision kung paano siya dahan dahang ngumiti. His smile suddenly became so contagious my lips broke into one too..
"Saan mo pa gusto pumunta?"
I shrugged, "Venice, Italy."
"Mahal naman."
"I just want to experience riding gondola."
"Ang mahal naman sa Venice. Mag-bangka ka nalang sa Batangas."
I glared at him, he laughed in return. Parang tanga, ano bang problema niya kung gusto ko i-try ang gondola sa Venice? As-if siya ang sasagot sa lahat ng gastos.
"Meron din sa BGC dba."
"I want the original one."
"Mamumulubi boyfriend mo pag ide-date ka."
"I can bring myself alone." I really don't need someone to bring me to places or make me happy. I am happy alone.
"Syempre kapag may boyfriend ka, gusto ka din niyang dalhin sa lugar na gusto mo."
"Tanga siya. Hindi ako nagde demand at depend sa kahit na sinong lalaki."
He laughed again. I wanted to walk away kasi wala namang kwenta yong pinag-uusapan namin but watching him laugh was already enough to stay and listen more. It always felt like he has a spell around him and I always fell on it.
I looked away again, feeling the warmth of my blood battling against the cold air invading my skin. It felt hot and cold. Kulang nalang isipin ko nilalagnat na ako.
"Kahit kay Jonas?"
My eyes flew back to him. Hindi ko alam na alam niya ang tungkol kay Jonas. The only boyfriend I had. We dated nong college ako. He's a senior. Jonas was too serious and uptight. Ansel even told me para kaming dalawang punong kahoy na mag-katabi. But I felt the compatibility between us. We dated for one whole year. I knew in myself I loved him but not powerful enough to hold on. He made me feel it's better to be alone. Mas masaya ako na single ako. Really.
"He brought me once to Baguio"
"Why?"
I shrugged, "Natakam ako sa strawberries."
"Strawberries." He repeated with mockery.
"Then we broke up there." I continued.
Natigilan siya sa sinabe ko, napakurap. "Di nga?"
Tumango lang ako. Gusto kong matawa sa reaction niya. Parang hindi makapaniwala sa kwento ko. "We always knew there's an end for us. Baguio's a good place for break-up, I guess."
"Nakakatakot kang dalhin sa Baguio."
I shrugged. As-if naman pupunta ulit ako sa lugar na'yon na may kasama.
"I don't plan going there with someone again."
"What do you mean?"
"I always enjoy being alone in places."
Tska ang hassle kasi when you create memories with someone sa lugar na alam mong babalikan mo.. kasi kapag hindi mo na kasama yong tao pabalik, may kirot na. Kahit anong ganda nang isang lugar kapag nahaluan na ng mga di magagandang alaala? Ang hirap na ulit i-appreciate. Ganon ang pakiramdam.
"Pano pag may boyfriend ka'na?"
"I don't want to date again."
"Pano pag gusto mo tapos gusto ka?"
"I don't like someone right now." Okay, that's a lie.
"Pag may gusto sayo tapos ipu pursue ka?"
"Manigas siya."
"Pag dinate ka sa yacht?"
"I can date myself."
"Wow." I looked at him. Parang amaze na amaze na hindi siya makapaniwala sa lahat ng pinagsa-sagot ko.
Well, I mean every word. Kahit.. kahit may nararamdaman ako sa kanya.. o kahit kanino, hindi ko padin makita ang sarili ko na nasa relasyon ulit. Hindi ko kayang isingit ang pagbo boyfriend habang nag-aaral. May isa akong mapapabayaan and it will always be the former. I can't hurt someone like that.
He heaved a sigh, "Pero wala ka talagang nagugustuhan?"
I shrugged. I can't repeat the same lie.
Bakit ganon? Mahangin naman pero para akong nauubusan ng hininga.
Tinignan ko ulit siya. Maliit na naka-ngiti habang naka-tingin sa langit. "Ang hirap mangarap no?"
I gulped. Is he talking about his dreams now? Like paga-abogado?
"There's nothing impossible if you work hard for it." I don't even know if I am saying the right words.
"Malabo pa din."
"Why?"
"Wala lang. Ang hirap lang kapag ang taas ng pangarap masyado, lalo na kapag ayaw magpakuha."
I am lost. Ano bang pinag-uusapan namin dito?
"Are you still drunk?"
He chuckles before taking his eyes off the sky and settled on mine. His eyes were glinting.. for a moment, I just wanted to get lost in its beauty. "Siguro nga lasing pa ako."
Siguro ako din.
**
Sabay kaming napalingon nang lumabas si Ansel na umaalalay kay Cyclone. He's already so wasted. Agad lumapit si Hurricane para tumulong sa pag-akay sa kakambal niya. Ansel on the other hand was talking to someone over her phone.
She looks frustrated. Parang nag-aaway sila ng kausap. Hindi ko na kailangan mang-hula dahil si Storm lang naman ang nakakaaway niya.
Lumapit ako sa kotse para pag-buksan ng pinto si Cyclone. He's calling for Ada again. I don't think he'll survive if Ada leaves him. Shaking my head, pumasok ulit ako sa loob to get our things. Pag-labas ko nasa loob na silang tatlo.
Hurricane's on the backseat with Cyclone. Parehas na silang naka-pikit.
HONNE's playing in courtesy of Ansel as I swiftly maneuvered the car. I cleared my throat as I fix the rearview mirror. Damn, what the hell am I doing?
Binalik ko ang tingin sa daan bago ulit mapatingin sa rearview.. sa kanya. He looked so peaceful sleeping.
"Chandy."
I nearly jump in surprise nang tawagin ni Ansel ang pangalan ko. Pakiramdam ko para akong nahuli na may ginagawang krimen. Shit.
"Hm?"
"Napapagod na'ko sa long distance."
I cleared my throat again. Sighing with relief na hindi naman pala ako nahuli. Tsk. What am I thinking?
"Mas matagal yong panahon na mag-kalayo kami kesa mag-kasama."
I heaved a sigh. This is one thing about relationships, kaya naman sumaya mag-isa but because some people depend their happiness on someone they ended up getting tired or.. feeling more alone.
Or maybe.. hindi ko palang din talaga alam ang pakiramdam kapag may minamahal talaga.
I've seen Ansel and others in their joyous state just by having the love of their life by their side.
She heaved a sigh, "Gusto kong sumunod sa kanya don. Gusto ko na ulit siya makasama."
"He's not the only dream, Ansel. Magdo-doctor ka pa."
"I know."
"Susuka ako," Cyclone suddenly said, his hands on his mouth. Shit! Nasa accident prone area kami.
"Wait, pigilan mo muna!" Ansel said, nagha-hanap ng pedeng masukahan ni Cy. "Hurricane wake the hell up!"
"Don't shout.. mas nasusuka ako."
"Arte mo!"
If I could only close my eyes and face my palm right now. Nakuha pa nila mag-talo talaga.
"I said stop shouting!"
"You're the one shouting, hayaan kaya kitang sukahan sarili mong kotse?"
"Babaho, wag." Hurricane said already awake.
"Stop the car."
"We're in an accident prone area, Cy."
"Yaan mo na."
"Stop the car, be."
"I can't." baka maaksidente kami! Madilim ang daan tapos puro paliko pa, sa gilid pa-bangin. Bawal kami tumigil.
"Lunukin mo muna." Hurricane suggested nonchalantly. I glanced at him at the rearview, his back on Cy.. getting ready to sleep again.
Cyclone made a gargling sound when I glanced at him may lumabas na sa kamay niya. Shit! Agad kong binuksan ang window's car. Ansel did the same.
"Shit, just stop the car wala namang dumadaan! Ang baho!"
Hindi na makaimik si Cy, obviously nasa bibig na niya lahat.
"Lunukin mo nga sabe muna."
"Hurricane you're so kadiri!"
"Delikado tumigil. Don't pressure the driver."
"Ikaw kaya lumunok ng sarili mong suka?!"
"Nagawa ko na dati." He proudly said. I can imagine him wiggling his brows.
The hell. Kadiri! Ugh. Tumatak na tuloy sa isip ko yong image!
"Kadiri! Chandy let's stop the car ..there!" Ansel pointed out nang may madaanan kaming maliit na bakanteng lupa. Maybe the heavens took pity with Cy's situation for giving us a free space. Agad kong tinigil ang kotse. Dali daling lumabas si Cyclone para sumuka.
"Water!"
Ansel look for a water pero inunahan ko na, "Ubos na."
"What?!"
"May beer pa jan."
"You're insane." She muttered incredulously pero kinuha padin niya yong beer bago lumabas at alalayan si Cyclone.
"This is one hell of an epic night." Hurricane muttered as he stepped out the car. Akala ko lalapitan niya si Cyclone pero lumipat lang siya sa shotgun bago ulit pumikit.
"It's Ansel's seat."
He just shushed me as he closed his eyes. His arms crossed over his chest. I watched his side profile. Kitang kita yong tangos ng ilong niya.
I cleared my throat before looking away.. before getting lost again by his mere presence.
Minutes passed nakabalik na kami ulit sa daan. Cyclone's peacefully sleeping habang kausap na ulit ni Ansel si Storm sa phone. I shook my head as I focused my attention on the road.
"Chandy.." Hurricane called softly.
"Hm?"
"Chan..dy.."
"What?"
He didn't answer kaya tumingin ako sa kanya. Akala ko.. akala ko gising siya pero hindi.. his mouth was half-open.. deep in sleep and calling my name..