A/N: Hmm... well, good news is that I finally have an idea of how to end this book. Bad news is... covid and depression???
Anyway, enjoy this story (:
[There's a trigger warning near the end of this chapter, but it's not as intense as the previous ones]
"I gave you a chance."
That was the last thing Lucy heard before everything disappeared and the light faded from her eyes.
Lucy stepped backwards blindly, not knowing what's going to happen next. She can't even hear anything. Hell, she can't feel anything. She felt numb. As she took another couple more steps backwards, she stepped on something metallic as it made a clanking sound. But the clanking sound was so loud that Lucy felt like it blew out her eardrum.
Hesitantly, she turned around and tried to see the ground where the metallic object was. But it was dark, and she could not see anything. Lucy looked around in fear, thinking that there was nothing else better to do than check what she stepped on.
Carefully, she knelt down and patted on the ground to find the object. Finally, her shaky fingers made contact with cold metal. Lucy grasped the metal and held it to ascertain what it was. It felt familiar as she held it in her hands. Thin and light....
It was her keys.
Suddenly, she felt an outburst of energy and emotions emitting from the keys.
Just as she felt the energy, her eyes was suddenly staring at a familiar ceiling that she saw not too long ago.
"Lucy!" Erza yelled for the nth time.
"Mmm.... I'm up."
"So glad you're okay." Wendy smiled in relief.
"How the hell did you get here?" Gray muttered as he stayed far... far behind the redhead.
"Yeah, it took me a while to find you. It almost seems like your scent was being covered up by this powerful smell that's in this house." Natsu frowned, pinching his nose. "It's a nasty smell."
"You're nasty." Gray muttered.
"You're smellier!"
"Fart-brain!"
"Fa-"
"Shut up!" Erza yelled, and the boys immediately stopped. But the boys continued to glare at each other.
"So, how did you get here?" Erza repeated Gray's question."
Lucy sat up and felt her head throbbing, and contemplated on what to say. The man that was there was no longer there. Probably useless to mention it... "I don't know. I fell and that's the last thing I remembered."
"Well someone tended to your wounds." Erza said, looking at the obvious bandages around Lucy's head. "But you're alive and well. We shouldn't dwell on it. We should collect our reward and go home to let you rest.
Lucy was too tired to say anything. The only thing that concerned her was the visions she saw. Her friends, Erza, her father and her keys. She needs to figure out what they mean.
...
It been several days, and Lucy had made herself comfortable in the library of the guild, reading up on anything about her visions or dreams. Hoping to find some correlations to their meanings.
The more she read about the concept of friendship, the more she felt stressed and burdened. Like the weight of the world was crushing her into a tiny ball the size of a grain. It's hard to explain it, but it's too much for her to handle. All of the expectations and support.
Her father was the easiest to understand. Enough said about her fears of confrontation. Nothing else needs to be said.
Then there's Erza..... She was already confused before. But now she's more confused. Sure Lucy may had caught Erza reading some naughty BL and GL books sometimes, but... was that an indication of anything? Or was it something else entirely? Was it a kiss of affection? A thank you kiss? .... Probably a thank you kiss. What else could've it been?
Lucy slammed the book closed that she was reading in frustration. There was nothing about dreams or visions. Is there something that she had overlooked?
She sighed as she looked at the next book that she checked out. The book of celestials. She stared at the cover of the book and sat in silence, wondering what was the meaning of her keys in her vision. It had to mean something. The bars that separated her and her father, and the choice that he gave her.
"Lucy? I brought you something."
The blonde turned to see Wendy with a plate of food. It was there that she realized she haven't eaten in a while.
...Maybe a change of pace is what she needs.
"Thanks." Lucy smiled as she took the plate and set it on the table and slowly stuffed herself with food, as to avoid choking to death.
Wendy shifted side to side before sitting down next to the celestial mage. "You been in here a lot recently." She stated the obvious, trying to strike a conservation with the hungry blonde.
"Just researching."
"About what?"
"Materials for my book." Lucy lied, and wondered if she fooled Wendy or not. Probably not. She haven't been near any paper or pen to write. Hopefully it was good enough of a lie to fool a little kid.
"Ooo really? What will the book be about?" Wendy asked, a little too excited than Lucy care to admit.
And Lucy was flabbergasted. She didn't expect the kid to take an interest it in. It took her a moment to formulate a solid storyline. "It's about this character that suddenly has dreams and visions of the celestial world. The character didn't know what these visions meant, and went on a long journey to learn what they are before learning that the character was the only one with the power to save the world, and that the celestial dimension had been calling on the character for help for a long time."
"That sounds like an amazing story. Is there any way I can help?"
She was about to say no, but then had an idea. Maybe Wendy could 'help' her. "Sure, but this guild doesn't have enough information about what I need to find."
"Then we can go to the library!"
"That sounds perfect." As devious as this was, she did felt bad for lying.
...
To keep her lie in place, Lucy had to write all of her research about the character and everything else in the empty sketchbook that she bought. It actually proved worthwhile to jot down the things that she know, and the things that she needed to figure out. And she could easily say that it was for her character's dilemma. It was perfect!
Her friends and her father, she understood the metaphorical messages that it was sending. But Erza and her keys? She's drawing a blank.
It had been several weeks as Wendy and her visited the library almost everyday and Lucy was no closer to the problem revolving Erza. But the keys started to make sense.
The celestial energy was calling to Lucy? Trying to help? To warn her? That's the only thing that made sense. That or the key was glowing and was about to explode, according to some book that she encountered (Which was full of wrong facts. The book said that Leo was a female celestial spirit with the power of brown flames? It gave Lucy a headache half through the book.)
It had been several weeks since that incident where she encountered that strange man and those visions. She even found herself avoiding Erza. Lucy doesn't know how face the girl, knowing what happened in her vision. She felt light in her stomach from just thinking about it. She still haven't quite figured it out. Should she get it checked out? She's not sure.
And it was obvious that Wendy was reporting to Erza and the others about Lucy's state. Since Wendy was practically the only one that Lucy been hanging out with. But it didn't stop Natsu from bugging her.
But thankfully, it gave Lucy space that she needed. She didn't feel the weight of the world crushing her. She had more room to breathe as she surfed through the books about the one last thing she needs to find.
Erza and that kiss.
...
Couple days later, it was late at night, and Lucy was finally able to sleep without any supervisions from an overprotective mage. Guess the last few weeks of reading made Erza think that Lucy had completely strayed off of the path where she was dangerously slipping.
The silence was welcoming, but terrifying at the same time. It reminded her of her last vision before she woke up. It felt like that amongst the silence, something bad was going to happen. Like the calm of the storm?
She sat comfortably on her bed of her own apartment, and pondered everything that went through her mind that had happened in the last year.
Suicide attempt. Another suicide attempt. Her father being thrown in a prison. Suicide Attempt again. Lots of unwanted babysitters. Baking a cake with Erza. Running into her father. Her mother's statue and her revelations. Then the visions.
Lucy did so much research about this, but why does she feels so lost? Her hands began to tremble as she clenched them. She unclenched her hands and stared at it. Long pale fingers was all she could see. It looked so fragile.
She stood up and walked to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. It had been awhile since she stared at herself in the mirror. She hardly recognized herself. How could she?
Her hair was longer, with pale yellow reflecting back at her. There was no shine in her eyes, just dull brown eyes. And her skin looked pale.
Lucy silently scoffed at her reflection, finding disgust in what she was seeing. Revolting almost. She glanced down at her arms and gazed over the scared skin, tracing her fingers over them. They were faint. Wendy did an amazing job at healing them.
She felt like an burden. Like a third wheeler. But in the back of her mind, she knew better. If she 'was' a burden, then she would've been dead a long time ago. Right? The amount of effort that Erza and the others went to help her, made her rethink about what her mindset.
It was almost overwhelming to be honest. Suffocating even.
She clenched her hands with a frown. She took another breath and found it difficult to breathe. She hadn't felt like this in a while. Something that screamed at her to take hold. To release the pressure with pain. Her body was craving it. Her body shuddered for release.
And Lucy wanted to release it. But she didn't want to. But her hands was already scattering through the drawer, searching for any intellectual sharp objects that can serve its purpose.
She noticed how throughout Erza was in removing objects with potential sharp objects. She should've felt glad, right? But her body was frustrated. Then her eyes glazed over a small plastic bin sitting in the drawer, with small objects in it.
Without thinking, she grabbed the bin and dumped its contents into the sink and held the small plastic bin in her hand. Lucy found herself trembling ever so slightly as she held the bin like it was the most fragile thing in the world.
What was she doing?
She silently asked herself as she bent the small bin to the side and twisted it. After couple of twists, she managed to snap off the top part of the bin, exposing the sharp edges of the now broken side.
Lucy paused as she stared at the now sharp edge of the rim she had just ripped off. Why was she doing this, she sighed in defeat. Her body won, as it was clearly tired of fighting the impulses of release.
"This is stupid..." She muttered to herself as she rested the sharp edge on her wrist and ran it through her skin.
The pain sent a sense of familiarity and relief as blood started to trickle down her wrist. Her body visibly relaxed and let the bloodied broken rim fall into the sink with a clatter.
It cut wasn't deep, as compared to the previous times she had done it. This one was shallow.
She watched as the blood trickle down her wrist and sighed. She felt better. More at east, at the very least. Now she felt tired and sleep was all Lucy could think of.
She clasped her bleeding wrist with a towel that hung nearby and wrapped it around to stop the bleeding. She glanced at the mess she made but honestly felt tired to even care. She'll have to deal with this in the morning.
She turned and the bathroom after turning off the lights and climbed into her bed and buried herself in the warmth of her blanket. She closed her eyes and easily found the darkness that led to a peaceful and quiet slumber.
A/N: As empty as I've been feeling, Netlfix is the best medicine. LOL.
Hope everyone is feeling okay, and taking care of themselves during this difficult year. Love yourself, be confident, and remember, erlu is the best medicine than the edge of a knife.
Love you guys <3