"Can i take you out on a date?"
Nabitawan ko yung phone ko at bumagsak ito sa mukha ko, inalala ko kung ano yung subject ko tom at nakapag aral na ako, thank you for the advance studying ko last week.
Hindi ako nagreply sa kanya at pinabayaan ko na lang yung message nya, nakilala ko syang hindi mahilig magsabi ng saloobin sa chat, kapag gusto nya gagawa sya at gagawa ng paraan para makuha iyon, papabayaan ko muna sya.
I tired so hard to sleep pero hindi ako makatulog, when i was already half asleep, i heard my father shouting at their room.
I tied up my hair and went to zonne, i knocked on his door and was surprised he opened it agad, i raised my brows and tilted my head to gesture him to let me go inside, i sat on his bed and lay down on to the bed after.
"This is new" i said.
"Exactly" zonne answered me, he then concentrated to his play station, then suddenly i remembered ilios' car.
"Zonne do you still remember when you told me na lahat ng car na everest na sinakyan mo hindi mo gusto yung amoy?" I said and sat down again.
"Uhmm, oo, bakit?" Zonne said fixing his eye glasses.
"Well, i know one that's smells good" i said smiling
"Guess who's car it is"
Zonne turned his gaze on me and paused his game, he really has the addiction for cars, same with ilios, parati nyang sinasabi na gusto nya ng ranger but his dad will throw him out of their house.
"Talaga? Who owns that car?" Tanong ni zonne at tumabi sakin
"Your friend's brother" i told him.
"What kind of an answer is that? I have too many friends!" He scowled, i laughed when i saw his face he's glaring at me already.
"Okay okay, your friend, christian" i told zonne and lay down again.
"Masandro?" Zonne asked
"Masandro!" We heard dad shouting
Halos magkasabay sina zonne at daddy binigkas ang apelyido nina ilios, napatingin ako kay zonne at lumapit kami sa pintuan nya para marinig ng maayos sina daddy.
"Adam, tumigil ka nga, ang tagal na nun wag mong pagalitan yung anak mo" we heard mom's voice.
Agad naman kaming nagkatinginan ni zonne, kami lang naman yung anak nila, and we both know sa tono pa lang ni daddy, alam namin na one of us were on trouble.
Napa atras kami ni zonne nang narinig namin bumukas yung pinto nina daddy, we heard footsteps, kinatok ni daddy yung kwarto ko na sobrang lakas, halos magiba nya na ata e, and in that moment alam ko na ako yung nasa trouble. Tumingin sakin si zonne at agad kong tinanong sa kanya kung nagsabi ba sya kina daddy na late ako umuwi kanina, he shook his head at sinabing kinakabahan sya na parang natatawa pa, i smiled and told him that's there's nohing to be nervous about.
Kumatok na si daddy sa kwarto ni zonne at agad kaming napa tayo, sobrang lakas ng katok ni daddy at biglaan naman naglakad si zonne sa pintuan nya, gustuhin ko man syang hilain para hindi buksan yung pinto pero mabubuksan at mabubuksan din ito ni daddy, tumingin muna sakin si zonne bago binuksan ang pinto.
"Zanne! Halika rito!" Sigaw ni daddy, nanatili akong nakatayo, takot na lumapit sa kanya pero bigla nya akong hinila at dinala sa kwarto nila ni mommy
"Ano ba yang pumapasok sa isip mo? Sa rock cave? Sumama ka doon kasama yung Masandro na iyon? Ang layo layo nun! Paano na lang kung may nangyari sa iyo? Ano ha? Papatayin mo kami sa kakaalala sa yo!" Sigaw ni daddy
Nanatili akong nakayuko, tama naman sya, at ano naman yung sasabihin ko? Siguradong may nakamanman na sa akin ngayon, hindi ako nagsalita at nanatiling nakayuko lamang.
"Hindi mo mapagkakatiwalaan yang mga Masandro! Hindi mo alam kung anong ginawa ng tatay ng kakilala mong masandro na iyan!"
Agad akong napatingin kay daddy, what is this all about? Ano 'tong pinagsasabi nya, kilala nya ba yung tatay ni ilios? Kilala nya ba si ilios? We can't judge people that easily, pero parang may nangyari dati na sila lag yung nakaka alam na kinayang husgahan agad ni daddy si ilios
"kapag nalaman kong, umalis ka naman kasama nung masandro na iyon, ipapadala na kita sa tita mo" sigaw ulit ni daddy.
I don't want to leave this place, dito na ako lumaki, dito na ako nakahanap ng mga true friends, and I don't know why my dad is acting like this, hindi ko alam kung ganoon na lang ang galit nya kay ilios, hindi ko alam kjng nag aalala sya sa health ko o nagaalala sya sakin dahil malapit kami ni ilios sa isa't isa.
Pumunta na ako sa kwarto ko at lumundag sa kama ko, nakita ko naman na nagmessage ulit si ilios, nagdadalawang isip ako kung babasahin ko ba iyon o ibubura, kapag binasa ko, siguradong magrereply ako.
"Zanne? Can i come in?" I heard mom knocking on the door, i said it's open at pumasok na si mommy, she sat on my bed and caressed my hand.
"Mommy, why is dad mad with ilios?" I asked mommy, i knew there's a reason, hindi naman nagagalit si daddy pag may mga lalaki na umaaligid sa akin, and he's not that strict too.
"Ilios? It's his name?" Mom asked me, tumango ako at bumuntong hininga, then mom began to spoke.
"He's good looking, Nanliligaw na ba sya sayo?" Mom asked again, tumingin ako sa kanya, wondering why she said that, isn't she mad at ilios like daddy?
"No!" I denied so fast and shook my head, mom laughed and held my hand. "Mommy, bakit galit si daddy kay ilios?" I asked again.
"No, Hindi sya galit kay ilios, galit sya sa tatay ni ilios" mom said and inhaled deeply. "Ilios' father isn't that good, actually you're dad was really close to him, they're like bestfriends" mom explained, i looked at her listening very carefully.
After mom told me everything, i didn't know what to do, Alam kong gusto ko si ilios, but when i heard mom say those things agad akong nawalan ng gana, hindi ko alam kung mapagkakatiwalaan si ilios, i mean if i wanna be in a relationship, i trust and love bigtime.
Mom told me Tito Dominic, ilios' dad, was her ex boyfriend, and my daddy and tito dominic were very close to each other, Mom said he used to love tito dominic but tito dominic cheated on her, she broke up with tito dominic, gladly Daddy was there for her, Mommy met tito dominic because of my daddy, because mommy and daddy were neighbors and close friends too, that's why mom met tito dominic, years passed, mommy and daddy were together na, Tito dominic got mad and tried to kill my daddy, tito dominic were popular and has his own ways in everything.
Then tito dominic did everything just to get back at my daddy, after years, tito dominic apologized to dad qnd mom, he even attended mom and dad's wedding, when mom and dad's company was succesful, of course Tito dominic was hired as one of the heads in the company, but after how many months, the company suffered bankruptcy and found out that tito dominic sabotaged the company, That's the time when tito dominic almost went to jail, but gladly inurong ni daddy yung kaso kasi after all tito dominic used to be his bestfriend, until now, they can't trust Dominic Masandro kasi baka babalikan sila ulit, and they're just afraid na inuutusan ni tito dominic si ilios at christian samin at gamitin kami ni zonne just to get back at my parents.
I didn't know na ganoon ka lalim ang galit nila sa isa't isa, tito dominic even harassed mom when he was still working at the company, but Mommy didn't tell my dad kasi they were both had bad blood to each other and ayaw nya nang dumagdag pa iyon habang maayos na yung relasyon ng dalawa.
How could Tito Dominic do that? I mean he have to accept the fact na mom left him kasi nag cheat sya back then, and he needed to face the consequences because of his mistake. Now i know why dad over reacted just like that, ayaw nya lang mapahamak at masaktan kami ng mga Masandro, kasi ilang times na sila niloko ni tito dominic pero hindi ito nagbabago, at takot lang sina daddy na baka gagamitin nya yung mga anak nya para makalapit sya sa amin. I understand daddy, hindi kasi ganoon na lang kadali na tanggapin kapag niloko ka ng isang tao, tsaka gawan ng masama lalo na't magkaibigan kayo, i understand tito domi got mad because daddy and mommy got together, pero hindi lang si daddy and mommy yung kalaban nya, my parents were meant to be, after all our Future was already planned by our almighty, tsaka it was fate, it was Tito's fate to experienced things like that, And if a man really love his girl, then why cheat?
Agad akong natulog at nagising around 3 am. I took my phone and delete ilios' message, hindi ko naman alam kung ano yung sasabihin ko sa kanya, mas mabuti pa yung walang sagot para hindi nya ma misunderstood, kinuha ko yung notebook ko at nagbasa para sa class ko mamaya, natapos ako nagbasa around 4:55 am, naligo na ako at nag ayos ng sarili, nanood ako ng videos sa youtube ng iba't ibang GRWM. Lumabas ako ng kwarto ko around 6:30.
I saw dad reading newspapers at the dining, and mom seating beside daddy, tumabi ako kay zonne at nagsimulang kumain, pagkatapos kong kumain, mom told me na may maghahatid sa amin ni zonne, taga Atoma si Zonne at ako naman Sikolohiya, so madadaanan lang namin sya. I took the shotgun seat and zonne sat on the backseat. Wala akong gana buong ride, nakita ko pa si yiannis nakasakay sa motor nila na naipit sa traffic, gustuhin ko man buksan yung window ko to greet him, but iniiwasan ko si ilios, Yiannis and Ilios were kinda close to each other, so as much as possible i had to iwas yiannis din.
Bago bumaba si zonne, i told him about Christian Masandro, And tumango naman sya at hinintay buksan ko yung door ko, i opened the door not so wide and let him kissed my cheek, i smiled and waved him goodbye, when i was about to close the door, Someone called my name.
Tumingin ako sa direksyon kung saan may tumawag sa akin, there i saw Tyrone and Vira, kilala ko na 'tong si tyrone dati pa, my father and his father were friends, so they let us meet each other, on the other hand, vira, nakilala ko lang sya sa dinner ng family ni Sun.
"Hey! Good morning!" I greeted them both, bumeso sa akin si vira and i hugged tyrone naman, that's how we greet each other here, beso at yakap. Nakahawa pa rin yung isang kamay ko sa door ng car and i told our driver to wait muna, it was exactly 7 am and hindi naman siguro ako malelate to have a little chit chat with them.
"Good morning din, bat ka andito sa Atoma?" Vira asked directly, i looked at her, nagtataka, her tone made me feel na She won't welcome me going to her school, i smiled and shook my head maybe i was just overthinking, maybe she slept on the wrong side.
"Ah, Hinatid kapatid ko, since madadaanan din naman yung school nyo papunta sa amin" i smiled and glanced at tyrone, tyrone was just holding his backpack infront him and papalit palit ng tingin sa amin.
"Zanne, punta ka mamaya birthday ko, doon din nung nag dinner tayo nina sun yung venue alam na ni sun, bring ashia and some friends!" tyrone invited me with wide smile on his face, i saw vira glared at tyrone, i guess she's not comfortable being around with me. But tumango ako kay tyrone and gave him a sweet smile habang nakahawak sa door ng car.
"Sure, I'll just check my plates and try my best to attend, and oh! Happy Birthday!" I greeted him
"And i need to go na, baka male-late pa ako, see you around guys!" I said and waved them goodbye before i closed the door and inhaled deeply.
First time naman nagtraffic dito sa agham and because of this, i arrived at exactly 7:30. I talked to the OD's and sabi nila maglilinis lang ng faculty and social hall, i met some kakilala and sumabay na ako sa kanila papunta kung saan yung faculty, nung nasa loob na kami, i told them na kukuha lang ako ng walis, then i went to our room and sat and hindi na bumalik sa faculty.
Pumunta ako sa row nina ashia and sun, i saw them talking with aia, umupo ako sa tabi nila at sumabay sa usapan, napag usapan namin si zaida, she was in a bad mood again, earlier daw nagsisigaw sya, we should try to understand people, if they get mad easily or with simple things, that means they need love. Nakikinig lang ako sa usapan hanggang napagusapan namin yung boyfriend ni aia. Aia told us na kahit ayaw na ng lahat sa boyfriend nya, mamahalin nya pa rin ito kahit kailan kasi ito lang daw yung tumanggap sa kanya ng buo, tumatango tango naman si sun and ashia habang nakikinig, i was listening too, but didn't mind it, aia's principles in life isn't same with mine, kahit gusto ko man umangal sa mga sinasabi nya, inisip ko lang na she won't listen din kasi yun yung nakalakihan nya.
After a moment, the teacher came and gave us an oral recitation, agad kong kinuha yung photocopy ko at nagbasa, oh my god! Unang tinawag si Shella, naka sagot naman sya ng maayos, unti unti nang natawag lahat, pito na lang kaming naiwan, Ako, ashia, sun, azi, sam, sod, and marco nalang. Kinakabahan na ako lalo na at magkakatabi kami nina sod at marco while nasa harap lang namin si sam, si sun naman at azi yung magkatabi sa kabilang side at sa likod nila si ashia. Natawag na si ashia at tinanong na sya, nung umupo na sya patawa tawa pa sya at kinalabit si sun. Lumingon naman si sun at tumawa nang patago, dahil sa ginawa nya nakita sya ng teacher at sya na yung tinawag, walang masagot si sun at smile lang yung binigay nya sa teacher, then after sun si marco na then ako, kinabahan ako at pilit na nagrerelax dahil kung pwede lang tumakbo pa labas tatakbo na ako, tinanong ako about what are my insights about building up a business, sinagot ko naman yung teacher namin, actually wala akong alam sa tanong pero pilit ko na kang inaalala yung naririnig ko kina mommy. Tumango tango yung teacher nung pagkatapos kong sumagot at pinaupo na ako.
After ng class, sumama sakin si ashia pumunta sa ice cream shop at bumili kami ng isa isa. Habang pabalik na kami ni ashia, hindi naman mawala sa isip ko yung si ilios, tama ba na bigla ko na lang syang hindi kausapin o baka magpaliwanag pa ako? Siguro hindi nya rin alam yung about our parents kasi tulad ko wala rin akong alam not until last night.
"Ash, pag may hindi magandang nangyari sa past ng family mo at patuloy kayong natatakot na baka may mangyari o ano, tapos ikaw mismo sarili mo hindi na magagawa yung gusto mong gawin at kailangan mong iwasan ang mga tao sa paligid mo, anong gagawin mo?" Tanong ko sa kanya, tiningnan naman ako ni ash with her judgemental eyes. "Dali na sagutin mo na" niyugyog ko sya at pilit naman nyang inilalayo yung ice cream takot na mabuhusan sya.
"Teka lang, ang haba naman kasi nun, parang ang lalim ng pinagdadaanan mo" sabi nya while biting the scoop of her ice cream. "Hindi ako! Kaibigan ko, she's asking for advice kasi e, and i dont know what to say e" i lied to her and still looking at her then tumingin sa dinadaanan namin.
She sighed and began to talk. "Well, sabihin mo sa kaibigan mo na kailangan nya lang ng lovelife masasagot lahat yang problema nya" barumbadong sagot ni ashia. I glared at her at hinampas sya, at pagkatapos nun, she showed me the ice cream baka daw kasi mabuhos yun.
"Eto seryoso na, sa tingin ko kailangan nyong kalimutan na yung nakaraan, kasi nakaraan naman na yun e, pag hindi kayo nag move on dun, talagang maapektuhan yung ngayon tsaka sa susunod, at gawin mo yung gusto mong gawin kasi minsan lang naman tayo mabuhay, tsaka wag mo iwasan yung nakapaligid sa iyo, kung wala ka na talagang choice o gulong-gulo ka na, kailangan mo parin kausapin at ipaliwanag sa mga taong nasa paligid mo yung nangyari, sino ba yan yung iniiwasan mo? Si ilios ba?" She answered me, tumatango tango pa ako at biglang nagulat nung na realize ko na ako na nga talaga yung tinutukoy nya. "H-hey! I told you it was my friend, inaalala ko lang yung mga sinabi mo para masabi ko rin sakanya" i tried so hard to laugh, ewan ko basta tumawa na lang ako para atleast makalimutan na ni ashia, umupo kami under the tree at nagusap usap pa.
"Kilala mo ba yung nasa dinner nina sun yung lalaking off the theme din?" Ash asked carefully and pa unti unti pa yung tanong nya.
"Uhm, hindi ko na maalala" i answered honestly, hindi ko naman talaga napansin yung lalaking sinasabi ni ashia ang alam ko lang may lalaking off the theme din.
Sun came to us with her snacks, she placed the snacks between us and shared us the food, we were eating and talking about how good the weather is but i remembered tyrone.
"Sun, nakita ko sina tyrone kanina, birthday nya daw, nagiinvite" i told her, agad naman tumango si sun at nilunok yung kinakain nya.
"Oo nga e, sabi ni tyrone sya na magiimbita sayo" she said with a teasing smile, my brows furrowed and gave her disgusted eyes.
"Ashia sama ka daw sabi ni tyrone, pero pass ako ngayon" i told them and concentrated eating.
"Why naman?" Ashia and sun asked.
"Something came up e, i have to be with my parents" i lied again.
"Ahh ganun ba" sun said and continued to eat.
They were talking nonstop about the party, sinabi pa nilang magchecheck in na sila doon for overnight, I wonder how beautiful the party will be later, i wanted to go, but for sure ilios will be there.
Our teacher dismissed us already, ininvite namin sina sam at ali sa party pero pass din sila, magkasama kami nina ashia at sun palabas ng campus namin.
"Ash, daanan na lang daw bahay natin para kumuha ng gamit, susunduin tayo nina tyrone" sun told ashia, they were so excited, i can see it in their eyes, i was so envy of them i really want to go, at siguradong i can meet some of my friends din doon.
Naglakad lakad lang kami nina sun at ashia palabas, they were still talking about the party, sun said wag na daw si ashia mabibigla kapag may boyfriend na sya kinabukasan, ashia was just telling sun about how her dress will perfectly fit her.
A van stopped in front of us, in the color matte black, alam ko na agad kung sino tong nasa loob ng malas na car na 'to, god im so envy na! When the moment the car opened narinig ko kaagad yung music nila sa loob, yiannis was the one who opened the car, he was smiling at me and said na i should get inside na, i smiled at him and greeted him, sinabi naman ni yiannis na they have to park the car. The engine started at pumunta lang sila sa tabi kung saan maluwag yung space, pumunta rin kaming tatlo doon.
I was the one who knocked the window, ashia on my right, and sun on my left, The car opened and i i saw yiannis smiling at me, i smiled and told him hello, when he was about to talk, he suddenly didn't move and the smile on his face were gone when he saw sun and he directly slid the door back to close it, nagkatinginan naman kami nina ashia and sun sa nangyari, yiannis looked like dumb, bigla kaming sinarahan ng door.
"Crush nya ata ako" sun whispered to me, i laughed with the idea, yiannis literally looked like dumb, he was just shy to us, napansin ko rin parang mahiyain sya sa taong hindi nya kakilala, close na sila ni ashia kaya nakatingin sya kay sun kanina. A motor stopped in front of the van, nung tumingin kami doon, nakita namin si ilios and Miggy, kaibigan namin to ni tyrone noon e, miggy was our close friend too, hindi ko kayang tingnan si miggy kahit gustong gusto ko syang kausapin, ayokong tumingin sa direksyon nila, lumapit sa akin si miggy, he hugged me and told me so many things, tuman tango na lang ako bilang sagot dahil sa andito na si ilios, hindi ko sya tinignan kanina pa.
I saw our car, i waved my hand and my gaze followed our car, sumakay na sina sun and ashia sa van, while ilios was at the motor alone, nilampasan ko yung motor nya upang sundin yung car namin na nagstop sa hindi kalayuan, when i was about 4 steps away, nagulat ako ng biglang nagbeep yung van, napalingon ako sa van and rolled my eyes i saw ilios looking at the van too, dumiretso na lang ako at ngayon si ilios naman yung nag beep, as in ilios, not the motor. Lumingon ako sakanya and I bit my tounge so that i wont laugh
"You're coming or not? Mas mabuti kung tanungin ka in person, seener" He asked and then smirked
Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya at hindi sumagot, lumingon ako ulit sa sasakyan namin, nung lumingon ako kay ilios, nahuli ko syang nakatingin din sa sasakyan namin.
"Go and ask for permission, next time i will be the one who's going to ask your dad for permission" he said while looking at the car. I looked at him, with lazy eyes, god kung alam nya lang gaano ako ka saya sa mga sinasabi nya, napatingin ako sa van na nasa likod lang ni ilios. Pagkatapos ng ilang segundo yumuko ako at nagsalita na ako
"I-i already have a boyfriend, so stop already, and thank you for liking me, but the feeling is not mutual" the engine of his motor stopped and when i looked at him, he was just looking at me.
Tumakbo na ako papuntang sasakyan bago pa bawiin ko yung sinabi ko, masikip yung dibdib ko ngayon at hindi ako makahinga ng maayos, inisip ko na lang, Our time will come.
I sat on the backseat and saw my dad on the driver's seat, i was shocked, so kitang kita nya kaming nagkausap ni ilios. Parang niyanig ang boong sasakyan sa sigaw ni daddy.
"YOU'RE HARD HEADED ZANNE!" my dad shouted.
"I told you not to hangout with that masandro, how many times should i tell you that they're not worth of our trust"
Patuloy si daddy sa pagsesermon sakin hanggang sa hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko, lumingon ako kay ilios at nakita kong umalis na sila, i looked at my dad and began to talk
"Move on from the past! I just rejected Tyrone's birthday so that i won't see ilios! I know what im doing so please stop controlling my life! Paano naman yung gusto kong gawin? How can i live my life when im surrounded with the ones im not interested with! Kayo na nga ang pamilya ko pero bakit hindi nyo ako naiintindihan? Lagi na lang ganito, sinusunod ko naman lahat ng sinasabi nyo pero bakit pati buhay ko kinokontrol nyo na rin?" I said while crying.
Dad turned around and looked at me, this is the first time i cried in front of him, he sighed and started to drive the car, i was crying the whole ride, nasasaktan ako sa nangyayari at lalong nasasaktan ako kasi sinaktan ko si ilios. I know for sure na wala syang masamang balak sa amin. Pagkarating namin sa bahay, agad akong umakyat sa kwarto ko, mom tried to hold me pero agad akong umiwas at pumunta sa kwarto ko, umiyak ako nang umiyak hanggang sa makatulog ako.
Nagising ako around 3 am. I opened my phone and sun bombarded me with messages, i opened her messages and read them
From:sun
"Kingina, bat ka hindi sumama??!!"
"Buti na lang andito ako kung hindi makakapatay ng tao si ashia"
"ZANNE! SI ASHIA!"
"ZANNE SI ILIOS PALA*"
"Zanne, wla nq bs ksyo ni ilios?"
"Zanne si vira nilalandi si ilios"
"Si ashia patay na"
That was some of sun messages, she even sent me a pic of ashia passed out.
And also sun sent me a photo of ilios, he was sitting on the couch listening to vira, as usual half smiling. Vira was holding his shoulders and smiling na parang mapupunit na yung mukha nya, while ilios was looking at her half smiling.
______
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