"I don't know. I feel drained."
Clyden sat down on the couch with me with his arms around my shoulder, gently brushing his fingers on my arm to calm me down. His eyes did not leave my face. He was staring at me for so long, ready to listen.
"I had a fight with Naomi. I know that she's going through so much, too, but I just feel like I'm always misunderstood, you know? But I completely get why she would push me away. I just... It's so frustrating when people misunderstand your intention. It's all getting so tiring," I said while looking at the floor. I couldn't look at him with tears streaming down my face.
"Give her time and give yourself a rest. Hindi naman kailangang palagi kang nandiyan para sa ibang tao kung nawawala ka naman sa sarili mo," he said in a soft voice.
"Maybe I'm just overreacting. Why the hell am I crying right now?" I tried wiping my tears away, but they just wouldn't stop.
He held my chin up and gently made me face him so I could see him clearly. "You are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid. Crying is valid."
"Besides that, I also received a message from my Mom to attend an event this Friday, but I'm just not in the mood to meet other people again and force myself to act like everything's good like everything is going okay," I told him without taking my eyes off him.
"Then don't attend."
I had so many events coming up and so many events I skipped, like Elyse's debut. My parents attended the party for me since they were invited by Mr. Ledezma and I just asked them to send my regards. Wait, I suddenly remembered Naomi's birthday. Sa Friday na 'yon, ah!
"It's Naomi's birthday, but my mom has an event to go to." I suddenly realized that. "Maybe it's a surprise party for Naomi? You think so?" I looked at him.
"Uh, no," he said, avoiding my eyes like he was embarrassed to tell me that I was wrong. "But we could check if you want to attend. Sasamahan kita."
"Like my mom would allow me to say no," I sarcastically said.
That was the problem with me. One day, I'd have the courage to speak up against my parents, but the next day, I was still the coward who couldn't say no to the people who provided for my needs simply because they were the reason why I was still living. I had this toxic mindset that I couldn't go against the people who provided for everything, including my education.
That was the reason why I wanted to move out and earn my own money, but I knew they would just stop me. The last time I told my mom that I wanted to earn by myself, she just laughed at me and told me not to tell my Dad. I knew Dad would just say, 'You have money. You don't need more.'
Siguro titiisin ko na lang hanggang sa maka-graduate. Baka sakaling matamo ko ang kalayaan na matagal ko nang inaasam. Maybe. Just maybe it would happen. I wasn't thinking of achieving my dream job anymore, if I really had one. I just wanted to be free.
"Let's show up and then bail," he suggested, letting out a small smile.
"We're like rebels," I told him, laughing now. I saw how his smile widened when he suddenly heard me laugh. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me like he was so delighted to see me smiling.
I moved closer and gave him a peck on the cheek. When I moved away, the smile was now gone on his face. It was replaced by a surprised and amused look. I suddenly remembered how he called me 'love' earlier. It was like music to my ears.
I couldn't believe one word could make me feel butterflies in my stomach. It sounded so cheesy, yet calming, and I appreciated the way he said 'our problem' instead of 'your problem' like he was sharing everything with me and vice versa. Like we were part of each other. Clyden really knew what I wanted to hear.
"Are you sure you haven't dated anyone before me?" My brows furrowed, accusing him now. How could he be so smooth, like it wasn't his first time?
"Oo nga. Bakit ba ayaw mong maniwala?" He scowled, showing how disappointed he was in me for asking that again.
"You just know how to flirt like it's your expertise." I shrugged before standing up to go upstairs. I was dying to take a shower. I just realized that I spent all day out in school, and here I was, being so close to him. I suddenly felt conscious.
He asked where I was going, and I told him I was going to take a bath. He didn't say anything after that and just let me leave like that. I took a shower for fifteen minutes before doing my night care routine. I wore my navy blue pajamas and went inside my room to check my phone.
As I expected, my inbox was bombarded with messages from the girls, asking where I had gone and why I left them. I suddenly felt bad for leaving like that, so I sent an apology in the group chat. I was sure Yanna would explain for me.
Bukas pala, since walang class, ihahatid ko si Yanna pabalik sa Nueva Ecija. I would visit my condo first since doon siya mag-stay. I was sure the girls wouldn't leave her alone there especially after knowing that she was pregnant so panatag ang loob ko na may kasama siya.
I thought I would be able to sleep after checking my inbox, but Clyden suddenly knocked on the door. When I told him that it was open, he went inside without hesitation. I raised my brows, lowkey asking him why he was inside my room.
"Uh, are you feeling better now?" he asked to check on me.
I suddenly let out a smile after realizing that it was so rare for me to hear that question. Natatanggap ko lang 'yon mula sa mga kaibigan ko pero hindi madalas. Somehow, Clyden's presence made me feel secure like he was always going to make sure that I was okay, and I was really thankful for that.
"I am," I answered, still smiling. "How about you? Are you okay?"
"Bakit hindi?" Tinaasan niya 'ko ng kilay, nakahawak pa rin sa pintuan ang isang kamay at ang isa sa door knob. He looked like a kid asking his parents to buy a toy for him. He looked shy.
"Nothing. I just want to do the same to you so our relationship is balanced," I told him while fixing my bed. I suddenly stopped after realizing what I just said.
"What relationship?" I could hear the tease in his voice. I faked a cough to clear my throat before fixing my bed again. "What relationship are you talking about, Maui?"
"We're engaged," I said as an excuse. I was pretty sure he didn't buy that, but I was thankful that he didn't talk anymore. I was sure my feelings were already deep for him, but I was still too shy to admit it out loud.
"Kapag tayo na, sa master bedroom na ba tayo matutulog?" he suddenly asked, making my head turn in his direction so fast he ended up laughing at my reaction.
"I mean, uh, if you want," I whispered, looking away from him again. Oh my gosh, just thinking about going to bed every night with him sent shivers! My face heated, making my cheeks red.
"Gusto ko," deretsong sabi niya.
"Uhm, okay." I cleared my throat again before sitting at the edge of my bed. When I looked at him, he was already closing the door with a teasing smile on his face. Nakahinga lang ako nang maluwag nang makaalis na siya sa kwarto ko.
I woke up early so I could visit Yanna in my condo. Nag-shower na 'ko at nag-toothbrush bago bumaba. Naabutan ko pa si Clyden na nagluluto ng breakfast habang nagbabasa ng libro. I thought he was reading a recipe book, but he was actually studying while cooking. Who knew he was capable of doing both at the same time?
"Oh, gising ka na." He put the book down on the breakfast table when he saw me. He was even wearing an apron na parang kina-career niya na ang pagluluto. "Wait, you're leaving?"
"Yes, I need to pick my best friend up and drive her back to Nueva Ecija," I told him.
"Wait lang, baunin mo na lang 'to." He suddenly panicked, afraid that I would leave without eating the breakfast he prepared for me.
Kinuha niya ang lunch box at nilagay doon ang niluto niya. Those were just pancakes and naglagay pa siya ng syrup sa isang maliit na lalagyanan. I sat on the couch and waited for him to finish packing my breakfast. I was smiling while he was getting himself busy.
"You're cute," I told him, biting my lip to stifle a smile.
I saw him roll his eyes before putting the lunch box inside the paper bag. He walked towards me and handed me the white paper bag without saying anything. Tumayo na rin ako at kinuha sa kamay niya 'yon. He even put two bottles of juice inside.
"Para sa kaibigan mo," he explained when he noticed me looking at the bottles.
"How sweet of you," I teased. He raised a brow and scowled, sinusungitan ako. Tumawa ako at kumaway na sa kanya bago lumabas.
"Text me!" he yelled inside the house, and I shouted 'okay' from the garage.
I drove away, hindi mawala ang ngiti sa mukha ko, and to think that I was on my way to see my best friend just made me even happier. I focused on being positive today and decided to give myself a rest from my own problems. I wanted to forget them just for today.
When I arrived in front of my unit, I immediately heard Luna's voice from the outside. Pagkapasok ko, mas lumakas lang ang volume ng boses niya. I looked around and only saw Luna and Via. Sevi and Kierra were gone, so I assumed that they didn't spend the night here.
"Maupo ka nga, buntis! Ako na rito!" Luna yelled at Yanna, who was trying to help make the breakfast.
"Gagang 'to, kung hindi kayo hiwalay, buntis ka na rin, tanga!" Yanna fired back.
Luna glared at her and rolled her eyes, wala nang masabi. I laughed and greeted them before placing my things on the coffee table. Via was busy cleaning the mess from last night. I suddenly wondered what the hell happened here last night. Did they get drunk?
"Saan ka pumunta kagabi? Iniwan mo 'ko rito," Via complained to me.
"I'm sorry, I had an emergency." I gave her an apologetic smile. "What happened here last night? Did Luna cry again, or what? I'm surprised hindi siya sumugod sa unit ni Kalix, ah."
"Muntik na," she whispered like she was afraid Luna would hear her. "Pinigilan lang ni Kierra pero muntik na nga mag-elevator si Luna, my gosh! Nothing much really happened. Yanna slept early and Kierra was sober. Si Sevi, hindi ko alam kung lasing o ano. Pareho lang naman siya umakto kapag lasing at hindi."
"That's true," I said while taking my lunch box out. Via looked at it with her brows furrowed, but she didn't ask anymore.
I started eating pancakes while Luna was busy cooking their own breakfast. Yanna sat beside me and leaned her head on my shoulder while touching her baby bump. I suddenly got worried that maybe she was hurting or what.
"Pinapakiramdaman ko lang," she told me again. "Ano'ng nangyari kagabi? Nag-kiss na kayo?" bungad niya sa 'kin.
"No!" I denied it so quickly. "It was just wholesome."
"Did you tell him that you love him?" she whispered again. I looked at Via and Luna, and they were both busy preparing breakfast. Medyo malayo naman sila sa amin kaya hindi nila maririnig.
"No, I haven't. I'm scared to say it," I whispered back. "I'll just wait for him to say it first, and then susunod na lang ako. Anyway, para sa 'yo raw 'to." I handed her the juice.
"Hala, bakit? Crush niya 'ko?" Yanna teased. The smile on my face faded, which made her laugh at my reaction. "Kabahan ka na. Rawr." She even winked at me.
I just chuckled because it was an inside joke between us. Back when we were still having a competition with guys before, we used to joke around that we could steal from each other in a second, but those days were already over ever since she fell in love.
They ate breakfast together but I was already full so I just helped fixing Yanna's things para makaalis na kami kaagad after breakfast. Good thing Luna offered to come with us or else malulungkot ako sa byahe pauwi dahil mag-isa lang. Via had plates to do and I think magkikita sila ni Arkin so she already left.
"Bakit ako rito nakaupo?" reklamo ni Yanna sa backseat.
"Kapag buntis, sa likod!" Luna, who took the shotgun seat, told her. Ang dami pang dalang snacks ni Luna like she was going camping. She was the one playing music so ang lulungkot ng kanta. "Inisip ko kung bakit ganito ang langit, nilayo ako sa 'yo," she sang.
"Change the song to a happy playlist naman. Yanna might end up crying here," I told Luna.
"Anong ako? 'Yan nga 'yong ngumangawa kagabi, eh!" Yanna pointed at Luna. "Kalix, bakit mo nagawa sa 'kin 'to? Kalix, tayo na lang, sige na," she mimicked.
"Hoy, hindi ko 'yan sinabi!" Luna looked back at her like she was ready to fight. "Why would I say that?! Tanga ba ako, ha?!"
"Ay, hindi mo sure," Yanna fired back, laughing.
Ngumuso si Luna at umayos na ng upo. In the middle of the trip, Yanna fell asleep in the backseat, and Luna suddenly looked like she was filming a music video with a sad song in the background, so natahimik ang loob ng car ko.
"Hello?" I answered my phone while driving. Napalingon pa si Luna sa 'kin, but she went back to filming her music video and just minded her own business.
[Saan ka na?] Clyden asked.
"I'm near Nueva Ecija na. I might be back before dinner. Why?" I felt a little conscious because Luna looked at me again with judgmental eyes.
[Nothing. I'm just thinking if I should prepare dinner, but now I will since you're going home.] His voice sounded low through my phone. [Take care.]
"You too," I said before ending the call. I focused my eyes on the road while Luna was still staring at me with a meaningful look. "What?" I asked without glancing at her.
"Sana all," she whispered before looking outside the window again.
Pagkagising ni Yanna, nasa tapat na kami ng house niya. Her aunt invited us inside, and Luna being Luna, really went inside to look around the house. I told her that we couldn't take long since I had to go home before dinner, but Yanna's grandma offered us meryenda and I didn't have the heart to refuse.
We finished eating around the afternoon, so late na kami nakaalis. I texted Clyden that I might be late for dinner, and he replied that it was okay. Luna was talking non-stop during the whole trip until she fell asleep.
Gabi na nang mahatid ko si Luna sa condo niya bago ako umuwi sa bahay. When I entered the house, I caught Clyden studying in the living room, wearing his glasses. He stood up and put the book down when he heard the opening of the door.
I greeted him with a smile, and he walked toward the kitchen so he could heat the food he had cooked for me. I suddenly felt bad because he looked tired from studying, and here I was, making him do things for me.
"I can do it myself," I told him while he was plugging the microwave.
"Huwag na, ako na," he told me. "Umupo ka na lang diyan. Mukhang napagod ka sa byahe."
And just like that, the days went by smoothly. Clyden would always cook lunch for me every morning and babaunin ko sa school, so I saved more money than ever. Iba-iba pa ang niluluto niya bawat araw. Some were perfect, and some were a failure, but at least he was trying. He was really eager to learn how to cook other food. Sometimes, I would catch him watching cooking videos on YouTube. I appreciated all his efforts.
Friday came, and right after getting home from school, I went straight inside the bathroom to take a shower so we could attend the event my Mom was inviting me to. I picked the black satin halter neck dress because it was the most elegant one. I braided my hair and went down with my silver purse. Clyden was already ready, wearing his black dress shirt.
It was just a casual gathering, so when we arrived at the party, everyone was already in their own circles, talking about business with champagne glasses in their hands. My mom greeted Clyden and me before introducing us to her other friends.
"Clyden Ramirez and his fiancée, what a surprise!" The man greeted me with a laugh.
"Samantha Vera," Clyden corrected. "Her name is Samantha Vera."
"Samantha Vera," the man awkwardly said before giving me a smile. "I heard from your father that you're inheriting Ramirez Medical."
Clyden's brows furrowed in confusion, but he still managed to make up a fake smile. "Is that so?" he asked in a low voice.
"Your father really likes bragging about you, like how you're the best son among the three! Now, I get why. You seem like a respectable man. I admire you for that." The man tapped his shoulder.
"Thank you," Clyden said before excusing us. Nang makalayo na kami, irita niyang nilapag ang champagne glass sa cocktail table. He didn't even take a sip on it. "Come. Let's get out of this shithole."
"Let's go." I gave him a smile, and he returned a small one despite how angry he was. He held and intertwined my hands with him before pulling me out of the venue. I didn't even say goodbye to my mother, as if she would actually notice that I wasn't around.
"See how tiring it is to act like everything's a praise?" I said, shaking my head a bit.
"Those people are so high up in the ground that they think everything they say is fine. And what the fuck is the inheritance bullshit? They did not even tell me about it," Clyden said in frustration while driving.
"Ayaw mo ba?" I asked.
"No, it would drive Charles crazy. I'm fine with becoming a pediatric surgeon and your husband. I don't need anything else."
I bit my lower lip to stop a smile. I was waiting for him to say that he was joking, but he didn't. So he really meant that one? He was really planning to marry me? I was included in his plans?
The smile on my face faded when I got a text from Naomi. I had her number saved, but she never texted me, so this was probably the first time.
From: Naomi
Help
My eyes widened while staring at the message with her shared location on it and a unit number. "Turn the car around!" I told Clyden. He looked so confused at first, but he really did turn the car around when I told him about the text.
Naomi never texted me, and this was the first message I ever received from her. I suddenly felt nervous. I already texted her a 'happy birthday' earlier and was planning to visit her tomorrow because I thought giving her space was the right thing to do. This message changed my plans.
It was a condo building near mine. It was already so late in the evening! What the hell was she doing outside? Nagse-celebrate ba sila ng friends niya ng birthday niya? Could be.
I called a friend to help us get inside the building, so after parking the car, dumeretso na kami paakyat. I was so nervous that I couldn't walk properly because my knees were so weak. Clyden was beside me, trying to catch up.
I stopped in front of the unit, and I heard loud music from the inside. I knocked repeatedly, but no one answered. Clyden gently made me step sideways so he could smash on the door with his fist. The music suddenly stopped, and the door opened, revealing Naomi's friend. The one on the same org as me.
"Where's my sister?" I asked her.
"Sister? Oh... Naomi? She's having fun. Go away," she said, about to close the door.
I was about to put my hand on the door to stop her, but Clyden pushed the door open, making the girl stumble backward. I ran inside and looked around, only to see birthday party designs that were already ruined. I saw the other girl on the balcony, smoking.
My eyes widened when I heard Naomi's muffled voice inside the bedroom. I tried opening it, but the room was locked.
"Naomi?!" I yelled outside.
I heard loud noises inside before the door opened. I almost fell on the floor when Naomi suddenly took me into her arms, shaking.
"Sam!" She cried on my neck.
"What the fuck is happening around here?!" I yelled at Naomi's friend. I felt more anger when I saw Jaron coming out of the room with a cigarette on his finger. Binaba niya kaagad 'yon nang makita niya 'ko.
"Sam!" He looked surprised to see me. "What's up?"
"What the fuck did you do to my sister?!" I yelled, not letting go of Naomi. Jaron's brows furrowed before looking around like he was expecting someone to answer for him.
"Her friends told me to celebrate her birthday with them because she has a crush on me, and I thought it would make your sister happy. Was I wrong?" Jaron raised a brow.
"Do you think she's fucking happy right now?! She's crying!" I continued raising my voice at him. Naomi cried harder on my shoulder like she was going to collapse.
"Oh, come on! We were playing truth or dare! Why are you crying? We just dared you to stay in the same room with Jaron for thirty minutes!" Naomi's friend rolled her eyes.
"No, you shut up!" I pointed at her. "We're going. Don't ever talk to my sister again," I hissed before leaving the unit with Naomi.
Clyden stayed silent behind us until we reached the parking. I sat with Naomi in the backseat while she was still crying. I was trying to comfort her until she finally calmed down. We took her back to the mansion, and I made her drink a glass of water before talking.
"I'll go to your room," Clyden said, giving us privacy.
I gave him a nod before looking at Naomi again. She was wearing a white dress that really suited her, and her makeup was smudged due to crying, so kumuha na rin ako ng cotton pad to wipe her makeup.
"What happened?" I asked. "Did he do anything to you?"
"No," she answered, shaking his head. "He was telling me all about his girlfriend, Rina, and the things they did together. He made me so uncomfortable. He even told me that if I really liked him that much, we could get into a relationship together without Rina knowing. He made me look like a fool... Like I was a desperate woman for liking him."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking down at the floor. "I... already knew about him and Rina. I should have told you."
"It's not your fault," she said in a soft voice. "Maybe I was really desperate. Maybe I was a fool."
"No, you're not," I told her.
"No, just admit it, Sam. I was a fool because I defended my friends instead of you. I was a fool to believe that they were really true to me," she said in a cold voice. "And I was desperate to keep them as my friends because I had no one."
"You have me," I assured her.
"And you have it all," she whispered, biting her lower lip to stop her tears from falling again. "It's so easy for you to say that because even if you give a part of yourself to people, the people around you are also willing to fill up the void by giving you a part of theirs."
"T-that's not true," I tried to deny it even though I saw her point.
"No, it is true. You have everything. You have everyone, and the only person I have is me, but it's better that way because the last time I had someone, she died because of me." I could hear her controlling her emotions with her voice.
With the mention of her mom, I became silent. I didn't know what to say. I just realized that she was opening up to me this way, and somehow, she was slowly making her feelings known. I understood why she was trying so hard to push me away, and because of what happened with her friends, I was afraid her trust issues would worsen.
"I just want to live my life, Sam." She started crying again. "But why is it so hard?"
She looked away, covering her face. My heart was hurting, watching her release all the emotions she was trying to endure.
"Dad never acknowledged me... I was hidden from everyone. Your mom was always disgusted to see me. Sometimes, I wonder if I really do exist because I always stayed behind. No one wanted to become associated with me. Even you..." she cried. "But I guess it was my fault too. I pushed you away because I was afraid you would leave me too."
"I'm... I'm sorry." I wanted to hold her, but I was afraid she would push me away, so I just sat beside her and watched her cry. She tried wiping her tears away, but they just won't stop falling. "I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"Eighteen years of existence but half of it was barely living," she cried more. "I'm tired... I'm so tired. How could I live for eighteen years enduring everything? Enduring all the thoughts running inside my head?"
I scooted over and slowly put my arms around her, leaning her head on my shoulder. I tapped her shoulder lightly to calm her down. I suddenly had the urge to cry, too, because of how painful it was for me to see her like this. I didn't like seeing people in pain, especially those who were close to me. If only I could take everyone's sadness and make them mine, I would.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm here for you. You might not accept me now, but I hope that you will soon. We'll get through this together, okay? I'll do my best."
"Can I... really have you?" she sounded desperate.
"Yes. You have me, Naomi. You will always have me. I'm your sister," I reminded her.
"You're not going to leave?" She looked at me with so much hope.
"I will never leave you, Naomi... so do the same for me, okay?"
We stayed like that for a few minutes after she calmed down and told me that she wanted to be alone. I stalked her from behind until we reached the door of her room. She opened it and went inside but also stopped to look at me.
"H-happy birthday. I placed my gift on the desk inside my room. You can check it tomorrow." I gave her a genuine smile.
She nodded before closing the door. I turned around and was about to walk away, but I heard the door open again.
"Ate."
My eyes widened before turning around. Naomi bit her lower lip and looked away after calling me her sister for the first time. My lips parted, not knowing what to say.
"Thank you," she whispered before closing the door.
I was about to say something, but she was already gone. I blinked twice before my lips formed a small smile. Baby steps. At least we were making progress.
I went inside my room and saw Clyden sitting on my bed, looking at my stolen picture in a frame. It was during his graduation party. My mom loved my photo, so she had it framed. When Clyden noticed my presence, he looked at me and gave me a smile.
"How did it go, love?" he asked smoothly.
My stomach felt butterflies again. I slowly walked towards him and stopped in front of him. He placed the frame down on my side table before putting his hands on my waist. I put my hands on his shoulder for support.
"Baby steps," I told him, smiling.
"That's good." He nodded, licking his lower lip a little.
I went closer and sat on his left thigh, leaning my head on his shoulder blade. His arm automatically went around my waist to support my back. He also placed my legs over his other thigh so my feet were hanging on his other side.
"You smell good," I gave him a compliment.
Umayos ako ng upo para makita siya nang maayos. My face heated when I saw him staring at me like he was trying to get through my soul. I looked away and still felt his stare on me even after a few moments.
"What are you thinking?" I asked him, biting my lower lip.
"I'm thinking if I should kiss you," he said in a low voice.
I looked back at him and parted my lips in shock. His gaze went down from my eyes to my lips, making me conscious. I stared back at him until he held my chin to stop me from moving. I automatically closed my eyes when he leaned and gave me a soft kiss.
My grip on his shoulder got tighter when he moved his lips and moved his hand on my nape to deepen our kiss. He bit my lower lip and pushed his tongue inside my mouth, letting out a groan. I pushed my thighs together when he expertly explored my mouth like a hungry man.
When he let me go, I was already panting. I licked my lower lip and looked away from him. I was pretty sure my cheeks were already red. Tumayo ako kaagad at inayos ang dress kong medyo tumaas nang umupo ako.
"L-let's go," I told him.
I was about to walk away, but he held my hand and pulled me back. I bumped into his chest, so I stepped back to give us space.
"What?" I asked because he was staring at me again like he wanted to say something. "What is it? Come on, say it. It's getting late. We need to-"
"I love you," he cut me off.
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:)