Please read the author's note at the end of the chapter.
Most of the relatives had gone back after the reception. The reception was yesterday and finally Fariah's week was over today. She showered in the morning and prayed fajr with her husband.
Haider was glad to know he didn't have to restrict himself anymore and he kept teasing her all day. It was evening now and they were getting ready for a dawat at Haider's Khala's house. Fariah had straightened her hair and she was now looking through her clothes to find something to wear.
Haider had gone to his office after lunch as he had a few matters to look into and everyone congratulated him on his marriage. He wrapped up his work and came back in the evening. His mother reminded him of the dawat and he went to his room without replying to her. He found his wife in front of the almirah looking through her clothes. He smirked and walked towards her.
"Hmm, wear this." Haider wrapped one arm around Fariah's waist and the other extended over her shoulder to grab a hanger with a red saree on it.
"Haider, ap aa gaye."(Haider,you're back.) Fariah got surpried when she felt his familiar grip on her waist and turned her face to look at him.
"Jee, jaana. Missed me?" (Yes, love.) He winked at her and she blushed at the endearment looking down. She grabbed the hanger from his hand and went to change.
"I took out your clothes." She whispered lightly standing near the door but Haider clearly heard her due to the silence in the room.
"Thankyou, jaana." Haider said in a teasing tone because he knew his words had an effect on her. She scurried off to Rahima's room quitely as Rahima had orderred her that she'll be doing Fariah's makeup.
~
"Bhabhi, you look so good." Rahima gushed over her after giving her look some final touches. Fariah had nude shimmering eye makeup with a bold red lipstick, peach blush and highlighter. She was wearing her usual chains including her mother's chain and the one Haider gifted her with heavy dangling earrings and some rings adorning her fingers. The morning after the wedding, their cousins asked her what wedding gift Haider had given her and she showed them the pendant she was wearing. Some squealed and teased them and some burned in jealousy.
"I didn't know Bhai had such a good choice." She said referring to the saree.
"Rahima, I think this isn't suiting me." Fariah stood up and observed herself in the mirror. The saree hugged her waist accentuating her curves and she felt self-concious.
"Oh, shut up. You look drop-dead gorgeous. Bhai is going to have a hard time controlling himself." Rahima winked at her and then ordered her to go to her husband. Fariah just smiled at her antics and went to her room.
"Good, you're here. Now, help...fuck." Haider was buttoning up his black dress shirt when he heard Fariah entering the room. He turned around to ask her to button up his shirt just to tease her but he lost his breath when he took in her appearance and cursed under his breath. He kept looking at her in a daze and Fariah shivered under his gaze. She couldn't decipher his expressions so she decided to ask him.
"Do I look okay?" She asked tucking a strand behind her ear. Instead of replying Haider extended his hand towards her. She walked up to him and hesitantly put her hand in his. He tugged her towards himself making her place her hands on his naked chest and grabbed the back of her neck.
"You look so edible right now that I'm two seconds away from ruining this god damn lipstick." He grunted in a rough voice and closed his eyes to control the devilish desires swimming in his mind.
He then held her hands and moved them to the buttons of his open shirt without opening his eyes. Fariah got the hint and started buttoning his shirt with trembling hands. She still wasn't sure about this saree but Haider's reaction atleast told her she wasn't looking that bad.
Fariah moved back after buttoning the last button and smoothed his collar. Then she walked to the dressing table and grabbed his wallet, keys and watch and handed them to him. He was tucking his shirt in his pants. He took the keys and wallet from her and gestured her to tie the watch around his wrist.
"Come, let's go. Before I lose control." He muttered the last part to himself and they both walked out of the room with his hand on her back.
~
"I knew it!" Fariah yelled as she took off her earrings harshly and threw them on the bathroom floor.
"How could I think I look good?" She whispered as tears escaped her eyes.
"I am a fat ugly cow and that's what I'll forever be!" She roughly smudged the lipstick across her face as Rumaisa's taunting laugh echoed in her mind.
"Kaala mu or laal hont. Waah bhai waah." (Dusky face and red lips. Oh, wow.) Her words kept echoing in her mind as she pulled at her hair.
"Saree mai lipti dhol lag rahi hai." (She is looking like a drum wrapped in that saree.) She clutched the drape of the saree and ripped it off of her like it burned her skin.
"Never ever try to do it again." She went close to the mirror and whispered.
"Fat ugly cow. Fat ugly cow. You are a fat ugly cow." She kept chanting looking in her eyes through the reflection. The words kept tearing her soul as sobs shook her body but she roughly wiped the tears and repeated the words.
"Don't try to be beautiful. You. Are. Ugly." She kept whispering as she scratched her nails across her arms again and again.
She was hurting herself physically to divert her mind from the imense emotional pain she felt. It usually worked. Why isn't it working now? She dug her nails with more force in her arms. The pain wasn't going away! Those words kept echoing in her mind. She let out a loud sob and slid down the bathroom wall and sat on the floor clutching her hair.
"Fat. Ugly. Fat. Ugly." She kept reminding herself so that she'd never do the mistake of feeling beautiful again, the mistake of leaving herself vulnerable to others.
They had gone to Haider's Khala's house for dinner. Rumaisa let out a loud laugh when she saw Fariah and Fariah felt uncomfortable but tried to shake it off. She couldn't look that bad, right? Through out the dinner, she kept hearing their comments about her. Salma, Rumaisa and her mother kept discussing her ugliness in a not so subtle manner as she could clearly hear them. She lost her appetite and kept moving the food around her plate. Salma even went to the lengths of saying she wanted someone as beautiful as Rumaisa for her Haider but she couldn't help but accept what Haider was doing out of pity.
It was all pity. What she saw in his eyes was not love, it was just pity. Pity for an orphan ugly girl whom no one else would marry so Haider did her a favour by marrying her, the unlucky ugly duckling. That single thought broke her more then their whole comments and taunts combined. She held herself together till they reached home and then excused herself to her room saying she isn't feeling good.
She only made to the bathroom door and her resolve broke. She kept the sobs in till she locked the door and walked to the mirror where she let it all out. She kept sobbing while sitting on the bathroom floor but someone banged the door.
"Farri, are you okay?"
Haider had followed her to their room but Fariah entered the bathroom so he decided to wait. It had been twenty minutes now and she didn't come out. He started to get worried and went up to the door to knock but he heard her sobs through the door.
'What the hell happened? Is she okay?'
He banged the door with a force in worry and asked her.
Fariah cupped her mouth with her hand to block the sobs but it wasn't helping. Her body kept shaking with sobs.
"Open the door, Fariah! Are you okay?" He yelled as he kept knocking at the door wildly. The sound of sobs kept increasing and he lost it. He went to the drawers to take out the master key and unlocked the door.
When he opened the door and stepped in, the sight infront of him made the ground slip from beneath his feet. Fariah was sitting on the floor against the wall and her makeup was completely smudged, the drape of her saree taken off of her chest and lying beside her as she sobbed.
"What the fuck happened to you? Are you hurt somewhere?" He grabbed her shaking form and looked at her with anger and worry. The vein above his eyebrow kept throbbing and he felt like his mind would explode. Fariah kept sobbing trying to hide her face from him.
"Bloody say something!" He yelled as he gathered her messed up hair and moved them away from her face.
"You-you pity me." She screamed in his face and clutched his collar in her hands.
"You married me out of pity. I'm a fat ugly cow! You hear me? Fat and ugly. How dare you try to make me feel beautiful? How dare you!" She shook him by his collar as she yelled at him but couldn't stop her sobs as she slumped against his chest.
Haider was so angry that he wanted to hit something. He wanted to grab her by her long lustrous hair and yell at her that he didn't pity her and she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen but he knew it won't help. Now, he understood the extent of her insecurities and he'll go to hell and back to make her realise that you are beautiful just the way you are.
He held her in his arms as she sobbed. He wanted her to let it all out. After what felt like eternity, her sobs died down and resolved to hiccups. He gathered her in his arms and took her to their bed lying her down. He took a hair clip and a makeup wipe from the dresser and went to her.
"I-I'm sorry." She whispered and tried to take the wipe from him. Now that she had let it all out and her mind cleared a bit, she realised how she behaved in front of Haider and felt embarrassed and ashamed about it. She sat up against the headboard when Haider returned.
"Shhh." Haider grabbed her hand and placed it over his beating heart. He gathered her hair and tied them up in a messy bun to the best of his abilities. Then he gingerly grasped her chin and started removing the smudged makeup.
"I can do-" Fariah tried to stay but Haider interuppted her.
"Shut the fuck up. Don't talk unless I tell you to." The dominance in his voice and his sharp glare made Fariah oblige to his order and she shut her mouth.
Haider very carefully wiped the makeup and traced her features with his lips peppering kisses where his hands touched. When her face was completely clean of makeup and tears, he got up to throw the wipe in the dustbin and took a glass of water from the side-table handing it to her.
"Drink."
Fariah took the glass and drank a few sips of water and returned the glass to him. Haider drank the rest of the water in one go and threw the glass on the bed. He then took Fariah's hand and pushed her up making her stand. He led her to the middle of the room. The dressing table was on her right and the bed infront her and her back to the door.
Haider sat on the ottoman placed at the foot of bed. He placed his right ankle over his left knee and leaned back.
"Lock the door."
Fariah who had trained her gaze on the floor looked up on his abrupt command with wide eyes but didn't say anything. She quitely walked to the door and locked before coming back to stand at her previous position and clutched the saree cloth in her hands.
"Strip."
Fariah looked at Haider with her eyes bulging out of their sockets.
What?!
"Haider, you-"
"Did I say you can speak?" His voice boomed throughout the room. Fariah shut her mouth close and shook her head.
"Strip, Fariah. Or else I'll do it for you."
Fariah shook her head again looking down. Has he lost it? How can she take her clothes off infront of him?
Haider was on the brink of lashing out on her but he was trying his best to control himself as he knew it wasn't her fault. She didn't want to hurt herself physically and emotionally but it was her coping mechanism and that has to change. He will change it.
He stood up and walked towards her. He grasped her chin and made her look at him in the eyes.
"I am your husband. We both have rights over each other, jaana." He kissed her forhead and placed a hand on her back guiding her to walk to the dresser. They both stood infront of the mirror, him behind her, and all she could see were the imperfections in herself and how perfect her husband looked.
Her eyes moved from scrutinizing her features to Haider, startled when Haider pulled the drape of her saree down. She held his hand and looked at him with all the insecurities people had drilled in her mind shining in her eyes in the form of tears. Haider moved his hand which was clasped by her and kissed her wrist before holding it. He unwound her fingers from his hand and kissed the tip of each finger one by one.
"Trust me." He looked straight into the depths of her eyes. Fariah understood what the emotions in his eyes conveyed to her which words could never express. The warmth in his voice made Fariah let go of the hesitation. She trusted him with his life. She knew that already. She was ready to bare her body to him. But was she ready to bare her soul to him? He had already seen a part of her beaten and battered soul. And she saw the understanding and acceptance in his actions which she never knew she longed to see in someone's eyes.
Haider took the drape off and unravelled the maze women called saree. Why this thing was so damn long, he failed to understand. Fariah stood there in a golden shimmering blouse and red silk peticoat. She looked like a seductress to Haider but all she could see was the unwanted curves of hers.
Not unwanted by her, but unwanted by the people who think defining the standards of beauty is their birthright and everyone has to oblige to those standards.
Haider unknotted the peticoat making it pool around her legs and Fariah's eyes moved towards her thick thighs. They were not offendingly bulgy, just thick, but they have been this way as long as she can remember. She didn't move her hands to cover herself because all she could focus on were the nail marks she had left on her thighs. Her arms and thighs always suffered the most when her self-loathing episodes commenced.
Haider unzipped the blouse from behind and pulled it down from the sleeves, letting it drop to the pile of clothes on the floor. Fariah was left in her skin-coloured undergarments but she couldn't bring herself to care about her lack of clothing as her mind was filled with a million of memories and thoughts. Her eyes traced over the strechmarks on skin. Her body was a little lighter than her face and hands. Her stomach was not flat but a bit round and chubby. Her arms were thicker than any of the pretty girls around her. But hey, she has much more endurance and strength in her, right? Wrong. Skills, strength, endurance and patience is not how beauty is measured. Well, atleast the psuedo beauty society is obsessed with.
Haider observed her from head to toe. His eyes went from her full bosom to her cute chubby stomach and wide hips. He didn't want to keep his eyes on her heaving breasts as he knew he wouldn't be able to control his desires then. He could only imagine her stoamach bloated and round when she'll be ripe with his child and he found himself yearning to see that sight. Her thick thighs and toned calves only added to her sex appeal. He would do anything to have those sexy legs wrapped around his waist.
This woman standing infront of him was beautiful, so beautiful, and-much to his happiness-all his.
He could see the nail marks on her thighs and arms and he could only think of what agony she must have went through for she resorted to hurt herself.
Fariah came out of the trance she was in when she felt Haider's hands on her exposed waist.
"I don't know who the fuck drilled that shit in your mind but right now, what I see is a beautiful, strong and courageous woman with a heart of gold. A woman whom I donot pity but whom I love."
Fariah looked up in his eyes as the tears finally escaped on his confession. Fariah had a bachelor's degree in psychology and she read people's eyes as a hobby. At the moment, all she could see in his eyes was honesty, passion, admiration and love.
"No fucking person in this world has the right to call you, or anyone else for that matter, ugly or fat. Everyone has their own beauty and one's beauty is not comparable to the other." He moved one hand from her hip to her stomach and the other to her shoulder and caressed it.
"Now repeat after me." He leaned down and moved Fariah close to the mirror so she was face to face with her self in the mirror and placed his chin on her shoulder whispering in her ear.
"I am beautiful. I am perfect. And no-fucking-one can tell me otherwise."
Fariah hesitated first but Haider tightened his hold on her and gave her an encouraging nod.
"I am beautiful. I am perfect. And no one can tell me otherwise." Tears pooled in her eyes again as she repeated his words and felt confidence surge through her body.
"I am beautiful. I am perfect. And no-fucking-one can tell me otherwise." She repeated it again as happiness filled her heart and she laughed loudly.
"I am beautiful, Haider. I am perfect." She turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck standing on her tippy toes beaming a wide smile at him. Haider also smiled seeing his love so happy.
"And you will never let anyone tell you otherwise." He wrapped his arms around her waist to support her leaning form.
"Thankyou so much!" Fariah exclaimed and kissed his cheek in a shy manner.
"Oh dear wifey, I have to teach you so many things. This is not how you thank your husband specially when your standing in his arms half-naked." He smirked at her and picked her up bridal style before she can even try to run away from him making her squeal.
"It's going be a long night." Haider whispered as he moved towards the awaiting bed and Fariah hid her face in his neck.
Their bodies came together as one merging their hearts forever. Haider showed Fariah the highest levels of ecstacy and worshiped her body as it deserved to be. Fariah started feeling comfortable halfway through and tried to reciprocate the advances making Haider both surprised and pleased. They slept early in the morning after praying fajr together. Fariah had problem in standing and bending but she still offered her prayers with a shy smile on her face thankful for all that the Almighty had given her.
Author's Note
1. Firstly, I wanted to say that I didn't and don't want to make fun of anyone's insecurities. I don't think I did but still if you think i did, I didn't mean to.
2. There are many perspectives of people related to a single thing. What I wanted to convey through this chapter was that sometimes intentionally, unintentionally, in concrern, in good humour, just to roast or make fun of the person we say things about someone but we never realise what effect our words might have on that person. We don't know about someone's insecurities, their past or how their mimds work. Our words might shatter their already broken soul and we would not be able to do anything about it. So always be considerate about what you say to others. Always. Wether you're saying it in fun, in concern or even just a random comment.
3. You are beautiful just the way your are. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. Yes, be healthy. If you're skinny but it isn't affecting your health, it's perfectly fine to be skinny. If you're chubby but it isn't affecting your health, it's perfectly fine to be chubby. And your skintone doesn't define who you are. It always just compliments you. Your imperfections just make you different from others and it's a good thing. So you, my dear reader, are beautiful. And so is everyone else. Repeat this.
4. Tell me did you like the chapter or not.
~Author.❤