Cannons blazed and rifles fired off into the night but Alice heard none of it.
She returned to her father's lodgings in somewhat of a daze to find that Cora wasn't there. In truth, she was relieved. She didn't know how she would have explained her red-rimmed eyes and discheveled appearance to her sister. Inexplicably drawn to the mirror she sat down at the wooden dresser and lifted the hand-held oval to look at herself, her hands unsteady as she did so. As her reflection came into focus, she gasped.
She looked... loved. The choice of word seemed preposterous, but it was the only one that came to mind and stuck. Her hair, a golden halo, hung loosely around her face, gently tangled. Her usually pale cheeks were a pretty rose pink, a healthy glimmer radiating from her skin. Her eyes were bright, the colour more like hazel than its familiar brown. Lastly, her lips looked lush and full, which was saying something since they were already naturally plump.
This is madness, she told herself, slamming the mirror down with more force than necessary. She cringed when the glass made contact with the dresser, thankfully remaining in tact.
She'd been expecting to see someone ugly, her face altered in an adverse way, reinforcing the feeling of shame that she felt at her lewd conduct. Except she didn't look ugly and she wasn't altered in a negative way. In fact, as confounding as it was, it seemed as though the complete opposite was true. She fairly glowed.
Perplexed, she moved towards the bed, shrugging out of her borrowed dress and into a clean nightgown that Mrs McCaan must have left out for her. Climbing on top of the covers, she curled onto her side, her hands resting beneath her cheek.
My first kiss.
In all her romantic imaginings, and there had been many, nothing had ever come close to the splendour of the actual experience. It had been wonderful, everything she'd ever imagined and more. Closing her eyes she was transported; she could feel Uncas's hands in her hair, holding her happily enslaved as his mouth breathed life into hers.
"Urgh!" she muttered, punching her pillow.
It was impossible. He was a young Indian man, she an English rose. The very idea of the two of them together was unheard of, a scandal her family would never recover from. Her father would never allow such a thing and she didn't know if she'd ever go directly against his express wishes. And even if by some miracle he did permit it, Uncas could not return to England with them. That was not his place. She couldn't imagine him there, the free-spirited mountain man that he was amidst all the formality and restrictive behaviour of London society. He'd be ridiculed, a thing everyone would gawk at, mock and belittle. In truth, he'd be miserable and it would break her heart to see him so.
No, he belonged here, in the wild unpredictability of the frontier, where he forged his life with the rewards reaped from using only his two hands. And what of her? Where did she belong? Certainly not in this wilderness, where hardship and struggle was the only way of life. But if she was entirely honest with herself, she didn't feel like she completely belonged in England anymore either. The life she'd led before now seemed worthless, without true meaning. Her friends would never understand the growing desire she felt to be useful, to live a life filled with meaning and purpose.
It was all so very confusing.
What she was sure of though, was the fact that Cora would most likely stay with Nathaniel. Her sister hadn't said anything, but Alice was certain. Cora didn't love in half measures. If she wanted something, she'd have it, no matter the consequences. It should have been shocking, but it wasn't really, just the kind of thing that her independent sister would do without any regrets. Alice envied that - her sibling's ability to know her own mind so clearly, without any reservations.
Her infatuation, and that's all it is, she reminded herself sternly, would vanish as soon as they set sail and before long Uncas would be nothing more than a distant memory that in time, would cease to exist completely. That thought, meant to bring her solace, made her feel even worse. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she dashed them away angrily, determined to put it out of her mind. Nothing could ever come from their acquaintance, so it was best to forget that anything had ever happened between them.
Easier said than done, she thought with a frustrated sigh, her still swollen lips tingling.
Concentrating on clearing her mind, she prayed that the oblivion that sleep guaranteed would claim her. Of course it didn't, not for a long time, but she refused to give up trying. At some point she heard Cora sneak in, and though her sister softly called to her, she pretended to be asleep, not really in the mood for any kind of discourse.
Eventually, some time close to dawn she lost consciousness, her dreams plagued by images of smooth copper skin and dark, soulful eyes.
Exhausted, Alice woke a few hours later to an empty room. A mild headache throbbed at her temples, testimony to her poor night's rest. Jumping out of bed, she completed her morning toilette and donned the same dress she'd had on the previous night.
Her stomach growling, she was reminded that the last time she'd had anything to eat was immediately after they'd reached the Fort the previous day. While she didn't feel like eating, she knew it wouldn't do her any good to skip more meals. She'd already lost too much weight on their trek through the forest, she didn't want to lose any more. She needed to be strong.
She'd just finished pinning her hair up, when a knock sounded at the door. Giving herself a final once-over in the mirror, she went to see who it was.
Uncas. Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him. Despite her resolve to get over her vexing fascination, her eyes roved hungrily over him, admiring the way his crisp dark green calico shirt complimented his russet complexion. Those dark eyes stared into hers, his a mixture of tenderness and yearning, the sight of which made her brain turn to mush.
"Good morning, Miss."
No Alice then, she noted, unreasonably disappointed. This was what she wanted, wasn't it?
"Good morning," she replied, sounding unnaturally breathy. She could feel the heat rising up the sides of her neck.
"I was wanting to know if your sister was here?"
His deep voice sent vibrations of pleasure through her.
She mentally shook herself. Stop it!
"Cora is not here. I'm not sure where she is actually."
Their eyes locked and held.
Hastily, she added, "Is there a message I can give her?"
His jaw tightened, a sign of upset. "Your father arrested my brother for sedition."
Her eyes widened. "What?" she gasped, forgetting her discomfort momentarily. "Why?"
"He assisted Jack and some of the other frontier farmers to leave the Fort last night." His tone was hard, daring her to condemn his kin.
"I wish I'd known of his plans," she said, watching him tense, "then I may have been tempted to help him."
He visibly relaxed, his lips twitching at her words. Heaven help her, but her knees grew weak in response.
"Glad to hear it," he hesitated, then added, "Alice." He said it so softly, his tone identical to the one he'd used when he'd said her name the night before.
Vivid memories rushed to the fore, her colour deepening.
Watching her intently, he took a step into the room and towards her. His purpose was clear.
Heart pounding, Alice took a step back. It was the hardest thing she'd ever done, but she convinced herself that it was for the best.
She saw the flicker of hurt in his eyes at her obvious rejection and she nearly lost her courage.
"Uncas," she started, her voice trembling, "last night... it was a mistake."
As soon as she said the words, his body stiffened and her heart cried out in denial.
"A mistake?" he echoed, quietly.
She swallowed, her thoat the texture of dry sand. "Yes. You see, I was distraught and not thinking clearly-"
"You seemed to be thinking just fine to me," he contradicted calmly, her cheeks flaming in response to his insinuation.
"Yes, well, like I was saying, it was a m-mistake and it will not be happening again."
For the first time since they'd met his quiet reserve unnerved her. Wanting to do something, her hands fidgeted nervously with the folds of her skirt.
"Why not?" he asked at last, into the stillness.
This is the hardest part. "It's obvious, is it not?" she replied, hating herself. "We are too different. I am grateful to you of course, but... that is all." He flinched as though she'd struck him and Alice fought hard to keep the tears burning at the back of her throat from spilling onto her cheeks. "I will be heading back to England soon and you... you will be getting married." It hurt to say the last words.
Slowly, he nodded. "I understand," he said quietly.
Alice felt sick. What made it worse was that she knew he wasn't being irreverent. Uncas wasn't like that. He always said exactly what he meant. He thought she was claiming to be too good for him and it broke her heart to know that he seemed to agree.
She wasn't too good for him. That wasn't why she was putting a stop to this... infatuation. He was the best of men - kind, decent, considerate. They were just from two different worlds. It would never work. Would it?
"Uncas," she started, not knowing what she was going to say, but wanting desperately to erase that bleak look in his eyes.
Is this really what you want? her mind screamed, to hurt him?
"Goodbye, Miss," he said suddenly, turning to leave.
Panicked, she called after him, "Goodbye?"
He nodded, somber. "Like you said, you'll be heading home soon, so this is the last time we're likely to see one another." He looked at the ground for a moment, then back tracked until he stood close enough for her to touch him.
Slowly, he raised a finger and gently traced the outline of her cheek, his eyes scanning her face as though he were committing every inch of it to memory, before stepping back. His withdrawal was like a physical pain, her chest so tight she couldn't breathe. He cast one last longing look in her direction. "Be safe," he whispered. "And when you leave this place, don't look back, Miss Munro, just forward. Always look forward."
With those parting words he walked away from her with the same grace and economy that she'd admired the first time she'd seen him striding towards her. She couldn't believe that it had only been a few days' ago. It felt as though she'd known him all her life.
Watching him go through a haze of tears, despair filled her to the brim as her heart shattered into a million pieces.
Having managed to compose herself, Alice went in search of her sister. She found Cora outside their father's office, fuming. The Fort had gone curiously quiet, all the noise of the previous evening gone. She didn't know whether that was a good sign or perhaps an omen of what was still to come.
"Are you all right?" she asked concerned, her hand reaching for her sister's. "Where is Papa?"
Cora's eyes were red and swollen, Alice noted alarmed. Clearly she'd not been the only Munro in tears overnight. Guilt bubbled up inside of her. She'd been selfish the night before. Cora had called to her and she, too wrapped up in her own misery hadn't taken the time to think of anyone else's needs.
"He's gone out to meet with Monsieur le Marquis. The French are offering terms of surrender. If he accepts, we leave tomorrow."
Alice shivered suddenly. Somehow it just seemed too easy. "And this distresses you?"
"No," Cora replied. "I would be glad to see the end of this war. It's-"
"Mr Poe," Alice guessed, softly.
Her sister's eyes met hers, filling with unshed tears. "He's to be hanged."
"I know," she replied sympathetically.
At Cora's surprised look, she explained, leaving out more than she revealed, "Uncas came looking for you earlier. He mentioned that Mr Poe had been arrested."
Cora noded, sitting down on a rough wooden bench and Alice followed suit.
"Papa will not reconsider," she said solemnly. "And so Nathaniel will hang."
"What can we do?" Alice asked, desperate to help.
Nathaniel, like his brother and father, was a good man and didn't deserve to die in such an unjust manner.
Cora sniffed, taking a deep breath. "Nothing. Father's made up his mind and Duncan supports him," she said bitterly. "There isn't anything anyone can do."
A commotion down the corridor startled both of them. It was Mr Phelps.
"Have you heard the news, Miss Cora, Miss Alice?" asked the subdued surgeon. "Webb, coward that he is, is not coming. Colonel Munro has accepted the French's terms. Tomorrow we all go home."
When neither of them responded, he gave them a taunt smile and walked off.
I'll never see him again, thought miserably. After tomorrow, he will just be a memory.
Despite her reasons for rejecting his suit, all of which she suddenly couldn't remember, the notion that she'd go home and live a life without ever gazing upon those deep, dark, fathomless eyes again, left her feeling acutely depressed.
Sitting there on that course wooden pew outside of their father's office, Alice and Cora hugged one another close, each taking comfort in the presence of the other. Though neither one of them knew the full extent to which they each suffered, it was as though they sensed a shared anguish between them, their mutual affinity bringing them the only relief to be had when no other existed.