"No. No. No!" I say to myself.
I can't like Carl, I will not like Carl. I refuse to distract myself with love when love didn't survive this apocalypse. I will not focus on silly things, I focus on surviving. End of story. Carl peers around the corner and runs up to me.
"Well, Dad let me off gardening duty today. What do you wanna do?" He asks.
"No. Nothing. I want you to do your work, don't worry about me." I tell him sternly.
Carl gives me a confused look "Rick told me I'm off today and if you don't wanna spend time with me it's fine. But I'm taking my day off wether you like it or not."
"Fine." I roll my eyes.
Carl walks off but stops and turns back to me "What is your problem?"
"My problem is..." I trail off.
Carl raised an eyebrow "Well?"
"Nothing. My problem is nothing." I walk off.
Carl follows "Wait."
I don't, instead I keep walking afraid of getting into a fight with him. I don't want to argue. He keeps following close behind me.
"I know you hear me! Now wait before I do something I'm gonna regret later!" He yells.
That pissed me off. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him "What are you gonna do? Cause you know what?! Whatever you do, it'll come back you ten times worse. So do it, I dare you!"
I stand there waiting for his response, how dare he threaten me! And then just stand there like I can't take a punch!
I scoff "That's what I thought." I walk off.
This time he doesn't follow, instead he just watches me disappear.
Days pass, and he hasn't said a word to me. I see him flirt and talk to other girls, and I don't understand why I get so angry when he does. We were only friends, and now we're total strangers. Days turn into weeks, and I was slowly fading into a state of sadness, endless sadness that wouldn't go away. Thoughts of self hatred flood my mind, my insecurities grow. What was happening to me? My father showed me how to use a crossbow, and it's sorta my backup weapon. I use it sometimes. I've gone into different jobs, like keeping watch and killing off walkers by the fence. Those jobs grew into myself going on runs, and today I'm having my first. I prepare myself and dress myself and grab my weapons before leaving the tower. Yes, the tower is where I sleep, it's my room in a way. I have a bed an old wind up radio in there and a few decorations. It's like a room sorta. I didn't want to sleep in the cells like caged animals, so I took one of the towers. I walk up to my fathers motorcycle, he nods allowing me to hop on with him. To my surprise Carl goes into the car behind us, did Rick actually give him permission to go on a run? Well this is just great. It's my first run and he comes along only making it awkward. Carl looks over at me and gives a look, a mean one. In return I give him the finger. He gives it back. I roll my eyes and look away from him, and back in the field filled with walkers. My father stares at me.
"What's going on with you and Carl?" He asks.
I play dumb "What do you mean?"
"Well you did just give him the finger and he even returned so something's up."
I shake my head "Don't worry about it."
He raised his eyebrows "You sure?" He asks.
"Yeah, positive." I tell him.
He nods and the car starts up, my father starts up the bike while Maggie and Beth open the gates. The gates open and my father rides down hill into the woods with Rick and them not far behind. We enter the woods and I look up at the morning sun. It was all beautiful out here, for the first time, I don't see this world as being horrible and ugly. I see it as it used to be, beautiful. That gave me a sense of hope, that maybe, just maybe, we would get that world back. But that one maybe was so slight, that the hope soon faded. Black and white reruns flash through my head, of my brother and my family all being eaten alive until they turn into one of em. We pass a herd of walkers and for just a split second I see them for what they used to be. Human. It was too much and I soon realized all of my endless sadness can end after all. All I need to do is let then get me, jump off the building, not eat the food. And it'll all be over. I look forward at the road, I knew what I had to do. And I was going to do it. We entered a city with a walker here and there but nothing much. We park on the side of the road and everyone hops out of the car and my father and I get off the bike. I avoid eye contact with Carl but he glances at me a few times only making me more angry at him.
I turn to my father "I'm gonna look around, I'll be okay."
He nods and I walk off. I look around for something, anything, that could end it. My eyes land on a building that towers over me, this would end it all for sure. I look behind me and see that nobody's following me or watching me close by, so I take the fire escape ladder and begin climbing. Minutes later, I reach the top. I look around me at the view, it was beautiful. Perfect sight for my last breathes. I look forward at the ledge and slowly, step by step, walk towards it. As I got closer, the more my thoughts sounded like screams, screams for me to keep going. Those screams stopped and everything was barely audible. All I could hear were the birds, but then I could hear yelling. What sounded like somebody calling my name. I cannot turn back now. I step onto the platform and look down at the long fall ahead of me. I shut my eyes, and I step off. Someone grabs hold of me and I look up at who. Carl. At first his yells were fuzzy but soon I could hear him clearly. He was crying and shouting.
"C'mon Cassy please! Don't let go! Don't you die on me!" He screams through sobs.
"Give me your other hand!" He reaches for it but I don't move.
"Now!!!" He screams and I grab his hand.
He pulls me up and I land over top of him. He pauses and looks into my eyes, as I look into his. He then cups my face, and kisses me. I melt, and I kiss back. I didn't want to stop, I didn't want to let him go. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly, he kisses me passionately and gently. I pull away and he smiles.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
"Me too."
He and I get up and hug each other tightly Carl doesn't let go until we hear Rick and my father calling our names. We pull away and quickly come down from the roof. Rick and my father run up to us and ask where we were.
"Looking around." Carl tells them.
They don't believe us but they nod instead of arguing. We all walk off and the others load the found supplies into the car. We get back on the bike and they get in the car and we drive off back into the woods to the prison.